Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Pacific NW
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I don't identify with any specific 'wave' of feminism. Thank you for clarifying about the intention of your comment.
Gender (and behaviors associated with it) is socialized. Men are socialized, from birth, to take advantage of, use, lie to, and harm/oppress women in all manner of ways. It's step 1 in how patriarchy works and is perpetuated. It's not 'natural' behavior. It's learned behavior, taught and passed down for the specific purpose of maintaining male supremacy.
Step 2 is the enlisting of women to keep other women in line...ie cattiness, queen bees (those in closest proximity to the most powerful men, usually wives or sexual partners), and eternally believing the word of men over the word of women, all evidence to the contrary.
There are many other steps, of course. None of this behavior is innate. It's all taught and learned, and we are all heavily influenced by our culture (which is deeply, deeply, DEEPLY misogynistic...suicidally so).
The OP's scenario, and billions of others like it, plays out every single day in patriarchy. Every single second. Almost never are the men responsible held accountable for their actions. There are always excuses made and a convenient woman somewhere to blame. I hate seeing it, I hate seeing people play into it, and have no choice but to speak out when I do.
Sorry to derail, OP. I truly wish you the best.