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#1 of 10 Old 03-06-2003, 12:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We went to our first appointment with our new midwife this past week...and I left...sad.

After we talked about our prior pregnancies and she found out that we had lost an infant and had a miscarriage last year, she looks at me and says "you must be really anxious"...I just kind of nodded.
Sure I have a bit of anxiety, but nothing out of the norm, I don't think.
Anyway, then we continued the meeting and at the end I asked her, "can you tell me how much protein I should be consuming"...
and she says "oh, here is the food guide that you can follow"...I just sat there stunned, as I don't even think that the food guide is a healthy way of eating...
Plus, in my generic baby book it says that you have to increase your protein amount to make sure baby is getting everything...so her response almost seemed uneducated.

Anyway, that is information I can find else where...
But as we left and are standing at the door she says "well it would be nice if we could just wave a magic wand and tell you that everything is going to be just fine with this baby...but we can't...so you have to just wait and see and what will be, will be."
I didn't even know what to say as I didn't even say once that I was anxious and I would have thought that it would better for me, if I was, for her to tell me that I had to just believe that everything was going to be ok...

I don't know...I believe in mind, body and Spirit health and that is what I experienced with our last midwife...and did not get that feeling at all from this midwife.

It's a very busy practice and I don't think that I can ask for a different midwife and I'm trying to believe that by the end of the pregnancy that we will somehow bond and I will feel more comfortable...I guess I just need some reassurance.
We are being seen by two different midwives, so the other one may be someone I am more comfortable with, but that doesn't mean that she will be the one at the birth.

Just not sure what to do...
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#2 of 10 Old 03-06-2003, 04:31 PM
 
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Hi-

You always have a choice as to who your caregiver will be. If you do not feel comfortable with who you are with will you be comfortable in birth when you don't have the time to please others?

Take care-

Shane - Homeschooling mom to three boys (12, 1-, 8) and living the open life with my husband.

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#3 of 10 Old 03-06-2003, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I suppose I am trying to see if I am over-reacting...
If we venture to locate other midwive practices, we are looking at having to drive quite aways and then there is the question of whether they will even drive that far to come to the birth...

I guess it's not any worse then seeing a doctor...

Just disappointed I guess...

I am concerned about the birth, but I am hoping that I will get more comfortable as time goes on...

Ugh,
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#4 of 10 Old 03-06-2003, 07:23 PM
 
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Hi-

Is this your first baby? How far away is the other practice?

It never hurts to go and see them and speak to them about the distance to your place.

Also, what childbirth class are/have taken?

Talking it out is a wonderful way to answer questions.

Take care-

Shane - Homeschooling mom to three boys (12, 1-, 8) and living the open life with my husband.

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#5 of 10 Old 03-07-2003, 01:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi,
I'm not sure where the other practices are located, but I'm assuming there is a practice in the city (we live in a suburb).
We are not that far away, but because it would be in the city, it takes forever to get inside it...

No, this is our 4th baby. Our first baby, Emma, I was cared for by a doctor and had a hospital birth. She passed away at 15 days.
Our son Cameron is 20 months and I was cared for by a great midwife and had a home birth.
And then last summer we had a miscarriage.

I guess I have to maybe realize that I can get information I need and they are really only there to monitor me and ensure I have the safest birth possible.
I got so much support from my last midwife that I thought that most of them were like that...

I suppose the reason I wanted the midwife was mainly to have a home birth...so I guess I shouldn't worry so much about the other stuff.

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#6 of 10 Old 03-12-2003, 12:00 AM
 
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It took awhile for me to bond with my midwife. She was the only one in town and my friends loved her. Well, I didn't. She said some really weird things to me at our first visit and we just didn't click. She turned out to be AMAZING! I get all happy inside just thinking of her.

Can you ask around? Does she come recommended? Maybe she hasn't really dealt with death and doesn't know what to say. Always feel free to share your concerns.

And if after a couple more visits you still don't feel comfortable... (I would) find another midwife!

Blessings~

Clover
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#7 of 10 Old 03-12-2003, 01:15 AM
 
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See if you like the second midwife and if you can choose which one comes to your birth. I was in a similar situation where I had two midwives and didn't click with one and I really stressed about it until near the end of my pregnancy, I finally asked how they determined who would be on call for my birth and found out that I could choose!
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#8 of 10 Old 03-12-2003, 11:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I will have to ask about how it works for the birth, but from what I understand, in this practice you get assigned two midwives that won't have the same weekend off in the month that you are due. So that means that one of them will be available.

I have decided to ask this next one what they practice as far as information...ie. holistic or alopathic medicine.
At least knowing that will allow me to mentally prepare for the birth and what I need them to know as far as my wishes.

And it is true, that over time we might find that we are getting more bonded...so I am not trying to have a closed mind about liking this person.
I wasn't all that fond of DH when we met and we are happily married now...so that goes to show you!

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#9 of 10 Old 03-12-2003, 07:19 PM
 
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I assume that going to the midwife that you had and liked before isn't an option or you would be taking it.
Sympathy on your losses. On what the current midwife said to you, I can only say that maybe she was assuming you were anxious (not too wild of an assumption given the circumstances - though it is great that you are in a positive place emotionally) and wanted to try to offer support (though it didn't seem to work out so well). Sometimes people are worried about things that they don't bring up for fear of self-fulfilling prophecy type stuff. When I had PPD, I had these awful, guilty thoughts of "our family was just great - why did I have to have another baby - now look at how miserable it is - baby cries all the time - I am depressed - poor dh and dd1", etc. It was hard to admit those things but felt great when someone else would say "when I had PPD, I thought...." and the same things would come up. I somehow felt validated and OK and that things would improve since others felt that way at one point then it turned around.
I too am like you in that I want to "click" with someone whom I will be so intimately involved with. I'm sorry that first meeting didn't go well. I agree that maybe it will improve - and maybe you will LOVE the other midwife in the pair. But I also would be good with driving further to have someone I really liked. Good luck!
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#10 of 10 Old 03-12-2003, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I totally know what you mean and when she made the first comment I just figured she didn't really know what to say, as is the case with most...understandably.
So, that was fine.
It was at the end when she brought it up again...and brought it up as though it was a problem for us...

Of course I have a certain amount of anxiety...I think I would even if I had not had the past losses...I think that is just human nature...
I guess it just bothered me that she never said "try not to worry"...
Anxiety is not going to be good for this baby and being a midwife, I thought that she would be really into "the baby senses what you are feeling" and so on...and just didn't get that from her.

Anyway, we have the app. with the other midwife in two weeks and I have to just take it all in stride. I really don't want a hospital birth and don't feel comfortable with an unassissted birth...
I have to move into a place of faith on what the universe has to share with me and teach me and believe that this is going to be a great experience...even if this person is not my highest choice.

Thanks,
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