Dating Thread for May, if you please? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#121 of 244 Old 05-16-2009, 05:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
Everyone should get to sleep with whoever they happen to be into at that moment!

:

Hollycrand, everyone needs people in their life. To talk to, to get affection from, empathy from, whatever. Don't purposefully isolate yourself from others because of some convention, but .....if it feels too soon, (and like it would be rushing things ), then put up appropriate limits/boundaries and enjoy the connection in some way that feels okay.


Bottom line: you're going through a tough time and you need to get through it in one piece, as a lady and as a mom. Leaning a little here and a little there on new and old friends is perfectly understandable. Do what you gotta do, but listen to your gut and you'll be okay.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#122 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 04:54 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow you ladies are one busy bunch I just read the last three pages I missed..... I can't comment on everything but a few that stand out:

About the "ideal" relationship and if it is true or false....

I think it can be true and long lasting when one person is likes the other more and would consistenly put that person first or when both are willing to consistently put the other first. I joke about the guy I think it best in the long run for me and say "I love the way he loves me!" but in all honesty it's 100% true he puts me and my needs first and consdering the type of women I am who always put others first it is nice to be the one being catered to!

About what I desire from dating at present....

I have no time for a FWB relationship, any time I take out needs to be working toward a potential investment of some sort. Maybe he will not be Mr. Right, can he advance my career, can the time we spend help with school, can he help me learn how to date as a single parent, can it build a life long friendship, etc.? There has to be some sort of gain in exchange for the $15 per hour I pay the sitter to be with whomever.

I "do" want long lasting LOVE but I also think love grows overtime! It's about building a friendship that can stand the highs and lows of life. I want a life partner, someone willing to take my daughter as his own, one together enough to provide a lifestyle for my daughter and I that we are comfortable with (this is not financial as much as class, business/social obligation) I want a love that will go the distance someone I can laugh with, cry on and grow with!

About when to be phyiscal....

This is such a personal item, in general I think if you offer a FWB situation and desire more with that person then most often the women will have to require the shift in dynamic. Now how to require that shift gets even more complex. Wish I knew the "right" way to do that but I know it has to be a fine dance.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#123 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 05:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
About FWB, doesn't it seem that sugarmoon's point is kind of interesting..... that people either go 'full-blown-serious' or 'one-night-stand' and everything else gets called FWB? If two people treat each other with respect, honesty, kindness, and the only thing lacking is commitment, perhaps that's just not-so-super-serious-DATING?
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#124 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 05:26 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here is an update on my dating prospects.....

StableGuy - He is really courting me. I have been putting off seeing him mostly due to a lack of childcare and the distance to meet him in the daytime..... I told him via phone that I had some messy situations with dd's dad I wanted to resolve prior to spending time and his response was "for me to not hide from him, he just want to be there for me! He has been thru it and is willing to do whatever is needed to support me." I think he would be the BEST person to handle my ex, to have me financially secure, for me to never need to work outside the home unless I wanted in which he would (and could also support)....... he is just easy to date, I just don't feel chemistry. That said, I DO value the support he offers me.

ThePrettyBoy - CUT because he is at this point not putting me first and I can't really cater to his last minute desire to hang out or his inability to plan since I am a solo mama.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveOhm View Post
2ndHusband - I always felt he would be my 2nd husband, he treated me better than any other man I dated but I was not physically into him.... well that changed over the years but he is still a party animal and I have out grown that. He goes out every weekend night and his weekend is considered Thurs - Sun often out the state to party in vegas on a whim. He is the youngest of all the men and is my same age. He has a daughter slightly younger than my dd but is not active to my knowledge beyond child support ---- I don't know this for certain but I know he was much more interested in my dd than taking about his own. He owns his own town home, I LOVE his mom and family, he is positioned to take over the family business, we would be on the same page with child rearing because we come from the same social circle, but he is just is not ready for what I want yet...... I recall the physical in the bedroom was HOT mostly because he adores me I just wish mentally he was where the Pretty Boy is. I think IF I really want a future with him I may need to let him fade away for now..... but then what if he becomes smitten with another women, I would be crushed because I always saw him as mine someday.... I guess he could just be a physical thing but I do want more than that but like pretty boy he makes lots of sexual comments and text? Is this just the norm, don't men court women?
Well..... hmmm.... 2ndHusband & I got together last Friday after I went to a birthday party and can I say FIREWORKS went off multiple times. Can I say I slept maybe 4 hours the entire night.... and did not at all mind! It was in the past and is at present HOT, even better with age! I know I want him long term, and KNOW he wants me (at least in a relationship of some sort) but I am not sure he is ready or willing to commit to the type of relationship I am ready for or that he knows how to date a single mom. I do think it will come and I HOPE it is with me but I am not sure if I should keep a distance and wait for him to mature a bit and "want" a life without clubs and life home based, possibly marriage or just flow while being careful to not end up in a FWB situation which I am personally NOT okay with in this case.

He has text messaged me more days than not since then and when I asked via text if he has 4th of July plans already he said no but that we should plans some.... : I don't want to get overly excited but I am happy to have him back in my life. We never dated growing up because I was ALWAYS attached and the one time we starting seeing eachother dd's dad and I were on rocky grounds then dd was born......

TheGangster - He is CUT but we're staying friends....

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#125 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 07:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveOhm View Post
Here is an update on my dating prospects.....

StableGuy - He is really courting me. I have been putting off seeing him mostly due to a lack of childcare and the distance to meet him in the daytime..... I told him via phone that I had some messy situations with dd's dad I wanted to resolve prior to spending time and his response was "for me to not hide from him, he just want to be there for me! He has been thru it and is willing to do whatever is needed to support me." I think he would be the BEST person to handle my ex, to have me financially secure, for me to never need to work outside the home unless I wanted in which he would (and could also support)....... he is just easy to date, I just don't feel chemistry. That said, I DO value the support he offers me.....

Gosh, stable men with hearts of gold who offer everything we could ever want, but whom we feel no chemistry for..... they are just such tough nuts to crack. What to do? I have one. He's my rock, my best friend, and he would never ever hurt me and spend the rest of his life plotting ways to make me happier and my life better. For 7 months now he's been there for me, and I love him like a big brother I never had (just 3 years age difference actually). BUT, he's in love, and I feel zero chemistry. He deserves better than a woman who feels no chemistry with me. But I can't quite cut him loose and set him free because I adore him and I need him, and I'm a selfish witch.


But 2ndHusband sounds great. Why not let HIM explain to you what he's ready for at this point in his life? Just confront him in a clever way and get the discussion out there on the table. You guys have known each other forever, so he's not just going to blow you off and delete you from his life if you have a slightly 'heavier' conversation with him. Communicate. It sounds like it could be promising and any drawbacks are just assumptions you're making. Maybe they're not as accurate as you think.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#126 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 07:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ok, I just uploaded three mug shots of the three dudes I've mentioned most recently (Smoothie, Kinky Engineer, and FlowerBoy) in case anyone wants to go to the FB group and peruse the common photo album in this private group. And upload mug shots of any boys you have on the hook. I love putting faces to names.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#127 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 10:10 AM
 
eewieew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: bmore hon
Posts: 964
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

i have so far avoided facebook but am compelled because i want to talk about uav stuff (especially the D/s stuff - interesting that so many of us go in that direction), and i want to put faces to names. this is too fun.

went out friday night and had a really nice time. met a friend for margaritas (read: to put my game face on), met trumpeter at his apt and rode bikes to a restaurant that we always seem to end up at for dinner and drinks. we were both super tired and kinda fuzzy so we decided to rent a movie and go back to his place. after the movie we listened to music, moved in for a little g-rated snuggling and i gave him a really awkward kiss goodbye. like really awkward

he hit me up on chat last night and i asked him if it was bad that i kissed him and he said no, that he wanted to but he's not sure of what he wants. that he's not sure if we should go "there" but also that it's hard to be friends with someone with whom there is palpable sexual tension. and i agree, and i don't want to ruin whatever it is that's developing, be it friendship or otherwise, but i really want to get some and i really want it to be from him. it's been a long time since i was this intensely attracted to a man. (and i think he's a little bit kinky too, which makes it even more compelling)

so what do i do at this juncture? do i step it up a notch, continue with this holding pattern, or back off. i want to respect his feelings but at the same time i know we could have lots of fun together and i feel like i don't want this to be so, i don't know, orchestrated. i'm very much a go-with-the-flow girl, and i'm not looking for a life partner. something a little lighthearted and engaging, maybe potentially deeper down the road, but not anytime soon. i want to feel like a woman again, not this tossed-aside new mom.

any words of wisdom from you vets?

btw, the donor, after telling me that he loved me (like in the special way that spouses say it to each other, not like how i would tell a friend) and all of this ridiculous crap about me being a muse and inspiration to him, his favorite person on the planet and a huge grounding influence in his life, turned around and told me that he has no romantic feelings for me anymore. then, when it came to his attention that i was going out and doing my thing, it turned into him feeling this way now but maybe not forever, he's just not sure where things are going to go with us. i think he's so fixated on the vagina and can't tear himself out of it but knows that what we had was the real deal. his loss.

he knew i was going to see trumpeter's show on thursday and knew that i was getting a night out on friday, and what do you know, he called me from work saturday to rhapsodize about a picture that i sent him of our daughter and check up on what i ended up doing (and specifically with whom), after basically ignoring my calls and texts for the week prior. go figure. i do not like being effed with.

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
eewieew is offline  
#128 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 01:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdubbelewe View Post

i have so far avoided facebook but am compelled because i want to talk about uav stuff (especially the D/s stuff - interesting that so many of us go in that direction), and i want to put faces to names.
It is SO fun to put faces to names. JOIN! There's 8 of us and I want all of us to be there. If you don't want to do it with your real identity, just set up a facebook account with a nickname (maybe this one- jdubbelewe?) and maybe at least some sort of mug shot that wouldn't be directly and provably identifiable but give us an idea of who you are, and then join with that account so you can be there and participate in the UAV stuff, especially D/s if you are into that because I've been mulling this stuff over and having evolving conclusions with those complex themes for more than 2 years and it's interesting stuff to mull over, and discuss. I can't believe I'm finding out that so many of us are not-exactly-plain-vanilla-types! I was so careful to leave that out of my romantic life these last 6 months for fear of shocking and offending. Hope no one is quietly horrified in this thread, either participators or lurkers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jdubbelewe View Post
: he hit me up on chat last night and i asked him if it was bad that i kissed him and he said no, that he wanted to but he's not sure of what he wants. that he's not sure if we should go "there" but also that it's hard to be friends with someone with whom there is palpable sexual tension. and i agree, and i don't want to ruin whatever it is that's developing, be it friendship or otherwise, but i really want to get some and i really want it to be from him. it's been a long time since i was this intensely attracted to a man. (and i think he's a little bit kinky too, which makes it even more compelling)
Oooh, I so want to know what signs gives you that idea. But as for this whole thing, it sounds like you guys are on the same page so why not agree to tentatively forge ahead, without either of you really knowing for sure where it will lead`? You know what they say about the best laid plans, anyways.... If you guys are intensely sexually attracted I don't read any good reasons to keep things firmly planted in platonic-land....


Quote:
Originally Posted by jdubbelewe View Post
i want to feel like a woman again, not this tossed-aside new mom.
Sooo reasonable! Such an understandable longing, given what TheDonor is up to. Don't second guess this need too long, just follow your gut.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jdubbelewe View Post
i think he's so fixated on the vagina and can't tear himself out of it but knows that what we had was the real deal. his loss.

i do not like being effed with.

I wouldn't like this crap either. Man... you really need to make it clear to him that any romantic overtures, vague or direct, are really not welcome until he's single and prepared to work on putting a real family together, just you and he and the babe. : Just reading about this guy boils my blood... :
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#129 of 244 Old 05-17-2009, 11:59 PM
 
eewieew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: bmore hon
Posts: 964
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
butterflymom - i actually did tell the donor to refrain from saying crap like that to me because it's too easy for my mind to go in a direction that it need not go. so now he's not saying anything, just checking up on me.

but i have had a marvelous weekend, a lot with dd, some without her. saw so many old and dear friends, made some new ones, pretty much stayed out of the house and have plans for this whole week, some of which are with my favorite person in the entire world. i'm always so much happier when i'm busy. def not a sit at home kind of girl.

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
eewieew is offline  
#130 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 04:33 AM
 
siddie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: hawaii
Posts: 753
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just some random thoughts:

1. What do I desire from a relationship? I didn't know what I wanted right after my divorce, just thought I "needed to get back out there." I really wasn't ready and kept most guys at arm'slength I now know I really don't want to date casually, if I don't know what my man is doing on the weekend and don't feel comfortable saying "hey, why don't you come over, I'll cook and we'll cuddle up with a dvd" because it might scare him off, I don't want it. Do I want to get married? Too complicated for me at this moment but I would love a long term relationship and possibly to live together. I"m not going to miss out on time with my son, or pay a sitter to be with someone I don't really like that much. How do you moms manage to date 3 guys at a time? I can barely get out one night a week!

2. About the ideal relationship... I think it's possible with maturity and the right mix of chemistry and humor. To me it doesn't mean he's perfect but he will be honest, trustworthy, and supportive of my son and I. I need to feel like we are a team. I really need to be with someone who values being healthy and if they don't work out will at least have a sport or activity they enjoy outside. Don't think a long distance relationship is for me either, too much work for too little payoff.

3. About when to get physical. I did the one-night stand and fwb when I was younger but to me it's a lot like being hungry and eating at McDonalds. It looks and smells really good especially if you are on a long road trip and there's nowhere else to eat but when you are finished eating it you wonder why you did because you feel like *hit.

If I really wanted to, I would on the first date but it's just not comfortable for me with a stranger. I need to know him enough to trust him and I like to have time to talk about whether or not he is seeing anyone else, and that to me being physical means being exclusive. It's nice to let the tension build. For me that usually means about two to three weeks. I get the *ick factor if I sense a player.

I'm *not going to let a new guy stay overnight when my son is in the house until after I am *sure he is going to be around for a while and my son already knows him.

I have noticed a definite increase in the hook-up mentality from the last time I was single. At least 15 years ago guys would pretend to be interested in you to get sex, now there are guys who will just try to get sex and if you don't, they move on to someone who will with no intention of dating or creating a relationship. That said, I would allow myself to have a hookup if I was having a long dry spell but prefer not too...

3. Lunch dates with guys: Decided I am not going to do it anymore. I know they are thinking it may be easier for me when ds is at school, but I really don't like the whole hurry up and eat because I have to go back to work feeling. Are they thinking it's an easy way to pass go and get to date number 3? I think going out to lunch is for me and the girls after we get our nails done!
siddie is offline  
#131 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 05:35 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
About FWB, doesn't it seem that sugarmoon's point is kind of interesting..... that people either go 'full-blown-serious' or 'one-night-stand' and everything else gets called FWB? If two people treat each other with respect, honesty, kindness, and the only thing lacking is commitment, perhaps that's just not-so-super-serious-DATING?
Actually I do feel there is a middle ground but I feel in it's pure form it's rare in my opinion at least one party at some point "wants" more but there are exceptions.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#132 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 05:41 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just to chime in about Facebook it can be your friend...... since I use mine for business as well as have pic (for a special group) of my dd I can't participate but HOPE you ladies share as much of the wisdom you can here on MDC!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#133 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 05:57 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Gosh, stable men with hearts of gold who offer everything we could ever want, but whom we feel no chemistry for..... they are just such tough nuts to crack. What to do? I have one. He's my rock, my best friend, and he would never ever hurt me and spend the rest of his life plotting ways to make me happier and my life better. For 7 months now he's been there for me, and I love him like a big brother I never had (just 3 years age difference actually). BUT, he's in love, and I feel zero chemistry. He deserves better than a woman who feels no chemistry with me. But I can't quite cut him loose and set him free because I adore him and I need him, and I'm a selfish witch.
I am SOOOOOO glad I am not alone in my feeling about the stable guy. LIFe would be easy with him it's all so easy to envision even my lack of interest and how that will play out..... why is it I am not in love with stable guy.... hell I can't even make myself want to be there. despite how good of a guy he really is!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#134 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 06:02 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
But 2ndHusband sounds great. Why not let HIM explain to you what he's ready for at this point in his life? Just confront him in a clever way and get the discussion out there on the table. You guys have known each other forever, so he's not just going to blow you off and delete you from his life if you have a slightly 'heavier' conversation with him. Communicate. It sounds like it could be promising and any drawbacks are just assumptions you're making. Maybe they're not as accurate as you think.
I agree with this with one exception --- we are never in a good space to speak. He does open up but it takes time. TON OF TIME! Generally when we are together he want to go to parties/clubs and that does not lend itself to coversations on this subject. I keep trying to pull his a** from the club but he likes it. By the time we come back to being one-on-one it's Private PARTY time or time to flat out sleep (no hokey pokey) not chatting time....I just don't know when where or HOW to have this sort of convo.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#135 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 07:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So....

I was coming home after taking the kids to their dads', and I bike right past Smoothie. I stop and say hi, and he seems happy to see me (I had just done up my makeup perfect for the make-your-ex-eat-his-heart-out factor, and I had slept in curlers the night before, so, I was feeling Miss-America-cute so that was at least great--don't like to run into men we date when we look like crap!) we speak awhile and decide that perhaps we both have a free evening in front of us and could hang out. But he needs to swing by his parents' place and have a bite there, and then he says he'll call me.

The Kinky Engineer had sent me texts all day about how he really likes knowing me better and better and wants to hang out soon so I had already proposed he come by that evening for sandwhiches, beers, and to hang out. But he hadn't confirmed anything with me.

I get home and Kinkster sends me facebook messages about how he would love to see me but he has some things to do and would later be ok? I say maybe....text me or call when you know an ETA and I'll give a thumbs up or thumbs down.

This is all at like 7pm. Then there's a big huge 4 hour silent spell and I chat with friends in the states on Facebook, eat, clean up after the weekend with the byos, etc......

Then all of a sudden the phone rings. After 11pm. It's Flower Boy. He was just about to go home after a long dinner with a friend and thought about how it would be more fun to go to a Casino, actually. He remembered me telling him I was a night owl so he took a chance that I wasn't in bed yet and asked me if I'd like to join him. I said sure! He picked me up 5 minutes later (as I'm getting dressed Kinky Engineer calls and asks if it's too late to come over, that he was in the neighborhood after having a long conversation with a friend and I tell him that YES it's too late, another night perhaps) in his ridiculously expensive Mercedes AMG sportscar (men really need to learn how much of an asshole that makes them look like) and we went to a casino. We talk about our kids and what we did with them over the weeekend, while in the car. He's such a dedicated dad and that's pretty hot. Our kid are about the same ages, which is cool. I have brady bunch images floating around in my mind.



We go in and my phone rings and it's Smoothie. He wants to come over at that point. I sort of say that I didn't expect to hear from him anymore aftera certain number of hours had passed by so I just made other plans and I was out and would like to see him another night. He wished me fun and said he understood and apologized for the late call. Flower Boy and I sit down and he throws thousands on the table in exchange for chips. ( I am trying no to let my jaw drop. ) Apparently he plays blackjack and has been into it for 15 years and has a system, and asked me to just sit and look pretty. He was just being silly, of course. But anyway, we sit for about 10 minutes and he has lost everything. He doesn't blink. He gets the rest of the money from his pocket, much less than the first sum, and gets some more chips and starts again. Then in the next 30-45 minutes, he has about 26,000 euros there in chips and I am just trying to act cool, keep my jaw off the floor.... He gives me a tour of the old parts of the hotel/casino and we leave. He has a 40 euro ticket on his car from parking at the door, which he laughs about. (After what he won, doesn't seem like a big deal to pay 40 euros in parking!)

We go to my place and....

Then....we cuddle and chat about vacation destinations we both dream of and he tells me he is taking the summer off from work entirely, starting in 3 weeks and he's sort of wondering who might take a trip with him somewhere.....? In a hint hint playful sort of way. After awhile, he leaves because he has to be at work in about 90 minutes. :

When it rains, it pours, right? They all call within 30 minutes of each other. crazy boys.

Hottie Supreme must have gotten back together with the woman he lives with and was 'broken up with' when we met. I haven't heard hide nor hair from him in 10 days. :
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#136 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 09:53 AM
 
DanishMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Denmark
Posts: 943
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
Flower Boy and I sit down and he throws thousands on the table in exchange for chips. ( I am trying no to let my jaw drop. ) Apparently he plays blackjack and has been into it for 15 years and has a system, and asked me to just sit and look pretty. He was just being silly, of course. But anyway, we sit for about 10 minutes and he has lost everything. He doesn't blink. He gets the rest of the money from his pocket, much less than the first sum, and gets some more chips and starts again. Then in the next 30-45 minutes, he has about 26,000 euros there in chips and I am just trying to act cool, keep my jaw off the floor.... He gives me a tour of the old parts of the hotel/casino and we leave. He has a 40 euro ticket on his car from parking at the door, which he laughs about. (After what he won, doesn't seem like a big deal to pay 40 euros in parking!)

We go to my place and....

I would stay far far away from someone who spends that kind of money in a casino. Last thing you need in your life is someone with an addiction. I really don't want to see you hurt.
DanishMom is offline  
#137 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 11:17 AM
 
guestmama9944's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 569
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanishMom View Post
I would stay far far away from someone who spends that kind of money in a casino. Last thing you need in your life is someone with an addiction. I really don't want to see you hurt.
And gambling addiction is a hard one. Little known and rarely talked about, but hard. I cringed.
guestmama9944 is offline  
#138 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 11:23 AM
 
guestmama9944's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 569
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by siddie View Post
3. About when to get physical. I did the one-night stand and fwb when I was younger but to me it's a lot like being hungry and eating at McDonalds. It looks and smells really good especially if you are on a long road trip and there's nowhere else to eat but when you are finished eating it you wonder why you did because you feel like *hit.

I'm *not going to let a new guy stay overnight when my son is in the house until after I am *sure he is going to be around for a while and my son already knows him.
siddie, that McDonalds thing cracked me up! I love it That's how I feel about it too - I like to think that all I want is fwb because it wouldn't be as emotionally draining as a bad relationship but in reality I know I couldn't handle that either.

And I second the second quote

Looks like my vibrator and I are going on a long road trip! LOL
guestmama9944 is offline  
#139 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 12:08 PM
 
Artlover86's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 14
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've been dating this guy that is my brother's friend since mid February. We have slept together and neither of us are seeing other people but we haven't had the official 'we're boyfriend/girlfriend' talk yet so not sure exactly where we're at. but anyways i dont know if i'm doing something wrong or what but every boyfriend i've ever had ends up flirting and stuff with my little sister. and she always seems to put herself in the middle of my relationships, the last two guys i dated she would write on facebook every day, called them her best friend, and goes along with us wherever we go. she's 17 and im 23. whenever my guy is over and i leave the room when i come back they are snuggled together on the couch. it just really hurts my feelings, and i dont know if im making too big a deal out of it. i told him once that it seemed like he liked her more than me one night cause he kept ignoring me to do stuff with her and he said he likes me more. its just driving me crazy though. and i dont know how in the future to keep her out of my relationships. this past weekend there was a car show he was going to and i couldnt make it, and then she told me that he was coming to pick her up. so she got to spend the day with him. that really sucked because i haven't even gotten to go anywhere with just him since she's always along. and if i didnt like him id just move on but i really really like him. argghh!! any thoughts?
Artlover86 is offline  
#140 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 12:39 PM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdubbelewe View Post
butterflymom - i actually did tell the donor to refrain from saying crap like that to me because it's too easy for my mind to go in a direction that it need not go. so now he's not saying anything, just checking up on me.
I had to also put my ex in place about going "there" with me. Honestly it is not healthy even IF we are ready to date someone who knows how to pull ALL the right strings like a close ex is not playing fair.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Artlover86 View Post
I've been dating this guy that is my brother's friend since mid February. We have slept together and neither of us are seeing other people but we haven't had the official 'we're boyfriend/girlfriend' talk yet so not sure exactly where we're at. but anyways i dont know if i'm doing something wrong or what but every boyfriend i've ever had ends up flirting and stuff with my little sister. and she always seems to put herself in the middle of my relationships, the last two guys i dated she would write on facebook every day, called them her best friend, and goes along with us wherever we go. she's 17 and im 23. whenever my guy is over and i leave the room when i come back they are snuggled together on the couch. it just really hurts my feelings, and i dont know if im making too big a deal out of it. i told him once that it seemed like he liked her more than me one night cause he kept ignoring me to do stuff with her and he said he likes me more. its just driving me crazy though. and i dont know how in the future to keep her out of my relationships. this past weekend there was a car show he was going to and i couldnt make it, and then she told me that he was coming to pick her up. so she got to spend the day with him. that really sucked because i haven't even gotten to go anywhere with just him since she's always along. and if i didnt like him id just move on but i really really like him. argghh!! any thoughts?
I think with the "right" man for you this will be a non-issue but there are some things that I would personally do differently in your position. Since you appear to be somewhat new to MDC I don't yet know your story but I am going to guess your sister and you live in the same house which in part has colors my advice.......

1) Be private, your sister, family, child, etc. don't need to know or meet who you are dating until the relationship is secure.

2) If you have a new guy you are dating on your facebook page and are concerned about sister contacting them change your settings so she cannot see your friends.

3) Meet your dates at whatever location and have dates during hours that

4) Work on your self-esteem, you saying to a man he likes your little sitter better is not attractive and can drive them to her if you keep pressing it. Confidence is sexy.....

5) Put your sister in check prior to introducing her to a "significant" other. I would tell her she needs to dress tastefully, act respectfully and respect some boundaries. You set those boundaries!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#141 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by DanishMom View Post
I would stay far far away from someone who spends that kind of money in a casino. Last thing you need in your life is someone with an addiction. I really don't want to see you hurt.
He said a couple years ago he went a few times per week, but last year only 10 times in total, and it seems like a hobby, not an addition.

He's filthy, filthy, filthy rich, so these sums of money don't register anything in his life. Whether he's up 100,000 or down 100,000 doesn't affect his life in the least. I've seen his home, etc, he has a stable life, (great playground and playhouse for his kids out in the backyard, really charming home scenario, not pretentious or anything) and runs a stable family business he inherited, and seems to put a LOT of time and effort on being home with his kids when he has them (50% of the time, btw)..... I just don't smell gambling addict in the least.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#142 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 01:35 PM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Siddie there is so much in your post I wanted to comment on...

Quote:
Originally Posted by siddie View Post
Just some random thoughts:

1. What do I desire from a relationship? I didn't know what I wanted right after my divorce, just thought I "needed to get back out there." I really wasn't ready and kept most guys at arm'slength I now know I really don't want to date casually, if I don't know what my man is doing on the weekend and don't feel comfortable saying "hey, why don't you come over, I'll cook and we'll cuddle up with a dvd" because it might scare him off, I don't want it. Do I want to get married? Too complicated for me at this moment but I would love a long term relationship and possibly to live together. I"m not going to miss out on time with my son, or pay a sitter to be with someone I don't really like that much. How do you moms manage to date 3 guys at a time? I can barely get out one night a week!

I really wondered about this when I first started reading this thread months ago prior to dating myself. A couple things to know --- many mamas have a NCP who does have their child for some sort of time so many date on the weekends their child is with the other parent.

As a solo mama it is more complicated for me. I have / had four different men interested but I don't really "date" any of them. It looks more like an occasional lunch or dinner here..... I just decided recently since I have someone I REALLY like that I am going to put more effort to having child free time to spend with him and am brainstorming ways to make that happen... it will either be one night a week with her godmom or a babysitting trade with another solo mama. Plus dd's god mom and I and chatting about moving together so then I will have a great deal more flexibility at night......


2. About the ideal relationship... I think it's possible with maturity and the right mix of chemistry and humor. To me it doesn't mean he's perfect but he will be honest, trustworthy, and supportive of my son and I. I need to feel like we are a team. I really need to be with someone who values being healthy and if they don't work out will at least have a sport or activity they enjoy outside. Don't think a long distance relationship is for me either, too much work for too little payoff.


Ditto, Ditto, Ditto!


3. About when to get physical. I did the one-night stand and fwb when I was younger but to me it's a lot like being hungry and eating at McDonalds. It looks and smells really good especially if you are on a long road trip and there's nowhere else to eat but when you are finished eating it you wonder why you did because you feel like *hit.

If I really wanted to, I would on the first date but it's just not comfortable for me with a stranger. I need to know him enough to trust him and I like to have time to talk about whether or not he is seeing anyone else, and that to me being physical means being exclusive. It's nice to let the tension build. For me that usually means about two to three weeks. I get the *ick factor if I sense a player.

Yep I agree for me being physical means being exclusive. 2ndHusband was given some passes due to our friendship for the past 10 years but he will be hearing that talk very soon!


I'm *not going to let a new guy stay overnight when my son is in the house until after I am *sure he is going to be around for a while and my son already knows him.

Once I move I don't mind them being over after dd's bedtime but I have to maintain some boundaries so I agree with this too!

I have noticed a definite increase in the hook-up mentality from the last time I was single. At least 15 years ago guys would pretend to be interested in you to get sex, now there are guys who will just try to get sex and if you don't, they move on to someone who will with no intention of dating or creating a relationship. That said, I would allow myself to have a hookup if I was having a long dry spell but prefer not too...

I know and really don't like it. Even if they DO want a relationship it seems a physical thing is expected WAY too soon. More and more men don't work for it, aren't the romantics, just expecting it on a platter.... :

3. Lunch dates with guys: Decided I am not going to do it anymore. I know they are thinking it may be easier for me when ds is at school, but I really don't like the whole hurry up and eat because I have to go back to work feeling. Are they thinking it's an easy way to pass go and get to date number 3? I think going out to lunch is for me and the girls after we get our nails done!


I LOVE lunch dates but the men I date (with the exception of 2ndHusband) control their schedule for the most part so it can be a 1-3 hour lunch..... if you opt for an early or late lunch you can feel like you have an entire cafe to yourselves. Once dd is in school I am soooo excited about doing lunch dates both real dates with men but also lunches with friends who I just want time to chat without editing for a toddler. That said, if I had to rush to be back to work then lunches would not work for me...... but as of now that is not the case and I am hoping to put that off as long as possible. What sort of date do you feel works best for you?

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#143 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 01:47 PM
 
*MamaJen*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 5,362
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I read his text messages.
Bad idea.
I really firmly believe in respecting other people's privacy and I think snooping is wrong and gross and a little psycho. I've never done anything like that before.
I knew he was dating other people and I didn't see anything in the texts that I wouldn't expect, just the usual "U blew my mind last night : )" kind of thing. But for some reason I feel so squicked out by it. I'm having trouble concentrating and every time I think about it my pulse starts going fast and my stomach feels weird.
I am so not a jealous or snooping person. Through my 20s I ran with with this very sexually free bohemian crowd, I did the polyamory thing, I had a ton of open relationships that I really enjoyed. But somehow, seeing proof that the father of my child is sleeping with another girl is really upsetting, even though I broke up with him and knew it was happening and gave him my blessing to start dating again.
He needs to move out. I don't care if he's broke, he needs to move out. It's really weird living with him while he's dating other people.
And in the meantime, I need to start dating again too.
Blah. I feel so gross right now.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
*MamaJen* is offline  
#144 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 01:58 PM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ButterflyMom - What a busy Sunday night! Flower Boy did not strike me as having a gambling problem but I do have to say the it can be an annoying hobby if done too often. How do you feel about him? You mention things and the time he spends with his kids, but does he make your heart flutter?

Also IF you are interested in them calling earlier and not around 11PM I would make some adjustments in your approach and change the dynamic across the board. With exceptions for those who earn it by your standards..... it just seems crazy to be sitting all night looking pretty then they all call late night like that. Not related to dating but with dd's dad I had to make him adjust his time of calling, so I could date in peace some day..... which of course is what he wanted to make sure was not happening hence the calls all night long after dd was already asleep.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#145 of 244 Old 05-18-2009, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveOhm View Post
ButterflyMom - What a busy Sunday night! Flower Boy did not strike me as having a gambling problem but I do have to say the it can be an annoying hobby if done too often. How do you feel about him? You mention things and the time he spends with his kids, but does he make your heart flutter?

Also IF you are interested in them calling earlier and not around 11PM I would make some adjustments in your approach and change the dynamic across the board. With exceptions for those who earn it by your standards..... it just seems crazy to be sitting all night looking pretty then they all call late night like that. Not related to dating but with dd's dad I had to make him adjust his time of calling, so I could date in peace some day..... which of course is what he wanted to make sure was not happening hence the calls all night long after dd was already asleep.

Yes, I like him. I need to know him better to know if I could ever fall for him, though.

And you're right. Smoothie is now clear on the fact that to see me, he's gonna have to book a whole evening in advance. I'm waiting for him to tell me which night he's gonna take me on a proper date night. let's see if I'm waiting forever....

The Kinkster messaged me all day saying he wants to hang out this whole evening, directly after work, and I'm going over there right now to watch a movie, eat dinner, and hang out (he said he would come here too but would rather cook for ME, etc and I thought that was sweet).
I'm excited to go over there (right.... NOW!) and see him, but more because we're such relaxed friends, than any kind of romantic thing.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#146 of 244 Old 05-19-2009, 04:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
I'm having trouble concentrating and every time I think about it my pulse starts going fast and my stomach feels weird.
I am so not a jealous or snooping person. .
This is definitely not a healthy situation and I hope you find a resolution as soon as possible.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#147 of 244 Old 05-19-2009, 04:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh.............. my............. GOD.............

:::::::


I'm on a great-second-date-HIGH!

:::::::


The Kinky Engineer is amazing. And NOT for the reasons you're probably thinking I like him. Or the reasons I would imagine I would feel this way. We had the best 13-hour-long-all-night-date which involved such intimacy without having any sex.

I went over there and we had such a freaking blast just hanging out for hours and listening to music and talking. And drinking a few cocktails. I got a little tipsy and when Smoothie called me I *answered* the phone and he could tell I was with a guy. Not that it matters, we aren't exclusive, obviously, but still.... I feel bad if I sort of hurt his feelings a little bit (I have no idea if I did or if I didn't). He texted me immediately after the giggly phone call to say that I do not have to answer the phone if I'm making out with someone. Don't know the tone that message was meant to be read in.

But don't actually care! Just want to see the K.E. as soon as possible, again.

What was so great about the date? I dunno, but he just inspires me to be so completely candid, exposed, honest, vulnerable and I freakin' trust him so much for someone I just met last week. God. I have told him so much about myself, my life, my darker feelings/fears/insecurities, etc, and he just gets hungrier and hungrier to know more and get closer and closer to the core of who I am and what has shaped me to be the woman I am today and who I want to become. And he has been so honest in sharing himself with me, too, and I like him more and more. He is intense. But calm, honest, and very sensitive and sweet. He took me to bed when I got sleepy and he took me to bed and cuddled me tight all night long. In the morning he set his alarm for two hours earlier than he needed to, so he could wake up and enjoy the cuddling more actively, adding consciousness and chatting to the mix. I biked away from the street in front of his apartment building after kissing him on the cheek and as soon as I get home, I log into facebook and he immediately messages me, "Hey gorgeous. You looked so cute in your bike helmet." God I hate that he's seen me first thing in the morning, no makeup, broad daylight, without having had much sleep and I look at my worst, and the first comments to me a half hour later are about my looks, in a positive way?! I am just loving letting down my guard and not worrying about putting on a front or trying to manipulate him into thinking I'm perfect. I've told him and showed him my least perfect parts and he always reacts so strongly in a positive way. I've never been so myself like this with Smoothie. Or FlowerBoy, thusfar, or any other guy I can think of besides maaaaaybe Vanishing guy in Brussels last autumn. But even with him I was 'posing' and 'posturing' a little tiny bit because I had so many hopes and expectations of where things could go and I wanted to let nothing mess that up. I didn't tell him I had children the first time we met. So definitely I was not 100% transparent and up-front with him at the very outset.

With K.E., I just feel so free and relaxed. Because I don't need this to pan into some big full-fledged relationship. I don't need to be his girlfriend. I don't care if he sees other people. I don't need anything from him at all, except for some of his time and attention in some sort of ongoing fashion, while things are the way they are (that we are enjoying it so much). I just want to be his friend, I want to know him, have him in my life at least a little bit. I don't project any images in my mind about how things would look if things progressed and got serious, I don't think about anything except, "When can the two of us hang out and talk again?" and I don't even mind being with him and NOT having sex, despite his insane HOTNESS. And he wears glasses. I have such a thing for clever men in glasses. Not that civil engineering is so damned impressive from a nerdy aspect (my college sweetheart was a quantum physicist) but it'll do. He is extremely sharp, after all, and so sensitve. Did I mention that already?

Ok, gush over. I can't believe I'm getting crazy about another 28 year old (guy in Brussels was also a bit younger and 28 years old). And I love that this experience, these feelings of getting quite 'into' someone are not tinged with any neediness. Ok, I might feel different if he suddenly dropped most or all of our communications, I might miss him and be bummed out, but I honestly don't feel any panicky needy insecurity crap about things with us and that is such a breath of fresh air, a beautiful change of pace. I feel like I can just say anything with him without that burden of my wanting perhaps more commitment or a more serious relationship than I want to admit to him for fear of scaring him off. I referred to myself as a "female friend" in some sort of context where I think it sounded appropriate, in conversastion, and he sort of did a double take and repeated, "friend?" and I laughed and blew right past that comment thinking, "Now who's the 'girl' here?" and a few minutes later he dropped the phrase 'second date' referring to the night we spent together and I was smiling on the inside thinking that he really is kind of hoping this pans out into something the way a girl would be thinking on a great second date but strangely/oddly enough *I* am not thinking that way. I'm just very in-the-moment with him, and have this odd feeling deep inside myself that this is someone I am going to know, trust, and value having in my life, at least in some way/shape/form for a very long time. I trust that instinct and just wanna 'go with it' with him and continue to keep this very open line of communication open with him and enjoy knowing him.

I actually don't feel any interest in seeing other men right now, not because I wanna jump into 'girlfriend' or 'exclusive' status with the K.E. but because, in comparison, other men seem dull and un-interesting and a waste of time. What a nice feeling.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#148 of 244 Old 05-19-2009, 02:35 PM
 
sugarmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=*MamaJen*;13785031]I read his text messages.
Bad idea.
I really firmly believe in respecting other people's privacy and I think snooping is wrong and gross and a little psycho. I've never done anything like that before.
I knew he was dating other people and I didn't see anything in the texts that I wouldn't expect, just the usual "U blew my mind last night : )" kind of thing. But for some reason I feel so squicked out by it. I'm having trouble concentrating and every time I think about it my pulse starts going fast and my stomach feels weird.
[QUOTE]

I did the same thing before X and I had separate houses. It is hard to resist, even when you *Know* is it wrong, and will make you feel icky. Don't be too hard on yourself about it. And tell him to move out ASAP!

Butterfly, the Kinkster sounds better and better Send flowerboy my way, will ya? I could seriously use to date someone with that kind of cash!

j/k. sort of

I had a kind of boring date on Sunday. But... I don't know, if he mans up enough to ask me out again, I'd probably go. He was cute, in a very high school jock kind of way. I'm calling him the All-American boy, and i do mean boy.

I *think* I'm caught up on the facebook group, but if I forgot to add you, or if you haven't PM'ed me yet, don't be shy. The more the merrier. And for those of you with stalkerish exes, I am doing a quick screen of peoples post count/content of previous posts if I don't recognize them as frequent posters on this thread. Obviously it's the internet, and theres no way to be totally secure, but I think we're pretty safe. And the group is totally private, which means that anyone who looks at your fb page won't see anything to let them know the group even exists.

Okay!
sugarmoon is offline  
#149 of 244 Old 05-19-2009, 04:23 PM
 
Kino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 221
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't often lurk in this forum, but I keep getting drawn back into this dating thread You are guys are exciting

I have to shut off the computer as dd is coming over for the next couple days, but I hope to join in soon.

coolshine.gifSHINE!  Yogini.  My tuna girlgoldfish.gif  Partner to Dteapot2.GIF  Our little flower is herelove.gif/surpriseuc.jpg
Kino is offline  
#150 of 244 Old 05-19-2009, 05:05 PM
 
Ceinwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The cold, crazy north
Posts: 2,726
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
I read his text messages.
Bad idea.
I really firmly believe in respecting other people's privacy and I think snooping is wrong and gross and a little psycho. I've never done anything like that before.
I knew he was dating other people and I didn't see anything in the texts that I wouldn't expect, just the usual "U blew my mind last night : )" kind of thing. But for some reason I feel so squicked out by it. I'm having trouble concentrating and every time I think about it my pulse starts going fast and my stomach feels weird.
I am so not a jealous or snooping person. Through my 20s I ran with with this very sexually free bohemian crowd, I did the polyamory thing, I had a ton of open relationships that I really enjoyed. But somehow, seeing proof that the father of my child is sleeping with another girl is really upsetting, even though I broke up with him and knew it was happening and gave him my blessing to start dating again.
He needs to move out. I don't care if he's broke, he needs to move out. It's really weird living with him while he's dating other people.
And in the meantime, I need to start dating again too.
Blah. I feel so gross right now.
Jen Spare yourself the FOUR plus months of hell I went through with my exdp. Unfortunately for both of us, I know his password for his Facebook, email, online dating site, etc. etc. And even though I was the one that pushed to finalize the separation - I was physically ill for weeks following my snooping. Then I started to badger him for details, and he told me stuff out of guilt - bad situation all around!

After therapy (well, I go every week anyway!) we both realized that we HAD to speed up his moving out date, even if it meant he couch surfed or stayed at his (not greatly loved) parents' place. Because he just couldn't agree to not dating, and couldn't respect why I'd feel squicked out with him living here and doing that... he found a new place much quicker.

He did manage to put a lid on everything for the last month, but only because I had a hysterical screaming crying fit about how would he feel if I had multiple guys calling here all hours of the day and night asking for ME. He looked uncomfortable, because quite frankly he's at the point where he wouldn't care, but my extreme emotions surrounding the whole situation got through to him.

Definitely protect yourself mama. It's NOT fun and/or easy to live with someone post separation; exdp's move out date is June 1st and we're both ecstatic...

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
Ceinwen is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off