Avani we are all here for you! I know it's not the same as friends offline, but it helps knowing you have support somewhere, I wish I could take your lo's to give you a break for a bit, I can't even begin to imagine everything you are dealing with right now. Im so sorry your "friends" are behaving like that just because you are doing what you feels is right.
BelovedK thanks for the advice on what to do when greeting him etc!
DanishMom I am in counselling right now, but I can't afford to go anymore than once every 2 months
I would prefer to go every week tbh. I will make sure the next visit I talk to her about the worrying issues I have (I'm a nervous wreck in general! lol), maybe she can offer some advice on that. In the appointment we had last week, she gave me some information on a self-help type group for people who have low self esteem and lots of anxiety about things, so I'll definately be looking into those.
Mimim your guy sounds amazing! That was so sweet letting the cat in and remembering about it! How long have you 2 been dating? Was that the first time he's seen your place, or did you mean first time he slept over? -How was that?
-Im really scared about all that stuff.
So today I met up with my guy ("my guy" -seems so strange saying that, but I guess it's true now..kinda lol), we went for a 30 minute walk with my dog.
When I first saw him, we sort of both were shy and didn't know how to greet eachother, but I think we both felt we wanted to hug, so we did a little hug
We talked quite a bit, I didn't have much to say (as usual
, and he isn't too talkative either, so there were a few times it was awkward silence for a while, but it wasn't too bad because we were walking anyway.
THEN!!!! -(huge deal to me, probably not so much to anyone else lol) -He asked if he could hold my hand!
I said yes, and we did....I held it wrong though LOL, I did it like how I would hold DS's hand, he didn't say anything but I felt really weird and stupid for that, so then when I dared to, I let go and re-held his hand the right way for a couple with fingers interlocked
It honestly felt uncomfortable to me, Im just so not used to anything like that -any contact with a guy, im not an affectionate person to be honest, I'll hug my mom sometimes, and ofcourse DS a lot, but thats all. So even hugging this guy feels strange to me. Holding hands was uncomfortable
After a little while I must have relaxed about it because it felt OKAY...not nice though, is that weird I didn't find it NICE...just okay?
Then he put his arm around my back as we walked, so I put mine round his....which again I was uncomfortable about, but I think it's just because im not used to it and I don't know this guy very well yet so it was weird for me. He seemed happy about it though, and he even asked if we could stop for a few minutes and look at the view (we walk by a river), so I said yes, but was worried he was going to try to kiss me............
Im totally not ready for that
So to sum up, lol, I guess it went pretty well. We moved past the kiss on the cheek and hug, to holding hands and walking with an arm round eachother, and although I felt really uncomfortable for the most part, by the last half of the walk I felt a bit more comfortable about it. So that's good right? We hugged and he kissed my cheek before he left -I didn't kiss his back...oops.
I'm really glad he didn't try to kiss me though, I think he would have if I had stayed close to him for long enough, I kept moving away LOL -ahhh is something wrong with me? I feel stupid for not enjoying it as much as I probably should have, and for feeling so uncomfortable about it. I really didn't want to kiss him. Maybe I'm not attracted to him enough or something?
He must have been okay though and not noticed, because when I got home he sent me a text message saying it was really nice seeing me today and was missing me already -and he called me "Babe".