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#31 of 48 Old 03-11-2009, 10:03 PM
 
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Hello! I'm a newly single mama. I'm 38, DD is 1. We are leaving an abusive relationship. Stbx has returned overseas to his country of origin where he can rejoin his parents and siblings in the big family business they all run. We've not made it through the court system yet, but I've filed all the papers. His family was never supportive of his relationship with me, and has also shown no interest in DD. I really don't expect him to stay in our lives physically or financially. And I that is truly what I want. I'd give details that would help that make sense in many ways, but I'm protecting our identities. I know that it's not a popular position, but I think it is best in our situation.

I'm looking forward to being part of this group of mama's.
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#32 of 48 Old 03-12-2009, 09:27 PM
 
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#33 of 48 Old 03-12-2009, 11:48 PM
 
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I'm Emy, 24, and single mama to Ezra, 3. DS' biological father has never been involved and stopped paying child support a year ago (I believe he only paid to that point because he didn't want to be a b!tch in prison, haha, I suppose selfishness eventually got the better of that too). He's never seen his son (we broke up when I was 3 months pregnant)...all the better, he would have been a horrible influence. One year ago I became pregnant again, very unexpectedly, and the father of that child wanted me to have an abortion. I'll never know if he would have been involved because I lost the baby early on, but for what it's worth he does occasionally text me to ask how I'm doing...more than Ezra's biological father. I found a partner in August and we almost became a real family until he left me a week ago. Where do things stand? I don't know...I just hope he just needs some solo time and that it's not over. We did move fast, and considering I have a child and he an ex wife, we were setting ourselves up for issues. I just hope we can overcome it. But, until then, I guess I'm still a single mom.

Mind you, that's an incredibly short version.

- E . Single mom to DS  E (15.12.05),  T (reincarnated 18.04.08) and DD   A (11.02.11) and  Hoppy      
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#34 of 48 Old 03-13-2009, 12:59 AM
 
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Hello everyone...

I've posted on here a few times. Mostly just read the posts, though. Everyone on here is so awesome!

Ok, so here's my story... DD's 'sperm donor' and I dated on and off for about a year and a half. He was abusive in almost every way. When I found out I was pregnant, we weren't together, but tried to make it work for DC's sake. We had some bad fights, he agreed to counseling, but before we actually went, he took things to a physical level. I always told him if he ever hit me I'd leave him, and although he didn't that night, he did enough other things that I was afraid of losing the baby or even my own life. I left him then and there. Police were involved, too. I refused to take him back, or meet with him anywhere but in public. He left about a month later. He moved several states away and didn't tell me until he was nearly there. Last I knew he was living with his father and had no job. He called incessently, never talking about the baby unless I brought the subject up. He threatened to have me stalked. At that point I talked to an attorney who said to 'disappear.' He has another child he abandoned on the other side of the country a few years ago. Occasionally talks to DC's Mom, but that's about it. He's not on the birth certificate, and he's totally out of our lives. I've felt a lot of guilt over this, but it was his choice, not mine. DD is WAY better off without him. He has many problems.

So, DD and I are living happily as a two-person family. My family is VERY involved, and DD is spoiled by her grandparents (sometimes I need to reign them in!). Haven't heard from 'him' since right after she was born. And I'm finally at peace with everything.
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#35 of 48 Old 03-13-2009, 04:50 AM
 
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AlwaysByMySide....

Your story brought tears to my eyes. Wow...you are amazing. You seem to have pulled through and risen out of the ashes. I am sure it was a tough (<-- understatement) road. I sincerely hope for all the of the best for you.
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#36 of 48 Old 03-13-2009, 01:40 PM
 
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Hello everyone...

I've posted on here a few times. Mostly just read the posts, though. Everyone on here is so awesome!

Ok, so here's my story... DD's 'sperm donor' and I dated on and off for about a year and a half. He was abusive in almost every way. When I found out I was pregnant, we weren't together, but tried to make it work for DC's sake. We had some bad fights, he agreed to counseling, but before we actually went, he took things to a physical level. I always told him if he ever hit me I'd leave him, and although he didn't that night, he did enough other things that I was afraid of losing the baby or even my own life. I left him then and there. Police were involved, too. I refused to take him back, or meet with him anywhere but in public. He left about a month later. He moved several states away and didn't tell me until he was nearly there. Last I knew he was living with his father and had no job. He called incessently, never talking about the baby unless I brought the subject up. He threatened to have me stalked. At that point I talked to an attorney who said to 'disappear.' He has another child he abandoned on the other side of the country a few years ago. Occasionally talks to DC's Mom, but that's about it. He's not on the birth certificate, and he's totally out of our lives. I've felt a lot of guilt over this, but it was his choice, not mine. DD is WAY better off without him. He has many problems.

So, DD and I are living happily as a two-person family. My family is VERY involved, and DD is spoiled by her grandparents (sometimes I need to reign them in!). Haven't heard from 'him' since right after she was born. And I'm finally at peace with everything.

I'm from WNY also

Glenn bouncy.gif 11*09 Joe 4*04 peace.gif Me praying.gif & Hubby geek.gif

 

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#37 of 48 Old 03-14-2009, 12:10 AM
 
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I'm from WNY also
I actually moved a few months ago so my family could help out with DD. But I miss WNY so much! I'm going to go back to visit at some point, though, they can't keep me away!
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#38 of 48 Old 03-14-2009, 01:58 PM
 
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Oh good! a Place to get this junk off my chest

Well, in December of 2006 when DD was just over a year old, DH told me late one night that he had cheated on me and was leaving to sort his head out. Said he would be gone for three days which turned into around three months. Came back, said he wanted us. Started working as a waiter downtown, third shift. Got back into drugs and whatnot. We had a big fight one morning when he got home from work, he left again that afternoon. I was cleaning that night to clear my head, came upon a notebook of his, read some things that had just been happening [you don't wanna know], called him and asked him if he meant it when he said he wanted us, he said he would talk when he came home.... except he never did. Since July 14, 2007 he has not called this place home.

He too only sees DD when it is convenient for him. The last time she saw him this time around was christmas eve.: He never pays his truck pymt and since my name is on it i end up haivng to jump in since he is too much of a UAV to call them and give them his address. They think he lives here and so they harass me. I don't even know where he lives. He won't tell me. This is not the man i married.

I teach high school full time which is already stressful, but i am also completing grad school.

I went through some major depression, which i actually feel i had before all this happened but didn't know. Last April I went back to church and found community that i didn't have before and healing. My doc got me on meds and now with spiritual and medical help, I feel like a new woman. DD and I are building an awesome life together in our house. We put a chandelier above the toilet. We build furniture together. We are going to NYC by ourselves in a few weeks! I will be graduating in May and am always surprised when somone shows awe at all i have accomplished during this time period. But then i think about it and i think "well,,, yeah!"

I call myself a solo mom as i am not divorced. I really don't wish to be single and i am not looking for anyone else. i really like me now and the fact that i can read in bed as long as i want.

Writer, teacher, and mama to Rhiannon Morningstar 6/28/05
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#39 of 48 Old 03-14-2009, 02:06 PM
 
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Always By My Side:

You are mighty stong. Keep it up!

Also, we are practically neighbors. I am about an hour away from you in NW GA. Howdy!

Writer, teacher, and mama to Rhiannon Morningstar 6/28/05
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#40 of 48 Old 03-14-2009, 02:35 PM
 
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DH ... This is not the man i married....He never pays his truck pymt
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I call myself a solo mom as i am not divorced. I really don't wish to be single and i am not looking for anyone else. i really like me now and the fact that i can read in bed as long as i want.
I respect your choice, but gently remind you that if you are not legally divorced (or legally separated, for states that offer that) you are responsible for his debts (now and any he incurs in the future, for so long as you are married). His creditors can call you and require you to pay ALL the debt, even get your wages or bank account garnished.

The only thing you owe to others is to behave with integrity.
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#41 of 48 Old 03-14-2009, 10:34 PM
 
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i've been lurking on this forum for about a year while my situation disintegrated. i've been married for 6 years and have a sn 3yo and a 1.75yo, both boys. in april the kids and i are moving into our own place and leaving my partner to continue his downward spiral without us. i'll be living on 710$/ month. rent is 525$/ month, plus i'm a student, so life will be interesting. i don't know if we'll make it, but we sort of have to, since staying here has become a non-possibility. i'm looking for a part time job, but not many places are hiring and nobody's impressed with my complicated availability schedule. i'm trying to stay optimistic, but living that close to the brink doesn't inspire confidence, you know?
anyways, this is me de-lurking and officially joining the party.
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#42 of 48 Old 03-14-2009, 10:56 PM
 
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i've been lurking on this forum for about a year while my situation disintegrated. i've been married for 6 years and have a sn 3yo and a 1.75yo, both boys. in april the kids and i are moving into our own place and leaving my partner to continue his downward spiral without us. i'll be living on 710$/ month. rent is 525$/ month, plus i'm a student, so life will be interesting. i don't know if we'll make it, but we sort of have to, since staying here has become a non-possibility. i'm looking for a part time job, but not many places are hiring and nobody's impressed with my complicated availability schedule. i'm trying to stay optimistic, but living that close to the brink doesn't inspire confidence, you know?
anyways, this is me de-lurking and officially joining the party.
Glad to have you mama!

There's tons of help/support/shoulders to cry on here!

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
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#43 of 48 Old 03-15-2009, 12:45 AM
 
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Hey all,

Well I'm relativly new here but love reading the posts and it definately gives me a heads up as to what could happen to me down the road, so I appreciate all of the single parent input.

Long story short...lol how do I shorten it? Well my ds's father and I have been on again off again for about 5 years...every time it was off it was his choice...but It seemed like every time I thought "never again" he came back into my life and I remembered the good things and "rose colored" the bad and took him back. Last time we got together it seemed like we both wanted to make it work so bad....he talked me into sleeping with, then moving in with him (against the advice of all my loving friends and family..and against my personal morals up to that point) two weeks after we moved in together he told me he didn't want a girlfriend, so I was financially stuck in a situation with a broken heart and having to see him every day. On top of it all he was more than a little verbally and emotionally abusive, with snide comments about my weight, hair, breakouts on my face, sleeping/napping/eating habits, pretty much anything and everything...plus reminders that I wasn't good enough and needed to improve myself.

Six months later (and 6 pregnancy tests) I went to the doctor because I thought I might have a tumor or something...there was a lump in my abdomen.....and the ultrasound showed a baby on the screen! (I thought the kicks were indigestion, and I'm kinda a big girl) I knew I had to be at least 8 months along. I kinda freaked out a little. I'd quit my well-paying-but-long-hours career of 10 years to go back to school to finish my teaching degree and in the middle of the first term back I find out I'm going to have a baby in 6 weeks? fortunately My parents and I have an awesome relationship so my mom was the first person I called. She told me I could do anything I set my mind to, and reminded me that I've wanted kids for years, so no matter what the circumstance, I could do both school and raise my baby.

My x blamed me entirely ('cause he didn't have ANYTHING to do with it!) but never questioned that the baby was his, and after a few days calmed down enough to tell me that he would be as involved as I wanted (he's always been passive-aggresive) So after a few days of thinking about this I told him that I'd be fine with him being involved, but we couldn't live together anymore because The environment in our place was way too stressful for me to retain my sanity, as I'd been miserable for months and hadn't had a chance to mourn our relationship. So we moved apart. Really apart. I moved down the street, and he moved 90 miles away and had no contact with me until the baby was born.

Ds is 2 months old now and I'm getting ready to start another term of school. My x txts me every couple of weeks and has come down twice for hour long visits, but other than that there's no contact. Thanks to posts on MDC I'm filing for sole custody and trying to figure out visitation stuff.

Wow, I condensed it pretty good, eh?
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#44 of 48 Old 03-15-2009, 12:55 AM
 
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I respect your choice, but gently remind you that if you are not legally divorced (or legally separated, for states that offer that) you are responsible for his debts (now and any he incurs in the future, for so long as you are married). His creditors can call you and require you to pay ALL the debt, even get your wages or bank account garnished.

Like I said, my name is on the truck as well, hence the problem with me having to jump in and make payments. But that wouldn't change even if we were divorced as you can;t divorce yourself from the loan.

You have to understand that my DH couldn't take a loan out for a hotdog. If there was a way to have a credit score of zero, he would have it. The only other thing in both of our names is the house and i pay that already since i live here. And as far as any credit cards in both of our names, those have already been closed, paid off, etc from the 23,000 in CC debt that i just finished paying off.

Writer, teacher, and mama to Rhiannon Morningstar 6/28/05
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#45 of 48 Old 03-17-2009, 05:45 PM
 
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I'm a mama of an AWESOME 3 year old girl. I've been with her step dad since she was a month old. We are now separated and on our way to an amicable divorce. No college under my belt and blood/guts/puke/poop makes me sick, so any career ideas lemme know! Can massage therapy support myself and my daughter? I'm really interested in it- have been for quite some time. Ever since I got a massage and it got rid of muscle spasms that kept me up at night. woo woo! Anyway- these threads are great and I'm stoked to be here.

-Halemama
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#46 of 48 Old 03-17-2009, 11:43 PM
 
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I have recently separated from my husband (3 weeks), and he has moved out.
We got together and i was pregnant within a year..
I told him it was over 3 weeks ago because he is verbally and emotionally abusive.
I have a 2 year old daughter and love her more than anything in the world.
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#47 of 48 Old 03-18-2009, 01:50 AM
 
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Hello! I am Melanie...I have been on MDC since my first was born 6 1/2 years ago (wow). I am a new single mom, its been a few months. I have a 3yr old and the 6yr old. my stbx and I were together for 14 years, married for over 10. its just didn't work out. I was bored, I didn't think we were 'going' anywhere....I started to feel very sibling-like towards him. He started getting more and more irresponsible towards the end (the last few years). so many things split us up...all small things, but enough. we never fought, never had any issues....no one 'cheated', so its hard for people to understand why I would do this 'to the kids' or 'to myself'...lol.

I want the kids to see that you don't have to settle in life. its that simple.

We are both very happy, we split custody evenly. I moved out of our home and he has a gf living with him now, and her 2 girls. I like them fine, and the kids love them. Her and dh really take care of the kids, the gf treats them like her own.

Its hard to be on my own, as far as money goes. But dh never made much either, and I live slightly better now on my small income than I ever did with him. I like being responsible for myself and my kids. I like being independent.

I have some worries, which is why I am here...I want to hear how other single moms deal with dating and all that. I was seeing the same guy since the split, for the last 3 months. But he was younger, and never had been around kids....and i could just tell he wasn't totally into all of it. We are still friends and hang out weekly. I only had him around the kids maybe twice, just during a drop off before a date or something. I am weary about bringing a casual dating relationship anywhere near my kids.

because I have 50/50 custody, I have some free time and would like to date...but don't want to settle again because I am a liability now. lol. at least to the type of guys I am interested in.

anyway, I am remaining positive and excited about the future, mostly.
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#48 of 48 Old 03-19-2009, 08:27 PM
 
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