Supporting birth after full term loss - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 03-12-2008, 01:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
mamallama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: zone 6
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know where to start...

I'm an experienced doula, so I'm not starting from scratch.

Last spring I attended my best friend's birth. We were both expecting babies, two months apart. Her first, my third. Her beautiful son died shortly after birth.

It's been a pretty horrific year.

She's due with her second in June, and she's asked me to attend. Of course I agreed. I feel so enormously underprepared, but I don't even know what I need to know, kwim?

Where do I start?

homeschool.gif mom to dd (11) read.gifand dd (9) crochetsmilie.gif and ds (3) bikenew.gif and  dog2.gif(x2)
mamallama is offline  
#2 of 7 Old 03-12-2008, 02:28 AM
 
mamato3cherubs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Little Town Oregon
Posts: 1,474
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How difficult. i am not even sure what to say. i can tell you where i think i would begiin but i could be way off as i have not been through this.

First you are friends so you may know what she can handle, what she cant. But if she can, i would start with helping her reprocess her birth experience from her first birth. Find her fears, her comforts. What she is feeling this pregnancy. what brings her joy about it, what brings her saddness.

If you can get to know and talk about the things that trigger the bad, then you can begin to try to plan the birth around the rest. Maybe she needs some reasureance about what ever cause the death. A new environment for birth. Im sure you get the idea.

Lisa~Was Aspiring Midwife~Now-AAMI Midwifery Student #2020~Mama to Zackery 3/29/96, Drake 9/22/01, and Selina 10/26/03...and here was the link to my new blog
mamato3cherubs is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 03-12-2008, 09:58 AM
 
birthangeldoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Southeast Michigan
Posts: 817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think lots of positive reassurance, and positive affirmations may help. Helping her process her feelings and thoughts about this pregnancy, and acknowledging her fears by just listening to what she has to say, not matter how many times she needs to repeat herself. Before the birth, talking about her other pregnancy, and how this one differs from the other. I think it's all about processing old feelings and new feelings..
I think that would help her tremendously. The key is to have a great pair of listening ears and a positive mental attitude.

Wife, Mother and Doula.
birthangeldoula is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 03-12-2008, 08:06 PM
 
onetwoten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,937
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
one of my online 'mentors' experienced a traumatic loss at 32 weeks, and then went on to UC her next only 11 months later. I can send you the link to her journal if you'd like. It might help with some insight on what she's feeling/needing, but not able to tell you? I know reading her thoughts was really eye opening for me.

Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

onetwoten is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 03-12-2008, 08:40 PM
 
birthangeldoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Southeast Michigan
Posts: 817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeninejessica View Post
one of my online 'mentors' experienced a traumatic loss at 32 weeks, and then went on to UC her next only 11 months later. I can send you the link to her journal if you'd like. It might help with some insight on what she's feeling/needing, but not able to tell you? I know reading her thoughts was really eye opening for me.
I'd be interested in reading her blog. I always find it compelling to see how other bereaved parents process their thoughts. Blogs are always a helpful way of putting those feelings out there and processing things. As a bereaved parent myself I've found journaling therapeutic and necessary.

Wife, Mother and Doula.
birthangeldoula is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 03-13-2008, 12:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
mamallama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: zone 6
Posts: 1,761
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for the wise words, ladies.

Jeninejessica, if it's ok with your friend, I'd love the link.

homeschool.gif mom to dd (11) read.gifand dd (9) crochetsmilie.gif and ds (3) bikenew.gif and  dog2.gif(x2)
mamallama is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 03-13-2008, 01:53 PM
 
onetwoten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,937
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm having a hard time navigating lj (it's not my home site), but this is the first entry, where she told us of his birth and death.
Jericho

He was born on November 2, 2005. If you have free time, she mentions him and her healing quite frequently afterwards until the birth of her next son, in October, though she does still mention him now.

If anyone here has OD, as I'm finding more of you do, it's a little easier to link you to those as it lets me search by Month/Date.

Hopefully this will help you be able to help your friend. There's a lot of insight and raw hoensty in this woman's writings.

Doula mama, medic daddy and Tenley Harper born naturally 11/29/11 delayedvax.gifbfinfant.giffemalesling.GIFcd.gif

onetwoten is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off