We've been separated for 2 months. He hasn't seen ds in that time because I left the state to stay with family. I'm returning to the "home" state next week. I asked him last night what he was expecting in terms of parenting time with ds while I'm there. He said, "Well, I want him every day".
Now, I know that he misses seeing his son. I understand that and I dont blame him. I recognize my folly in separating them for so long, because that only makes his resolve to "have" ds all that much stronger.
However, NO. You cannot take him from his Mama every day, especially since he hasnt seen you in 2 months. That will scare him.
I suggested that he come visit ds at my Dad's house for the first couple of days (where I will be staying), and I will make myself scarce so he can spend time with ds, but I'll be waiting in the wings if needed. Stbx vetoed that idea. He wants to pick him up that day after we get there and take him away from me, every day, all day.
I said that once ds is comfortable with stbx again, he could take ds for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Ds was never truly comfortable because stbx NEVER spent time with him before, nor did he have any involvement with caretaking, ever. He never spent more than an hour with ds unsupervised (not after the first time anyway). Ds has more of a relationship with my Dad & Dads gf than he does with stbx, and he saw them less (once a week or so).
So how does everyone out there handle the visitation? Am I being too controlling?
I want for him to see ds, but not to take him from me every day. On top of the fact that I worry about ds's care while he's away from me. Stbx hasn''t shown that he can responsibly take care of a toddler. Yet. I know this will come in time, but for now...? How do I arrange this so stbx feels its fair, and it isn't overwhelming for my little boy?
Now, I know that he misses seeing his son. I understand that and I dont blame him. I recognize my folly in separating them for so long, because that only makes his resolve to "have" ds all that much stronger.
However, NO. You cannot take him from his Mama every day, especially since he hasnt seen you in 2 months. That will scare him.
I suggested that he come visit ds at my Dad's house for the first couple of days (where I will be staying), and I will make myself scarce so he can spend time with ds, but I'll be waiting in the wings if needed. Stbx vetoed that idea. He wants to pick him up that day after we get there and take him away from me, every day, all day.
I said that once ds is comfortable with stbx again, he could take ds for 3 or 4 hours at a time. Ds was never truly comfortable because stbx NEVER spent time with him before, nor did he have any involvement with caretaking, ever. He never spent more than an hour with ds unsupervised (not after the first time anyway). Ds has more of a relationship with my Dad & Dads gf than he does with stbx, and he saw them less (once a week or so).
So how does everyone out there handle the visitation? Am I being too controlling?
I want for him to see ds, but not to take him from me every day. On top of the fact that I worry about ds's care while he's away from me. Stbx hasn''t shown that he can responsibly take care of a toddler. Yet. I know this will come in time, but for now...? How do I arrange this so stbx feels its fair, and it isn't overwhelming for my little boy?