January dating thread!!!! - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-15-2009, 10:44 PM
 
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had another 'first' date tonight. a lovely hour over coffee. but i liked him! it is such a shock because i have not wanted second dates from any of the others (except one, and then he blew it for me on the second date). anyhow, this guy was friendly and said to call him but not sure what he really thought. i had had a lousy day and almost cancelled, so feel like i did not put my 'best' out there. if nothing else, 'm just thrilled to have met a man that i hope to have a second date with. i was really thinking it was me but nope, just needed to keep looking around at the frogs until i find one that i want to kiss : ) i feel encouraged for the future - be it with him or some other frog...heehee.
Awesome!!!
I might try an online dating profile....
I'm having a nice weekend myself, planning a housewarming party. I had a date tonight that involved lots and lots of laughing (very loudly). I love handsome, funny men. no long term dating potential though, as he's French and lives in France and only here a short time.
finding dates lately has been easy. I just can't say no when handsome European men ask me out.
I don't post about most first dates, because there has been no spark with anyone. But my heart is still claimed by someone who dumped me a month ago. Sigh. But I have resisted contact and not responded to his anymore for five days now. I'm proud of myself for that. (12 days since the last time i saw him and, well...)
I realized, finally, that he is too young and cannot be trusted with my heart, and any continued, un-defined relationship would just lead to more and more bitter disappointment. So hard to let go when your heart can't bear the thought and it's just your head, your mom, and your wise best friend who urges you to let go and move on...
Help me stay strong and not communicate with him, ok? No matter how many 'blah' first dates I go on... I'll find someone to feel a spark with again, eventually, I'm sure!
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Old 01-16-2009, 07:14 AM
 
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Yay! BF and i are spending time together tomorrow! It's been a whole week! We'll go see some art exhibits and we've been planning for me to ride on his handlebars (we love it!!!) even though i have me own bike... mmmm!
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Old 01-16-2009, 08:48 AM
 
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Awesome!!!
I might try an online dating profile....
Go for it, can't hurt to try right? I now have a profile on okcupid and am about to make one on match.com too. (thanks for recommending it BelovedK)

Seie and emma goldman hope you have a great weekend with your guys!

Question for all of you here: If you have a religion, would you ever date a guy who had a different religion to yours? Or if you don't have a religion, would you date a guy who does?
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Old 01-16-2009, 12:42 PM
 
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It would depend on how different our religious beliefs are, how important our beliefs are and how much they are part of who we are and our lifestyles.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:18 PM
 
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I'm not religious, though I do think of myself as spiritual, but more in a naturalistic sense than a deity sense. In ANY case, generally I'll say I'm an atheist or agnostic, and I personally wouldn't date someone who was very religious, no. But that's really different for each individual...

Butterflymom, I think you should... if nothing else it can be distracting.

Have fun w/ your guys, emma and Seie (and anyone else i missed!).
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Old 01-16-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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Yeah, I'm not very religious myself. I believe in God, sometimes pray, sometimes go to church...that's it. My family are very religious though, so they wouldn't be too happy if I didn't end up with a partner who is the same religion as them/us. That guy I was seeing was a muslim, however he wasn't too serious about it. He said he just practices at home, and didn't think it was a big deal at all that we had different religions. I never told my family about him, and that was one of the reasons. I didn't want them upset over something if we weren't even that serious yet yk.
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Old 01-16-2009, 06:06 PM
 
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Religion matters to me in dating. I feel it is part of ones core being and it would be hard to 'match' with someone who was extremely different. I have noticed the hottie male leader for my dd religious group. But I don't feel right pursuing it because I am not very religious. Granted I am assuming as the leader, that he has a strong religious conviction. He may or may not but since the kiddo is involved, I'm not going there anyway.
I did text my coffee date as I was too wimpy to call without knowing how he felt. I said thxs 4 coffee, enjoyed our meet. He texted back that he liked it too and wanted to know more about me. : So we did a couple more texts and a few emails. He said I could ask him anything so I sent him - literally - 20 questions. He liked it and replied within the hour.
Of note, I did meet him online. I meet most of my dates online. It works really well for me. I just started working on an okcupid profile but I'm going to pause that as the coffee date develops.
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Old 01-16-2009, 09:21 PM
 
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I'm with mr. French Hottie Hotterson at the fanciest restaurant in town, having fun!
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:39 AM
 
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Of note, I did meet him online. I meet most of my dates online. It works really well for me. I just started working on an okcupid profile but I'm going to pause that as the coffee date develops.
Glad your date went so well Can I ask which site you use to find your dates?

Butterflymom why are you still contacting that guy/leaving him messages? Does he get back to you? Maybe you could stay friends?
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:43 AM
 
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He always does. Up until last night, he had been the last to communicate towards me, and I had just been silent. I should have kept it that way. Stupid champagne. I have also suggested friendship, but so far he has disappointed, even as a friend, that I don't know if it's anything but stupid to assume he can even be a caring friend to me.
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Old 01-17-2009, 07:01 AM
 
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Oh, well if he is communicating back to you, I imagine it's going to be hard to stop yourself...

I answered the phone to my ex-guy last night..he said he loves me and then expected me to say it back! I was silent and he said "are you still there?" So I said yes, then he said "oh come on" -like he was prompting me to say "I love you back"? So I was just like "it's too early to have felt that way about someone" And he was like "ok then". I said I meant it when I ended things and wouldn't be answering his calls anymore then hung up.

Now im wondering, was it too soon to be feeling love for someone? Or can those feelings arise pretty quickly? I think Seie had said she falls for people that way fast but im not too sure? It seems creepy to say that if he didn't mean it, but if he did mean it, then I feel bad for just being like "it was too soon for that" yk?
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Old 01-17-2009, 07:08 AM
 
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it was too soon. He just said it to try to get his hooks back into you.(manipulate you) You handled it perfectly.
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Old 01-17-2009, 08:38 AM
 
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Oh, well if he is communicating back to you, I imagine it's going to be hard to stop yourself...

I answered the phone to my ex-guy last night..he said he loves me and then expected me to say it back! I was silent and he said "are you still there?" So I said yes, then he said "oh come on" -like he was prompting me to say "I love you back"? So I was just like "it's too early to have felt that way about someone" And he was like "ok then". I said I meant it when I ended things and wouldn't be answering his calls anymore then hung up.

Now im wondering, was it too soon to be feeling love for someone? Or can those feelings arise pretty quickly? I think Seie had said she falls for people that way fast but im not too sure? It seems creepy to say that if he didn't mean it, but if he did mean it, then I feel bad for just being like "it was too soon for that" yk?
I think it's insanely early considering that you mostly walked the dog. I think it happens or can happen quickly if you spend a lot of time together in a short period of time and sleep together.

I said it to my DP after ten days BUT... I told him that I didn't want him to say it back. It was a gift sort of. And we had spent all the time together during those ten days. I've never said it that early to anyone else - with my DP there was a lot of different factors and back then I new he'd be my lifelong partner. I don't think it's fair to say it and expect it back. Since you and your ex-guy spend about four hours together IRL it's pretty creepy and manipulative.
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Old 01-17-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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Whoa, Anne.. in this situation it seems too soon. It seems there was never any deep connection, he's just a *insert word here I'm not supposed to say*.

Butterflymom, you should stop talking to him! You're just torturing yourself. I know... easier said than done, right? French hottie sounds nice, though...?

Gosh, I stayed up til 1am last night IMing my delicious Dane (hee hee!). Being apart for so long is hard.. how strange. He mentioned if I felt comfortable about it, he could always drive up and steal a few cuddles and then go. Tempting... tempting. Wednesday is not *too* far away...

We've both added to our okcupid profiles for people not to message us... is there some sort of milestone in online dating when someone sets their profile to "Seeing someone"?
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Old 01-17-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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Gosh, I stayed up til 1am last night IMing my delicious Dane (hee hee!).
Dane as in guy from Denmark or???
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Old 01-17-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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...
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Old 01-17-2009, 04:16 PM
 
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Yes he's Danish. Though he left there very young... he can speak it a bit, anyway.
We can definitely recommend Danish men - right Seie?!?! At least some of them
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:29 PM
 
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Tripleaces: Yep - we can recommend danish men (some of them)

Butterflymom: Your french guy sounds great - shame he lives that far away. There is always a catch isnt there.. I agree - you should stop texting or talking with the ex. He's using you for confirmation/selfreassurence that he is a hot, great guy that women want..

Anne: Good that you told him off like that. The guy is manipulating you. Its very common for abusers to be very fast to talk about love. He is just trying to get you to change your mind about seeing him. He's going the classic abuser-route. Dont go there again. He's a good riddance - I promise you!

I spent another fabulous couple of days with my guy He introduced me to a colleague! He had to go and turn on the alarm at his workplace on friday evening as the other guy was leaving, so they came out together and he introduced me He didnt use any title such as girlfriend or the like, but it was pretty obvious that we were together, so I thought that was great. Especially as he is known to be single around there so I am betting there will be gossip there in the coming week hehe..
Also today we went shopping - again - for a winter coat for me. And surprise - we found one. Two actually. And its the january sale so I bought both. He offered to pay half but I refused - I can buy my own clothing. But the offer was really sweet..
He really is a sweetie

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Old 01-17-2009, 11:00 PM
 
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Seie, your weeekend sounds like it went great!!!

My weekend is going good. I had a housewarming party, which French hottie did all the cooking for, and all my friends just *loved* him (maybe because he's sweet, charming, and hot, I dunno) & gushed about him to me when he was out of earshot. I tried to convince everyone not to get too attached--he lives in France....but the party was great!!! I really like my new friends I've made this winter. I'm such a social butterfly.

One more day until he goes back to Paris. Ce la vie.
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Old 01-18-2009, 01:53 AM
 
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We can definitely recommend Danish men - right Seie?!?! At least some of them
Good to hear! Sometimes I am just totally confused how I met someone so amazing in the ways I want and need. I keep wondering what is wrong with this man.

Seie, sounds wooonderful. You, too, Butterflymom.. it's nice to have good times even if it isn't going to lead anywhere, I think.

Dum de doo... I wish I didn't feel so darn distracted.
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Old 01-18-2009, 02:52 AM
 
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How fun butterflymom! Seie!

I only got last night with bf and i was feeling so overwhelmed by how much i didn't want to share him (we were gonna go out downtown to some galleries). I was overwhelmed with desire . but almost in a sad way (we don't get to spend enough time together)... it felt a little tragic, but we talked about it...
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Old 01-18-2009, 06:12 AM
 
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[QUOTE=tripleaces;13013282] Good to hear! Sometimes I am just totally confused how I met someone so amazing in the ways I want and need. I keep wondering what is wrong with this man.
[/QUO
- That is exactly how I feel about my guy. I have been wondering for the past one and a half months what the catch is. I still havent found it. I am getting to know him better though and seeing the more ordinary human that he also is. I am still crazy about him though so that isn't a bad thing... He treats me SO well. He shows me so much affection and respect

Emma Goldman: Sounds like you found a really sweet guy there too I agree - seeing them too little is horrible

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Old 01-19-2009, 06:00 AM
 
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tripleaces, I know it's a bittersweet ache of longing, but it's a blessing nonetheless. Congratulations on finding something to overwhelm your emotions.

emma_goldman, sounds like you had a great time with your boyfriend and there are wonderful feelings there on both sides. You said you talked it out (your feelings of not having enough of him) but what was the outcome? Did you come up with any solutions to help you relax and enjoy the time that you DO get to spend together? Hope so.

'French' weekend is over. Housewarming party was rockin', good friends and conversation....so.... I've got my memories of French hottie weekend and the good times we shared.

I cruised the singles online in my city, and I'm ready to start booking some first dates. Seems like men who fit my dating criterion are definitely a-plenty around here, so why not? Then again, if I met someone perfect right now I probably would feel nothing, so soon after getting burned by my last flame, so it's maybe good to start with the less-likely-to-be-perfect ones and work towards the more-likely-to-be-perfect-dudes later on in the winter when I've gotten out of this every-time-I-drink-champagne-I-call-the-ex stage in the healing process. Who knows. I need to get out and socialize and speak Finnish (as much as i'd LOVE to join the club of dating-a-Dane and find one here in Finland) and stop thinking about what's-his-name, so I won't worry too much about ruining a first meeting with the love of my life and just schedule those dinner dates and get out there this week.

DanishMom, I'm sure it's tough on you these days you've been apart from your boyfriend, when you've been under lots of stress from over aspects of life and need someone to nurture you a bit. Hope he returns from his trip soon so you can lean on him some. That's what amazing boyfriends are for, right, ladies? To lean on when the whole world is falling apart and it's murder to hold it all up, alone.
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:03 AM
 
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Glad everyone is having fun with their guys

Butterflymom I haven't had any luck on okcupid so far, im not sure what you're supposed to do on that site, fill in the profile, answer some questions/tests, then the website matches you with some people? I have seen some it says im matched to by like 80% but from their profile they don't appeal to me, and I probably don't appeal to them since no one has left me any messages on there. :

Next stop, match.com


I got another question for you ladies. Excited? LOL

If a guy told you he had a LOT of debt - like credit card debt, on the first date, (before you got too into him), would you end it right there, or wouldn't that put you off?
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Old 01-19-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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That would be a little concerning, Anne2008. I like a man who has his life in order.
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Old 01-19-2009, 12:03 PM
 
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I agree with butterflymom. I guess in the end it would matter HOW he got in debt, but he would need a pretty darned good excuse to get on a second date with me..
I guess the situation is a bit different in the US than here, because it is my impression that in the US even hardworking people sometimes have a hard time getting enough money for food and rent, while here, if you work even on minimum wages, you should be able to get by - pay for a room, food etc. But like Butterflymom - I prefer a man to be realistic enough to not spend more than he earns..

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Old 01-19-2009, 12:57 PM
 
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Telling someone that early on would be kind of weird... not an absolute deal breaker, but it would be very concerning. Of course, I'm in a bit of debt myself, but we'll not get into that...

People make mistakes and if it's obvious they're trying to fix it, or are fixing it, etc.. no harm, no foul. But I spent 6 years with someone who overspent a bit (and me not knowing how to handle my own money) which I never want to do again.

I'm trying not to count down the days I get to see my delicious Dane (yes yes, now I like that name!).
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Old 01-19-2009, 01:49 PM
 
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If a guy told you he had a LOT of debt - like credit card debt, on the first date, (before you got too into him), would you end it right there, or wouldn't that put you off?
What would concern me was WHY was he telling me on the first date? Regardless, I wouldn't end it. I would just be cautious and very aware (and ask questions) about his philosophy of money management, in addition to being on alert about his spending habits.

Unfortunately, I think that people having a lot of debt and/or bad credit/credit scores is going to be common theme for a awhile, due to the economy.

I also have more debt than I am comfortable with, but I can handle my debt, am not raking up more, know that mine was based on certain circumstances and am working on paying it all off.

The people I would be concerned about, in regards to debt, would be those who cannot handle their debt, haven't learned their lessons, continue to rack it up and/or expect me to pay all the time.
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Old 01-19-2009, 03:25 PM
 
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Thanks for the answers about debt! Here's why I asked...

So I actually met a guy through a woman at my college who knows im single. I said she could give him my number. He phoned me the first time I think 2 days ago, it didn't seem a big deal, I've never met him and he doesn't even live in this town. But I thought you girls would at least advise me to try, so I thought why not? And if I have another guy to focus on, im less likely to be thinking of the ex-guy.

We have talked a few times in the last couple days, today we had a really nice albeit short conversation, I seemed to make him laugh and he made me laugh! Then we somehow got onto the topic of money and budgetting and he told me hes in debt. I played it cool as I was curious then how much? and he just said "a lot".

He seemed concerned what I was like handling my money, and seemed impressed I stick to my budget (or try hard to), and that I manage to save a little. He said he's not getting into more debt and is slowly paying it off -he is working. So to me, although it's a shame he has "a lot" of debt, it also seems like a pretty common thing these days, and at least he seems to have learnt his lesson and is paying it off as he can.

I don't really have an opinion of him yet, but he has already brought up the subject, casually, "so...we'll have to meet sometime". Which is a normal thing to say, and he wasn't pushy about it at all. But I think I would rather get to know him better on the phone first, but im a bit worried he's going to be disappointed and not interested anymore yk? Maybe I could suggest a time frame of getting to know eachother on the phone before meeting?

I had a voicemail from the ex-guy today too, he said "I just want you to know, when I was with you...you made me feel like a real man, I felt strong and proud, you are so beautiful". Ofcourse I didn't call him back or anything, but what does that even mean?
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Old 01-19-2009, 03:46 PM
 
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Thanks for the answers about debt! Here's why I asked...

So I actually met a guy through a woman at my college who knows im single. I said she could give him my number. He phoned me the first time I think 2 days ago, it didn't seem a big deal, I've never met him and he doesn't even live in this town. But I thought you girls would at least advise me to try, so I thought why not? And if I have another guy to focus on, im less likely to be thinking of the ex-guy.

We have talked a few times in the last couple days, today we had a really nice albeit short conversation, I seemed to make him laugh and he made me laugh! Then we somehow got onto the topic of money and budgetting and he told me hes in debt. I played it cool as I was curious then how much? and he just said "a lot".

He seemed concerned what I was like handling my money, and seemed impressed I stick to my budget (or try hard to), and that I manage to save a little. He said he's not getting into more debt and is slowly paying it off -he is working. So to me, although it's a shame he has "a lot" of debt, it also seems like a pretty common thing these days, and at least he seems to have learnt his lesson and is paying it off as he can.

Casually bring it up. If he's into gambling it's very bad but if he only did it once and is working to reduce the debt it might be fine. I'd love to know that the money was spent on?

I don't really have an opinion of him yet, but he has already brought up the subject, casually, "so...we'll have to meet sometime". Which is a normal thing to say, and he wasn't pushy about it at all. But I think I would rather get to know him better on the phone first, but im a bit worried he's going to be disappointed and not interested anymore yk? Maybe I could suggest a time frame of getting to know eachother on the phone before meeting?

I think it can be nice to meet up for a cup of coffee within the first week or two. There is no need to waste a lot of time emailing and getting attached if there is no chemistry in real life.

I had a voicemail from the ex-guy today too, he said "I just want you to know, when I was with you...you made me feel like a real man, I felt strong and proud, you are so beautiful". Ofcourse I didn't call him back or anything, but what does that even mean?
Your ex sounds like a macho jerk and very melodramatic!!
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