April Dating thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-12-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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Ohh well I hope he takes you somewhere nice after all that! Is it just something with Finnish men? In my experience they don't comprehend the concept of a "date" like American men do, it's more like a relationship starts by gradually hanging out more and more and then you're "together". Though maybe I've just been hanging with the wrong crowd Though I've personally never been on a dinner date in my life, even with DP (especially with DP)
I have to say The Gentleman sounds much more exciting... you didn't tell me about him, is he new? Older, you know, experienced in the ways of women
Ok ok, I'm really going to stop writing here now as I am neither single nor dating. Sorry ladies, back to lurking...

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Old 04-12-2009, 04:00 PM
 
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Hey, you can be here. DanishMom isn't single or dating either, and she posts. Gosh, a lot of the ladies here are not going on new dates, are happily partnered, but they still post. Thank God. Use active daters need as much support and advice as we can get.

30 minutes until I see Smoothie. I can't decide if I want it to go well or if I want it to go 'blah' so I can just get him out of my life for lack of great treatment. But ursusarctos, you're right about the cultural difference. They DO just keep hanging out more and more until they are 'together.' That's why Smoothie is so hard to figure. :

The Gentleman emails to say that he has had a busy holiday weekend at various busy social events but has walked around with a smile on his face and his thoughts on me, leaving others confused as to his great mood and where it stems from..... he says he wants this 'journey to be perfect' and he feels the need to keep the next step a surprise. (meaning out next date and what it will entail). Gosh, this older generation really understands romance, even in Finland!!! I've gotta say, I'm liking the different attitude towards dating from the older dude. I've never had a guy really pull out all the stops and try so hard to make the right impression and put a lot of effort into courting me before so it's realllly attractive to see..... I'm usually the one putting blowing all the steam into the sails, so to speak, and planning surprises and going that extra mile and pushing the relationship forward as hard as I can, if I'm into a guy.... I love the idea of finally getting to sit back and have someone else be in the driver's seat, leaving me in no doubt of how much interest therein lies.....
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Old 04-12-2009, 06:16 PM
 
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oooh, Butterflymom, I can't wait to hear what happens w/ Smoothie tonight. I'd say tonight is the make or break for him, eh? At least has the possibility to be a deal breaker if he blows it again. If it makes you feel better, I would've given him a second chance too -- the thing about crazy last minute reasons to cancel dates is, they *all* sound like they could be total b.s. or totally plausible. So, who knows. And the Gentleman sounds great, I look forward to your next date

Nothing new to report here. Trying to decide if I should send Complications a note or not -- it has been almost 2 weeks since we last communicated, by far the longest stretch for us since last August. I miss him. But I want him to miss me.....
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Old 04-13-2009, 10:24 AM
 
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Well the 8:00ish date ended up getting postponed 90 minutes (he called at 7:30 to let me know his rennovations were ongoing later than thought and how does 9:30 work for me?) and then at 9:45 he says he'll be there in 20 minutes and then when he finally is at my door, it's 10:30. We hop in a cab and whoosh off to a fancy restaurant, have great conversation, share a bottle of nice wine, eat great food and desert, and cab back to my place. But I still didn't get the feeling that either of us are getting emotionally more and more attached. It's very weird. We like each other a lot, obviously. But.... somehow not enough to feel that this is the start of something potentially big. We snuggled nicely through the night & he left in the morning to keep rennovating his stupid kitchen with his father throughout this long holiday weekend.

Then. it. hit. me. The Gentleman..... I don't know how full name. : I don't know his address or ANY personal details. A bunch of little seemingly innocent things fell into place in my mind as I sat bolt upright from the bed this morning upon waking. I could list them out here but none of them are huge red flags or anything.... but him maintaining quite-near-anonymity with me, having a separate phone that I can NEVER reach him on. I've called him maybe 4 times and texted him a dozen times and he never gets back to me within even 6-8 hours....always waaaaay later when I hear from him (and he never answers if I call)..... and a half dozen other things that when you put them all together, adds up to one obvious scenario: he's not single.

I called him. He didn't answer. I emailed him, spelling all my suspicions out and asking him to clarify his personal status, relationship-wise. He didn't get it but called me back (within an hour or two of my calling him! wow!) half an hour after I sent the email and I read the email aloud to him over the phone, ending with the question, "You're not single, are you?"

The hesitation said it all.

He started talking about how it's not so simple and he wants to explain face-to-face on Thursday and blah blah blah : I got a bit of info out of him. He's with a woman who he's been with a loooong time,a nd although they ended their cohabitation status of relationship (who knows if that's true), they are still business partners and it would be complicated for him to cut all ties with him, blah blah blah : and he feels that if something really special were to come into his life, then he definitely would restructure things. : I yelled at him that I am better than that. That I won't be put into some competition with another woman, and did he really feel he was so amazing that two women should (unbeknownst to them) be competing for him??? Jesus what an ego. I told him that my life is complicated enough, that I certainly don't find it enticing to get involved with a man with an equally complicated life and even if we were to get involved and he were to break things off completely with the girlfriend-ish person in his life, I don't think I'd want that pressure---that he restructured his company and completely rearranged his life for me, ending a relationship with someone else, and everything. Then a year later he could throw it in my face, that he did x,y,z for me and was it even worth it. No, thank you.

He said he still wanted to see me on Thursday but I said if he did, then he should write me a detailed email explaining why on earth it would be worth it FOR ME to waste my time, and then I'd consider, but either way, the answer is 99% no I won't be meeting him again. And I said bye and hung up.

:

So.......... next! I need to refresh my list of contenders and get all new ones.
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:34 AM
 
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Butterfly: Wow! I knew something was wrong with gentleman! And I agree - get on from Smoothie too - he doesnt respect your time in the least - it does seem to be a pattern that he expects everyone else to fit HIS schedule.
Argh - how many bad men are there outthere? Amazing. With the number of guys you have had some sort of communication with I dont see how it is even statistically possible that none of them are worth while!! Argh - MEN! Is there a community for DECENT men outthere? I am wondering more and more how on earth I managed to appearently run into one!
Im so sorry for you - its not fair You really deserve to meet the one who will make it all worth it

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Old 04-13-2009, 12:16 PM
 
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Oh wow, that's tough I was with a married man once and didn't see any of the little red flags until his wife showed up and yelled at us Good for you for getting that guy out of your life immediately! So not worth your time!
And Smoothie doesn't sound worth your time either honestly... maybe you can be friends but it sounds like he's far too preoccupied with other things in his life to put much energy into a relationship right now.
Maybe you should call up the hot chick?

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Old 04-13-2009, 01:26 PM
 
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Nothing new to report here. Trying to decide if I should send Complications a note or not -- it has been almost 2 weeks since we last communicated, by far the longest stretch for us since last August. I miss him. But I want him to miss me.....
I know just what you mean. My vanishing guy in Brussels is on my mind everyday and it's now many weeks since any contact and my heart aches about it. But then I keep thinking, when I feel the urge to contact, that if HIS heart isn't aching, then ....what is there really left to say???


I had lunch with a single mama girlfriend today and we dished out all our dating horror stories... and hers were just as bad and the face-to-face cameraderie made me feel so much better. But ya'll on this thread are my most rockin' support system ever. Thanks for all your guys' imput/listening skills.
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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Oh, Butterfly! ick. Ick. I think that's all there is to say about that. Bummer.

Glad you figured it out early though.....
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Old 04-13-2009, 04:44 PM
 
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Oh, Butterfly! ick. Ick. I think that's all there is to say about that. Bummer.

Glad you figured it out early though.....
:

Tonight I had Smoothie calling and texting and saying he was sorry he was lazy last night (after dinner, sleepy and uber-relaxed) and wanting to talk on the phone but then I had the Gentleman breaking into our phone call and I talked to him and he says he has lost that smile he's been walking around with and has been trying to repair his boat but accidently hammers his finger because he's so distracted thinking about how things have fallen apart with me. He wishes we could simply establish a friendship at least and wishes I would meet him for lunch on wednesday perhaps, as if meeting me a day earlier makes any darned difference.
I keep remembering when I asked if he lives alone, and his answer was, "I am living in this big house mostly alone...." :

God, are all men scum???

I see Vanishing man in Brussels on my messenger list as online today....first time in .....two months? that I've seen him online..... I felt my heart jump in my throat and I wanted to talk to him so badly....even my eyes filled with tears..... and it felt so nauseating to see him there knowing he sees me online and I see him but we aren't saying hello, not chatting at all, that it's come to this........... I should just block him. I realized he's probably here in Finland for easter holidays, (he had mentioned after the new year's that he probably won't be able to hold out until April and will jump on a plane before that and arrive in Finland at my doorstep...now I get that when he said april he must have meant easter visit already planned to his family), he's probably here an hour or so train ride away, but didn't call me, didnt' try to see me....... God I want to forget that boy and never think of him again.

: Please, someone else jump in here and ramble on and on with no point about life and men and love and disappointment..... I feel like I'm the only one bitchin' and moanin!
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Old 04-13-2009, 11:17 PM
 
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Hi there! I'm joining this not because I am dating but because I think I now WANT to date. My X moved out just over a year ago, we decided to split a couple of months before that. Though I have my moments, I think I'm really past most of the gut wrenching grief (I've already had all the "firsts-" anniversary, holidays, birthdays, etc.). I'm happy to be done with him. I realize he was never my friend, there wasn't much of a "relationship" to lose.

I've done some counseling (very helpful), my younger LO is now a bit over 2 and a bit easier, I've started building a social life for myself (YAHOO - X was such a nasty antisocial misanthrope, unless he was putting on his fake image, so I basically had no life), and am really starting to crave a bit of romance. Plus, I figure I'm not going to get any more energetic, and my hair won't get any blonder or thicker than it is now

So...how to start? I've begun telling friends that I'm open to set-ups. I've checked out online sites, but honestly, not a soul has appealed to me. Maybe I'm a snob, but when I do a very basic search (by age and proximity) so as not to exclude to many people, it seems like the majority of guys are either 1. still seriously into partying (profile pic of them drinking, or with obvious bar tan) or 2. guys who are really into their own hero image (SUCH a turnoff for me, my X had this fantasy as himself as a hero, was in a hero-esque profession, and he was a total fraud. Sure, "act" a hero, but treat your wife like crap in private). There may be fine "hero" types, but I absolutely will not go there. Once bitten...

So, where does that leave me? I'm in school right now for a career change, and it's just not a place to meet men - it's mostly women, and they're 10 years younger anyway. Other thoughts?
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Old 04-14-2009, 02:16 AM
 
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hey I also have some questions Please help. Look I am a dating idiot. Truly. I have been single for almost 3 years and I found a guy I totally enjoy and yes I am going to take it very slow but , here is my question: I have gone fast into relationships usually based on neediness and booze. I am not an alcoholic, however I still have no idea how I would ever get naked, figuratively and literally with a guy again. I have pretty low self esteem, although it is improving. Do I just keep waiting to see what develops and how do I make that first move if I feel I should? A heart to heart? Just kiss him? I don't know
:
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:53 AM
 
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well looks like it's been a busy month. i have not been around much, kind of hiding after mr. vanish vanished...i met someone else, had a great weekend before, went to coffee, ended up talking for couple hours. we had no plans that eve so he came to pick me up couple hours later. we went to a nice dinner and then dancing. had so much fun!! he gave me a quick peck on the lips when he dropped me off and told me to call him.so i called him the next day, sunday and i came over to his place. he cooked me dinner and we watched a movie. not much communication, what in the heck is wrong with men these days? we exchanged couple texts and decided to meet up on wed after i wnet to dinner with friends. we just hung out and watched a movie, talked and kind of cuddled. i called him on friday, left a message. not a peep.
on to this sat.i texted him and told him i might be free on sat eve as dd's dad wanted to take her overnight so they could spend easter morning together. so we arranged dinner over text. had a nice dinner and then went to his place. we cuddled and watched a movie and i ended up staying the night. it was nice to share a bed with someone. he was a gentleman. we went to breakfast and he dropped me off at home. we hugged goodbye
silence. i dont want to keep contacting him so i figure i'll lay quiet. he knows i have wed/thur to myself and part of this weekend. on the other hand he's a little shy when it comes to girls. so i dont know, i feel like i'm starting to pursue him and i dont like that. i dont want to appear needy..ugh

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Old 04-14-2009, 03:58 AM
 
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hey I also have some questions Please help. Look I am a dating idiot. Truly. I have been single for almost 3 years and I found a guy I totally enjoy and yes I am going to take it very slow but , here is my question: I have gone fast into relationships usually based on neediness and booze. I am not an alcoholic, however I still have no idea how I would ever get naked, figuratively and literally with a guy again. I have pretty low self esteem, although it is improving. Do I just keep waiting to see what develops and how do I make that first move if I feel I should? A heart to heart? Just kiss him? I don't know
:
i feel you on the self esteem part. i yo yo in my weight and after a horrible week at work i been self medicating with food. plus i have had few business lunches and dinners so packing on the pounds! ugh. i am terffied of gettting intimate iwth someone cuz i feel all flabby and i have pretty bad stretch marks. hence i'm kind of letting the guy the lead. i might be holding back but i am hoping he's understanding. so when does the nooky happen these days? is is based on dates? time? etc? im such a newbie

single mama to DD 5.09
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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the majority of guys are either 1. still seriously into partying (profile pic of them drinking, or with obvious bar tan) or 2. guys who are really into their own hero image (SUCH a turnoff for me, my X had this fantasy as himself as a hero, was in a hero-esque profession, and he was a total fraud. Sure, "act" a hero, but treat your wife like crap in private). There may be fine "hero" types, but I absolutely will not go there. Once bitten...
questions:

1. What is a bar tan?
2. What is a hero-esque profession, and how do guys give this vibe to you in online dating profiles that they areinto themselves as their own hero? I'm just trying to get that.... perhaps I need to know this and avoid those types too! :
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:22 PM
 
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how do I make that first move if I feel I should? A heart to heart? Just kiss him? I don't know
:

If you feel you SHOULD, then probably in a quiet, relaxed, calm, intimate moment you just lock eyes with him and slowly smile and keep staring with a inviting little smile on your face, and if he's not painfully painfully shy, he will get the hint right quick and lean in for the kiss. You could even slightly lean towards his face just a little imperceptible bit to start witha nd then as soon as he does the same, a simultaneous meeting-in-the-middle. Congrats on finding someone you like!
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Old 04-14-2009, 03:24 PM
 
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we cuddled and watched a movie and i ended up staying the night. it was nice to share a bed with someone. he was a gentleman. we went to breakfast and he dropped me off at home. we hugged goodbye
silence. i dont want to keep contacting him so i figure i'll lay quiet. he knows i have wed/thur to myself and part of this weekend. on the other hand he's a little shy when it comes to girls. so i dont know, i feel like i'm starting to pursue him and i dont like that. i dont want to appear needy..ugh
: I know what you mean. You start to wonder.... maybe it's a situation where he's just not THAT into you? I feel like that with Smooth & Witty. I know he obviously likes me, etc., like your new guy obviously likes you well enough, but just not THAT into us....? Best to not push things too hard so we don't end up chasing THEM (I hate that ).... ya know?

And the nooky happens when YOU want it. That's what I think. Maybe I'm too simplistic.
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Old 04-14-2009, 04:15 PM
 
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questions:

1. What is a bar tan?
2. What is a hero-esque profession, and how do guys give this vibe to you in online dating profiles that they areinto themselves as their own hero? I'm just trying to get that.... perhaps I need to know this and avoid those types too! :
1. Heehee - bar tan is the red flush you get after you've been drinking/partying in a crowded bar. The bar tan photos are often of said guy whooping it up with several buddies. There is nothing wrong with this (I've done the partying thing), but at this point, I'm not interested in someone who feels this is the first impression they want to give of themselves.

2. Cop, fireman, paramedic, etc. In terms of giving off the vibe - profiles that are full of talk about how their mission in life is to selflessly help others, that everyone thinks they're so helpful, and that include multiple photos of themselves in uniform, in front of their rig, etc. I'm sure there are sincere people who might present themselves this way. But, this is the facade my X puts up. He acts like this big selfless hero, tells everyone endlessly about it, but is the most selfish person I've ever known when out of the public eye. As I said, I'm sure there are perfectly fine people in this line of work, but it triggers BAD memories and emotions for me.
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Old 04-14-2009, 06:45 PM
 
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2. Cop, fireman, paramedic, etc. In terms of giving off the vibe - profiles that are full of talk about how their mission in life is to selflessly help others, that everyone thinks they're so helpful, and that include multiple photos of themselves in uniform, in front of their rig, etc.

Ahhhhh.... I haven't seen many profiles like this. : It's an American thing?
I keep running into entrepreneurs who always say in the beginning that they know how to juggle being business owners and still enjoying quality personal time....but..... Sure! I've yet to really see that in practice. Or bankers who work too damn much (but admit it), but could care less about the work, just the paycheck, or.... At least that's all pretty upfront selfish stuff. Honest at least.

The icky Gentleman insisted that I at least meet him for lunch tomorrow to let him have a chance to explain his personal situation in detail (he swears that the girlfriend situation is just a hollow front of a relationship, hanging by a pitiful thread, and that they're more business partners/co-owners in one of his companies and burning bridges completely with her would mean restructuring his company and he has been reluctant to go through that much trouble thusfar since they are still good friends and since he got her out of his house a couple of years ago ((I think he said?)) he hasn't thought of himself as seriously involved with her anymore, etc etc etc). It sounds confusing over the phone but I said if he wants to treat me to a fancy lunch, I'd be downtown anyway, and I'd stop by a restaurant to sit down at a table and hear him out over an expensive meal at least, but I warned him not to expect to see my face more than an hour, tops. Unless his explanations sound VERY plausible and valid, I'll be just breezing through our luncheon tomorrow, eating & running, and very skeptical that I'll ever bother seeing him again. I figure it can't hurt to let him treat me to a meal (I'm poor and sometimes it's nice to eat really well) and hear him out, face-to-face before writing him off 100% for good and forever. Besides, he's very well connected and I'm desperate to network and get my resume in others' hands, and if he is saying that right now, since he's still somewhat involved with this long-time girlfriend/business partner, he would be happy to only be friends, perhaps he will help me in my job search while establishing said public-places-only-meetings-style-friendship. As long as I don't invite him to my place or go anywhere in private with him, and keep things very platonic, what's to lose? His company is intelligent and interesting, he can help me get job interviews, and he claims he is happy to be 'just friends' and know me in any capacity. : I'll give it one hour at lunch and if any of that just doesn't seem to be panning out, or I get any funny feelings, that'll be it, no more contact. Don't worry, guys, I'm not on the cusp of carrying out an illicit affair with a married man or anything. He's not even married, he's not living with anyone ('mostly alone' in his big house just meant his daughters are there sometimes, it turns out), he just has a 'thing' with someone that he hasn't felt the urgency to put to rest, just yet. He's not the most available guy in the world, but he's not engaged or married or living with anyone so it's not like hugely illicit to have lunch, right? And he hasn't lied. I asked him and he hasn't lied to me, just asked for a chance to say everything, detail-wise, in person. If he was an asshole just trying to get into my pants, wouldn't he just lie? I would never, ever find out, (as he's not even right here in town, he's a 45 minute drive away).

At least the icky Gentleman is local. I'm trying to avoid out-of-country people who contact me via the internet, but some of them sound so wonderful and so willing to relocate. : Why is that?
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Old 04-15-2009, 12:36 AM
 
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If you feel you SHOULD, then probably in a quiet, relaxed, calm, intimate moment you just lock eyes with him and slowly smile and keep staring with a inviting little smile on your face, and if he's not painfully painfully shy, he will get the hint right quick and lean in for the kiss. You could even slightly lean towards his face just a little imperceptible bit to start witha nd then as soon as he does the same, a simultaneous meeting-in-the-middle. Congrats on finding someone you like!
wow it is just like a Disney movie...you know when Feline bats her eyes at Bambi? Lord I am sooo shy and so is he, we are so damaged. We will get there. I can hardly look him in the eyes I swear. I am 13 again. That is good isn't it?
Thanx butterfly mom!!!!
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Old 04-15-2009, 02:54 AM
 
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Hi mamas,

I've had coffee and tea with some nice guys, but this past Friday night I had my first date and dinner ect. I don't think I am all that into him, but he was nice, a gentleman, and I had fun.

It felt good to get out there and oil up my dating life again. It also felt strange to get a goodnight kiss, something I had forgotten that dates end this way! LOL This wasn't my first kiss post divorce, as I have had a few tho.

Seven years ago I changed the locks on my house doors so my then husband couldn't come back into the house and hurt us anymore. There has been alot of on-going trauma with that relationship. Some people just jump back into a new relationship, but I needed to nurture myself. I sometimes wondered if I would ever be interested in dating, or even marriage. But I need someone. There is a little space that I need to fill (not emptines). I think I will find that someone one of these days.

Just wanted to share!

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Old 04-15-2009, 06:49 AM
 
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Hi mamas,

Just wanted to share!
Thanks for sharing! Sounds like it was a promising date....

And YES; thisiswhatwedo, being that nervous is a good sign. It equates to sexual chemistry!!! :
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:11 AM
 
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I need a therapist badly.
I'm pregnant (4 mo) not showing. Anyways I do karaoke every week and I keep meeting people there...who obviously don't know I'm pregnant. The FOB was quite emotionally manipulative...and I stayed a really long time, way longer than I ever should have. Anyways so I met this guy two weeks ago...I told him I was pregnant, he was fine with it...he is gorgeous...I mean drop freaking dead...and he sings like a God, and smells good. So he asks me out...we have a date from romantic storyland 24 hour first date actually...(I've NEVER slept with someone on a first date-well this time I did). So of course I emotionally attach myself fast like...not on purpose...but I had all these visions in my head of him being daddy or something...idiotic I know...
When u r pregnant u r so vulnerable! Found out we are total opposites politically, relgious wise, and on some serious moral issues. He is also leaving in 4 months to move across country. There is really no hope for us...other than we have really really strong attraction to each other. He's pulling away from me now, as he should....but he should be a man and just tell me thats what he is doing instead of going on a date with me, and practically ignoring me all freaking night. Also he mentioned being bipolar, yeah I''ve already seen the crazy moods.. I know I need to run away. I ended up crying my eyeballs out tonight....GOLLY... I'm am Bi....I'm switching to women...and staying away from men! And I know I need to be alone for awhile. I know I'm codependent. I know I'm upset that I can't have someone...that its really not about him. I mean all u want to do is be held and have someone rub your belly and talk to the baby. It sucks being single and pregnant it really sucks. Thanks for listening.. I just needed to vent.
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Old 04-16-2009, 06:50 AM
 
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Oh my gosh, of COURSE you are feeling vulnerable and need a snuggle, lizard! I wish I could (and all of us could) throw a big (group!) hug around you. Sounds like your hormones (and therefore) emotions are running wild and you just need calm, stability, and to cook that baby in a peaceful state of mind. Perhaps spend more and more time with the best female friends you have, lean into that they genuinely care about you....? And if you feel like dating women, sure, but try to be up front with everyone you meet that is a potential date that you are into your second trimester and having a child this year. Not because I think you OWE THEM so gosh darned much but it seems like weeding out those that will be freaked out by that will end up saving YOU tears and heartache, which is #1 top priority right now. You need to surround yourself with good friends, any family you're close to, and pamper YOURSELF right now and until the baby gets here and demands all that nurturing towards him/her!

Vent anytime. I know I do.
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Old 04-16-2009, 05:18 PM
 
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Mamas! I want to post more often but I can never seem to find time to come here.. and all the threads move so quickly.

A good friend of mine sent me a long e-mail out of the blue talking about how he thinks I'm playing games with him and sending him mixed messages.. apparently he has feelings for me but "isn't ready for a relationship." I am not interested in this person AT ALL and consider him a good friend. We've worked together on several projects over the past couple of years. I have NOT given any indication that I might be interested in him... he has flirted in the past and actually offered me to go back to his hotel room one time.. I told him no. He thinks that is me playing games. Sigh. Well, I sent him back an e-mail telling him that i respect him professionally and care about him as friend -- but i am NOT ready to date nor do i look at him that way. Then he emailed me back and said something like -- what about that one night you flirted with this guy.... etc, etc. I don't think he gets it. I'm kinda sad because I don't want this to screw up our friendship. Here's the kicker - he's like ten years older than me and I thought older guys were more mature?!

life is good. am not really dating at all ... but girlfriends took me out dancing last week for my 24th birthday. it was so much fun and such a good release that even my mother told me i should do it more often. i am blessed with a wonderful group of friends who are there for me AND my son. :
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Old 04-16-2009, 07:50 PM
 
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yeah, i'm going to sit here eating chocolates all day checking for new posts on this thread

Anyway, just posting to let you all know that i think you're amazing and strong and i love feeling your energy and strength as we journey...

As for me... having fun! Finally talked with BF about not knowing if I'm done having kids (I'm old and he's had his tubes tied!). He told me he'd have kids if that's what I wanted... sweet. I'm not certain what's right for me right now... but I LOVE being a mom and my lil' one is growing up so freakin' fast!!!
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Old 04-16-2009, 09:38 PM
 
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I love chocolate.

So the lunch date with the icky Gentleman was okay. *shrug* We had nice conversation, etc etc etc and we met again today, actually, and I like spending time with him casually, as friends, and he's going to try to help me get my resume into good hands. I hope he's not lying about that. I have turned off any budding feelings for him and feel absolutely nothing for him because I know he's in a relationship, so... it's just something to do if I have no one to meet in a given afternoon, and fine dining (and getting dressed up) perks me up sometimes, if the conversation is interesting.

I met a 24 year old Swiss guy last night, he's studying at a university here. Unbelievably cute. But too young for me. We have struck up a friendship though and text a lot. Maybe I will see him again....

I met a guy in Paris last November, just walking through a park, and he struck up conversation and showed me around town for a fun afternoon while I was on my own.... He has miraculously stayed in touch.... he called last week and asked if he can visit me the second weekend of May. I said sure! Now I'm second guessing myself.... do I really want to spend time with a guy who lives in another country? He's tall, black, gorgeous.... but I mean he's not going to move to this country and I'm not gonna move there, so.... : What's the point? If the weekend is wonderful, it'll be bittersweet, and if it's not, it's a waste of my time. Undecided if I should cancel...

Hot Chick is coming to my party in 9 days, and I'm not sure if she thinks that she's my date for the evening or not.... and really not sure how I feel about it. Having female FWBs is one thing but..... I'll just play it by ear.

I haven't heard from Smoothie at all in 4 days. Couldn't really care less though.....

JustAnotherBrick, sorry about your guy friend being so irritating. : I guess you're just too captivating for him to not obsess about you. You can't avoid this situation, he's obsessed and it's not your fault or about what signals your'e sending. Your breathing would be leading him on, at his interest level. Just tell him kindly AGAIN that you just wanna be friends with him and are not interested in him as a romantic potential, and leave it at that. Maybe also add that if he can't drop all subjects involving you and your personal dating life, then you won't be able to be friends anymore, just colleagues.



I gotta say, I'm sick of not having anyone special in my life. I'm such a die-hard romantic. The thing that hurt nearly the most about the last years of my dead marriage was realizing how unavailable I was in the event I ever *did* meet someone that I could actually love and respect and be loved and respected by.... I've been aware for years of the kind of connection I really crave (and have to offer to another person) and it's been 7 years since I've had a relationship like that and I miss it so much. You can really be yourself when you're with someone who really gets you so completely. And learning so much about someone who becomes your best friend.... that's priceless and only gets better and better and better..... My Vanishing guy in Brussels was my brief reminder taste of what love could be like, and I'm gonna hold out until I find that again. I know it'll happen and by definition is rare and not to be found around every corner, but worth waiting for.... :
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Old 04-16-2009, 09:42 PM
 
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Hi mamas! I have a few questions about dating How did you mamas know you were ready, like really ready? I'm so afraid I will repeat my pattern of choosing the bad ones...How did you know it was time? and how did you know you were where you needed to be to bring the best into a new relationship and choose the right ones?

thanks mamas!

solo-student-mama to 3 crazy kiddos
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Old 04-17-2009, 07:39 AM
 
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Justanotherbrick. I agree with Butterflymom - tell him once more - in a way that cannot in any way be misunderstood - dont put fingers between or try to spare his emotions - be totally clear that you are NOT interested in him in any romantic way, and that you will hear no more about it!

Butterflymom: Sending you love-vibes. You deserve that special someone It also sounds to me like maybe gorgeous french guy is not worth the bother? If it will just bring you more heartache then maybe its better to keep yourself safe from it?

Attachedmomto3:
About being ready to date - for me it was more like coincidence. It was around 5-6 months after I left ex. I had not given dating many thoughts and I guess I kind of thought I would be in for years on my own - and didnt even think there would be any kind of dating happening any time soon. But I was invited to a reunion with old classmates from university. It was in a public cafe and after we all had dinner etc a young guy came over to buy me a drink. He was very polite and gentleman-ish and I was very flattered. He seemed like a very nice guy - good looking too. And we spend the rest of the evening talking over a drink. He offered to escort me to my train - and before I knew it we were kissing and it was GOOD! I had been in a very toxic relationship for a long time - and this was the first kiss I truely enjoyed in - how long - 7 years? I went on to see him a couple more times over the next months but as it turned out he was a bit younger than me and not quite ready for a relationship involving 3 children. I was pretty heartbroken after that - I liked him a lot and it was amazing to feel so close to someone after such a long time with only anger and abuse. But the whole experience made me realise how much I really missed having a special someone in my life. So I put a profile up on a dating site and after a month or so found a really interesting guy. We wrote for a week before we had to meet up. And for some weird reason he was just - the One. We've been together 5 months now and the more I get to know him, the more convinced I am that I won the lottery this time..
So my advice would be - jump right into it and listen to what you wanna do right here and now. The rest will come when the time is right..

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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Old 04-17-2009, 07:50 AM
 
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I just *officially* divorced 8 months ago, but I was in a loveless, sexless, warmth-less marriage for years before that. I have felt 'on my own' emotionally and in terms of having a partner (or even a friend I regularly see in this part of the world) or a lover, for a looooooooong time. Most of my 20s, in fact. As I face 30 years old this autumn, I'm thinking that waiting an arbitrary time of continued isolation and celibacy in a foreign country would do my mental health more harm than good. (I second the pp who said her hair wasnt' getting any blonder or thicker than it is right now--ditto! and in general, it's not like the singles scene gets a whole lot kinder as women get older and older, I'm thinking) I'm a bubbly, social butterfly by nature and cutting myself off from potential new friends or boyfriends seems unwise and my inner voice tells me to rejoice in the fact that my shackles of an abusive relationship are off of me and I have freedom and I have waited years to find someone whose snuggling embrace feels like the right place to be, and why not poke around and look under a few rocks (and have some fun doing it) to find him? I know it might take ages until he comes along, but some dating practice keeps up my game, in the meantime. For me, though, I am scoping our a circle of friends for support at the same time as cuties for a potential date, because I'm starting up a new life from scratch and need a community as I start a new chapter in my life and move forward. It all kinda gets swooped up into one big don't-sit-at-home-and-mope-all-the-time-and-turn-into-a-depressed-hermit general Plan of Action. Seems to be working so far.

But as for general advice, I think MsChatsaLot has some great advice on this subject (and said some to Anne2008 on this subject last winter), as well as some other wise women. I'll defer to their wisdom.

Maybe make a list of the qualities you'd really like to find in a potential partner, and then do a lot of meditation and soul searching and try to create those qualities in yourself? I've heard that before somewhere and it sounded great. For me it would be patience, empathy, kindness, and thoughtfulness, so I try to be that kind of friend and romantic interest towards everyone I meet. The charismatic, enthusiastic, bubbly, fun stuff comes easily towards me no matter what, (and I seem to attract clever, confident, fun guys as well, with my energy) so I try to focus my thoughts on remembering to be thoughtful, patient, kind, and empathetic and look for those qualities (and treasure them when I find them) in others. Just my thinking....!

Seie, yeah I should tell gorgeous Frenchie to just stay away. You're right. It's just not worth it.
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Old 04-17-2009, 06:29 PM
 
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What are you guys gonna do this weekends with your boyfriends or dates?

: Gimme some dirt..... :

Spending the whole weekend with just me & the boys....
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