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Old 05-24-2009, 02:26 PM
 
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updates on my front..

throwing in the towel w trumpeter. haven't heard from him since last saturday. yea, i do believe that there is attraction there, but not enough to get anything started. i also think i read too much into things. but, in my defense, my world is pretty small and my libido is in ridiculous overdrive at the moment. a shame really. i would have rocked his world. so for the time being, that book is closed. next.

randomly texted with an old fling for a few HOURS the other night, at which time he divulged that he'd like "another crack at me." also shared that one of his hottest sexual experiences was with me. not sure if i'll go there, as i've some questions regarding one of his partners since that time, but this tossed-aside new mom can always use a good ego boost.

i'm preparing to file for divorce from the donor, which is really weighing on my heart and mind. i'm just so sad that this is where we find ourselves. i know that i'm nowhere near ready to commit to another man, but god i could use the distraction of something fun right now. sucks that trumpeter isn't seeming to be down.

can you tell i'm in a bit of a funk?

on the upside, i ran into an old friend yesterday at a party, and something happened. nothing tangible, but energy was passed. we were also drinking though, so that could have been it. he knows my husband so i'm feeling like that is territory best not tread upon, but at the same time, eff my husband. he hasn't exactly gone about his business with my best interests at heart. this guy, who i can't think of a good nickname for, has been in my circle for years. we've always gotten along fantastically, same level of wit and sarcasm...very casual and relaxed (not like trumpeter, who makes me uneasy for some reason) and natural. and he's been working out . and he doesn't live around here, so there's really no chance of a relationship . not to mention that our lives are so hugely different and the gap widens every single day, which is a good thing. i can't go off on some flight of fancy.

eh, who knows. i feel like i'm spending too much time thinking about this crap right now and not enough focusing on more important matters. like how to get myself out of this hole i find myself in.

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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Old 05-24-2009, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oy vey. I'm absolutely itching here now; the last line makes it so apparent that she told her, it's not even funny.

'she would love to be your friend'

We weren't even dating and I got the FRIEND punishment!

Advice, commiseration? OMG!d, this is going down as the worst idea ever...
Just a hug. Rejection stings. Everytime. I'm sorry! It does NOT mean it doesn't bode well. Just get back up on that horse again and shake it off, you hot mama you!


And jdubbelwe, I wanna give you a hug too. It seems like you need it. (double hug)
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Old 05-24-2009, 07:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hung out with the K.E. all day today. 8-9 hours of coffee & talking after just waking up, then going shopping for groceries, then cooking up an elaborate meal, then cuddling up in bed, pants on at all times, and digesting, talking, snuggling.... and then more eating and more coffee and more talking all the time. He hated to leave and I hated to see him go and he came on chat as soon as he went home and said he missed me already.
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Old 05-25-2009, 12:27 AM
 
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I hung out with the K.E. all day today. 8-9 hours of coffee & talking after just waking up, then going shopping for groceries, then cooking up an elaborate meal, then cuddling up in bed, pants on at all times, and digesting, talking, snuggling.... and then more eating and more coffee and more talking all the time. He hated to leave and I hated to see him go and he came on chat as soon as he went home and said he missed me already.
i can't tell you how glad i am to hear that. find me on chat soon and give me the juicy details

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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Old 05-25-2009, 06:20 AM
 
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Girls there is no way I can keep up here, so will leave it short.
Butterfly - am happy to hear things seem good with K.E I wanna hear some more soon too ! Have been thinking about you.

Melissa: Its no shame to have a crush - and getting rejected doesnt mean you will get rejected next time. Its just a rule of the game, hard as it is every time. It really does sting and isnt exactly doing wonders for ones selfesteem. I dont know if that woman is into women or men, but I imagine dating your own gender makes it more difficult as you always have that extra question - is s/he bi/gay or straight.. Sending thoughts.

Holly: Im so sorry you got fired What happened? Im really sorry - that truely truely sucks

I spend the weekend with BF - visiting my parents with the kids! This coming weekend we are going to his dads birthday and I will be meeting his entire family. Will be interesting. I am still in loooove! Everything about him is just as it should be - we can laugh, talk seriously, discuss politics and philosofy, joke, love and sometimes just be together with nothing going on. He feels like my missing link. Feel very lucky especially considering my lovelife has up until now always been one rejection after the other, one bad apple after the other, one selfish, egomaniac after the next. Some very charming and lovable - but none of them were actually really truely into me. So I still cant really believe I have met the right one - just like that. I guess it does happen and if it can possibly happen to me, it can happen to anyone..

There I went again - I didnt mean to come here and brag actually - just cant help myself Im so silly in love

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Old 05-25-2009, 10:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Holly: Im so sorry you got fired What happened? Im really sorry - that truely truely sucks
:


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Old 05-25-2009, 09:24 PM
 
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What's the best way to tell somebody you are not interested in them?

There's a guy who I have spent a little time talking to at work. I wasn't flirting, but I could tell he was kind of interested. I'm looking for a new job and he said he had a lead for me. So, when he asked for my email to send me the contact info, I gave it to him. He sent the info and I just responded simply with "thank you". Now he has emailed me again asking if I'd like to go somewhere specific with him, but he's keeping it on a friendly rather than romantic tone.

I am actually seeing somebody exclusively right now, but I might not be interested in this guy even if I wasn't. So do I just tell him I'm busy? That I'm involved with somebody? I'm not sure how to brush him off kindly - I don't have much experience with this sort of thing.

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Old 05-25-2009, 11:20 PM
 
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Holly: Im so sorry you got fired What happened? Im really sorry - that truely truely sucks
It's a complicated story, but I was working for a small family business, made one mistake that pissed off one of the owners, and he made an irrational decision to fire me (most of my co-workers are livid about it...but he's the boss so he can do what he wants). It was a new job (I had only been there 6 weeks) so I have no rights. The HR Manager has lied several times, it's a bad situation. But I'm glad to get out of there, if the owner is going to act like that. Really.
I miss my colleagues, and I probably won't ever see Smart Computer Guy again (but that's the least of my worries now). I hope to have lunch with most of my colleagues Friday to say 'goodbye'.

I am supposed to be moving out July 1st, so have to find another job quick. The one good thing out of all this is that my ex and I are on speaking terms now, and he's been cooperative and understanding. Even offered to help me move and wants to go to mediation to discuss how we can work out joint custody.

It was always early days for me to enter the dating scene anyways, but it's been over six months since I've had
More about that on FB.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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Old 05-26-2009, 08:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So do I just tell him I'm busy? That I'm involved with somebody? I'm not sure how to brush him off kindly - I don't have much experience with this sort of thing.

Mention to him that it would be fun to hang out one of these days, and you appreciate his offer, but you are pretty strapped for time between work, family, friends, being a mom, your boyfriend, and looking for a new job and it might be awhile before you have any time slots on your calendar to fill up with new friends.
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Old 05-26-2009, 09:28 AM
 
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Mimim: Since he is being pretty straight forward why not respond in the same spirit. Tell him that you are flattered by his interest but that you for the time being are involved with someone?

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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Old 05-26-2009, 10:39 PM
 
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Well my Facebook flirting friend and I have continued to flirt....he would like to meet up sometime soon. I know that he is seeing someone, but he says they are not exclusive. I am not looking for exclusivity either, so that doesn't bother me...I am just being really cynical though and wondering if she knows they are not exclusive, you know?

Guys lie, after all. I know that - it's one of the reasons I'm divorced.

He's given me no reason to think he's not being honest and it's not my responsibility to keep him faithful if he's not...I guess I just don't want to stumble into a love triangle or something.

Again -this is what I hated about dating!!!
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Old 05-26-2009, 11:01 PM
 
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Heyyas!

Things are quiet around here. Jester has put the brakes on --things did get weird with the neighbor/his friend/ex. He had also been out on a few dates with someone else, more his age, and wants to give that a chance. I was feeling kind of ick about it, but then I realized it was because he and I hadn't really talked, except for a brief convo to decide to put on brakes, so I went up and spent some time talking w him on sunday, which was nice. I'd feel weird and slutty if we slept together twice, then just didn't talk to each other, really, ever again. If we can actually continue to be, and become, friends, then I'm cool. And it seems that he feels fine with that route too.

I've got 2 online guys in the email exchange phase, so we'll see. I usually lose them, though, after 2-3 emails when they ask how many kids I have -- more than two seems to shut down a lot of of conversations. And well, whatever. Their loss. But it makes it slow going for me. And ironically, almost every profile on match that interests me turns out to be a guy who puts NONE in response to have kids? in the section where they describe who they'd like to meet.

But in good news, I found a new house, and I'm very excited about that!

Mimim, I had a sort of similar situation with scrabble guy. I just politely turn down most invitations, keep the conversation friendly but light, and he has seemed to figure it out.


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In hopes we all find some yummies soon!
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Old 05-26-2009, 11:03 PM
 
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Well don't ask me for dating advice. My current situation was pretty much over as it started.

Our last date was Saturday. I stayed the night but we didn't have intercourse but it was really close. I felt a slight fizzle on the date. I was trying to stay open and optimistic. Of course it was only our 2nd date and my therapist says give someone 3 dates before you decide. I texted him a couple days later offering to bring him some soup cause I knew he caught the illness. I didn't think I was coming on too strong since he had been coming on really strong all week. So time went by and he didn't respond to my text (yes, I hate txt-ing even more now).

This evening I contacted him because I was so sick of wondering if he was going to ever get back to me. He said he is having multiple problems such as illness (he got that from me and now I am glad) and his ex is suicidal. He got really mad about me questioning him about why he didn't text back days ago. I can't say that I am sorry. I understand he has a lot going on. It sounds really intense but I am looking for someone who no matter what the situation would give me the common courtesy of some sort of communication as to what is going on. Obviously we are not on the same level. I obviously am looking for something more serious and he has a lot on his plate right now.

Anyway, I tried to offer some comfort and he said he didn't feel like talking. Well I said that made two of us, more along the lines that I was feeling sad. He responded saying that I am a "nice girl" but he doesn't think its going to work out. Wow, a nice girl...he obviously doesn't know me very well

I am sooooooo glad I didn't sleep with him

Well, my ego and heart are a little bruised but I am glad this resolved before I got too emotionally invested. Now I have dating practice...on to the next!
This guy 'll call him #2 contacted me today :by text. He said "I owe you an apology. Maybe i can talk with you sometime and explain things that have happened with me if you want. I owe you that respect"

I told him he could call me if he wanted to talk, so he called after work. Basically he apologized and gave a bunch of excuses as to why he dropped the ball on our "new friendship". I really didn't know what to say. I don't feel like an apology was necessary since It is pretty obvious he isn't into me and I was already moving on. During our conversation he focused only on himself and didn't even ask how I was doing. I think he just wanted to make himself feel better and when I told him that he didn't agree. I actually gave him a lot of trouble about it because I think he isn't being honest with me. I think if he truly liked me nothing would stop that. Not even a crazy/suicidal ex, kids, work, f-ing excuses...I have no acceptance for that anymore.

Anyway, I am so forgetting about #2. Actually I was already doing that when he felt the need to practically reject me again. I think I am feeling a little bitter but ready to date some more.

Going to try the online thing...maybe. Any recommendations?
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Old 05-26-2009, 11:06 PM
 
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oh, also!

Churndash, I struggle with that sort of thing as well -- how much is my responsibility, beyond my own actions? Not the same, but sort of similar with my Jester/neighbor situation -- the neighbor, jester's ex, basically put me up to flirting with/trying to start something with Jester, and did the same for him.

then, when she found out we had slept together, she freaked out and got really jealous (only towards him, she is not mad at me, or at least not saying so!)

But, should I have taken on more responsibility for looking beyond her words and considering the whole situation (he and she are still extremely close, they used to date, we are all eye-shot neighbors) decided to leave it alone? Or was it enough for me to take her at her word, when she told me I should go for him?

Similar kind of predicament you are in. I guess, for me, I'm feeling like I need to stop taking peoples words at face value (I've been bitten for this in a few other ways recently as well) and really look at the whole situation. To protect myself, mostly, not because I feel responsible for other people's inability to say what they mean.

Make sense?

Not that I have any idea what you should do, or what I would do in your shoes. Just rambling.

Hoping one of the email guys will write back to me, and avoiding cleaning my kitchen, mostly!
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Old 05-26-2009, 11:13 PM
 
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Yeah, guys do lie. I was dating/seeing/sleeping with a guy for years off and on and had no idea he had a girlfriend the WHOLE TIME. It was nothing serious and the best booty call I ever had though. I stopped it after I figured out he was "in love" Guess what? Now they are married now.
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Old 05-26-2009, 11:15 PM
 
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oh, also!

Churndash, I struggle with that sort of thing as well -- how much is my responsibility, beyond my own actions? Not the same, but sort of similar with my Jester/neighbor situation -- the neighbor, jester's ex, basically put me up to flirting with/trying to start something with Jester, and did the same for him.

then, when she found out we had slept together, she freaked out and got really jealous (only towards him, she is not mad at me, or at least not saying so!)

But, should I have taken on more responsibility for looking beyond her words and considering the whole situation (he and she are still extremely close, they used to date, we are all eye-shot neighbors) decided to leave it alone? Or was it enough for me to take her at her word, when she told me I should go for him?

Similar kind of predicament you are in. I guess, for me, I'm feeling like I need to stop taking peoples words at face value (I've been bitten for this in a few other ways recently as well) and really look at the whole situation. To protect myself, mostly, not because I feel responsible for other people's inability to say what they mean.

Make sense?

Not that I have any idea what you should do, or what I would do in your shoes. Just rambling.

Hoping one of the email guys will write back to me, and avoiding cleaning my kitchen, mostly!
Isn't it a bummer we can't take their words for face value? Hopefully when the right one comes along (like I've heard happens to some people) we can AND the game playing can stop. I don't know though, maybe that is optimistic.
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Old 05-27-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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hey mamas! thought i would join the group! Id like to share my dating stories and get opinions. Ok so quick background, I am a single mama do DS 1 yr old. stbx is not in the pic at all with ds, its just the 2 of us. So after being alone for 2 yrs I thought it was time to get out there and share my heart with someone. I joined match.com to see what could happen. After about a month and a half I met a guy...lets call him singlepapa. He is a single dad of a 6 yr old boy, and has no baby mama drama. We messaged back and forth for a few days and then took a step up to giving eachother our emails... then phone numbers. we did the texting thing for a few days but then it turned into phone calls. We were hitting it off great and decided to meet. one problem we are about 90 miles apart. So it will take us about 1 1/2 hours to travel to each others hometown. so we decided to meet at the half way point last saturday. we brought the kids and made it like a play date type thing. (although at 1 yr old my DS couldnt really do much aside from hanging on me all day) We talked and were getting along. His DS played games at Dave and Busters while we got to know each other a lil better. I had my DS in the stroller and as we were walking around he turns to me and says "dont freak out now but we so look like a little family. You could so be my DS's mother, you both have fair skin and I could so be your DS's father since we have the same lips." I was like ok ya and laughed it off. Obviously we were still getting to know each other and plus we were in front of the kids so not too much physical interaction going on but every once in a while he would put his hand on my back and kind of scratch me playfully letting me know he was interested and would smile at me. after the games we walked to a local restaurant and ate lunch there. we didnt talk much during the meal... we were so beat! it was really hot do I think we were just drained or something.... he even said he didnt feel like himself....I felt the same thing... very weird. at any rate we called it a night and before we went out separate ways he invited me to a BBQ at his friends house on sunday. I agreed to drive the 90 miles to see him the next day. we hugged!

on sunday about 10 min after I had left with DS to the BBQ he texts me saying that his son has a fever of 102 and they are not gonna go to the BBQ and not to bother coming. I was SOOOO bummed. I thought maybe he was just blowing me off but then I remembered he is pretty frank and would have told me if that was the deal. I said ok no prob. I texted him about 5 hours later asking how his son was and he didnt reply. I texted him once again about 4 hours later right before bed and again no reply. we text pretty regularly and thought this was odd and thought that maybe he was blowing me off.

On monday morn I get a call from him saying good morning and just really happy to talk to me and invited me over again to chill with him and his friends and their kids. I agreed and made the hour drive to where he was. they put on a movie, mostly for the kids but everyone watched, and he didnt sit next to me 8( Most of the time we were there he was talking more to his friends than me. Dont get me wrong, he did talk to me at times and called me over to him when we went to the pool to chat but overall, it wasnt really just he and I. I figured that would be the case since he was gonna be with his friends... ya know guys are one way with their friends.... my son was getting really grouchy and would not let me put him to sleep so singledad suggested that I drive around to put him to sleep. so the two of us went in the car for a little joy ride. it was time to go because of the long drive home so we hugged goodbye once again and told my lil one that he will see him prob next weekend... hinting that he was gonna make the drive this coming weekend.

Its still pretty new and I need to see where it goes but I will keep you all updated!! Im so excited! I have not had this butterfly feeling since high school!!! I have a few concerns but we will see...


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Old 05-27-2009, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hey mamas! thought i would join the group! ...............


Its still pretty new and I need to see where it goes but I will keep you all updated!! Im so excited! I have not had this butterfly feeling since high school!!! I have a few concerns but we will see...


And things seem really promising. Keep us updated!
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Old 05-27-2009, 09:43 PM
 
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Yes keep us updated!! :

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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Old 05-28-2009, 07:33 AM
 
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Organicpapaya: Welcome
Sounds interesting. Is there any chance you can meet without kids? Its a bit hard figuring out whether something is going on between you if you dont have much time to just be on your own. And do take your concerns seriously untill he has clearly proven them wrong.

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Old 05-28-2009, 09:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Organicpapaya: Welcome
Sounds interesting. Is there any chance you can meet without kids? Its a bit hard figuring out whether something is going on between you if you dont have much time to just be on your own. .
: Good point, Seie!
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Old 05-28-2009, 09:59 AM
 
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Hypothetical dating question (no dates here )

What if your child's father never/rarely takes overnights? How do you date? Has anyone been in this situation? Do things just have to stay casual for a while in that case?

I can't see having someone spend the night here when I'm living with my kids, you know? I suppose I might change my mind but I can't see it now.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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Old 05-28-2009, 10:58 AM
 
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Not exactly a FB expert!!

How do I find the MDC dating mamas group???

TIA!
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Old 05-28-2009, 11:41 AM
 
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Still here reading everyone's stories! I'm still working on things on my end - apparently (according to my teenage sister the dating guru) I read way too much into the faceb*ok messages and I need to 'play it cool' and see what happens, lol.

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
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Old 05-28-2009, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Not exactly a FB expert!!

How do I find the MDC dating mamas group???

TIA!
Sweetie why didn't you just send me an SMS and ask ME? You know I'm here for you.

When you are on FB, there's some icons on the bottom left hand corner of the page, and one of them is the two blue heads/profiles and if you click on that it takes you to FB Groups and in particular 'Your Groups' of which I'm confident you only have one---the MDC daters. Then you click on that.

I love you!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-28-2009, 12:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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and I need to 'play it cool' and see what happens, lol.
Play it cool?

:

I never learned to do that.


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Old 05-28-2009, 12:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hypothetical dating question (no dates here )

What if your child's father never/rarely takes overnights? How do you date? Has anyone been in this situation? Do things just have to stay casual for a while in that case?

I can't see having someone spend the night here when I'm living with my kids, you know? I suppose I might change my mind but I can't see it now.
Grandparents could have an overnight once in awhile? aunts/uncles/close friends could come and spend the night at your place to do an overnight babysitting gig while you go out until the wee hours? IF your child/ren sleep through the n ight they would never even know it if you are there at bedtime and again at breakfast.
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Old 05-28-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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Organicpapaya: Welcome
Sounds interesting. Is there any chance you can meet without kids? Its a bit hard figuring out whether something is going on between you if you dont have much time to just be on your own. And do take your concerns seriously untill he has clearly proven them wrong.
yes this!! I want this to see how it is with the two of us. He has is son 50% of the time... one week on and one week off. So he can def meet without his son. Me on the other hand, my parents help watch DS during the week while I work. they are a bit on the elderly side and raising my teenage brother and sister so they are very tired and dont want to take advantage of them having them watch DS every single day, so I feel guilty if I leave him with them on the weekend. and no I dont have a friend or other baby sitter to watch him on any possible date days so Im kinda screwed there.....


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Old 05-28-2009, 03:45 PM
 
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Finding time to date is tricky.

I used to live near relatives who could babysit for the evening, after I'd put the kids to bed. I don't anymore. My kids have daytime visits w/ their dad, so I can do coffee/lunch dates, and then once things are serious enough, I can do "come over and hang out all day" kind of things, but it is hard to find time for dinner/drinks.

I'm working on building relationships with a few local teen girls, and I'm also rearranging my head about it -- a guy seems irritated/confused/whatever about me not being able to do evening dates due to the kids, well then, he's not the guy for me. And ya know, a lot of them *aren't*

OrganicPapaya, could your teen siblings babysit, after you put your little guy to bed, if your guy came to your town, so you'd be just a quick phone call away if your little one needed you? That is how I did it when I left my sleeping kids with a teenage aunt -- if anyone woke up, she'd just call and I'd zip home -- I made it clear to my date that this was the deal, and anyone who couldn't deal was out anyway.

Or could you do a "home" date, once you feel comfortable enough with the guy, where he comes over to your place after your baby is asleep? I've done some of those as well.

Nothing new to report on my end -- I'm hoping that one (or both?) of my current email/online guys will ask me out for this weekend, but I'm not committed enough to ask them.
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Old 05-28-2009, 09:18 PM
 
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Organic papaya: I am pretty sure someone is going to disagree with this suggestion - but could he come visit you in the evening after your ds is asleep? Ofcourse that would only work if you trust him to be a decent guy! That goes without saying. But since your DS has already met him? You could sit up and chat and have a glass of wine. He would obviously most likely want to sleep with you unless you had set out strick rules beforehand - I mean - if you dont want to take that step just yet..
If that is not an option maybe get in touch with other single moms in your area - could be possible to make a deal of "I watch yours if you watch mine" - A night out for a night out kwim?

Anyone remember that my BF quit his job because of a phsycho boss? Well - guess what - the phsycho boss got fired : And BF has a very promising 2nd job interview in a big company tomorrow. I am so excited for him - its a really cool position that I very very much hope he gets- Even though it will make it necessary for him to move another hour away from me. That will make us 2 hours apart. But well - 2 hours is still within driving distance - and we both expect our relationship to be a long lasting one so a year or two of him living somewhere far from me wont change our plans of a future together so..

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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