March Dating thread!!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 09:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone, I had a hard time keeping up with last month's thread I'm glad there is a fresh one. Perhaps everyone can post updates so we can keep it straight

As for me, I am
:::::::::

I found out yesterday!! Please send sticky thoughts ..

Things with bf are GREAT!! I couldn't be happier

I know we are doing this in a weird order, but with the next check bf receives, he is getting me my ring, and we will announce the engagement to the family. We will wait a bit to announce the pregnancy though, until the first trimester is over, I am a worrier.

How about you??

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#2 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 10:21 AM
 
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Hi
I have been divoced for two years and I am ready to date. I have not been on a date in twenty years!! Please share with me any dating advice you have. Also, were do you look for nice men to date? Has anyone used an online dating service? My ex is awful so it would be wonderful to find a great guy. Are there any good guys out there?
Thanks for any advice you have!!!
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#3 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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Beloved, I am *thrilled* for you - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!

As for me, my sweetheart and I are doing well - having a kid complication (my daughter and his son are now dating, ay yi yi!) - but we are very much in love and just trying to get past this extremely busy time (he is a wrestling coach).
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#4 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 12:19 PM
 
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Congratulations Beloved! Many blessings for a healthy pregnancy!
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#5 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 12:24 PM
 
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Kelly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!

That's fantastic! Gosh, I really couldn't be happier for you!
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#6 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 01:17 PM
 
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:::::: Congratulations, Kelly!!!! :::::::

KSDenison, yeah, try okcupid or plentyoffish.com and have fun weeding through some candidates! Set up some very brief initial coffee meetings where it's understood it'll just be a half hour chunk of time the first meeting, and fill up your calendar and dont' get discouraged if the first twenty or thirty are just boring and a waste of time. It doesn't come up the first try ('it' meaning: the guy of your dreams), but it's worth 'kissing' a bunch of frogs to get to that prince.
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#7 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 01:27 PM
 
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(my daughter and his son are now dating, ay yi yi!)
drop:
Wow, what a conundrum. What to do? :
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#8 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 01:47 PM
 
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By the way, I've been busy.

Imported my best friend from Copenhagen to Helsinki on wednesday, and dragged the blonde beauty around with me to several spots in the Helsinki nightlife to ruthlessly take advantage of having a gorgeous decoy of a 'wingman' to help me scout for gentlemen. In other words, two cute MILFs garner even more attention than just one. She did the most amazing job of helping me to attract a new contender (I'll call him Smooth & Witty) on Thursday night, who I really enjoyed dancing with and chatting with and.... well, I just enjoyed him in general, let's put it that way. DanishMom kept his 22 year old compadre occupied to allow sparks to fly and attraction to flourish between me and Smooth & Witty. Too bad the young dude just fell madly in love with the Danish beauty and irritated the hell out of her. But it just made her willingness to suffer his annoyingness all the more heartwarming and touching because she was taking-one-for-the-team and allowing me to establish something with Smooth & Witty. She and I went for pizza after dancing, and the two single mothers sat on one side of the table eating our pizza he bought for us and interrogating him on what he was looking for a relationship and how long his previous relationships were and why they ended. He calmly answered our questions and didn't seem to even feel uncomfortable by the double-grilling by the blondes staring him down and demanding answers. Well done, Smoothie. DanishMom helped me to throw a party last night, and this time Smoothie came and spent time with me, along with a different friend. At least this time the guy was 32 and not pre-pubescent, and slightly less annoying. But, AGAIN Smoothie's wingman fell madly in love with the Scandinavian beauty that is my best friend. The four of us had fun, going to an after party from my place, at a Helsinki nightclub, but when wingman realized there wasn't going to be any budding relationship with DanishMom, he pouted and insisted that he and Smoothie leave us for the night. I was irritated that he just abandoned me (didn't really know why until today), but he was at least insisting that we be in touch and he asked me out for tonight. He'll be here in 15 minutes and I'm really excited.

What's more important, DanishMom approves of Smooth & Witty, and I don't function or make any move without HER thumbs up. It's perfect when your best friend and dating-advice-confidante is a psychologist specializing in couples counseling. Perfect for me!

Wish me luck on my date (third time spending time together but first time just the two of us) that's starting in 15 minutes............this guy is so funny and chatty, he makes me look dull and boring.
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#9 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 04:08 PM
 
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KELLY!! SQUEEE!!! Congrats momma, I'm so thrilled for you!

I'm recovering from a flu which became a sinus infection so I haven't been dating at all. The sweet guy I've been seeing (who, Butterfly, *is* my FWB and I can't think of a nickname) has been out of town the last 2 weekends, which is fine, since I haven't really been up to seeing him anyway. I want to get out more and expand my horizons a bit. I'm getting more into the dating mindset than always looking for a relationship and I need to have some fun!

Oh, I got my Four Man Plan book, and it's awesome! I REALLY recommend it for those of you who are getting back into dating. It's very fun and light and all about empowering women to be the godesses we are Butterfly, there's got to be a copy in the UK or Germany that you could get your hands on.

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#10 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 05:43 PM
 
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Quote:
drop:
Wow, what a conundrum. What to do?
We're letting it ride and hoping for the best - forbidding it would only make it that much more desirable!
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#11 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 07:04 PM
 
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congratulations, K!

Butterfly, I love your dating stories. They completely inspire me to go out and be the amazing woman that I know I am

No new developments here. Went to a fundraiser last night and got plenty of compliments but didn't meet anyone interesting. I will be going to a conference in a couple of weeks - who knows what I'll find there!

A dear friend of mine was in town and started to talk uhm-- dirty to me this weekend. I wasn't pleased. Made it clear I'm NOT interested in that way. But I wonder if I'm suddenly giving out the vibe that I'm available as opposed to before. I do feel much more outgoing and flirty than ever, THANKS to my amazing v-day weekend.
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#12 of 105 Old 03-01-2009, 08:03 PM
 
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Beloved: Huge congrats! Im so happy for you

Marissa: Wow - your kids dating sounds like - quite the challenge. But I agree - trying to interfere would probably just make it a bigger mess.

Butterfly: How about the other contenders? The new nerd? The ken doll? Any news on those?

KSDenison: I met the guy I am currently dating online. I was never into the power-dating thing of setting up multiple men to date. I kind of waited for someone really interesting to turn up, went on one date and fell in love We met three months ago and its going very well so I recommend the online thing..

Update here - well not much. My guy was here on friday, we spend another great couple of days together. He is having a months vacation from his job, so hopefully I will get to see him a bit more these days. He will come by some day this week to meet the kids, but we agree to introduce him as a friend to begin with. I told my ex that I met a special someone and that I am planning to introduce him to the kids. Ex took it much better than I had even hoped, but didnt seem to even realise that the reason I was telling him was that I am planning to integrate this person in my life - and my childrens life as well.
Have been talking future with my knight and he is - as always being almost brutally honest and is in that sense easy to deal with. He knows I am looking for something lasting and serious, he is very ambitious about his carreer so I asked him how much time he would have for family. Basically he told me that he probably wont be much around, but that he would always be around when needed. So it looks like if I want to pursue a life with him it will be - hard in those terms. On the other hand my ex was never around much but when he WAS around he was abusive and mean. I know this guy would always be supportive and I think I can live with that, considering he really is a good and decent guy to the bone and it is my impression that he is a very responsible person through and through so - since I do like him for being intelligent, sharp and ambitious then his carreer is not something I would want him or expect him to sacrifice kwim.

Anyway - in short its all looking very good. I still feel that this is "it" and I believe that is how he feels about it too. So - we continue to go slow - one small step at the time, but so far in the right direction

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#13 of 105 Old 03-02-2009, 05:08 AM
 
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Seie: I think it depends what you need him to be. If you want him to be a father at some point it matters a lot. I remember a thread in PaP about men who works a lot. It was started by stephandowen. Maybe you should look at it.

I know it's hard to not want to look at potential problems when you are in love but if this is going to last for many years I think you need to make sure that this is what you want. What if you change your mind later on and wants a boyfriend who is more around? He might have time off this month but what happens the next time he won't be able to see you at all for two weeks.

Have you guys talked about how he'll react when he gets to know your kids and hasn't seen his own kids for two years (?) and wont see them again. IMO it is potentially a very hard and dangerous situation. I would expect someone who had lost their own kids for good to break down if they were together with someone else's kids. And if they didn't have a very strong emotional reaction I'd be very worried. Of course you don't have to answer my questions but I hope you'll think about it hard and long.
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#14 of 105 Old 03-02-2009, 05:23 AM
 
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Kelly, I'm so so happy for you!
Congratulations. : :
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#15 of 105 Old 03-02-2009, 05:55 AM
 
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Danishmom thanks for your concern. Hmm I did ask my guy how he thought that would affect him - seing and being around my kids. He doesnt seem to believe it will be a big problem. He loves children and has been a stepparent before (his ex wife had a daughter when they met and he parented her most of her childhood) and has said that his experience was that you get to love them just the same, that so far he has never met a child he didnt like so he believes that will be ok. He has thougth long and hard about the whole step-parent thing and I think he actually sees it as an advantage that I already have a family. I dont know - he is a very emotionally balanced person is my impression. He does talk about his children often - not like he blocked them from his mind or anything and as he said the way to deal is to acknowledge that you momentarily fill up with grief - and to allow it to happen. My impression is that he is handling it in an emotionally balanced and healthy way. He is alltogether a very hmm - how do you say it - he seems like he is very much aware of his own emotions and handles them in a healthy way. To me that is enough. It IS possible that he will react somehow, but I trust that he will be able to handle it in a good/healthy way kwim?

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#16 of 105 Old 03-02-2009, 11:16 AM
 
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Seie, I agree with DanishMom. I just feel like you are maybe....settling. Just in terms of his working schedule, not anything else that I know of.

Ken Doll disappeared for good, New Nerd wanted me to go to his place yesterday but I blew off the invite because Smooth & Witty was coming over. New Nerd promises to ask me on a proper date soon, so let's see.

Smooth & Witty was fun last night. We sat on my couch and drank wine and talked for hours and listened to music. I really feel comfortable around him and really good about him. He's fun, silly, but smart and responsible/mature. What a combination. I can't say the bedroom fireworks are what I'd ideally like, but....I can work on that becasue he smells so darned good to my nose its' like heroine. That sort of chemistry is either there or it's not, and the other stuff can be improved with a little work and familiarity with each other.
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#17 of 105 Old 03-02-2009, 12:05 PM
 
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Kelly... I am so incredibly happy, happy, happy for you!!!! : Perhaps, once you were able to work through what was bothering you earlier, allowed your body to feel *ready* to give you and your bf exactly what you were both desiring so much.

All is well here. It has been a very busy 3 weeks with bf:

*Met his brother, sister-in-law and their children. It was a lot of fun and all the children, my ds included, were in similar age groups, which was really awesome.

*Had our weekend away. AMAZING!

*Met his parents! They came over for dinner to my place one night, which went great. The following day, we (his parents, ds and I) all went to the Train Museum together and met up with bf afterwards for dinner. Let me just say... I learned a lot more about bf by spending all of this time with his parents. Very interesting and insightful.

These past few weeks have felt like a giant high. Now, things are starting to settle back down again, which is both a blessing and a bittersweet ending. My hormones are raging right now, so it is feeling more bittersweet at this point.
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#18 of 105 Old 03-02-2009, 07:56 PM
 
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Butterfly: Whether I settle or not- I think very highly of my guy. I feel connected with him like I dont think I have with anyone ever before. I understand him on a level I have not understood anyone. We think alike in so many ways. He looks at me with a devotion I have never seen in a mans eyes before. I cant view him as some sort of shopping object that I can return if it doesnt fit my initial requirements. He is not an object but a person. And however I turn it in my head - I am crazy about him. He is a decent, good man. He is honest, caring, tender, loving, mature and incredibly intelligent (yes that matters as I can be pretty sharp and I need/want someone who can keep up) - you name it. So no - Im not gonna dump him over logistics. That is not how I wanna go about relationships. I chose my last guy because he seemed right on paper - and look where that got me. Not to a very healthy or good place. This time I am gonna go by my heart, and my heart tells me to give this a real chance..

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#19 of 105 Old 03-02-2009, 10:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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KSDenison, I was on match.com for around 2 years before I met bf, I met a few that I liked, a few that were nice, and liked me, but I didn't like them...and many frogs I say to give it a chance. Right now, I can think of at least 4 irl friends who met their SO online. That doesn't include all of the online friends I have.


Just make sure that the first meetings are just for a short coffee in the middle of the day, or some excuse to keep it short should you want to cut out. Keep us posted

Marissa!! That would freak me out about the kids, BUT I think it is also kind of sweet. I am so happy for you guys, it seems that the path you have been down has taken you guys to a stronger place.

ButterflymomI always enjoy your accounts of the dates you have, you should write it all down!!

Seie I think you need to follow your heart, it is hard to convey things on here sometimes.

Holland73 I am happy for you as well : It sounds perfect, really



afm, we got almost 10 inches of snow, the first recordable snowfall of the year, and I am thrilled it was such a good storm. The kids got a snow day, and bf spent the first night over when my kids are home. He got "snowed in" of course, now we don't want to live apart anymore, but he is moving into his son's house until June (to help out his son who lost his roommate, and to buy some time till we could move in together~his lease was due to renew) and we won't be able to officially move in together until then. His son's gf is having a baby as we speak, and then they will be home and bf will not feel comfortable being around all of the time, so he was planning on being with me anyway (he usually is) besides, June isn't too far away, and I feel like things will change before then.

I feel so much closer to him now that I am pg I am so glad I stuck it out.

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#20 of 105 Old 03-03-2009, 04:47 PM
 
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BelovedK congrats on the pregnancy. I'm praying for sticky vibes for you. I envy you. Part me misses being pregnant but my will 7 months old this week and is crawling and then I remember. LOL

Still seeing the guy I mentioned last month. Almost wrote him off but the vibe between us is not mutual. He's totally into me but I'm not really into him. I kind of like being alone but I want to meet someone and get "that feeling". Just know that he's "the one". Lately I've been a bit depressed because it seems most of the people I went to high school with have gotten married and are asking what's the deal with me. go figure.

I'm ok though. I have a great 7 month old little prince so all is well as far as I'm concerned.

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#21 of 105 Old 03-03-2009, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Enjoy your little prince

I think you should hold out for that 'feeling' BUT I will say that while I had a feeling, it was not an instant bolt of lightning for my bf, it quickly grew though, and has been getting stronger with every new phase I also had some stress and anxiety bc I didn't want to make the wrong choice, so I had all of this negative self talk going on. I would acknowledge it and then it would dissipate and my feelings for bf would grow, until the next hurdle.

I feel like he definitely IS the one now, but it wasn't how I imagined it. Just something to keep in mind.

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#22 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 07:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just needed to let everyone know that I lost my pregnancy I am no longer pregnant

I should never have announced it, but I was so excited

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#23 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 11:02 AM
 
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I just needed to let everyone know that I lost my pregnancy I am no longer pregnant

I should never have announced it, but I was so excited
Beloved. I'm so sorry.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#24 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 11:13 AM
 
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I just needed to let everyone know that I lost my pregnancy I am no longer pregnant

I should never have announced it, but I was so excited
I'm so sorry, Kelly.

Every pregnancy, every baby is a miracle that deserves to be celebrated. I've been there, as many other mothers have been too, and I'm here to share your journey, however that unfolds.

Much love & healing to you right now.
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#25 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 11:31 AM
 
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I am so very, very sorry, Kelly!
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#26 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 12:54 PM
 
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Kelly, I'm so sorry. Sending so much healing vibes to you.


Seie, I understand that if it feels right, you feel that surge of love for him, you're gonna have to just follow your heart. Besides, a tight working schedule doesn't have to be the end of the world, when one day you are living together and he comes home and holds you through every night, and he is devoting a large share of his free time (weekends) to spending time with you. One day you'll be spending so much more time with him than you are right now and it will feel amazing in comparison!

rubelin, how has your strategy for getting vanishing guy off your mind going lately? I had been making great progress in February but March has come in like a lion and I have been bursting into tears frequently, remembering mine (who I haven't heard from in any way shape or form since V-day--18 days ago. Longest stretch of time by far we have been out of touch since Halloween---this starts to feel really real, that we are done. )..... I'm in that mindset AKA_PI mentions of just not wanting to settle for anything less than that 'sure' feeling. I never felt that sure feeling about anyone I met right away in my life, like I did with Brussels guy, and ....I hate letting it go so 'easily' (ok, it wasn't easy but HE seems to be letting it go awfully easily).

My college sweetheart and i were madly in love and it didn't start with a thunderbolt. I hemmed and hawwed and played games with him for 3 months before he finally took a surge of confidence and demanded that I be HIS and we become an exclusive couple and I was speechless and agreed (I didn't know what else to do), and the love between us got really strong and grew and grew for 5 years. So I get what Kelly is saying about sometimes 'love comes softly' and doesn't hit us with a thunderbolt of sureity.

JustAnotherBrick, you are sweet to encourage me to ramble on and on.... but I love the idea of encouraging you to get out there. You deserve to have some fun and maybe meet someone sweet who will add something positive to your life.

.......Smooth & Witty........
....is great.

He came over last night after he worked 10 hours, rennovated 2 hours, and had a floorball game for 2 hours (so, 14 hours of nonstop activity) but saw me and just lit up with energy and said he felt very alive and not sleepy at all. We had a relaxing couple of hours talking on my couch, snuggled up very intimately (but sweetly and innocently), listening to music and talking...well, him interrogating me on what sort of relationship I ideally envision having with a man. I described in explicit detail the sorts of relationship I would envision, and he was just so happy that I can communicate so well and thought that it was amazing that I am able to tell him so well what kinds of things I need and want, because not only does my description sound like a relationship he would kill to have with an amazing woman, but he feels that simply being able to communicate so honestly and openly is crucial and vital to long-term success within any couple. Wise man. I just love how he makes me laugh with his witty, cocky, but cute little comments and jokes. He teases me in a way that doesn't leave me feeling teased, rather it just sets the stage for such a fun playful vibe between us, and his jokes are actually laugh-out-loud funny, and it is obvious how intelligent he is. I love having to use my PC muscles even out of the bedroom, to keep from wetting myself when he cracks me up with some of his ingenuious comedy.
The intimacy we shared on every level last night felt very natural, very sweet, and was very good for both of us. He seems to love falling asleep with me snuggled up in his arms, and it doesn't feel weird or too soon to either of us, just normal and like we've been doing it forever. It just seems a bit too good to be true, that everything I am looking for is something he wants to be for me. But not complaining. Just want to try to remain at least slightly skeptical until this passes the test of time.....
He texted me again today and wants to see me again tonight, despite only 4 hours sleep last night, and wants to sleep next to me again tonight. He sure isn't 'playing the game' with me by waiting a specified period of time so as not to seem too eager. Seems to want to sleep next to me every possible opportunity to do so.

However, I am going to dinner with New Nerd tonight, because I already had agreed to it in advance before I met Smoothie. I asked Smooth & Witty if he wanted to take me out on a proper date tonight since tomorrow night he has another floorball game and this weekend my kids are here so we wouldn't have another chance to do so for like 5 days, but he said he is working late and would call and hoped to see me later on in the evening, so I guess I won't reschedule/cancel on New Nerd (hey, I want to get dressed up and go to a restaurant and have some fun out of my apartment!) and just come home straight from the restaurant, early, cut my date short with New Nerd and wait at home for Smoothie to call.

Yes, it's double booking, but.....
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#27 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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Beloved, i am so sorry. I know how much this meant to both of you. Many hugs and peace....
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#28 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 06:48 PM
 
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Kelly, I'm so so sorry. I don't know what to say. I wish I could take the pain away.
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#29 of 105 Old 03-04-2009, 10:48 PM
 
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Kelly, I am so sorry for your loss Be gentle with yourself and remember that if it can happen once, it will happen again

Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#30 of 105 Old 03-05-2009, 12:10 AM
 
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Kelly



I'm sorry for your loss.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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