Sex and the single, ap mommy - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 04-18-2002, 08:56 PM - Thread Starter
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Ok, how do y'all manage?

I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with a dear but not previously intimate friend. I needed the fun and comfort and care. DD (5 months) needed HER comfort, namely, ME!

Had an interesting moment when I plucked the baby out of her bassinet at the side of the bed and brought her into bed with us to comfort and feed her, and he jumped out the other side to put his underpants on.

At this stage, I don't really have a huge issue......but down the road I anticipate a conflict of interests. :
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#2 of 9 Old 04-20-2002, 03:39 AM
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Tough issue. Sorry I don't have any answers for ya, I'm lucky my kids were older before I had to begin dating again (ya know, I don't even remember wanting sex with dh when the kids were that young... lucky girl )

~diana google me: hahamommy. Unschooling Supermama to Hayden :Super Cool Girlfriend to Scotty . Former wife to Mitch & former mama to Hannahbear
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#3 of 9 Old 04-20-2002, 01:37 PM
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I think it fantastic that you are taking the inititave (sp) to look after yourself yet still take care of your child. Lucky baby!
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#4 of 9 Old 04-20-2002, 11:34 PM
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I'm going to move this over to the "singe parenting" forum!
I think you'll have more luck over there!

good luck.....
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#5 of 9 Old 04-21-2002, 03:19 AM
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This one hits home for me, let me tell you! I have struggled with this issue since DD was 6 months old. Initially, I did what you did, had DD in her side car next to BF and I. In the mornings she would look at him with an expression of "What are you still doing here, buddy?" When I noticed her actually looking around for him I knew it was time to change our arrangement, I didn't want to confuse her (she was 10 months).

She is now 15 months. I decided my lover may not sleep in our bed, my kid is just too sharp and will want some answers! When she sees me so much as hug another person she becomes jealous and wants in on the lovin'!

I really do struggle with this issue. I was raised in a strict Irish Catholic home, just becoming an unwed mom was scandelous! (Whatever! Not like I re-invented the wheel!) I have really had to re-evaluate my concepts and ethics on sexuality, and what I want to teach DD.

What do you think: APing increased my sex drive!? I spend all day and night holding, nursing, cosleeping, coddling, touching, caressing and massaging my little girl. At the end of the day, I want some too!! I'm glad that you have found a dear friend to share that time with, you deserve it! Good luck!
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#6 of 9 Old 04-26-2002, 06:38 PM
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Well, my kids are 8 & 14 so very aware...I won't let my lover spend the night until I've been w/him for 6-12 months and KNOW it's a good thing that will continue. Also waiting at least 6 m before I'll introduce him as my bf; my kids will only meet him in casual group situations for now, and he's not allowed to be affectionate w/me in front of them at this time.

So, sex?? Well, he comes over after the boys are in bed and leaves after a few hours (oh those days I am half-asleep at work... ) I have my kids w/me 50% of the time so the rest of the time we are in hog heaven- tho I make sure to get my alone time, too.

Have fun!
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#7 of 9 Old 05-09-2002, 09:44 AM
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Hi Moon,

I've been single for 7 years now. Altho my grrls are teens, believe me when you are an AP mom, they are still way tuned in to what you are up to even when they are almost out of the nest!

There are so many ramifications to sharing your bed with a lover when your kids are involved. Sometimes they get all bonded with someone and then poof! it's over. Sometimes they really dislike someone and we aren't sure why - and their instincts can be good. Other times they just don't want to share.

No good solid answers, here, grrl. You have to go with your gut. Sometimes we need that physical outlet, sometimes we are indulging ourselves at the expense of our kids. I think it is one of the biggest challenges single moms face, whether we are AP or not.

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#8 of 9 Old 06-08-2002, 02:17 AM
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My dd was 3 mths when I left ehr father, and 14 mths when I dated again. We spent the night together at a friend's house one night and I put ehr in bed with us. When she woke in the a.m. she looked at him, but it was no big deal (to her). I felt uncomfy about it though. I live with my parents so it wasn't like that happened much- 2x to be exact! But it made me feel weird. I think with a 5 mth old it really doesn;t make a lot of difference, however, you should try to look into the future and what you want it to be like. My dd is 21 mths and I broke up with my previous bf when she was 16 mths (long relationship, huh?) and haven't so much as dated since then. I am anti-men for the most part, lol.
When I do start dating again I will not introduce him as anything but a friend and will not let him spend too much time around dd until I know he is potential marrying material. And even then I will be careful about it.
My dd is still young, but I want to start patterns that I want to maintain.
Bottom line is, I wouldn;t worry about doing your little one any harm at his age, but I also wouldn;'t make it a habit, even as young as he is.
I don;t like men too much right now but there are certain things I do miss... Lol
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#9 of 9 Old 06-19-2002, 02:09 PM
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Well I was dating a guy last summer and my dd was 13 months so when we wanted to fool around (He only came over after she was asleep) then we just did it on the couch. If dd fussed I went into the bedroom alone nursed her and then returned to the couch. It wasn't the ideal situation but I think it worked okay for the age of the child. This may be something that would work for you. Good Luck with dating, that relationship wasn't too long lived and I haven't even tried it since.
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