Hi everyone. I just started EC with my 9 month old baby. I also have a 3 1/2 yo son who is not potty-trained. I had allowed my husband to have full control over training our older son, because I've taken part in potty-training with other children before and hated it so much. My husband began an elaborate reward system (essentially bribing) not too long after we had our second son. I'm sure it's pretty obvious that it hasn't been going well. My son really doesn't want to be coerced, and he has been having fits. I finally decided to step in and tell DH that we were stopping cold turkey. I bought the Diaper Free Baby book and am almost finished with it. I decided to try some techniques on my younger son, and even found a baby potty on clearance for only $3! I feel like I"m on the right track here, but I'm kind of going blind because I feel like I need to unlearn a lot of things and learn a lot of things. (sorry about the long lead-up)
To the point: My baby is very happy to be diaper-free, and we are spending a significant portion of every day peeing on the floor. However, he does not usually pee in front of me. I will stay near him for a long time, then finally decide to just grab some coffee from the kitchen, and he's in a puddle when I get back. I tell him that Psssss he peed and wipe it up, and he is very happy about it, but he seems to really feel like he needs privacy, and he doesn't want to sit on the bebe potty or be held over the big potty or use the insert on the big potty. I'm doing really well with remaining relaxed and pressure-free. I don't expect him to potty train or anything. I am just looking for any commiseration or advice that you all might have for me. On the major plus side, my older son is very happy to go on the baby potty because there is no pressure. He wants to be small forever (he has told me numerous times) and the baby potty is for babies, so he uses it sometimes. He is not receiving rewards for going potty anymore. Any comments or advice welcome!
In a baby that little, I would expect it is more of a relaxation thing than a privacy thing. Even if you are staying relaxed, they can definatly still feel 'performance anxiety' or stagefright when they know they are on the spot and expected to go. So maybe some standard relaxation techniques: blow on his head, give him something to hold, sing a song, or hum in a low tone might help. The one thing I have heard that might be helpful but I have not tried this out as I heard it after we were done, is that if you take your baby when you actually have to pee and pee at the same time, that can help the baby relax those same muscles and go when prompted (and hence less puddles). Along the same lines, when you think he has to go again (but you don't have to yet), you can relax those muscles as if you were going and baby may sense this and relax his own muslces and go.
That's great that it is helping your older son as well! I would imagine that since he wants to be small, not having the baby be expected to go in a diaper must be a nice psychologial push in the right direction for him.