February dating thread!! - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-20-2009, 06:51 PM
 
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Oh, and by the way, Jazzybaby and JustAnotherBrick, welcome!!!


I'm kind of the most active dater (: nice to meet you, mam) on this thread these days, trying to go through a record of how many Finnish men I can tell my MDC single mama friends about in one season. Enjoy my ramblings and Bridget-Jones-esque man-journalings on here....

Artlover86, did you talk to the guy about the bedroom-intrustion-misunderstanding? Did you ever get rid of that suicidal guy?

JustAnotherBrick, did you come clean with Sir-Texts-A-Lot? If he's leaving soon, is it worth it to get your heart all entangled up? He's the FIRST guy whose even caught your eye out there, on your FIRST girls' night out since having a kid...remember he won't be the last. Trust me on that.

AKA_PI, I'm sorry about the situation you found yourself in after two months of having such high hopes and being so happy you had re-discovered this guy and thought it was going to be hot & heavy and passionate and then, .....face-to-face, splat! on the floor with lack of IRL chemistry. I can totally relate after Amnesty Guy. We had quite high expectation after ten days of great phone calls, very spicy emails and texts and chats, and then..... huge first date on Valentine's Day which I cooked for him and totally got nervous and excited about, in the days preceeding it, in anticipation and then..... he's just not that into me and walks away the next morning and never looks back. Not that I was that into *him*, live, either, but.... : It just happens. These online things need to transition to the face-to-face real world the sooner the better, IMHO, so as not to waste time and get high hopes for nuttin'. :

rubelin, how are you doing? Still sick? Sweet Man transitioning into charming-the-pants-right-off-you-Man? Maybe he will? You're the 4-man-planner, right? I can't remember which of ya'll was.... : But how's that working? Quarter men? Give them nicknames so I can keep up.

Seie, I am glad you are feeling like you are walking forward with this man with eyes wide open, and are willing to just take things one step at a time, despite some slightly different pacing/frequency styles and needs. It's never perfect, right? Maybe when he senses you are backing off and not pushing him at all, he'll start to realize that actually he starts to need you more and more frequently and you can step back and let him do the pursuing more & more and worries about someone else sweeping you off your feet if he leaves you alone for 3 weeks on end, etc..... You'll feel so much more secure about his interest when he is wooing you more, and picking up the pace a bit in terms of frequency and overlapping one another's lives, etc, and if you 'back off' for some weeks or months and he DOESN'T seem to notice or care, then perhaps just coming straight to him with sort of a 'these are my needs, this is what i want from a relationsihp' talk and letting him decide, would be the right way to go. And let him either come through with an arrangement that truly works for you, or let him go. That's just my two cents, take it for what it's worth! Seems like putting pressure on him right this minute just might kill it all to pieces, and the ideal situation would be for him to gradually vamp things up on his own without you forcing his hand, for him and for you feeling more secure about his intentions, and the only way for him to do it on his own is for you to back off and let him take the lead.
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Old 02-21-2009, 01:51 AM
 
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Hi mamas. It's been too long but I have nothing to report since coffee guy was 'not that into me'. I keep meaning to update my okcupid profile and get rolling again but other things are keeping me busy. I am lonely as heck though my physical needs are being met. I have a fwb that visits when called And I would so rather be alone than be with the wrong person or an abusive man again. But yeah, I'm lonely...
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:09 AM
 
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Oooh, a fwb (and home delivery!) and high standards. I approve of both.
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Old 02-21-2009, 03:05 PM
 
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Actually, the bedroom guy and suicidal are one and the same. It was just one of the things he did that struck me as odd. I haven't been single since I was 16, and he was the first guy I went out with since the divorce, so I'm not sure about a lot of aspects of dating.
I am really feeling good about breaking up with him, though. It was definitely the right thing. He's constantly messaging my 16 year old sister and asking if she's still a virgin (how did he even know she was?), telling her all about our relationship, telling her how awful his life is, etc. Not a good sign.
I'm really enjoying being single for now. I think I'll just do casual stuff for quite a while, I don't feel at all ready to commit to anything yet.
ButterflyMom, I have a question for you. Were you born in Europe or did you move there? I have always wanted to live in Europe, and I was just wondering how it is there.
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Old 02-21-2009, 04:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Artlover86 View Post
ButterflyMom, I have a question for you. Were you born in Europe or did you move there? I have always wanted to live in Europe, and I was just wondering how it is there.

God that ex of yours is creepy, btw, and I think you should encourage your teen sis to ignore him completely. As for me, I married a Finn and moved to Finland in 2003. Living abroad ain't all it's cracked up to be.
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Old 02-21-2009, 04:37 PM
 
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Actually, the bedroom guy and suicidal are one and the same. It was just one of the things he did that struck me as odd.

He's constantly messaging my 16 year old sister and asking if she's still a virgin (how did he even know she was?), telling her all about our relationship, telling her how awful his life is, etc. Not a good sign.
This just took creepy to a whole other level. It's not okay for a man to be texting a teenager with stuff like that. Definitely talk to sis and if necessary, involve parents, etc.

Run...run far away from this man!
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Old 02-21-2009, 05:41 PM
 
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if necessary, involve parents, etc.

Run...run far away from this man!
Hell, alert the authorities. He sounds really dangerous. I'd wanna be sure he's not stalking 16-year-old-sis, or planning anything horrible.
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:53 PM
 
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Wow lots going on!
Artlover: I agree - that guy does sound creepy. Definately get him off your sisters back - sounds like a walking catastrophe waiting to happen!

Had a great couple of days with my guy. He came friday, we went out for dinner and a movie (or first cinema-date - about time too as we've been going out for almost 3 months) Saturday we spend most of the day home, making cosy breakfast then went out in the afternoon for coffee. We had a great time as usual
He has a long holiday coming up soon, so we are counting on introducing him to the kids come that time. I hope we will get the chance to know eachother a little better in a more everyday kind of setting. So far we have only seen eachother alone - never with other people. I kind of think its about time...

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Old 02-24-2009, 07:11 AM
 
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Just bumping really
Can we get some updates? How are you all feeling? Any progress on the dating front?

Here this past weekend seems to have been - at least for the time being - some kind or turning point For the past two nights I have been talking with my guy on the phone for two hours each night. I enjoy his company so much - even at a distance. He told me the other day that when we met on friday there was a special glow to me : and that he felt so proud to sit with me at a café How sweet is that! I guess it really does make a difference if I am feeling confident and happy - as I guess that is what my special "aura" was about..
Am looking forward to his vacation and hoping it will mean we get to spend more time together..

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Old 02-24-2009, 12:34 PM
 
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I guess it really does make a difference if I am feeling confident and happy - as I guess that is what my special "aura" was about
There's really nothing more attractive than a happy & confident person!
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Old 02-24-2009, 11:33 PM
 
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Hi, I'm a thread lurker. I'm not actually dating, but am slowly, slowly thinking I'd kind of like to. I don't see how I could swing it logistically - my kids are 2 & 4, X does not stick to any kind of a visitation schedule (he visits when convenient, generally on less than 24 hours notice) and does not do overnights. I live w/my parents, but they already do SO much, it's tough to ask for more. I'm a student, so low on funds for additional childcare.

Ok, looking at that...I DON'T have time to date. But I guess I can think about it!
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Old 02-25-2009, 12:57 AM
 
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I live w/my parents, but they already do SO much, it's tough to ask for more. I'm a student, so low on funds for additional childcare.
You could start thinking about doing a swap with two other single moms!!! I've heard it works great. Maybe start it now so that when your 2 y/o is 3, the kids will be looking forward to it (I know leaving my kid was hard at 2 y/o)!
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Old 02-25-2009, 04:40 PM
 
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Butterfly- you are soooo right. I was so completely and utterly overwhelmed with the idea that a male could actually be interested in me. I love ur nicknames, btw--- SirTextsALot is kinda out of the picture as of now. I just realized that I'm not really that interested in him... just more interested in the idea of talking to someone kwim? I decided not to mention my son and just let the conversation fade away. Like you said, this was the first time I've talked to a guy on my first girls night out - come on - there must be more fishies out there, no? One thing that it definitely did for me was made me realize that I AM a young attractive mother and I deserve to have some fun every now and then

I forgot who said this but I would absolutely love a fwb! I don't think I have time for a real relationship -- I wouldn't want to take any attention away from my son especially since he's so young (but of course if mr. right came along, that might change) but come on - this girl has needs!
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Old 02-25-2009, 04:45 PM
 
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Hi, I'm a thread lurker. I'm not actually dating, but am slowly, slowly thinking I'd kind of like to. I don't see how I could swing it logistically - my kids are 2 & 4, X does not stick to any kind of a visitation schedule (he visits when convenient, generally on less than 24 hours notice) and does not do overnights. I live w/my parents, but they already do SO much, it's tough to ask for more. I'm a student, so low on funds for additional childcare.

Ok, looking at that...I DON'T have time to date. But I guess I can think about it!
I completely understand where you're coming from. I also live with my mother and go to school full-time. SD is not in the picture at all. I didn't even think about dating until last week -- now I'm starting to realize that it might be healthy for me to take care of myself KWIM? So yesss you should definitely be open to thinking about dating or at least going out with some friends. Do you have any friends or other single mothers who you could ask to babysit while you go out every now and then? I always feel terrible about asking my mother to babysit since she already does so much too. What I do sometimes is put my son to bed (around 8pm) then go meet friends for a couple of hours. My (20 months old) son still doesn't sleep through the night (groans) BUT I'm always back home before he wakes up (around midnight or so). My mom doesn't mind because she doesn't really have to do anything except be around.
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