January dating thread!!!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 05:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Everyone!! : I so enjoy keeping up with everyone in these dating threads, it is fun I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL 2009!!! It will be fun to see how things unfold.

Me? I am sailing along with bf, things are great, we are having so much fun lately. No luck yet ttc and that is fine, really. I am at peace with whatever happens. I am still battling worthiness issues when it comes to having someone treat me so well, I sometimes feel I don't deserve it (an old mindset creeping it's way back in) I am staying on top of it for the most part though.

I will be back later with more

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#2 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 05:09 PM
 
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Kelly, I am so happy for you!!! : Keep that old mindset in check because it is the furthest thing from the truth.

Bf and I are about the hit the 1 year mark in Feb. I swear the relationship is so much better, more fulfilling and hands-down more amazing now than it ever was in the beginning!

I am lovin' and enjoyin' every single minute! :
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#3 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 05:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kelly, I am so happy for you!!! : Keep that old mindset in check because it is the furthest thing from the truth.

Bf and I are about the hit the 1 year mark in Feb. I swear the relationship is so much better, more fulfilling and hands-down more amazing now than it ever was in the beginning!

I am lovin' and enjoyin' every single minute! :
That's AWESOME May 2009 be even better!!

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#4 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 06:15 PM
 
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Beloved you deserve all the love and respect your DF (yeah DF) can give to you. Good luck with TTC, it comes in it's own time, so in the mean time enjoy "trying"

Holland congrats on almost a year...!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#5 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 06:27 PM
 
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Hi everyone, just wanted to pop in quick and say thanks for all the advice/concerns in last month's dating thread, really appreciate it and I am taking it all in and going to spend some time considering everything, and thinking deeply about what I should do. I have some time to think about it as im not going to be seeing him until the end of next week most likely.

I won't be on for a couple days because im still sick (ughh!), so going to try to rest as much as possible to get better. Hope everyone else is doing well with their guys!
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#6 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 06:28 PM
 
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I am feeling conflicted about this whole dating idea. I do want someone in my life, but I want him to be in his late 20s (like me) or very early 30s and at that age I am not sure they are ready for the low key lifestyle I have really come to enjoy. I want someone young to help keep me young because I am naturally an old soul, but I also want someone who can enjoy time at home as well.

This fall has been the first time I have even considered dating and I have gone out with two wonderful men and have another one who would like to go out. One of the dates I went out with is too old and while he is nice he is already established and seems to just want to find the right puzzle piece to plug in ---- so he is not the one but I think we will stay distant friends.

The other gentleman I like alot but it feels challenging to even get together with him because every time he asks me out it is to a party or club, which I would not mind once in awhile but all the time.... And he ask me out often the same day which is impossible for me as a solo mama.

To complicate matter I have an incrediably handsome male bestfriend who happens to have the same name as dd's dad so everywhere we go people assume he is dd's dad and that we are a couple. I love him as a friend but recently in seeing how wonderful he is with my dd and how nice and respectful he treats me it gets tempting to cross a line which there is no coming back from.

The idea of dating as a solo mama just feels a bit overwealming so I am at this point retreating to focus on my career and my dd which I hope is the right step. (part of me fears I am running away because it is not "perfect" which I also tend to do --- I am just scared of making a wong decision now that I have a dd involved)

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#7 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 07:59 PM
 
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LoveOhm...
Well, you know me, I DO believe you can have it all (and Beloved & Holland will both tell you I've been saying that for years!!!)

There is a man who will fit your criteria, someone who is young at heart, mature in nature and has the same values and ideals as you. Ride the wave of life for awhile and trust that he's out there are coming along.

It doesn't seem like you're running, it seems like you're been particular. There is no need to settle. There is someone...probably lots of really amazing someone's out there who will fit what you're looking for and you'll know it and it will be wonderful.

This is one thing in life definitely worth making sure you get what you're wanting...so trust, be patient and have lots of fun with your life and your little one in the meantime.

If you think your friend might be for you...ask for a sign and see what comes to you!

I wish you well!
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#8 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 10:45 PM
 
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#9 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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mountain.

I believe love can always find a way.

I'm wishing you some love & peace as you get through this difficult time.
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#10 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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Mountain - I wrote a short reply in the december thread. I'm so sorry Doing the custody battle thing myself these days. It's draining and hard. I too hope that love will find a way in the end Sending thoughts your way.

I just wanna add a bit to the discussion of particular or suited or perfect men. I am not perfect - noone is perfect. And I dont think its fair to expect of a man to be perfect either.
For me - I know many "mature" singles who seek and seek for mr perfect, but no man they ever meet can meet the unrealistic demands and so they remain single. I think this little video is funny and quite thought provoking: Smack the pony dating video

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#11 of 306 Old 01-02-2009, 11:58 PM
 
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Hey mamas I am leaving my dating relationship to fight a custody battle with my abusive alcoholic x. I need all the love & juju I can get...I am so sad I have to leave a man that I deserve & deserves my love
mountain. I am so sorry.

As MCA said, "love can always find a way."
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#12 of 306 Old 01-03-2009, 12:18 AM
 
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Yay BelovedK and Holland! So good to hear about relationships that are going well.

Anne, I think that is a good way to go. Good luck to you and in whatever you decide.

mountain...

Good luck to everyone 2009!!
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#13 of 306 Old 01-03-2009, 04:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mountain I am sorry you are going through that It doesn't seem fair. I wish you luck with the custody battle and hope it is short and sweet and that your guy will still be there for you after it's over

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#14 of 306 Old 01-03-2009, 05:51 PM
 
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#15 of 306 Old 01-03-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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I am enjoying the single life to its fullest these days. I have a guy who seems really interested and a few standers by. I'm just weighing my options and the interested dude is really sweet! He's a single dad of a wonderful little boy and he rescued me when my car stopped last month, so he gets bonus points in my eyes.

But I am not too serious with anyone, just enjoying myself and the conversation. That's it for now.

Former dreads.gifwearing, treehugger.gifing, pole dancing, read.gifpushing, ribbonpurple.gifsurvivor & single mama extraordinaire to energy.gif.  

Now that's a mouthful!!! computergeek2.gif & follow it!   

 

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#16 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 10:42 AM
 
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Big hugs to you, Mountain - I have faith that things with your sweetheart will work out after you get things settled with your kids.

And big hugs to all you other dating mamas - I'm checking in on you often!
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#17 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 10:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Big hugs to you, Mountain - I have faith that things with your sweetheart will work out after you get things settled with your kids.

And big hugs to all you other dating mamas - I'm checking in on you often!
How are you Marissa? Are you in touch with your ex still? sorry if it is a sore subject, you don't have to answer

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#18 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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How are you Marissa? Are you in touch with your ex still? sorry if it is a sore subject, you don't have to answer
Thank you for asking, my friend! As I mentioned back in the last thread, we started a four day texting/emailing conversation a few days after Thanksgiving, and we easily agreed that we are still completely in love with the other and can't imagine spending the rest of our lives with anyone else. We can't throw that away. We still have to work out the logistics - we need to find a compromise that we can both agree on - but we are very happily back together and very much in love.
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#19 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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Thank you for asking, my friend! As I mentioned back in the last thread, we started a four day texting/emailing conversation a few days after Thanksgiving, and we easily agreed that we are still completely in love with the other and can't imagine spending the rest of our lives with anyone else. We can't throw that away. We still have to work out the logistics - we need to find a compromise that we can both agree on - but we are very happily back together and very much in love.
I had been thinking about how you were doing too Marissa. That's the best news I've read here in a long time (along with Kellie and Steph's recent news). I'm so happy for you!!!
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#20 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 07:07 PM
 
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Marissa that sounds wonderful I hope you can work out the logistics painlessly so you can be together asap..

I just got off the phone with my guy I looked at the time afterwards - turned out we spoke for 1 hour and 40 minutes We have talked all about our insecurities etc and it still seems we both feel this is something that could turn into a lifetime thing. Amazing as it seems..
There is one thing that bugs me though - he doesnt have much time at all. He is studying a master in business administration on the side of his full time job, and that will take another two years. And he is a career-guy. I doubt he will ever have much more time on his hands than he does now so if I wanna keep seeing him it seems I just have to live with that.. That is kind of hard - especially now where I feel we have way too little time together (though talking on the phone helps a bit)..
Ah well, I actually really respect and like that he is so freakin sharp, and that he is ambitious, so the time-issue is something I gotta eat..

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#21 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 07:17 PM
 
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Marissa that sounds wonderful I hope you can work out the logistics painlessly so you can be together asap..

I just got off the phone with my guy I looked at the time afterwards - turned out we spoke for 1 hour and 40 minutes We have talked all about our insecurities etc and it still seems we both feel this is something that could turn into a lifetime thing. Amazing as it seems..
There is one thing that bugs me though - he doesnt have much time at all. He is studying a master in business administration on the side of his full time job, and that will take another two years. And he is a career-guy. I doubt he will ever have much more time on his hands than he does now so if I wanna keep seeing him it seems I just have to live with that.. That is kind of hard - especially now where I feel we have way too little time together (though talking on the phone helps a bit)..
Ah well, I actually really respect and like that he is so freakin sharp, and that he is ambitious, so the time-issue is something I gotta eat..
Sometimes it can create problems. My DP works a lot too. He is a medical director in huge company and travels a lot and have tons of local meetings. He is worth it though and I think that's all you should think about now. When you live together it will be easier because you get to cuddle ever night.
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#22 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 08:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Marissa ! : for you : I am so happy to hear that, I must have missed it in the other thread that makes my day to hear that!

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#23 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 08:45 PM
 
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Hello mamas,

I mostly lurk here but follow y'alls updates fondly. I am so happy for BelovedK, Holland73, Stephanie, and all of you with joyful news. :

mmace, I know you've been through such a roller coaster. Oh my goodness, mama. Good for you for "keeping your seat" and seeing how it unfolds.

seie, i love hearing your ponderings and excitement about your guy.

tripleaces, keep us posted! I am sure it is all unfolding as it should.

mountain, by doing what you need for your family, i absolutely trust that if your relationship is meant to last it will. strength, mama.

anne2008 trust yourself and keep making the right choices for yourself one day at a time and you will do great.

clementine, stillsnarky, how goes it?

thought I'd post an update, although probably no-one remembers me I keep such a low profile here for privacy concerns. bf and i have been together a year now. We have recently really rounded a corner, where we recognized more clearly where each of us is coming from when we have our conflicts, it was like a lightbulb went off, we got this new clarity about the situation from standing in the other's shoes, and also new clarity about where we ourselves were.

I have learned in the last couple years that intimacy is really about knowing oneself and being able to fully be known and to know another person as the separate person that he or she is. Now I'm starting to really see what that's like in action. It's that realization that --Hey we're not a threat to each other! We're not really doing what the other person fears we are doing, when he or she interprets our behavior only from their limited perspective.

Also we had been having trouble with conflict resolution where both of us were doing things within the argument that the other person found problematic, and which made the arguments escalate. We recently created a written "ground rules for conflict resolution" that stretches both of us in ways that we want to stretch and also allows each of us to be ourselves. We are bothy challenged and inspired by it. It is funny too, because it allows for such things as sarcasm that is funny to make a point, but not sarcasm to be hurtful. It's so us.

One thing that is particularly unfamiliar and lovely for me is that neither one of us pushed to make this all happen, we both wanted it and both created it. Fully a joint effort.

I am more in love than ever with this man. I realize now how safe he is for me and what I can do to be safe for him. He is my best friend and the delight of my soul. I never knew it could be like this. It's as if I never really knew what a mature relationship was LIKE until now. And he feels the same way. He says he's learned more and grown more in conflict resolution with me in the last year than he learned in 13 years of his previous marriage.

Just wanted to share!!! Thanks for listening. :
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#24 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Zeta, I haven't seen you around in a while That is GREAT news! I am so happy for you!

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#25 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 09:17 PM
 
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Zeta, I haven't seen you around in a while That is GREAT news! I am so happy for you!

thank you, BelovedK! I remember all of the frogs you had to kiss before you met this worthy companion, so I really can relish your good fortune. hope the ttc fairies are on their way to you....
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#26 of 306 Old 01-04-2009, 11:51 PM
 
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I've been on the perpetual first date run. All first dates for the past four months. Granted the men have been interested in second dates but I have not. Which just occurs to me that perhaps it is not these men, it is me. Rats. Self reflection stinks. *Sigh* I know I am still stuck on my exbf. We dated 1.5 years and he was my first serious relationship after divorce. I broke up with him when things were actually very good but the reality was not long-term possible. I guess it's time to take more 'me' time. Finish out the grieving and healing...
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#27 of 306 Old 01-05-2009, 08:29 AM
 
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I don't have much time to post right now, so I will reply again later, just wanted to write something quick.

I spoke to my guy on the phone last night, a longer conversation for us -20 minutes instead of the usual 5-10 lol

Anyway, it was good because I managed to tell him how I feel about US. He was very eager to see me, as I am to see him and told him so, it has been 2 weeks now. However he kept saying about wanting to come over to my place to watch tv or a movie or just to talk and hang out together, but I was like "what about my son?" -He hasn't met him yet. Then he said he wants to meet him, or we can all go out some place together, which I thought was nice of him to suggest taking us both out. -He drives.

But to be honest, I am not ready for DS to meet him yet AT ALL. And I managed somehow, to tell him. I said I feel like we haven't really got to know eachother very well yet, we haven't had much time face to face talking yet, we've only met up like 4 times so far. So I said I really want to get to know him better before I introduce him to my son, and before he comes to my place at night when DS is asleep.

He seemed fine with that. He wanted to be reassured I still like him, which I do. Im just not ready to make him too much of a part of my life until I know him better you know?

I feel like there are a few big issues I need to discuss with him, and get his responses on, before I can know for sure if this is something worth pursuing. -Im going to think more about these issues and list them. I don't want to introduce him to my son until I know there's a good chance we are in this for the long term.

It is really difficult to get that "face to face" / in-person time together because of his work schedule or my DS being here and me not wanting him to see him yet.

Back later to reply to others posts!
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#28 of 306 Old 01-05-2009, 10:53 AM
 
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: Still stuck in custody war over here, too. just wanted to empathize with all the other mamas (lilyka, mountain, Seie) who are being sucked alive of their energy where that is concerned. We've gotta be strong. sigh.

Anne2008, .....-what Danishmom said. Everything she said. Ditto.

Can I just say that I have given 22-23 year old guys chances left and right this past six months, and I am so exhausted with young men? Good freakin' god. I cannot seem to get a real adult man, in his thirties, to save my life. I just want someone born in the '70s, that's all!!!!!! Why is that so hard? There are gorgeous men in their 20s throwing themselves at me left and right, the most common age seeming to be 22, and I look at them like they have two heads but they are so certain that they think the woman who appears to be about 26 or 27 in front of them is their dream lady. However, I'm actually 29, and someone born in the same year that I started 1st grade just seems ridiculous to me. I could have been their babysitter when I was 13-14. Is that crazy for me to think that way? It's not just that younger men are ...well, younger, but they are so quick to fall in love, and it's so irritating. Also, they get nervous around me, and start acting all weird, and i feel sorry for them and it's just.... UGH, I want to date an adult, that's all. Someone confident and collected, and sure of himself, and established in his life to the point where he is comfortable and peaceful and happy, and just finds all of that goodness multiplied when he considers adding me into his life somehow.
Seie, Holland73 is really right on the money. You and I are both the same when it comes to falling in love. We just want to throw ourselves into it body and soul and somehow by sheer will of desire MAKE it last forever, because it feels like it should. But maybe that's just how we fall in love--10000% percent, ready to commit and make it work out for the long haul. However, somehow that gets entangled with a huge pile of fear. That, what if it doesn't work out, no matter how much we wanted it to.... will that hurt so badly that we are incapacitated by the thought of dealing with that kind of pain and end up just totally motivated by fear in our dealings with the man in question? That's not a happy, peaceful place to begin a relationship or even continue a new relationship. It's great to fall passionately in love, but to also be at peace with letting it unfold however it's meant to, because of timing and circumstance. Life is such that no matter how strong the feelings are, sometimes outside influences (or simply personality traits coming to surface in the other) are able to sabotoge things and it doesn't work out. Luckily we are not given one chance at this in life. There are many people on this earth we can feel passionately in love with, if one has a relaxed, open, happy, at-peace-with-whatever-happens sort of attitude which will make it easy for the universe to throw someone into our path.

After getting my heart broken in December, I have thrown myself into socializing and going out with girlfriends. Finding and making new girlfriends, as well. I now have a tally of up to 8 women that I have in terms of local Helsinki friends, which is not bad since I just moved into my apartment 2 months ago, and moved to this town 3 months ago. I'm also letting a 23 year old paramedic take me to dinner and a movie tonight, after making him wait 2.5 months to see me (my heart got stolen shortly after he met me and I blew off his correspondence all that time, but he was patient). I have no interest in him. God he's young. But, I need to get the Hell out of my apartment and speak Finnish, and he speaks Finnish with me, so.... there ya go. I'm going. And afterwards there is a party on a boat that I am going to attend, solo, and who knows who I might meet there. Off to decide what to wear....... something slightly slutty, but slightly innocent and girlish, too. Hmmmmm...... Danishmom gave me a short wooly red plaid skirt that does the trick every time in terms of that combination.....
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#29 of 306 Old 01-05-2009, 10:55 AM
 
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Thank you for asking, my friend! As I mentioned back in the last thread, we started a four day texting/emailing conversation a few days after Thanksgiving, and we easily agreed that we are still completely in love with the other and can't imagine spending the rest of our lives with anyone else. We can't throw that away. We still have to work out the logistics - we need to find a compromise that we can both agree on - but we are very happily back together and very much in love.
Marissa, I love this news! That's so great! Totally wonderful that you guys are just sooooo on the same page, meant to be, etc.
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#30 of 306 Old 01-05-2009, 11:38 PM
 
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So much great news, good luck to everyone!!
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