April Dating thread - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 01:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think after dealing with some sour men and then my EX really has made me bitter.....


I dont want to date,I had a guy ask me out and I told him I just want to be friends,he gave me his number and I just keep putting off calling him so he emails and I make excuses

I used to be VERY sexual I am just not that girl anymore,sex no thanks I dont even want to deal with a pushy man

I dont want to share my kids with men I feel like none will be good enough for them.........


And on top of it I enjoy just sitting at home and eatting lol

But in a sick way I would like to met a guy and treat him like crap I know that sounds so bad but dealing with jerks all the time and seeing how they treat other women it would be fun to emotionaly abuse a man not that I would but I am just so bitter towards them


oh well I am just doing some late night rambling dont wory I am not going to treat any men bad
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#2 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 03:27 AM
 
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i would give urself time to heal, to get ur self back together. it's hard to jump in after a bad marriage, relationship, etc since it does leave a bitter taste in your mouth. i didnt date for about a year after and just found myself really ready to jump in after 3 years of being split up, 3 years divorced in dec 09.

good luck mama and take your time!

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#3 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 05:09 AM
 
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You mean you actually have time to date? My last date was ummm... a while ago. Hoping to meet someone soon though but its not likely seeing as I never get the chance to meet anyone although my dd's Dr last week was pretty hot (ok, truth be told he looked a lot like my first love from many many many years ago, it was so tempting to smell him to see if he smelled the same too! I didn't though and yes, I'm weird, the ex had a scent that was like a drug to me, I couldn't get enough!)

Anyway, I do understand how you feel, I'm a bit turned off on dating but I look for specific personality traits and if they don't have them then I don't date them period, saves a lot of heart ache for both sides.

Seriously?
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#4 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 08:51 AM
 
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I waited almost four years to date after my x left - a few guys asked me out but I wasn't interested in dating just to date, and I definitely wasn't interested in bringing guys in and out of my childrens lives. I'm so glad I waited until I was ready and until the right one came along. Now, almost two years later, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.
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#5 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 09:30 AM
 
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I don't think there is anything wrong with just wanting to be friends. I refuse to date anyone who doesn't have the time or love to be my friend without strings first. I want that far more than sex so unless he is willing to be my friend without any hope of screwing me than he doesn't have any hope of that sort of dating. and I hate guys who are pushy about dating me (honestly I never saw this coming). I don't really have an experience dating (xh and I were together since we were 16 and he was the only guy I dated) but friends . . . I am ready for some friends and then when I am ready to date I will choose from those guys who just like ME. and want to be my friend whether I am dating them or someone else.

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#6 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 09:52 AM
 
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Ick. I've been completely divorced for about 15 months, and separated for 2 years total. The thought of dating anyone makes my skin crawl.

My ex, however, is already married and his wife is having a baby next month.

Yeesh. Good luck to her.
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#7 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 04:12 PM
 
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I love this thread, no comment personally
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#8 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 05:54 PM
 
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I would LOVE to have this attitude! Rather than the oh-how-I-long-for-a-partner schtick (but am too afraid of making ANOTHER bad choice)...
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#9 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 06:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Satori View Post
(ok, truth be told he looked a lot like my first love from many many many years ago, it was so tempting to smell him to see if he smelled the same too! I didn't though and yes, I'm weird, the ex had a scent that was like a drug to me, I couldn't get enough!) .
You're not weird. The smell is the one thing that really hooks me like an addict, too. :
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#10 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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Hi everyone!!!!!!

My first post comes later because the other thread was merged into this thread (in case you wondered )

I hope all is well with everyone. Me? status quo, which is nice.

DF is moving half of his stuff in with me and half in storage, and some at his son's. He will be moving in officially in June after our wedding : June 20th We are getting married then, and going away on a honeymoon, in September. We want to get married this soon to help each other out. It is much easier (in some ways) to live together. I am trying to find a new balance in my life.

My kids reacted well when I told them. My son said, "awesome!" my DD is so happy that DF comes with a dog, and she loves dogs

Anyway, enough about me, let's dish

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#11 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 08:20 PM
 
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Good to have a new thread - and so many daters to add

Marissa: Happy to hear things are still good for you

No news here - still dating Mr. Right.. We talk on the phone most evenings but can still only meet on weekends - and most often just one day a week. We are slowly getting to know eachothers "bad" sides. He is indeed a very perfect guy. I honestly doubt I have ever met a person as decent and responsible as him. It has a flip side though - he seems very - aware - not to hurt anyone or cause any kind of conflict. So much so that I sometimes feel like - if I am acting stupid or saying somthing not so good (and I do sometimes - my mouth tends to spill my thoughts at all times - before my mind ever has a chance to catch up)- he just lets it pass in silence pretending I didnt. Not sure if this is good or bad? He seems the complete opposite to my ex. As in complete and total opposite. Which is good! Im happy - just wish we had more time together. Otherwise no news. Im broke (financially - ex is causing all kinds of trouble) - but apart from that I'm happy..

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#12 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 10:48 PM
 
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:: Beloved!!! Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!!! How wonderful for you!!! I am so happy for you!

All is moving along beautifully with bf.

We are gearing up to move in together VERY soon. Yay!!! I cannot tell you how excited I will be when he FINALLY gets in here. Hopefully within the next couple of months. The lovely man moves at the speed of a snail. Thankfully, I am an amazingly patient and understanding girlfriend.
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#13 of 149 Old 04-01-2009, 11:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
It has a flip side though - he seems very - aware - not to hurt anyone or cause any kind of conflict. So much so that I sometimes feel like - if I am acting stupid or saying somthing not so good (and I do sometimes - my mouth tends to spill my thoughts at all times - before my mind ever has a chance to catch up)- he just lets it pass in silence pretending I didnt. Not sure if this is good or bad?
My X behaved very similar to what you describe with your bf. Unfortunately, in my experience, it was one of the main causes for my divorce. X would let things go without challenging me and I just assumed all was great. Well... sadly, it wasn't great. He was building resentment towards me for years without my ever knowing because he NEVER said anything to me.

This is not to say that your bf would do the same. My X was pretty extreme in this area. Just be cautious.

Alternatively, sometimes it is good to just let some things go... silly, insignificant things. There are some things my bf will say or do that I just let go because I know (and trust) him well enough to assume positive intent.
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#14 of 149 Old 04-03-2009, 01:16 AM
 
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::
good to hear I am not a freak for not quite being ready after 2.5 years. Still feel like I have PTSD. I miss the way men smell though. And someone actually caring. Just not there yet.
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#15 of 149 Old 04-03-2009, 02:18 PM
 
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I gave up on dating awhile ago. My son's father and i weren't technically together the 2 years we were whatever we are. Now, you would think we were together since we're always with one another but we're not. Right now, I'm not too interested in meeting anyone new. i'm comfortable with my lifestyle as is.

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#16 of 149 Old 04-03-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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::
good to hear I am not a freak for not quite being ready after 2.5 years. Still feel like I have PTSD. I miss the way men smell though. And someone actually caring. Just not there yet.
:

i know what you mean..... its been 1 yr 8 months and I still cannot even begin to date...... although I do miss a lot of things, not about my ex, but about being in a relationship.


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#17 of 149 Old 04-04-2009, 12:22 AM
 
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.

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#18 of 149 Old 04-04-2009, 02:41 AM
 
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[QUOTE= The smell is the one thing that really hooks me like an addict, too. :[/QUOTE]

Me too, me too! I am a big one for scents, esp manly man scents. I have a shirt from xbf that still has his scent, even though it's six months old and it's fading. I rue the day that it is completely gone as his scent was/is intoxicating to me...
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#19 of 149 Old 04-04-2009, 04:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BelovedK View Post
My first post comes later because the other thread was merged into this thread (in case you wondered )
I'm not understanding why these 2 threads were merged. The first one is about NOT dating and it got merged into our monthly dating thread (that's no longer stickied and has gotten way less use since that happened already). It makes it really confusing to have 2 opposite thoughts merged into one thread.

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#20 of 149 Old 04-04-2009, 12:53 PM
 
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I'm not understanding why these 2 threads were merged. The first one is about NOT dating and it got merged into our monthly dating thread (that's no longer stickied and has gotten way less use since that happened already). It makes it really confusing to have 2 opposite thoughts merged into one thread.
I also find it very difficult, due to the 2 opposite thoughts.

I know that when I was at the place of not wanting to date, the last thing I wanted to read about was about those ready, excited and happy to date.

Can we separate these threads? Those ready to date and/or in a relationship and those not ready?
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#21 of 149 Old 04-05-2009, 01:54 PM
 
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I've been separated for about 7 months, and have no interest at all in dating. There are too many major life transitions right now for that to be on my radar. Guys have hit on me a few times, which felt...odd. But it's nice to know that I still have it, even if I'm not currently interested.

Once the dust settles, I'll be up for making friends first like someone said earlier in this thread. Dating? We'll see...

Tara
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#22 of 149 Old 04-05-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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Can we separate these threads? Those ready to date and/or in a relationship and those not ready?
Good point, up to now we have been putting all of the dating topics in one thread. I am not sure if I can unmerge, but will try.

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#23 of 149 Old 04-06-2009, 08:19 AM
 
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I just wanted to also vote for unmerging the thread.
And I wish it could be re-stickied, like rubelin said...

I'm trying to back off from posting so much, because I think I was worrying some poor mamas on here who thought perhaps I've lost my mind and that's why I'm spending time dating multiple men....

But I'm still dating. For those who were following my silliness, Smoothie is still kinda in the picture, although I'm getting tired of his nonchalance and seeming snail's pace to ever ask me out on a proper date because of his schedule (just preferring to squeeze in time with me at random points where they work into his schedule without him having to move anything--the man never has a day free or an entire evening, seemingly ). I'm talking to a few online guys I haven't met yet.... : Let's see if any of them turn into real-life potentials. :
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#24 of 149 Old 04-06-2009, 03:52 PM
 
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Butterfly- believe me, many of us missed you here

after some thrilling attention from men in February, i've been laying low mostly... i've actually started talking to several guy friends regularly on e-mail ... nothing romantic but it's nice to be in contact with males without it being negative or overly sexual. i think it's a good way to rebuild my trust for the whole male species in general.

i have realized that i am TERRIFIED of being in a relationship... absolutely terrified of it. my 'lil guy is my whole world... so i think making friendships is the way to go right now!
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#25 of 149 Old 04-06-2009, 06:13 PM
 
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Butterflymom: Great to have you back I say ditch smooth and busy - or at least make sure you are not exclusive with him Sounds like he is too "busy" to be worth your time.

Been thinking about you

News here - BF quit his job!! I was slightly shocked when he told me - but am really happy for him. He seems very relieved to have done it, and is now working on what to do next. He is very resourceful so I am certain he will manage somehow. Still crazy about him - more and more so in fact - if that is even possible.. I am meeting some of his family on friday for the first time - am very excited about that. He will be meeting my parents on sunday - he did already briefly - but it was right after my grandmothers funeral so my parents were - a bit distant. Am looking forward to them meeting him for real. When they get to know him I am sure they will understand why this is special and why i have been talking and talking about him for the past 4 months. He was here yesterday - the kids love him already - and he seems to genuinely enjoy their company too so all is as it should be

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#26 of 149 Old 04-08-2009, 11:18 AM
 
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i'm so sad this thread fell off the first page I love reading about everyone's dating life I don't have one so it's nice to read about someones
Butterflymom~i miss all your posts!

solo-student-mama to 3 crazy kiddos
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#27 of 149 Old 04-08-2009, 11:59 AM
 
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Where do you momma's meet guys? I met DD's father on a dating website..after that experience rather leary of doing it again.

At this point haven't really thought of dating again. Sadly there isn't a whole lot I miss about men. I am sure that will change at some point.
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#28 of 149 Old 04-08-2009, 12:34 PM
 
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Where do you momma's meet guys? I met DD's father on a dating website..after that experience rather leary of doing it again.

At this point haven't really thought of dating again. Sadly there isn't a whole lot I miss about men. I am sure that will change at some point.
im glad you brought that up. i just joined match.com for the helluvit. Ive never done the internet thing and thought it couldnt hurt. I met my stbx in church so.... heck, if you cant meet a decent guy in church Im losing hope for finding one at all anyway, stbx left me aug 2007 while I was pg with DS. I feel like I am ready but not ready to date. I need a someone right now to spend time with and have fuzzy feelings but I am also ttc with a donor. I want another child first before I want a serious relationship. I guess Im looking for someone to have fun with for right now... does that make sense?? oy!


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#29 of 149 Old 04-08-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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Hi everyone. I met my boyfriend on okcupid.

So.. haven't updated in a while. I guess I'm not technically dating anymore, either, but.. oh well. Boy and I have been together 3 months now, and we've been through hell and back.. my gosh! Issues with exes, issues with all sorts of things. I wasn't sure we'd get through it, and we actually DID break up briefly, but then I just couldn't find any justification for us not being together (I got it in my head I have SO much to do to get my life back on track) and why we can't do it together. So long story short, we're still together, going strong, love him more every day.. very happy!!

Seie-- does that mean your guy has more time for a while?

Butterflymom-- I loved reading about your dating adventures!

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#30 of 149 Old 04-08-2009, 01:03 PM
 
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I met bf on Match.com also.

I met my previous bf via eHarmony.

I have had only positive experiences with meeting men online, although I can imagine how you could also have negative experiences too.

Granted, you can have positive and negative experiences with men anywhere you meet them... online, in the grocery store, at the bookstore, church, in a bar, etc.
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