I did not want the divorce and tried everything to keep us together. I am glad it happened because these past two years we have been apart have opened my eyes to what I want and want to be treated. My kids met her at Christmas Eve dinner. He didn't tell me - I am taking my oldest to a psychologist due to severe seperation anxiety and other issues and he wrote on the paperwork he is in a relationship and they have met her. i am bawling. I don't even care about him - it is just the dream has been shattered and lost, ya know? i have been struggling so hard these past few years and I feel lonely sometimes. Sigh...I am just venting here...I don't even k now how to datw - he was my first kiss, relationship, everything...10 years I was with this man. Asnyone else?
My xh had a girlfriend w/in two months and introduced dc to her while dc were totally raw from the separation. At that time, it HURT that he had moved on already even though I had left him. And I was so grieving my failed marriage. As a btdt, it does get easier with time. Three years later, he has yet another girlfriend and all I care about it that my children are spending time with another 'mother'. *Sigh* at least she seems nice from what my dc say about her.
yup ex was my first major relationship too. and he was in another relationship when dd was 2 months old and we were supposedly still married.
yes it hurt like hell. and it continued hurting and being angry over because i had no time to even take a proper long shower. let alone meet up with my girlfriends esp. since my dd had colic.
but in time i was able to get over it as she did take good care of my dd. and even today they get along well and are good friends even though ex and her have become good friends and are not dating.
I was VERY upset when X got a gf (right as we were officially divorcing) I didn't want him, but got upset when he had someone else. I eventually got over it, and no longer mind that she is around my DC. It DOES get easier. If I could get through it, anyone can!
It has been really hard on me to have my children around the woman he left me for and to top it off she is still married to her husband. So I really do not want the children around her.
Yeah, I feel you. I'm like the dog in the manger with xH, I'll admit. If I can't have him, I don't want anyone else to have him, either. In all honesty, the thought that he might be with someone else and treat her the way he should have treated me...it makes me angry! He promised in front of God and everybody that he was going to love me forever & take care of me and devote himself to me like I did to him, but he didn't. So to see him giving some other woman what he should have been giving me...
It's OK to grieve for the loss of the dream. You thought you had something, even if it was never really there, and it HURTS when you realize it's not there and probably never was.
Don't feel too jealous of the new girlfriend. For all you know, he'll break her heart too in a few months or years.
Originally Posted by Sagesgirl
Yeah, I feel you. I'm like the dog in the manger with xH, I'll admit. If I can't have him, I don't want anyone else to have him, either. In all honesty, the thought that he might be with someone else and treat her the way he should have treated me...it makes me angry! He promised in front of God and everybody that he was going to love me forever & take care of me and devote himself to me like I did to him, but he didn't. So to see him giving some other woman what he should have been giving me...
:
OK, I admit I have those feelings too.
But I know my ex is already falling into old patterns. Well just see how long she puts up with his crap.
I'm just a big "Yea, That!" to most everything above. My X was actually cheating on me for about a year before he moved out, and I had no idea. The idea of my kids spending time with *her* gave me panic attacks. Luckily (?!) they did not last long.
We are now five years out and he is married and has a new baby. Like others said, I *don't* want him, but it does bother me at times that he has good things going on in his life, things that I wouldn't mind having for myself.
I thank God at least weekly that I'm not in a position to go through that envy. My ex basically takes his own hell with him, and given the extent of his problems I can't see him finding happiness with anyone. Or anyone finding happiness with him.
: I will see what the child psychologist has to say tomorrow on how I need to approach him. Jeremy still feels as though I am a "nag" anytime I mention anyhitng he does not want to hear or admit he may be causing so I need to tread carefully. This new girl can have him - good luck and thank you - but I have the right to know who is going ot be around my children and also the extent that they will see her child as well as if they will be living together or if this is just a fling. Jeremy and I had said we would prepare the kids togethe rif we had osmeone new in our lives and only if it was serious but he did not follow our agreement; I should not be surprised since he has not ofllowed anyhitng else we discussed - ever. I woudl have liked to know so I oculd have prepared the children but - BAM - they went to their visit Christmas Eve for three hours thinking they were spending time with Daddy and there was a new person there Daddy was loving on with no warning. HOnestly, I think it is affectin gmy older child because she remembers Daddy beig affecitonate with me but Deivn does not since she was a newborn when we spilt up. Grrrrrrrrrrrr...
since your older is having a problem talk to her and tell her the kind of place you are in. in the language that 4 year olds can understand. i have done this with my then 4 year old too. let her know how you have moved on. that you dont want daddy back. i even explained to my child that i still loved her daddy and appreciated everything he did with her but it wasnt the married kind of love. more one of compassion and gratitude (or whatever you felt). i know it helped my dd knowing where i stood.
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