Dating Thread for May, if you please? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 244 Old 05-02-2009, 11:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can't handle a third day without any Dating Thread.




So could we please get one? And could all you single mamas spill the beans on your personal lives, please?

: : : : : : : : : : : :
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#2 of 244 Old 05-03-2009, 12:09 AM
 
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dating thread, yes, yes, I please....

so..nothing major, just little scraps, but that's about all I can handle right now anyway.

So, lets see, last week, I never did call Jester to thank him, but I figured I'd see him at the neighborhood potluck/bbq on Saturday, which I did. He was very friendly/chatty, we connected right away, talked for a while, he told me I had pretty hair (in context of conversation about hair color changing)...then I went off to take training wheels on and off bikes for all the kids who wanted to ride, and while I was gone, he left to pick up his brothers family who got in a car accident.

Scrabble guy was at the party too -- was funny to see him and Jester side by side, talking motorcycles. I definitely don't have romantic feelings towards Scrabble guy at this point.

I was pretty disapointed that Jester had to leave early, as I was looking forward to seeing where the evening might go. And, even though I live in this tiny village and Jester's house is basicaly in my backyard, I haven't seen him all week. So I called him today, and left a message saying "hey, I never properly thanked you for the brownies. So, give me a call, and I'll thank you" and left my number. So, we'll see.

I also put my profile back up on both local dating sites, just for s***s and giggles. So far, all I got was a note from a very self absorbed, stoned, and bitter musician guy which I ignored.

But there are a few guys I like on both sites, so we'll see. I've got a paid account on one (actually it randomly signed me back up after being unpaid for a few months, which is why I decided to put my profile back up, since I couldn't un-pay but not the other.

I haven't decided if I'll contact people, or just wait to see what kind of response I'll get. What do you guys do with online dating? Do you send out flirts/winks or messages? Or just wait to see who writes to you?

Butterfly, how's that? Pretty rambly considering I've got basically nothing going on dating wise!
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#3 of 244 Old 05-03-2009, 03:16 AM
 
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My dating scene has been dry for a while...well since I finally dumped my a**hole ex-boyfriend. UNTIL NOW!!!!

I work in a pizza place and this dad comes in with his kids every week. Definitely a hottie. I had a friend drop to him that I think he is cute and immediately he was very friendly and the following week (yesterday) he asked for my number : We have a date with the kids tomorrow. I have never dated anyone who has kids and I am sooooo looking forward to it. I feel like he might actually be able to relate with what I am going through and maybe we'd both be happy hanging at home most nights. I guess we'll have our first date before I jump ahead too far...

Hopefully there will be more juicy info to come
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#4 of 244 Old 05-03-2009, 03:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What do you guys do with online dating? Do you send out flirts/winks or messages? Or just wait to see who writes to you?

Butterfly, how's that? Pretty rambly considering I've got basically nothing going on dating wise!

It was great, thanks!

I always just contact the ones that look really, really promising. It seems the flood of interested men who make the initial contact are nearly never interesting. I'm a proactive girl, though, and tend to be the one making the moves when I'm interested.
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#5 of 244 Old 05-03-2009, 03:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hopefully there will be more juicy info to come
I certainly hope so! I'll be waiting with bated breath. :



As for me, I am still into Hottie Supreme, who still seems into me. I saw him Thursday but with my kids all weekend so just sending flirty text messages constantly. Are they ever sincere when they say that you are always on their mind? I think I'm getting jaded and I start to hear these things with an eyeroll. Cynicism is my modus operendi these days it seems.
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#6 of 244 Old 05-03-2009, 04:46 PM
 
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Hey Y'all.

Jester called me this morning and said, so I'm calling you, so now thank me . Heh. We talked a bit, and he suggested that one night this week he could burn his brush pile and we could hang out and talk (my back yard runs into his front yard, so I would feel comfortable hanging out out there after the kids are asleep). Right after I got off the phone w/ him, I left to bring the kids to their dads and stopped at the general store to get coffee, and Jester rolled in on his motorcycle.... He greeted me with "And there she is!" which I thought was cute. I'm having fun with this. I teased him and another guy I know who was also at the store about how old they are (they were talking about when they graduated from hs - 1979, I was born in 1977).....

But I could def. see some action btwn me and Jester, which is fun to anticipate. I think it is funny right now, as we are both being oh so super casual, but yet, it is obvious we are "doing this" ya know? Makes me laugh.

Butterfly, hottie supreme is the one who was friends w/ your ex, right? You feel okay about that? He sounds pretty great, just would make me a bit nervous.

As far as contacting guys/waiting to be contacted, the only online thing I ever had that actually went anywhere (Complications) was someone I contacted. The guys who have contacted me have pretty much been losers. I have to have a certain amount of flirty energy going though, in order to initiate. But, it definitely builds on itself, so flirting w/ Jester is building up my energy for initating some contacts online..

Happy Sunday, everyone!
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#7 of 244 Old 05-03-2009, 06:28 PM
 
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Nothing going on here - just waiting for BF to get back home from his trip abroad..

Sugarmoon: Sounds interesting with Jester - nothing like a good flirt to boost selfesteem! Keep us updated

Butterflymom: Hottie supreme does sound interesting Am cheering on the side!

For the online dating thing then BF is one I initiated contact with. I got a few interesting winks, but nothing I have acted on in a serious way. One winked me - I checked his profile - he looked like he COULD be interesting - but also like he wasnt particularly looking for a relationship - but rather a lover or something - so just winked him back and figured - if he is interested in more than just some casual lovin he will get back - but he never did.
The day I found BF I was kind of loosing faith that I could find a good guy on that site - but thought - hey I will give it one last go. So I did a search for men in my agegroup, then a lot of pics came up. I sorted through them easily, sorting out only the ones that had warm smiles. I tried not to sort by looks in a traditional way or the quality of the picture - only looking at whether they looked like nice, warm people. I ended up with a list of - well actually only around 5 could meet that simple criteria. I checked their profiles - sorted a few out after reading and was left with 3. I sent them each a wink with a short text. For BF I think I wrote a short comment on his profile text. So he wrote me back with a really short but funny and charming responce. I actually literally laughed out and felt - this is an interesting guy, cause he was being so original.
So we wrote back and forth for a week - each letter from him more intelligent and pleasent to read than the last. We met up after a week and after spending an evening - and a night - (yes I couldnt help myself and brought him back home as he was so delicious - and the best kisser I ever met) I was sold. The next day I got a text from him saying that so was he. Things have been progressing from there - feels like the real thing to me I feel very lucky

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#8 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 04:35 AM
 
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I have been waiting for the thread too! Thanks for letting me know I am not alone....

I am new(er) to this thread. I tried to jump in once but quickly realized I had no clue what I was doing, honestly I still don't which is why I am on here. There are four men interested in me, all are old connections that are just happy I am finally single.


StableGuy - Has a killer job (in a hard to break into industry that I am considering entering), owns his own home, two cars, sole physical custody of his tween age son, open to a serious relationship, open to my daughter and more children....... thing is he is "older", I would guess 13+ years older than me and is stuck in his ways accept them or not for the most part and dd's dad was also older than me about 20 years which at times was tough. In the past StableGuy and I were intimate and it was not memorable in a positive light which I would be lying does not again remind me of the age difference.....

ThePrettyBoy - Just turned 30 so still slight older than me, we used to have blast always going to "hot spots" but it just fizzled due to some petty drama caused by a third party. He used to ALWAYS be the party guy but recently has wanted to settle down and seems to just be waiting on the one. He is pretty secure financially but in an insecure industry so his secuity could change any day. He is self employed, owns property (I think)..... is very family oriented but since he has no attachments he seems to think I can just hang out all the time and on a whim.... hello solo mom that is not even possible. Also he is always with the sexual comments and text messages...... we too have been there in the past but does that mean it is back on the table date #1???? Also since he was the only child his mom put everything into him so I am not sure he can handle being #2 to my dd.... I think he has potential but some boundaries need to be established.

2ndHusband - I always felt he would be my 2nd husband, he treated me better than any other man I dated but I was not physically into him.... well that changed over the years but he is still a party animal and I have out grown that. He goes out every weekend night and his weekend is considered Thurs - Sun often out the state to party in vegas on a whim. He is the youngest of all the men and is my same age. He has a daughter slightly younger than my dd but is not active to my knowledge beyond child support ---- I don't know this for certain but I know he was much more interested in my dd than taking about his own. He owns his own town home, I LOVE his mom and family, he is positioned to take over the family business, we would be on the same page with child rearing because we come from the same social circle, but he is just is not ready for what I want yet...... I recall the physical in the bedroom was HOT mostly because he adores me I just wish mentally he was where the Pretty Boy is. I think IF I really want a future with him I may need to let him fade away for now..... but then what if he becomes smitten with another women, I would be crushed because I always saw him as mine someday.... I guess he could just be a physical thing but I do want more than that but like pretty boy he makes lots of sexual comments and text? Is this just the norm, don't men court women?

TheGangster - He is not and was not in a GANG but he is more rough around the edges than the others and most certainly has more "swag" ---- read backbone. He is 10+ years older than me but you one would never assume that in the past I stopped dating him because I found out much of his financial success was from questionable sources so I opted out of a relationship and stayed friends. Whatever he was doing is now on the up and up and he treats me like gold. I like nice things, eating nice places, and he is able and willing to support that. Down side is he is not physically attractive and I would not be able to ever be 100% sure whatever he did in the past would not affect his present........ still he has always been good to me.

So now I have four guys whom I have each only seen once since I started dating again and honestly I have no clue how to date under these circumstances. How do you find time to date as a solo mama? What is OK? I think once I move from my parents guest studio I would be okay with them coming over after dd was in bed, but not until I move which is not on the calendar anytime soon. How often should I see them? I WAH with dd here so I don't have downtime for lunch..... please advise.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#9 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 04:39 AM
 
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I haven't decided if I'll contact people, or just wait to see what kind of response I'll get. What do you guys do with online dating? Do you send out flirts/winks or messages? Or just wait to see who writes to you?
I only went on one site for about a month ---- it was free I was bored late night. I just looked and who contacted me then I never responded to them and I also searched. I sent one wink to a promising guy but he never responded and I left it at that. To me is it based on how you would feel comfortable, I was not really comfy putting myself out there but other friends of mine do all the time and have good success.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#10 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 08:16 AM
 
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I['m sorry I didn't start it yet :0

Thank you for starting one


I have just been so preoccupied with things going on in my life, and am not dating anymore. I do lurk here though, and try to keep up on things.

I think DF is officially giving me my ring this week, we have a special date Our wedding date is June 20th

                                Whatever will be, already is...
 
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#11 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 08:52 AM
 
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Beloved, that is sooooo wonderful!!!! I can't wait to hear every single detail!
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#12 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 09:04 AM
 
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I just got a call from a friend last night, "I have a cutie I want you to meet!"

Sigh.

I'm nervous. Haven't dated much.

Apparently he's the brother of her new boyfriend, so I guess she's going to set it up for the four of us to go out.


Yikes.
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#13 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 11:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just got a call from a friend last night, "I have a cutie I want you to meet!"

Sigh.

I'm nervous. Haven't dated much.
Good luck! I can't wait to hear how the date went!
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#14 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 11:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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StableGuy - Has a killer job (in a hard to break into industry that I am considering entering), owns his own home, two cars, sole physical custody of his tween age son, open to a serious relationship, open to my daughter and more children....... thing is he is "older", I would guess 13+ years older than me and is stuck in his ways accept them or not for the most part and dd's dad was also older than me about 20 years which at times was tough. In the past StableGuy and I were intimate and it was not memorable in a positive light which I would be lying does not again remind me of the age difference.....
Seems good. Are you attracted to him physically? 13 years is no biggie. Could Viagra solve all bedroom issues? How are things going with him lately, are you guys having fun together when you've seen each other? Does he send dirty text messages too? :


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ThePrettyBoy - Just turned 30 so still slight older than me, we used to have blast always going to "hot spots" but it just fizzled due to some petty drama caused by a third party. He used to ALWAYS be the party guy but recently has wanted to settle down and seems to just be waiting on the one. He is pretty secure financially but in an insecure industry so his secuity could change any day. He is self employed, owns property (I think)..... is very family oriented but since he has no attachments he seems to think I can just hang out all the time and on a whim.... hello solo mom that is not even possible. Also he is always with the sexual comments and text messages...... we too have been there in the past but does that mean it is back on the table date #1???? Also since he was the only child his mom put everything into him so I am not sure he can handle being #2 to my dd.... I think he has potential but some boundaries need to be established.
Why did it fizzle before? Did he prove himself to be untrustworthy at the end of your previous-life-relationship? Why not just ask him if he's truly ready for starting slowly (sexually) and working up to something perhaps more potentially real and lasting, and if he is okay (and ask him to start to prove it in his actions) with the fact that your daughter comes first....? Put him on the spot. Then report back with his answers.

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2ndHusband - I always felt he would be my 2nd husband, he treated me better than any other man I dated but I was not physically into him.... well that changed over the years but he is still a party animal and I have out grown that. He goes out every weekend night and his weekend is considered Thurs - Sun often out the state to party in vegas on a whim. He is the youngest of all the men and is my same age. He has a daughter slightly younger than my dd but is not active to my knowledge beyond child support ---- I don't know this for certain but I know he was much more interested in my dd than taking about his own. He owns his own town home, I LOVE his mom and family, he is positioned to take over the family business, we would be on the same page with child rearing because we come from the same social circle, but he is just is not ready for what I want yet...... I recall the physical in the bedroom was HOT mostly because he adores me I just wish mentally he was where the Pretty Boy is. I think IF I really want a future with him I may need to let him fade away for now..... but then what if he becomes smitten with another women, I would be crushed because I always saw him as mine someday.... I guess he could just be a physical thing but I do want more than that but like pretty boy he makes lots of sexual comments and text? Is this just the norm, don't men court women?
Why isn't he active with his own child? What makes you think he's not ready for what you want? Why not ask him directly what sort of relationshp he's looking for, besides just one that includes the two of you in bed?

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TheGangster - He is not and was not in a GANG but he is more rough around the edges than the others and most certainly has more "swag" ---- read backbone. He is 10+ years older than me but you one would never assume that in the past I stopped dating him because I found out much of his financial success was from questionable sources so I opted out of a relationship and stayed friends. Whatever he was doing is now on the up and up and he treats me like gold. I like nice things, eating nice places, and he is able and willing to support that. Down side is he is not physically attractive and I would not be able to ever be 100% sure whatever he did in the past would not affect his present........ still he has always been good to me.
Questionable income? Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. Red flag.
Back away slowly, mama. Plus he's ugly and you're not attracted. You can find a man who can support eating in nice restaurants if that's so important who you ARE attracted to and who HAS NOT ever broken the law to make money. :
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#15 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 12:39 PM
 
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I just got a call from a friend last night, "I have a cutie I want you to meet!"

Sigh.

I'm nervous. Haven't dated much.

Apparently he's the brother of her new boyfriend, so I guess she's going to set it up for the four of us to go out.


Yikes.
Very exciting let us all know how it goes!!!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#16 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 12:49 PM
 
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Seems good. Are you attracted to him physically? 13 years is no biggie. Could Viagra solve all bedroom issues? How are things going with him lately, are you guys having fun together when you've seen each other? Does he send dirty text messages too? :
StableGuy does not send any dirty text messages but if he did I would think it was funny as it's so out of character for him. He is handsome. We do have fun together but in subdue ways. I don't know about the viagra but have thought about it.... in my experience men in his nationality are pretty defensive about the subject of viagra all together. Honestly the age and maturity gap does concern me, 13 years is not a HUGE difference but where those "numbers" fall puts us in very different life positions........




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Why did it fizzle before? Did he prove himself to be untrustworthy at the end of your previous-life-relationship? Why not just ask him if he's truly ready for starting slowly (sexually) and working up to something perhaps more potentially real and lasting, and if he is okay (and ask him to start to prove it in his actions) with the fact that your daughter comes first....? Put him on the spot. Then report back with his answers.
PrettyBoy & I fizzled because my cousin started making up lies about me because she could not accept my happiness. Also he "needed" alot of attention and does not at all hide this which I was unable to give to him because at the time my job came first over relationships, but that has since changed. I think your advice about directly asking him is good....... Might you the same approach for another one the guys too.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#17 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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Ok I'm back to dish about dating...

We had our park date yesterday with the kids (my 1, his 2). It went so well! He was so easy to talk to. He has his kids full time like me so I think we can relate well to each other. He is nothing like anyone I've dated. He is stable, older than me (by 5 yrs), very attractive and actually seems to be into me.
Toward the end of our time he asked me out for tonight! Minus the kids. I said yes and found a sitter for ds. He was texting me all evening yesterday and even email me some songs. This almost feels like it should be someone else's life...

Also, for anyone clueless/confused about about dating as I have been throughout my life there have been a couple things that have helped me.
1. The book "He's just not that into you" By Greg B (?)
2. The show "Tough Love on VH1". I thought I'd hate it but it is actually a really cool show about dating (no single moms) but great advice and entertainment.

It's is so great to read everyone's posts...you go ladies!!::
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#18 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 01:18 PM
 
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Why isn't he active with his own child? What makes you think he's not ready for what you want? Why not ask him directly what sort of relationshp he's looking for, besides just one that includes the two of you in bed?
Well he has mentioned wanting a relationship but he is always so sexual based when he text as well as the one time we got together but the physical chemistry with him was very present for me...... unlike the others who have tried thus far. Again I equate the chemistry to the way we have felt over the years for eachother not just let's hop into bed.

Honestly I don't know how active or inactive he is with his child because he did not really chat about his daughter other than to tell me he had her and show me a picture, but he looked at close to 100 pictures of my daughter, asked questions about her, started telling me how is townhouse complex is kid friendly etc. He said that he and the mother of his dd were never together and this whole situation came out of left field for him...... if I had to guess the story this is what it would look like: 2ndHusband has physical fling with girl, she assumes he is better off financially than he is and decides a baby with him is a good idea. Fling does not realize he is still a baby himself with alot of growing to do and that his mama controls ALL the money she saw. Sadly I think because fling is bitter about them not being together as well as the baby still being an infant colors his ability to have a relationship with his daughter at this point. With him I think it is the women who sets the tone.

btw - 2ndHusband's mom is a complete sweetie and I adore her! One thing good with him is we have the ability to grow together which can be beautiful. I can see myself growing old with him : IF I could just get him out of the damn club........


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Questionable income? Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. Back away slowly, mama. Plus he's ugly and you're not attracted. You can find a man who can support eating in nice restaurants if that's so important who you ARE attracted to and who HAS NOT ever broken the law to make money. :
I did back away slowly in the past, we are only friends but he is a REALLY nice guy to me and would be AMAZING to my daughter. I don't think he is ugly but that his physical is not attractive to me. It is not about eating in nice restaurants it is about a lifestyle that is nice.... when I say we ate out at nice restaurants it was on a scale few could match (nor would I expect/need/want it) but one of the ways I began to question his income in the past was the amount he spent on food in a month period with me just guessing the amounts I came to a figure of about $4000 on food. Now with live in a very expensive city with very nice restaurants but that would be questionable for many and that was just food, not the Tiffany & Co. gifts just because I cooked for him or because he was thinking of me again it was lifestyle not just the food...... He is no longer doing whatever he did (which I never asked about just backed away) he is now with legit business ventures, owns several properties, has a couple big investments, etc. and in some ways it appears he has scaled back a little lifestyle wise. So I think he status has changed.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#19 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 01:28 PM
 
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Ok I'm back to dish about dating...

We had our park date yesterday with the kids (my 1, his 2). It went so well! He was so easy to talk to. He has his kids full time like me so I think we can relate well to each other. He is nothing like anyone I've dated. He is stable, older than me (by 5 yrs), very attractive and actually seems to be into me.
Toward the end of our time he asked me out for tonight! Minus the kids. I said yes and found a sitter for ds. He was texting me all evening yesterday and even email me some songs. This almost feels like it should be someone else's life...

Also, for anyone clueless/confused about about dating as I have been throughout my life there have been a couple things that have helped me.
1. The book "He's just not that into you" By Greg B (?)
2. The show "Tough Love on VH1". I thought I'd hate it but it is actually a really cool show about dating (no single moms) but great advice and entertainment.

It's is so great to read everyone's posts...you go ladies!!::
That sounds REALLY sweet! I also like the book He's Just Not That Into You.

Keep us posted!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#20 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 06:40 PM
 
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As soon as XDP moves out the house this summer, I am looking forward to joining this thread. I think it's a reasonably good idea to have a built-in period where it's not feasible to date.
I've been thinking a lot about how to make good dating decisions. It's a whole different ball game now that I have my baby. I have a habit of going for the irresponsible artistic guy. I don't want to suddenly start dating straight-laced Republicans, but I do want to pick someone who knows how to balance a checkbook and has his life in order.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#21 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 08:02 PM
 
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I have "Hes just not that into you" too and while there are lots of good advices in it - it also really boosted any insecurities I had when I first started dating BF. If I was feeling insecure I could go through that book and read anything into his behaviour. Its got some good guidelines in it - but people dont always fit into boxes so read it with common sense and dont use it as a tjeklist - IMO life just doesnt work that way..

LoveOhm: I would totally go for the one you want to grow old with. Especially if he feels the same way about you! Love is not something that comes easily and it sounds like love to me

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#22 of 244 Old 05-04-2009, 10:39 PM
 
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I agree about "he's just not that into you" that it can kind of give you a mind trip but I do think it points out some helpful and unfortunate truths about men.

I also think that if a guy is truly "into you" there might not me much a girl can do to mess it up.

I have to say I am completely grateful I didn't I give my current interest my number or ask him out. I waited for him to ask me for it and it seems to have payed off. I think a big message I got from the book was that men like to do the chasing...oh and that I need to wait to have sex. That has been my biggest problem dating
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#23 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 02:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
Scrabble guy was at the party too -- was funny to see him and Jester side by side, talking motorcycles. I definitely don't have romantic feelings towards Scrabble guy at this point.
I just reread your post and my goodness that must have been an interested moment........ Wow!

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As soon as XDP moves out the house this summer, I am looking forward to joining this thread. I think it's a reasonably good idea to have a built-in period where it's not feasible to date.
I've been thinking a lot about how to make good dating decisions. It's a whole different ball game now that I have my baby. I have a habit of going for the irresponsible artistic guy. I don't want to suddenly start dating straight-laced Republicans, but I do want to pick someone who knows how to balance a checkbook and has his life in order.
MamaJen I think for me at least it has been good to not be in an easy position to date because it REALLY makes you think about what YOU want as well as what you NEED. It requires one to think about the action a bit more, at least it does for me. I would say not to do a complete circle but try to remain open...... I have trouble with remaining open myself but I am working on it. In the meantime lurk here, I did!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#24 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 05:05 AM
 
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I have to say I am completely grateful I didn't I give my current interest my number or ask him out. I waited for him to ask me for it and it seems to have payed off. I think a big message I got from the book was that men like to do the chasing...oh and that I need to wait to have sex. That has been my biggest problem dating
I honestly have chosen not to follow that. If I want to have sex - I have sex. I am not going to let societys idea of what a good girl does or doesnt do define my sexuality. If a guy cant handle me being aware of my wants and needs and comfortable in my body - and in sharing it with a man of my choice - when I want - then he is simply not a guy for me! Meaning - if a guy was going to discard me simply because I had sex on the first date - then I would really rather be without him. If a man is ready to jump into bed on the first date, he shouldnt mind me doing it either. Any other attitude would be sexist and hypocritical IMO - and I know for sure I would not want to date a guy like that!

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#25 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 05:07 AM
 
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hmmmmmmmmm. dating has been nonexistent for me for a minute now and i am beginning to wonder if i am doomed to be alone for the rest of my life. i am hanging in there and hoping that maybe i could find some fellow : to share my dreams.

it's cool though. i've been super selective because i am finding that a lot of guys here just want an instant relationship with no courting and that does not interest me in the least, so there you have it. single still in may.

Former dreads.gifwearing, treehugger.gifing, pole dancing, read.gifpushing, ribbonpurple.gifsurvivor & single mama extraordinaire to energy.gif.  

Now that's a mouthful!!! computergeek2.gif & follow it!   

 

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#26 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 06:16 AM
 
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I honestly have chosen not to follow that. If I want to have sex - I have sex. I am not going to let societys idea of what a good girl does or doesnt do define my sexuality. If a guy cant handle me being aware of my wants and needs and comfortable in my body - and in sharing it with a man of my choice - when I want - then he is simply not a guy for me! Meaning - if a guy was going to discard me simply because I had sex on the first date - then I would really rather be without him. If a man is ready to jump into bed on the first date, he shouldnt mind me doing it either. Any other attitude would be sexist and hypocritical IMO - and I know for sure I would not want to date a guy like that!
I completely understand your perspective! I have always been so free sexually and I see nothing wrong with having sex when you want it. It is just that for me the outcome has not been positive. I have slept with many guys quickly and out of wanting my needs to be met sexually. I have ended up feeling like pure s*hit after a lot of the time. Not saying that it is their problem or your's. It is totally me. I just want to go about things differently this time...this man is different. I don't want to f it up.

We actually just ended our date. It was really great. He brought me an orchid, which is just gorgeous. We went out and had a couple good beers and had great conversation. Then we came back to my place. Things got hot and heavy but I really do want to wait this time so after a very nice time he went home. I have to say it was a little painful...but no regrets!

It was a yummy, yummy time :
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#27 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 07:35 AM
 
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I honestly have chosen not to follow that. If I want to have sex - I have sex. I am not going to let societys idea of what a good girl does or doesnt do define my sexuality. If a guy cant handle me being aware of my wants and needs and comfortable in my body - and in sharing it with a man of my choice - when I want - then he is simply not a guy for me! Meaning - if a guy was going to discard me simply because I had sex on the first date - then I would really rather be without him. If a man is ready to jump into bed on the first date, he shouldnt mind me doing it either. Any other attitude would be sexist and hypocritical IMO - and I know for sure I would not want to date a guy like that!
Yes - God damn it! And furthermore, I like to be the one who choose a man. That way I know that I get what I want and not settle in anyway.
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#28 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 07:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes - God damn it! And furthermore, I like to be the one who choose a man. That way I know that I get what I want and not settle in anyway.
: To both the beauitful Danish women. :

I like to choose 'em and I like to take 'em to bed if I feel inspired to do so. I'm a handful, and if my forwardness scares 'em off, then their self-esteems or views on women weren't what it needs to be in order for me to love them.
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#29 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 11:58 AM
 
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Totally agree... I got a comment once or twice about, "why are you letting x or y use you?" because I slept w/ someone quickly. I just don't get that. USE me? As if I didn't want to have sex with them? I like sex, and arbitrarily waiting or playing the whole "game" about it is just not cool with me.

I never did go out of my way to message anyone one on a dating site, though. I would get tons of messages a day and just toss out the majority of them. I ended up dating a few guys who were all really fun and sweet in different ways, but I couldn't see any long term potential w/ any of them. Which was FINE, having fun (esp after being in a 6 year crappy relationship!!!) was great.

My boyfriend of almost 4 months (woo woo!!) had sent me a message and I responded, it was just a question about astrophysics or such I had mentioned in my profile. A few weeks later I actually browsed his profile and was blown away. I just loved it. We haven't stopped talking to each other daily since. :

Anyway, still following this thread and loving reading about everyone's adventures or lack thereof, though I'm not feeling that I am currently technically dating anymore.
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#30 of 244 Old 05-05-2009, 02:26 PM
 
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:

My boyfriend of almost 4 months (woo woo!!) had sent me a message and I responded, it was just a question about astrophysics or such I had mentioned in my profile. A few weeks later I actually browsed his profile and was blown away. I just loved it. We haven't stopped talking to each other daily since. :

Anyway, still following this thread and loving reading about everyone's adventures or lack thereof, though I'm not feeling that I am currently technically dating anymore.
Awesome! Online dating success...that is great to hear
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