You know, misinformed people really say stupid things... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 03-09-2003, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They really do. I know they are misinformed. I mean, I didn't know it could be done at first either. But when you try to tell people about it, they are so unreceptive to it...

For instance, at playgroup the other day, one of the mommas asked me, what do I do if dd goes in her diaper? I told her I don't do anything, I just change the diaper. I may say to dd "Whoops, mama missed your pee, let's get you clean." I told this mama that I put no pressure on dd whatsoever. It's all about dd and I communicating with each other.

This mama then said to me: "Well, of course you shouldn't pressure her, they really have no control over their bladder functions yet." She said this all with a look of disdain on her face and then turned away.

I REALLY bit my tongue then, because really it just wasn't worth it. I could see right away this mama was not going to be convinced, no matter what I said or did. And I wasn't going to try.

I admit, I'm so proud of all us ECer's that I could burst! I just want to tell everyone about it. But I know I hate to be preached at about anything that I have not expressed interest in, so I really try to be respectiful and not "impose" my love of EC on anyone, you know?

What I will do is mention it in passing, especially if we are in the midst of a visit or playgroup and I take dd to pee. I will answer questions that anyone may ask (i.e. how often do you do that? do you still use diapers? etc.), but other than that
really, WHY DO OTHERS HAVE TO RAIN ON MY PARADE?

I love ECing, it is so cool. I started cding dd at 5 months and started ECing her part-time at 6 months. For the last few weeks, I have really been doing it full-time. I still miss quite a few, but we are getting into the groove. But to me it is so AMAZING...

...the first time dd "told" me she had to go (by fussing and crawling into my lap) and I took her to the potty and she peed AND pooped...

...our first "pitstop EC", when we were on our way to a friend's house and on the way, she started fussing. I pulled over and since I had brought her potty with us, she peed...


I'm so glad we have our little EC asylum here.

So how about it? What stupid things have others said to you about EC?

Loon

Loon , dh , dd , and twins ds1 dd2 **Thoughts become things. - Mike Dooley**
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#2 of 13 Old 03-09-2003, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Edited to add:

You know it struck me that my topic might be offensive to some people. I did not mean it to be so!!

In fact that title could apply to any aspect of parenting that really works for us and that other people put down because they are wrongly informed or do not have enough information about it, etc.

So please forgive me if I offended anyone....

Hugs,
Loon

Loon , dh , dd , and twins ds1 dd2 **Thoughts become things. - Mike Dooley**
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#3 of 13 Old 03-09-2003, 04:44 PM
 
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Loon,

My first API Meeting I go the 'looks' that said everything. Ugggh . . . very frustrating from that group. Though one woman, that knew nothing REALLY about EC, did say to another . . . "Some call it Parent Training."

I really wanted to say, "Nope . . . I wouldn't do it if I was the only one getting something from it - my son CAN let me know he has a need that I can meet." But she was the only one that actually was somewhat responsive, so I bit my tongue.

We don't hide it here in our home or when out and about - although I am careful about peeing Kenny in sinks at restaurants -we use the stall. Here - if someone comes over - one side of the girls bathroom counter houses wipes, a Baby Bjorn potty and wipes to dry off his tush after I sprinkle it with water!
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#4 of 13 Old 03-09-2003, 05:18 PM
 
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I don't get out much, so my family members are really the only people I get feedback from. They are usually just positive.
The first time my grandma saw me potty Tristan, she said "I'd call it parent training, not potty training." Erm, OK. So is popping out a breast when your baby is hungry, and I don't see anything wrong with that.
I do hear secondhand what some people say to my relatives about it, though. My stepmom is a teacher and the other teachers at her school are fascinated and weirded out by it. She was telling me yesterday that she felt like she had to make excuses about it---stuff like "well, you know how nasty those used cloth diapers are. I'd do anything to get out of changing them." Argh.
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#5 of 13 Old 03-09-2003, 08:00 PM
 
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I don't get out much either - so haven't really had an opportunity to hear much feedback other than the fam - which have been great. My mom and mil are both really enthusiastic about it. I really don't like that I am somewhat embarrassed to bring it up to people - I don't know why, as it is perfectly natural. I don't have a problem lifting the old shirt in public, but e.c. seems somehow "taboo" - I really need to get over that! Dh talks about it more than I do (and potties dd frequently!).

 DD1 (8yrs) + DD2 (6yrs) + DS1 (4/25/11) = one crazy adventure!
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#6 of 13 Old 03-09-2003, 08:25 PM
 
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I love the idea of EC, and really hope to get into it when I get the chance (in May), but the other night at our childbirth prep class, one of the instructors (my birthing attendant : ) was talking to us about cloth diapering, and I'm all on board with that, and of course this is her opinion, but she's still sharing it with us, and I said - hey, what do you know about EC? no one knew anything, adn so I described it, and they kinda thought, that's cool. But she was all - oh, it doesn't work very well, don't stress yourself out, stuff like that. sometimes i feel like i'm in "crunchy" competition with her, it's not that at all! I just want to know about EVERYTHING I can find, and I'm really big on sharing, not converting, but I get so excited!! I figure the other new parents would be interested, and they seem to be...

gr.

btw, i didn't think your OP or the subject was offensive, I did look at the forum to see what the subject was related to.

Lori
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#7 of 13 Old 03-09-2003, 09:45 PM
 
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Personally, I think "parent training" is a not bad way to explain you're not being cruel to your child to someone not interested in knowing more. We know it's a mutual thing, but in the end, responding to your child is mostly your department, although your child helps a lot. Not totally relying on your response, defines later potty training to me. And yeah, most days I probably wouldn't bother to explain it to most people beyond that. Most people can't grasp nursing, no wonder EC is beyond them. : I do love mentioning it to large groups of parents though in an "abstract" way. So they can't say ""I've never heard of that."
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#8 of 13 Old 03-10-2003, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have found positive response from the family, too. At least there is that, right?

I also don't think it's so bad to call it "parent training". After all, parenting is on the job training, is it not? Our babes know what they need, they're telling us the only way they can, we listen as best we can, and respond.

Thanks for the support!!

Loon

Loon , dh , dd , and twins ds1 dd2 **Thoughts become things. - Mike Dooley**
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#9 of 13 Old 03-10-2003, 05:13 PM
 
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One of my friend's mother was visiting from Australia last week and actually said to me, at church (after her daughter explained what we're doing....) "You have to be careful with that.....babies like to roll around a bit in their poopy...it gives them a sense of accomplishment." LOLOLOLOL.........I had a hard time keeping a straight face. This woman, bless her heart, is a nurse, of all things. So she is warning me about ECing....cuz it will affect my daughter's sense of accomplishment and self-worth???

Oh goodness.....good thing I have a sense of humor about these things. I managed to look mildly interested and informed her, gently, how EC really works.

Lisa
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#10 of 13 Old 03-10-2003, 05:19 PM
 
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My inlaws think we're complete loons for co-sleeping, so they probably think we've been taken over by aliens for EC'ing. I have found with them at least that I let DH (the less crunchy parent by any definition) be the advocate. Coming from me, they think, more of Jane's nuttiness, coming from him they listen more. Totally unfair but there you go.

Unfortunately IRL I don't know a whole lot of other new parents, so I just proselytize to my as-yet childless friends - who are used to me being pretty out there! I have one friend who's always had problems with eczema and rashes, so I've been tailoring the message that EC and CDs (and BFing for that matter) are less likely to lead to rashes.

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#11 of 13 Old 03-10-2003, 05:39 PM
 
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My answer to the old standby "well, it's just Parent Training" is to say:

YUP! It *is*... just like I'm trained to feed her when she's hungry and comfort her when she's sad..... I'm training myself to respond to ALL of her signals, including her signal that she needs to eliminate.

That usually shuts 'em up.... ;-)

Blessings!

Ahleemah
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#12 of 13 Old 03-11-2003, 04:25 PM
 
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I am so happy with EC that at first that I told everyone. I also got a lot of negative responses about how little children don't have elimination control and how training too early will lead to some vague Freudian problems (does anybody even belive in Freudian psychology any more?).

The fashionable thing nowadays is child led potty training so the books are all full of reasons why that's the "best" choice. I happen to think that the child-led plan is really an evil plot by the disposable diaper companies to keep kids in diapers a couple years longer. However, I don't really want to argue so I usually just explain that dd is very sensitive and she cries if her diaper is even a little wet.

Then people usually say something like :your baby is just weird and it wouldn't work for most babies".

However, I've asked a few older women and they say that back when everyone used cloth pretty much everyone did at least part time EC too. In those days, the average age of potty training was 18 months. Nowadays it's 35 months.

That's a lot of extra profit for disposible diaper manufacturers.

--AmyB
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#13 of 13 Old 03-11-2003, 08:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jane
My inlaws think we're complete loons for co-sleeping, so they probably think we've been taken over by aliens for EC'ing
Mine, too! DH's dad was over on Sunday for awhile. He saw us EC Nolan and I was glad b/c Nolan was very happy the whole time he was on his potty. So afterwards, 'Grandpa' said, "Your parents are trying all this new stuff with you - sleeping with you and potty training you!" DH said, "Well, it's really OLD stuff - been around for centuries." His dad never really got it - kept talking to Nolan about all this new-fangled stuff we were doing : (at least 'Grandpa' was being complimentary, even if he thinks it's all 'new')
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