Potty strike club, anyone? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 30 Old 10-04-2006, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh the potty strike frustration has really gotten to me! I thought I'd start a thread for morale boosting.
My ds 10 months has gone from signing and signaling to nothing. He even peed on me yesterday (in front of some friends who I suspect are EC doubters) I was so upset. We do catch a few each day (only outside), but not anything like we used to.
I'm trying to stay tuned in to him and not get emotional about it. If EC is about meeting needs, then what if his need to be independent is stronger than his need to go to the bathroom? It seems that is the case. I'm in the dilemma of deciding whether or not to put diapers on him if he really doesn't want to use the potty. But I fear putting diapers on will encourage a diaper using habit, as it is all too easy for toddlers to pee in a diaper and just go about their business.
He is sleep striking too, so there's a lot of frustratrion going on here!
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#2 of 30 Old 10-04-2006, 12:05 PM
 
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Is he learning to walk by any chance?

(Not that I have any advice if that is what's going on, but it would be an indication of when things should get better.)
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#3 of 30 Old 10-04-2006, 02:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well, he is trying to walk -nak-I feel torn between wishing he would walk and hopefully end the strike, only to feel a bit sad about my baby growing up(sniff)
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#4 of 30 Old 10-04-2006, 03:04 PM
 
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Im with you... DS is barely entering his 9th mos. and oh what a month it's gearing up to be! He never signed, but we were definitely in a rhythm, very naturally using the potty all the time. Yesterday, I *knew* he had to pee... I mean he was dancing all around the house, fidgeting.. it was SO obvious, but he didnt want to.

So, I take him outside on the porch.. it's always my last resort to make him relax. He sat on that potty for FIVE minutes and NOTHING. So, I thought OK maybe he really doesn't need it.. NOPE.. I put him down, while I go to pee and come back to see he peed and looking at me very suspiciously.

Everytime I offer him the potty he doesn't want it.. but at 8 months this independece thing is a bit much.. now when I think about it, THANK GOD I started EC when I did... I cant imagine trying to get a walking/talking toddler on the potty.. that must be really hard. :
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#5 of 30 Old 10-06-2006, 11:25 AM
 
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DS is 10.5 months and is also on an ec strike. Anytime I get him near the potty he arches his back and starts kicking. Then seconds later he will go. Ugh! I've pretty much given up. It is getting cold too which makes more clothes to get off and getting them back on is a fight now too. So it is easier to just put him in a dipe
Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful here too...

Ronna
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#6 of 30 Old 10-06-2006, 11:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Potty strikes are so difficult, imo! I guess they do happen to many babies.

Here's what I'm going to try-ds likes to walk with my helping him, so I'll see if he wants to 'walk' to the potty instead of being carried. We'll see if it works. I thought about letting him pee into a basin on the floor standing up, as he wants nothing to do with sitting on the bblp or being held on the big potty.

The clothes on/off are becoming a struggle for us too. I'm sad about the cold weather coming, as the clothes are necessary and it will be harder to use the nature potty.

I'm ordering a few cloth diapers, in anticipation of a few months of the strike! Maybe it won't last that long.
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#7 of 30 Old 10-06-2006, 03:29 PM
 
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So, we're still striking here. It is VERY frustrating. Yesterday, again, he arches his back when I put him on the potty, makes a HUGE fuss, I let him crawl off of it himself and he goes away from me and pees on the floor.

Both of you might have a walker on your hands.. Im thinking I have an emerging tooth?! He hasn't cut any teeth yet and it still doesn't look like to me that he will soon, although last night I dreamt he already had 4 teeth , so maybe that's the reason for our strikes.. who knows.

I'm putting a prefold on him with no cover, Im not going to push the potty for a couple days and see what happens.

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#8 of 30 Old 10-06-2006, 03:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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-much needed here! Thanks!

It's very hard. I have to keep reminding myself why I am doing EC- not for the end result, but for the communication. So a strike is still communication, no?
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#9 of 30 Old 10-06-2006, 04:09 PM
 
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So a strike is still communication, no?
A strike is ABSOLUTE communication! If you think of it, they totally understand what they're doing, and we should be proud that they at least get it. In the words of Laurie Boucke, "it's more about the C then the E."
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#10 of 30 Old 10-06-2006, 09:41 PM
 
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Hi,

If I would have seen these posts last week I would have said I was in the exact same boat. Ds is 9.5 months and we were doing so well right from the start but last week he decided he wanted none of it. He arched the back and then peed on the floor numerous times for 10 days. I started offering less pottytunities, knowing that he would resist and get upset. Thankfully the whole time he would allow us to potty him one time - first thing in the morning when he normally poops. Then I noticed that by me offering less pottytunities he would definately be out of sync and have less of a chance to recover from the strike. So now we offer just as much as before, and he's back, at about 80%. So don't give up, keep trying! I think it must be a normal sign of independence around this age, with them starting to walk and all. Good luck!
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#11 of 30 Old 10-06-2006, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the perspective kokopelli. I have wondered 'to potty or not to potty'
I do just keep asking, and usually he will smile if he needs to go.
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#12 of 30 Old 10-07-2006, 12:07 AM
 
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Mild potty strike here - going outside still works the best for us. I try to keep offering (we use the sink inside rather than the potty) and vary the offering spot as much as I can, but back off from the pee offering as soon as he protests.

I've cut the toes off some socks and they make great leggings (and the heel part goes over the knee, which makes it look like they were meant to be) for easy access in cooler weather (inside). Also got some great split crotch fleece pants from the EC store and plan to make a few more pairs.
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#13 of 30 Old 10-07-2006, 01:33 AM
 
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Here is my absolute favorite quote about potty "strikes". It's from Earthmoon, who is the creator of the "big EC list" on YahooGroups. She wrote it when my oldest son was just past his big potty strike (which was probably due to getting his 2 year molars) and it just completely altered my world. Maybe it will help some of you. These are her exact words, complete with original typos

"I honestly think the whole 'strike' thing is a misunderstanding. It makes sense taht babies are hardwired to tell us when they need to pee at birth. BUt once they are up and walking/crawling.....why would they need to tell us they need topee? They know they're not peeing on MOM, and since the floor should be dirt, soft grass or somethign else natural, why should it be a big deal to pee on it?

Because we get uptight about our carpets & babies pick up on that and resent it, doesn't mean its the baby is unwilling, yk? More like the baby's genetic programming about how things go is being confounded! Once down on the ground, why, baby must wonder, does momma care if I pee? i'm not peein gon momma, so whats the big deal?

I'm sure the more not-uptight you can stay, the better the outcome when learnign to crawl & walk

earthmoon, ye olde list human"

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#14 of 30 Old 10-07-2006, 08:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow- that's is right on!

I've often thought about the toddlers in the Continuum Concept book-they get shooed outside to pee once they are walking vs. uptight westerners who get so focused on the 'white throne'

I'm sure our babes probably do think we're uptight. I only have two rugs, and don't care much about any of our flooring. I get more uptight thinking that I've failed or that ds has stopped communicating. That makes sense that babies perspective on it changes when they are mobile.
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#15 of 30 Old 10-07-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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Thank you Rubelin! Whatever happened to Earthmoon's site BTW?

So, this whole "potty strike" made me think of something else. DS was in the sling and started majorly fussing and squirming.. he needed to pee, great, I take him out and put him on the potty, he doesn't want it, I barely got him to relax and he went... but after that I thought.. you know he probably thinks "Look woman, I get it, I know all about the potty, I need to focus on crawling and getting my tooth, so let's get on with it."

Kind of like what earthmoon said, I mean he obviously signalled his need to go, I took him out of the sling, he nicely waited for the potty, didn't want to sit there, but from the time I walked across the apartment, sat down, took him out, positioned him, he had MANY times to pee but he didn't, he waited, and boy did he have a full bladder.

Im feeling much better about this whole potty strike thing, sure he's not that interested right now, but I think it's because in his mind he *got* it, now he wants to go learn other stuff.

Sorry for rambeling, just some EC thoughts after this morning's pee.
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#16 of 30 Old 10-07-2006, 10:41 PM
 
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I just posted my rebel without a cause post on this issue -- I was never a real ec-er, was just doing something like it without knowing it was a whole school of thought and just found out about this forum. But he did a lot of pooping and peeing in toilet since 4 months (I started when he could sit up on toilet) -- and then at around 12 months, he got very rebellious about it and this is continuing now into his 16 month -- see my post above.

I'm trying to roll with it but hope someone has advice. I've never tried to go diaper free and don't plan to, but I give him lots of nakeybutt time at home and in summer weather and would rather he poop/pee on floor than in a diaper just because at least he is more aware and not sitting in it. But I am unsure about how to handle the toilet part since he fights it so much. But that's my other post!
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#17 of 30 Old 10-08-2006, 03:56 PM
 
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ok all. In the past 2 days my dd, who for the past month was diaper free, even at night, (with occasional misses when we were cooking, cleaning, etc, b/c we weren't really paying attention), has peed:

-on DH 4 times (with NO signal at all)
-on the floor numerous times (with prefolds under her)
-in her pants (putting her in pants seems to encourage her signalling b/c no diaper for her, and improves our responses b/c we don't her to pee in the pants)
-she actually pooped in a diaper in the car seat!!! No poop in a diaper for 2.5 months and now suddenly!!!!
-we've had TONS of potty refusals only for her to pee just afterwards
-Worst of all, last night she rolled and scooted off the wool/prefold combo we have and let loose a giantoid pee right on our bed, and got my pillow wet!!! argghhhhhhh...... I had tons of laundry to do today after all of this.

I love EC and would never do it any other way, but arrgghhhhhhhhhhh.... DH and I felt so guilty last night b/c we put her in a diaper b/c we just couldn't handle it.

that said, DD just pooped and peed in the potty.... it's so mysterious to me!! I wish I could get into her little head!!!

Amy, mama to "Pumpkin" (DD1, 5/16/06) and "Squashy" (DD2, 7/10/09)
"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance"- Confucius
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#18 of 30 Old 10-08-2006, 08:38 PM
 
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Well, we're TWO MONTHS into our potty strike, with no real end in sight. I still sit him on the potty daily, but he never, ever pees or poops in it. He's back to hiding while he poops in his diaper, and sadly we're even in sposies b/c he's outgrown all the cloth dipes we had. I'm frustrated, and resigned now to diapers and traditional pt'ing, although we'll most likely leave him naked all nexxt summer and hopefully that will take care of things..............
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#19 of 30 Old 10-08-2006, 09:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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. it's so mysterious to me!! I wish I could get into her little head!!!
Ditto here.

Sorry for you about the sheets! EC nightmare-ohwell, it happens.
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#20 of 30 Old 10-13-2006, 03:39 PM
 
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we are just coming out of a four month strike....once ds learned to crawl he stopped being willing to use the potty....even though it was clear he needed to go....and now that he has picked up walking he is way more willing to go potty.....he often refuses the actual potty though but has rediscovered how much fun it is to pee in the shower.

we are definately on the communication end of things but i am glad i stuck it out for those four months (despite much frustration and doubt on my part) because clearly he maintained his awareness and i feel like we are getting back into the ec experience
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#21 of 30 Old 10-14-2006, 10:00 PM
 
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I am glad to read these posts because it seems like we are all going through the same thing at around the same age (mine is 16 months) -- I think it is part of their developing awareness of self and of self-will, and as such should be a great thing, despite the added laundry. I was especially interested to see the other posts about kids hiding to poop, as this happens with us a lot lately -- him hiding sort of mischievously is one of our signals now! And he will only poop on toilet if I put him on right as he is pooping anyway.

We are not die-hard EC-ers-- as I wrote above, we use diapers but give lots of nakeybutt time and started him pooping on toilet much of the time at 4 months without anything systematic about it. I know that he is very aware of the whole thing, and that his hiding and refusing is all part of that awareness, coupled with this developing will and self-awareness. So I've decided to just continue trying and not to get crazy about it, let him use the floor and the sink and empty tub sometimes if that's the only places that will work, to assume that anyway it will work only about half the time but that, once he gets past this stage, esp once he is more verbal, it will be a zillion times easier to get him using the potty -- and will happen much earlier -- than if we hadn't done this.
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#22 of 30 Old 10-14-2006, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Added laundry in exchange for budding independence-a nice way of looking at it. The independence is certainly a wonderful thing.

My ds went on the potty for dh tonight. He hasn't done that for me in a few weeks I think. He gets so mad if I try that he will throw the bblp if he can.
I was thinking today that he is pretty much like a dog-'house trained' as in he will signal and happily goes outside with me to relieve himself (woof )
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#23 of 30 Old 10-15-2006, 08:08 PM
 
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What is it that's so magical about the outdoors? I can get a complete straight-legged protest at the sink and then a pee as soon as I take him outside. I guess there's so much more to look at enjoy outside, it's not so boring as the sink. Used to be that sinks in a new place were novel enough to forstall protest, but alas no longer. He does like to sit on the edge of the sink and play with the taps though...
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#24 of 30 Old 10-17-2006, 02:07 PM
 
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Hi, I'm back again. 10-month-old ds is back on strike, after about a week when he would let us potty him 80% of the time. He'll still let us poop him, and pee him a few times a day, but generally he'd prefer the floor. The pp were right on in terms of him not peeing on us. He prefers the floor. He likes to watch it come out and then feel the wet carpet. I'm patient, knowing that at least he has his awareness. After reading the pp I am getting ready for what can be 4 months plus of a strike. Perhaps he'll never go back to fully letting us potty him at all. What would really help, though, would be tips. What worked for you veteran ECers when your children were coming out of strikes? Was it different positions? Distraction with toys? Different timing? Was there better success with nakey? I would love to hear about your experiences coming out of strikes. Thanks in advance!

Mama of 10yo dd, 7 yo ds, and 22 month old ds. No VAX, Anti-Circ, Lactivist, EC, UCB x 2. 

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#25 of 30 Old 10-18-2006, 03:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Aaaargggh!
Now he is striking on sleep and nursing too! We've actually done a bit better on peeing, mostly outdoors of course. I can't figure out the nursing strike and sleep strikes too? He's got something on his mind!
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#26 of 30 Old 10-18-2006, 10:04 PM
 
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I've been thinking that maybe all this is not a strike! My fellow (16 mos) still seems to prefer pooping and peeing on floor or in tub or wherever to going in a diaper, and he can't go to sleep until he is liberated from diaper to poop somewhere.

For whatever reason, I think for assertion of his little will, he doesn't want to sit on potties. But he certainly is still taking command of pooping and peeing and aware he is doing it.

He does pee in diaper much of the day (we never went whole hog EC), but he much prefers being free. So I am not seeing this as strike, but as a sort of change of venue. I figure that this is a good way to go til he's verbal and we can talk about how much easier it is to go in potty than to have to clean up poopies from the floor. I'm just glad he prefers conscious pooping to going in diaper, so I'm going with it.
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#27 of 30 Old 10-18-2006, 10:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been thinking that maybe all this is not a strike! My fellow (16 mos) still seems to prefer pooping and peeing on floor or in tub or wherever to going in a diaper, and he can't go to sleep until he is liberated from diaper to poop somewhere. .
Hi Evie P...So do you just put ds in the tub and let him poo in there?(when he lets you know it's time) My ds hates to go poo in the diaper and most often will hold it if not given the chance to potty. Now since he doesn't want to use potty, he does like to stand up. I'll have to try putting him in the tub, because last night I had to clean up a big stream of poo off the floor-yuk!
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#28 of 30 Old 10-20-2006, 03:29 PM
 
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Hi Evie P...So do you just put ds in the tub and let him poo in there?(when he lets you know it's time)
Well, yes, sometimes -- it's not a very smooth process over here and i clean plenty of poop off the floor. I have a dog and live in the city, so picking up poop is not a big deal, and I much prefer to pick up baby's than doggy's! But yes, I guess we kind of try to put him on potty when I think he is pooping and then if he strains and says no, put him in tub -- and often I don't even try potty anymore, esp as he will go through patterns (he poops once a day usually) so at around that time I let him be naked. Or he'll poop a little on floor and then I'll bring him to tub. We live in 600 sq foot apt, so it's a quick trip, don't know how it would be if you lived in a house.

He poops much more when he is allowed to be naked for a while and poop on floor or in tub (or, sometimes, potty).

But the main thing here is that I have realized that him pooping anywhere conciously is a good thing, so now if he poops on floor or tub or wherever in a concious way, I make a big deal and clap and yell, YEA, POOPIE! and so on, and he smiles and grins and feels proud. This make so much more sense than chasing him down and trying to force him on potty and saying, "you have to go on potty, not floor." Now we are keeping concious peeing and pooing a happy thing. And limiting the amount of rugs we have in the place!

This is not for everyone -- most people I know won't even permit nakeybutt time because they don't want baby to pee anywhere! On other hand, I don't know many AP types, so that is part of it.
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#29 of 30 Old 10-21-2006, 11:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for posting your routie, Evie P. I'm going to try the tub, I just never thought of it. As it is now, we usually put ds in there after going and let him sit under the faucet to clean up. He likes to go outside, or anywhere except the potty.

That's great to focus on awareness, as you called it conscious 'peeing/pooping' and keeping it positive! I hate to admit but I think I have some subconcious repressed bad attitude about misses-but it really is no big deal. I clean it up anyway, and fortunately we do have a yard, and only one rug. Our house is tiny too.

We do lots of nakey butt, or just pants. I'm going to adopt that positive attitude-thanks
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#30 of 30 Old 10-21-2006, 11:38 PM
 
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It's always so reassuring to read these long posts about strikes. I've posted at least a couple in the past about our own travails in the strike zone. I've found the following very helpful:

1) If I'm having a bad day, like I'm already upset about something else, and my ds decides to have an "off" day, then it's best for me to take a little break and just put him in a diaper. It's some weird twisted stuff, but I find that he's actually more likely to fuss and indicate that he wants to have the diaper off to pee, than if he's just in a pair of pants. Logic?

2) I just recently started trying the potty position of sitting on the potty and holding my son in front of me on the potty. This seems to work sometimes when nothing else does.

3) I think he started striking about sitting on his little potty because it's often too cold against his little bottom. Something to keep in mind?

4) Don't forget to participate in any "misses" that you see. I try to indicate that I know what's going on by still making the "sss" sound when he pees on the floor. And we talk about it a little ("You just went pee-pee! Good job pee-pees."). This reinforces him being concious of it.

5) I find that when he's even getting the hint of being a little sick, it's definite grounds for a potty strike.

Good luck! Don't forget to keep a sense of humor (believe me, I know how hard that can be, especially if your pillow has gotten peed on! I've been there...)
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