"I did a good job" - how do you define it? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 8 Old 06-04-2007, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's just a wondering type question but the last two doula births I've done I've had very different personal and client reactions.

One birth I felt I did a great job, worked my buns off, etc. and I had the feeling at our follow-up meeting that Mom was happy, but not totally hugely thrilled or anything. (Dad was estatic though).

Another birth I felt that I did ok, worked hard, but was so exhausted had to keep trying to keep motivation, etc. and basically didn't feel that I did great - it was good, but I felt I should have done more. THIS Mom and Dad both couldn't have thought I did a better job.

:

So where do you (do you?) meld your personal opinion and their impressions? I just thought it was so interesting...

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#2 of 8 Old 06-04-2007, 06:59 PM
 
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I think if the parents think you did a good job, you did a good job.

Laura, CBE and mom to Maddiewaterbirth.jpg ( 06/03/04) & Graceuc.jpg (  09/10/06)
 
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#3 of 8 Old 06-04-2007, 09:48 PM
 
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This makes me think of a postpartum meeting I had where the dad said, "I'm so glad she was there because I couldn't have held your leg up the whole time," and the mom said, "Well, any nurse could have done that." I don't think she meant it the way it came out. She referred a friend to me so she must have thought I was more than a leg-holder.

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#4 of 8 Old 06-05-2007, 12:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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See this is a perfect example - do you go with how you feel you did (as in Jamie's exp.) and meld it somehow with your thoughts Laura (that if they think you did good you did good)? It's tricky b/c if they think you did bad... well, what if you didn't?

Maybe it's a lame pondering. I just don't know how other people meet the two together.

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#5 of 8 Old 06-05-2007, 03:02 AM
 
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I was grateful for my doula's support at my birth (and I told her so) but postpartum my thoughts were about *my* experience of working hard to labor and give birth naturally, and with my new baby.

As hard as you worked at her birth (and I have no doubt that you worked VERY hard), she worked harder, and that's probably where her thoughts were. Does that make sense? I told my doula I appreciated her support (she did a good job) and that was that.

Sounds like you are over-analyzing her reaction to your help. (I am the same way sometimes, it's a curse isn't it? ) If she says you did a good job, then you did a good job. I respect you very much for working hard at the births you attend and caring about the feedback from the families, we need more doulas like that.

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#6 of 8 Old 06-05-2007, 03:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh no, seriously, I'm just putting a pondering question out there - I'm not analyzing any further than "How does everyone else do this?". I mean all birth prof. have to work through the same thing don't they? I was just curious (promise).

The event is not about me, I never question that.

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#7 of 8 Old 06-05-2007, 01:01 PM
 
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You know, it's funny, but I had a client last spring who I thought was unpleased with my work completely...but she has NOTHING but good things to say about me to other people and has since contacted me to say what a great job she thinks I did. In the end, this has made me realize that sometimes they are just POSTPARTUM and still perhaps processing EVERYTHING, so aren't really "there" yet, necessarily to expound on my wonderous abilities (and of course my abilities are wonderous! ). Rather than asking or expecting to hear whether I've done a good JOB, I ask every mother in my post natal what it is that I could have done better, and what it is that I did well. That way, I always know where I could have improved, and what seems to work well for laboring moms. I like this method of feedback better...it seems more like I always get what I'm looking for, which is constructive criticism, happy or not.

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#8 of 8 Old 06-05-2007, 01:30 PM
 
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Good question...I've wondered how other people define it as well, because I get such different responses at postpartum visits. As other posters have described, sometimes the family just gushes with thanks, and sometimes it's much more reserved or "professional" feeling. I try to focus the visit on how hard the cojple worked (particularly mom!) and review the labor/birth more specifically if they desire. I had a client who didn't want a postpartum visit (mom was in town and she had told me this prior to the birth; third child, etc.), so she paid me up front. Then I emailed her after the birth, just to say congrats again and how she was doing. Never heard from her, so I then overanalyzed a bit and thought I must not have met her expectations. Four months later she emails apologizing for not writing back, things were crazy, and "would it be O.K. if I referred you to some friends?"....Just attended the birth of a friend of hers last week. Ya just don't always know.
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