At the playground or other play-places away from knowing friends?
Oh yes. I used to say things like "Oh, I've got to go change her diaper." or "I'm going to go to the bathroom" or "We'll be right back" without further explanations. Although, when you're up for more discussion, I've found that many people can be really interested and receptive.
Mama to Nell (11/15/06) and Maggie (10/9/10) . AFTER 2.5 YEARS, I AM AN AUNTIE!!! HOORAY TEAR78 and welcome Anika and Brand New Baby Boy!!!! Circumcision: the more you know, the worse it is; please leave the decision up to your son!
In some crowds I have said, "Excuse me, I'll be right back." In others I might say, "Do you need to pee? Lets go try."
I don't really feel embarrassed. If my 2 year old said, "I need the potty!" No one would think twice about me excusing myself for that. Why is it a problem if the kid asking to potty is 2 years, 2 weeks or anywhere in between? The only difference is cultural expectation.
I only felt embarrassed when I pottied my very little guy in a fairly unacceptable place, like a parking lot, or in the sink of a public restroom. Once I pottied him next to the car and he had an unexpected poop in the parking lot! But it was EBF poop and I just poured water on it and mostly disappeared. But I felt a bit ashamed and was REALLY happy nobody had noticed.
As far as letting others know we are going to go to the potty, no, I never felt embarrassed about it. Some more conventional friends tended to lean back with eyebrows raised each time, and my mother generally liked to state that we were torturing our son, but really, it is your decision, people will make their judgements, and if you believe in what you are doing, you can go about your business without feeling oppressed by their difference in opinion. And for the most part I was actually disappointed that fewer people brought me to task about it: I would have loved to talk up the wonders of EC. But few people asked, especially when he was very little. I think they assumed I really meant I was taking him to change his diaper, or going myself (they must have thought I had a UTI- we went pretty often early on!)
When we got to about 18 mo, when he graduated (for the most part) and I would ask if he needed to go, or he would tell me, other parents suddenly got very interested, as the specter of potty training loomed over their diaper-changing-weariness.
"That's the way it is, if that's the way it seems to you."
"Cosi e se vi pare."
The short answer is yes, but I think that's mostly due to being new to EC and parenting in general (LO just turned 6 weeks). In a multi-stall restroom the other day I actually opened the changing table and made like I was going to change diapers until the room cleared, then hurried into a stall. I'm curious to see how my attitude will evolve as time goes on.
I noticed that, too. My oldest wore undies out and about from about 3 months but when he hit 18 months everyone had questions about it.
PacoPoe, your post made me giggle to think what others must think when they walk into a bathroom to find a diaper and diaper bag on the changing table but no baby.
Yup, I've definitely felt like the odd one in Mommy and Baby Yoga before and at the playground. I would just say nothing when you leave, if you can, and if somebody asks, just say you're gonna go tend to the diaper. I don't really find that it's necessary to share too, too much with friends because sometimes it makes them feel uncomfortable, sometimes there's a lot of judgment and that also affects your sense of confidence. I would just keep your ECing in public places kinda hush-hush and just focus on the connection between you and your child, which is most important, right? But yeah, totally been there before!
Andrea Olson, DS 2.5 yrs, DD due 10/9/13
Author | EC Simplified: Infant Potty Training Made Easy
Owner | GoDiaperFree.com
Always happy to talk up the joys and benefits of EC ("Of course there are accidents. We have one about every other day. But if he was going in a diaper, we'd be handling pee an poop outside the toilet, on the baby, multiple times a day!").
I also got a bit embarrassed at a restaurant because I got up to take DD to the bathroom and since they didn't have a changing table in there the staff made a big deal about getting me a space to "change her diaper." I actually laid her down on the spot like I was going to change her and as soon as they left I hurried to the bathroom. Where she peed liked she'd been warning me she needed to do.
I've never been embarassed unless, like someone else mentioned, it was around a friend struggling to potty train their child. Then I just feel guilty as all get-out. Otherwise, no one else "got it". Or if they did, they didn't say anything. I usually say, "Hang on, I gotta pee/piddle the baby" to my parents, brother, and in-laws, but around friends I'd say, "Hang on, I have to take him to potty." And everyone seemed to think I meant change his diaper. And the friends that know, but don't have kids, don't say anything about it either. I have one friend with a child that commented on it, but she said I should stop and just let him be a baby. I just giggled and told her he still very much was. So there's never been an opportunity to explain what we were doing. I mainly explained it to pregnant women in public bathrooms who were so curious why my child was so calm. My great aunt and uncle commented about it..but they just smiled and said when they were raising their kids they had a friend who took their child to the bathroom very often, too. So I'm not really certain they grasped the "communication" part of it.
I haven't felt embarrassed necessarily, just wished folks would be a bit more supportive. Every friend I've pottied our DD around has said something like "Wow, that seems like a lot of work." And when I spend a couple of hours with them and they haven't changed a single diaper and I've pottied our DD about every 15-20mins it does seem like a lot of work! But I think about it, and she loves to sit on her potty, and it's easy enough to untuck her prefold and hold her on her potty. She's clean and dry and happy and we're in tune, making everything easier in the long run. But how do I tell my friends that? I want so badly to get on a soapbox and share the wonders of ec and have a community to share and discuss and problem-solve together. (I'm grateful for this forum!) I wish all parents knew about this and how amazing it is!
I try not to compare myself with other people in this way. I know many people are thinking along those lines but, for example, I might not change my 17 month old or offer the potty for 4 hours. He just doesn't pee that often. If someone doesn't know our story, they're thinking that he's running around in a wet diaper. If we miss that next pee, he may well overflow his diaper and people are thinking, wow, you neglected your kid so long his diaper leaked. *shrug* All of parenting is work. I try to assume we are all doing our best.
Being able to talk to others is awesome, tho. Have you looked into diaperfreebaby meetups?
Hey Seraf, it's not necessarily a judgment on my friends - I can just see how they would think what I'm doing is a lot of work. I am not great at this, and I often try to pee DD with no result and miss a lot. I often think it would be easier to wait until she lets me know she's uncomfortable in her diaper, but know deep down that I'd rather try to tune in and respond to her cues and practice ec to the best of my ability. (Thank you for the reminder not to compare - we all face our own challenges as parents). And no diaper free meet ups in Santa Fe, it's a surprisingly rare thing to find here...
For the record, I don't think EC is more work, just different work. Partly stacking the work of 3 years of diapering into the first year and partly less wrestling to change diapers.
Yeah, I EC because I'm lazy.
One way my hubby coped with people offering a changing space not in a bathroom was to simply say it's easier to wash his hands after changing the baby if he used the bathroom. This worked every time.
I will add that my son is now two and the only 2 yo we know even tries to use the toilet. All his little friends are more or less afraid of their potties. The effort we put into EC, even pt, was completely worth it.