It feels wrong to admit that I'm lonely... I have things that I do...in fact this week ds and I have things to do everyday. I have friends, albeit new friends but certainly people I can talk to about mommy things (though none of them are single), I have a toddler who fills my life with joy and challenges and who wants nothing more than to be with his mommy, I have a family that is as supportive as they can be and we see my mother most evenings for dinner and spend the weekends doing toddler-friendly things. But still, the sentiment stands...
I'm not in a place to try to date again...and really don't know when I would be. I'm still legally married and probably will be for almost all of 2009 and I have no interest in finding a man who would be comfortable with dating a married woman...long separated or not. Plus I'm going to have to go to work soon and can't imagine anything but necessity (and the occasional need for a sanity break) taking me away from my ds. Plus, I'm not entirely sure that there's a man out there who would be willing to deal with my baggage, loving of my son, and supportive of my parenting style. If such a man exists, I have further doubts that we'd ever meet...it just seems too much to ask. But despite knowing that, I feel, as I said, lonely without this mythical person.
...maybe it's because it's trash day...I've always hated trash day (believing, as I do, that it's a manly chore and feeling rather put out for having to do it myself)... :
i have low pts but there are more sunny days than i have every had before...
give it time mama, time heals and gives you perspective...
Former wearing, ing, pole dancing, pushing, survivor & single mama extraordinaire to .
Now that's a mouthful!!!
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DH and I have been separated for a year and a half, and are working on the divorce papers now. It was my choice. Still, I am grieving for the loss of my little family unit, grieving for the second child I won't have (we had DS through IVF, and had frozen embryos but allowed the hospital to destroy them in December because of the divorce) and just- lonely, in spite of friends and family.
I hope it gets easier for you, for us- I am sure it does. We can't see around the next corner to the happiness that lies ahead, but it's there. In the meantime, I suppose, we go on enjoying the good things in life, and accept the loneliness while knowing it will not be permanent.
i am so sorry mama's that you are so lonely.
as bad mama jama said yes it does get easier. with both of you i notice it hasnt been v. long.
the reason why i started with that saying is because i remember when i was married - v. v. happily for the first 3 years - i used to miss my single carefree days. just the freedom of not having to tell someone i was going to go do something and not come straight home after work. in fact one time i did go for dinner with a friend without letting dh know till much later. other little freedoms that didnt exist.
and yes even 5 years after separation i still have the twinges. sometimes. esp. having known what it was like. but it was in passing. nothing major. i have such a great time on my own that the lonely feeling comes for a bit and then passes on. instead these days when i am really having a good time (which to me means taking a silent hike, or reading a book and letting the house go, or being here and letting the house go i often wonder do i really want someone in my life.
one thing though i will say (and this was when i was still married too and my ex just wasnt into that kind of thing) it was really hard when my dd was young and i had no one to share her milestones with. the awe and wonder. my then dh wasnt really interested in it as i was. as my dd grew older and no longer that kinda huge milestones, the longing went away.
for me just being in that space - just sitting on the park bench, with the sun in my face, the rustling of the leaves, the different bird calls, the screams of children in the background - is sooo beautiful that you dont think fo what you have, who you are. you just sit and enjoy. the peace and calm. you dont think. you just sit and feel.
i make sure i get as many of those moments as i can. however you define that. it also used to be long warm baths. it also included my dd at times too. i got the same feeling out of it. the more you treat yourself you will find that a partner is not the only answer.
hindsight is 2020.........knowing what I know now......
I would make myself be more bold.......
I would ask Mr. Hunk out.........(I'm maybe a 6 on a 1-10)
I was lonely, very lonely. But, I wish that I would've just enjoyed dating!
OH how much I missed because I became a single mom and so young.
Just enjoy your life no matter what your current situation. You make your life great. Not your significant other.
I too have a fabulous 5.5 month old that is my world but I can't help but miss the strong arms of a man sometimes or someone telling me how much they've missed me during the day. His father and I aren't together and recently ended our "untitled" situation of 2 years. I want to date but at the same time I don't want to. Too afraid of getting hurt and too afraid of starting all over.
Embrace the lonely time and fill it with exercise or a hobby. When the right one or right time comes, it will be a wonderful relief.
Book lover - Sewer - Movie lover - Mommy to a wonderful little boy (8/4/08) - Aspiring writer - On a mission to lose 15 pounds - all-around cool chick
I am sorry you feel this way.
I have found I am really only lonely when my DD is with her father. Then it doesnt matter if I am with a room full of people I feel lonely. Since I dont feel this way at all when my DD is off with other family members I have chalked it up to my fear that my ex is caring for DD as she needs to be cared for. He tends to take a "its good enough" additute with everything including DD and I worry a lot for her safety and emotional health. She a very active emotional high needs child. Also since he has previously threatened "youll never see her again" each time she is with him I fear this time he will follow through on his threat despite having a police interference clause in our court order. I hope this loneliness will pass overtime.
Again to you
And trash day - I took out the trash all of our marriage and thought for years and years, this can only end badly, a man who doesn't take out the trash.
I'm glad I stood up for myself. It's better to be lonely than with my former UAV. I'm glad I loved myself enough to say no to things that are not right, that are hurtful and wrong.
I'm learning to love myself. My kids rock.
But it still gets lonely sometimes.
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