Frustrating...please make me feel better - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-19-2013, 10:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm new to this boards, and am very happy I found them. I'm sure this has been asked a hundred times, but I just need some encouragement.

 

My son is turning 5 months today. About 3 weeks ago, we started EC. At first, I thought I would be pretty relaxed about it, be a PT EC'er. It was amazing to watch him on his little potty, and rewarding to know that it was working! I knew his most frequent times, and we would take him then. We co-sleep with him, and he does wake or becomes agitated when he has to go at night, but we don't get them all...sometimes I just don't wake or have the energy to do it (otherwise I would only be getting 30 minutes of sleep at a time, between EC'ing and BF'ing). However, he has gone from completely soaking the bed at night, to waking with only a damp diaper. In the daytime, he is pretty consistent with his times when he has large pees - after naps is most likely when we catch them. 

 

My problem and the frustrating part is all the little pees in between. I'm trying to be relaxed about it, but I just can't get them. I use the verbal cues to encourage him to go on the potty. He knows the sign for potty (when I use it....he's not signing quite yet). He doesn't display the signs or cues for these little pees - at least, I don't see them, and my little guy pees ALOT. I've become so obsessed with it that I've taken him to use the potty every 30 minutes throughout the day, and only to find that he has already wet his diaper in between those times. I would like to one day transition him out of his cloth diapers, but not if he is doing this. I am frustrated that I am not doing this right. I sometimes baby wear him to try to see the cues easier but he is getting to the stage where he wants to be free to roll around and he doesn't like to be worn in the house (only if we are out does he like it). I think I just need encouragement to do this. There are no EC groups where I live and I don't know anyone else that is doing this (everyone thinks I'm nuts), so I feel so alone in this and have no support or places to go for advice. Is this normal to have these feelings? I just want to know that I'm doing this right, I guess. 

 

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#2 of 8 Old 06-19-2013, 01:45 PM
 
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Little pees happen. We use training pants as backup. As babies learn to control their torsos, they put pressure on their bladders. It's easy to miss. Eventually he will hold it longer between pees and you will have fewer misses, then he will decide that a new skill is more interesting for a while. He will be dry someday.

 

Sometimes a cluster of pees is something else. If we have a couple of little pee misses, there's usually a poop coming. One of my kids had a food sensitivity that made him pee more frequently. He was daytime dry before we figured it out, so it's still not the end of the world.


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#3 of 8 Old 06-20-2013, 12:40 PM
 
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Try not to stress about the misses. I know it's hard even if you miss and change his diaper at least he's not in wet diapers for prolonged periods so that's a plus.
When I start to get frustrated about the misses I try and think and celebrate (to myself not the baby) the catches.
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#4 of 8 Old 06-23-2013, 03:38 PM
 
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First, welcome! I am new too, and I'm glad we have this place to bring our questions - I hope we can learn from each other. 

 

I have no one around for support where I live either (as far as I know), but I'm on the look-out. 

 

Congratulations for embarking on this journey. All the in-between pees must be frustrating. For encouragement I would like to quote Yoda for you: "Do, or do not. there is no try".  It sounds like you are doing great - keep focusing on the wake-up pees and other times that seem to be working for you. 

 

Also, I find Seraf's comment interesting. Seraf, could you tell us more about how you eventually figured out about the food sensitivity?:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by seraf View Post

One of my kids had a food sensitivity that made him pee more frequently. He was daytime dry before we figured it out, so it's still not the end of the world.

 
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#5 of 8 Old 06-23-2013, 03:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sirena rose View Post

First, welcome! I am new too, and I'm glad we have this place to bring our questions - I hope we can learn from each other. 

I have no one around for support where I live either (as far as I know), but I'm on the look-out. 

Congratulations for embarking on this journey. All the in-between pees must be frustrating. For encouragement I would like to quote Yoda for you: "Do, or do not. there is no try".  It sounds like you are doing great - keep focusing on the wake-up pees and other times that seem to be working for you. 

Also, I find Seraf's comment interesting. Seraf, could you tell us more about how you eventually figured out about the food sensitivity?:

Quote:

My partner had a wheat sensitivity, so all family meals were wheat free. It took months of him and me eating only occasional wheat to figure out that he went hours between pees and stayed dry overnight when we were off it but he peed every half hour during the day and wet at night on it.

Elimination diets and food journals can help if you suspect a food sensitivity.

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#6 of 8 Old 06-23-2013, 04:07 PM
 
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I started EC way late (11 months) but wanted to chime in that the little pees happened even around 18-20 months. It took some doing but I changed my outlook and expectations to see ECing as a learning process and a chance to save on some laundry rather than a way to completely ditch diapers early. DD still got a ton of benefit from ECing:
1) the potty became part of the daily routine and she was never afraid of it.
2) there were plenty of times when she stayed dry between potty visits and spared her delicate skin from sitting in urine
3) she became aware of pooping ahead of the vast majority of her peers and aside from illness, I haven't had to change a poopy diaper in 8 months or so.
She's 26 months old now and we're potty training. There are still lots of pee accidents and I'm prompting her to use the potty. She tells me when she has to poop but is not initiating peeing much yet. I know it may not read like a big success story but she never withholds poop, doesn't get into power struggles about the potty and will gladly use any potty/toilet anytime, anywhere. What I'm trying to say is that simply putting her on the potty around her first birthday at diaper changes has smoothed the way into potty learning big time. There were lots of messes along the way but I see every day the benefit of giving her the option to use the potty. EC doesn't need to be backup free and 24/7 if that isn't a good fit for you and your baby. Just freeing a child from 100% dependence on diapers is a big gift. You are doing marvelously. Celebrate the successes even if they are followed 5 minutes later with a miss. There are three year olds out there who are just being introduced to the concept of staying clean and dry. Think of your baby's enormous head start!
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#7 of 8 Old 06-23-2013, 04:10 PM
 
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kissjo--its very easy to be hard on yourself when you miss a pee (or poop). Its not a contest, though, no one is judging you and your little guy is not upset about it, i'm sure. Babies at that age are often more interested in exploring, learning to move around or playing with their toys. When they're busy, they are much less likely to signal that they need to go, its just not a priority.

When DD was that age, i had been ECing her for a few months and i went into it with the intention of not making a big deal out of it. It easy to be a perfectionist with things like that, but its very, very difficult to catch every pee and poop, its just not realistic. It was happening more when she was three and four months old probably because she wasnt exploring much yet. When she was 5 and 6 months of age, thats when i was missing a lot of her pees. Its okay because it didnt mean EC was failing or i was failing, it simply means it wasnt a priority. I still caught the pees after her naps and after she ate, and she always preferred to poop in her potty so she'd hold it until i took her. To me, that means it was a success because she was enjoying it a lot of the time, getting used to it and also focusing on her priorities which is best in the long run. Now she's an active 2-year-old who has been "potty-trained" since she was 18 months old. I dont consider it training, though, because it happened naturally, from being so used to going in her potty.
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#8 of 8 Old 06-26-2013, 02:07 AM
 
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It is normal to have these feelings - we who've been through it have been where you are! So, just to normalize that a bit. Secondly, your son is only 5 months old…to expect to catch all the pees, and to take him every 30 minutes, is something that will consistently make you feel like a failure. Honestly, he has no reason to 'hold it' if you're taking him so often. I'd relax on offering and just stick to those most 'common times' that you mentioned you started with. IF you keep on the way you are, you are sure to cause a potty pause, even though it's something you'd never want to cause!

 

Next, I just want to mention this because most of the people in my private EC forum have dealt with this and it's soooo frustrating…most babies don't signal consistently for pee. They just don't. Or the signals are SO subtle that we don't see or feel them. So, you need to do EC by what I call the other 3 of the 'roads to potty time' - this is his natural timing and rhythms, generic timing (common times when babies need to pee, like upon removal from a carseat or sling, or at a diaper change…NOT clock timing, like every 30 minutes), and your own intuition and sense of the process. You do not have to have a signaling baby to successfully do EC.

 

I'd cut way back on pottytunities…you're going to stress the both of you out. Use your diaper back-up as encouragement for him to signal when it gets too uncomfortable…shoot for every 2nd, 3rd, or 4th pee…TRUST that eventually he will start holding it and consolidating…but my goodness, he's only 5 months old and he's seeming to love rolling around and it's just not that big a deal to him.

 

This doesn't mean EC "isn't working"…I hear that a lot from my readers…you also aren't doing anything "wrong." What it does mean is that *you* are getting a little stressed out and need to re-balance it, and we have ALL been there before. Here's sending you lots of virtual support! Hang in there and relax a bit. EC ebbs and flows and it really all changes so quickly. Do what has worked in the past and drop all other expectations.

 

xx Andrea


Andrea Olson, DS 2.5 yrs, DD due 10/9/13

Author | EC Simplified: Infant Potty Training Made Easy

Owner | GoDiaperFree.com

[I teach parents of 0-20 month old babies how to stop diapering
full-time and how to avoid...

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