~June Dating Thread~ Single Ladies!!! (put a ring on it) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-05-2009, 06:43 AM
 
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Update on 2ndHusband - Things are still good with us both in and out of the bedroom!

He does not really talk on the phone but does sweet "thinking of you" text and opens up and communicates in person so I am now a little more in the loop of what is going on in his world. The limited time we are alone in person where he opens up means we are going slow on the surface level of what goes on in our lives on the day to day. For the most part when we are together it's about him and I no conversation of our ex's or issues with work, etc. he does ask about dd but really our time at this point is just about "us"..... not sure if I feel that is good or bad but since we are growing closer just slowly I won't complain yet. I did learn that he is involved with his dd and now has a visitation schedule which is minimal but she is young and he makes that time a priority.

We did have a little kink where we went to a club together but there were jealousy issues on both sides but we smoothed it over. I actually think this incident will end up leading to a heart to heart discussion of "us" next time we see each other in person and the outcome of that discussion will give me insight as to if I will pull the plug on the physical and just be friends hopefully only until he is ready to slow the nightlife lifestyle (and there is the chace of just friends for ever.... we will always at least be friends we have for 10+ years already) or if I will work with him with where he is presently. We will just have to see his commitment level at this point.... He did ask me to Vegas for 4th of July but depending on who all is going and for how long I might go for a night or two. Oh and he is coming with me to my friends wedding!

A side thought not only with 2ndHusband but in general ---- one thing about dating I REALLY wish I was working so I had an income to go out with, buy clothes, pay sitters, join a gym, etc. I have not really missed working because I have not wanted for myself but now that I do I wish I had income that jobs provide. I am ready for love, ready to groove after thinking as a mom (especially a solo mama) I had to give it up, and ready to be back making my own money!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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Old 06-05-2009, 11:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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the following questions serve as a means of evaluation. You must trust your own perceptions and feelings to answer these questions. If you come up with even one answer you don't like, there is a good chance you will not have a healthy relationship.

Does he have a sense of joy in life?
Do you enjoy his ideas, and do you feel a rapport with him?
Do you feel a real connection, laughing together and catching meanings the same way?
Is there a best-friend quality to your relationship?
Do you feel relaxed with him?
Can you really be yourself without criticism?
Does he share his interests with you and express an interest in yours?
Does he speak openly and honestly about himself?
Do you feel warmth and understanding from him?
Is his humor often at the expense of others, or is it bitter or intimidating, or does it make you feel uncomfortable?
Does he seem distrustful of a number of other people?
Does he argue against your thoughts, ideas, feelings and experiences?
Is time spent with him not as pleasant as you usually anticipate?
Is his world composed of "good guys" and "bad guys"?
Does he seem to understand or remember things differently from you?
Does he make assumptions about you based on anecdotal evidence? .
i love this!!!!
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Old 06-05-2009, 12:03 PM
 
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yes I totally know what you mean that something is up but I cant put my finger on it either.... Im guessing since we met on match maybe there are other girls hes talking to but I cant be for sure. One time he said he texted me and I never got it. I was joking with him and said you probably sent it to the wrong girl. He kinda got mad and said that wasnt funny so idk. either way I am being cautious. He also said on wed night that he would call me thurs and he never did...soooooo.... heres what I think. maybe something is up but whatever.... I just have to be aware... but I also think its ok not to talk every single day. that gets old quick and I dont like the whole clingy thing, plus its way new still. We can go a day or so without talking, its not the end of the world. So Im def being cautious but at the same time Im not really freaked out or worried.... does that make sense?


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Old 06-05-2009, 09:52 PM
 
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yes I totally know what you mean that something is up but I cant put my finger on it either.... Im guessing since we met on match maybe there are other girls hes talking to but I cant be for sure. One time he said he texted me and I never got it. I was joking with him and said you probably sent it to the wrong girl. He kinda got mad and said that wasnt funny so idk. either way I am being cautious. He also said on wed night that he would call me thurs and he never did...soooooo.... heres what I think. maybe something is up but whatever.... I just have to be aware... but I also think its ok not to talk every single day. that gets old quick and I dont like the whole clingy thing, plus its way new still. We can go a day or so without talking, its not the end of the world. So Im def being cautious but at the same time Im not really freaked out or worried.... does that make sense?

Organicpapaya, what is so great about this guy? I'm not asking that in a snarky way, really just wondering. Because you haven't told us anything that is really amazing about him or about how he cares for you -- I'm not sure he's really *the guy*. He's the one that's first in line right now, but remember: YOU get to decide!

Butterfly, glad you had a girlfriend to go dancing with. What a freak.

Loveohm, glad you're keeping your avenues open. I wish 2nd hubby would man up a little. Or that stableguy would show you a crazy sexy side!!

Nuthin, nuthin doing around here....I'm feeling kinda lonely and pouty tonight, to be honest. Email guy, hmm guess he needs a name...localguy, and I exchanged some more nice emails today and he mentioned that he is going to be out at a bar/music thing relatively close to my house this eve with some of his friends -- I said "sounds fun, have a good time", and he responded with "you should come out -- its a great band". Ugh. Nope dude. ASK. ME. OUT. Ahead of time. By myself, not with all your buddies. I'll say yes, I promise. I'm a nice girl like that. But I don't too backwards, I'm-too-shy-to-really-ask-you-out.

And the last minute thing....it is just a big red flag that he has no idea what life is really like for someone with kids, and unless he figures it out, and adjusts, real quick, we're standing on a (real short) deadend street.

wah wah wah. anyone have some cheese for me?
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Old 06-06-2009, 12:26 AM
 
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I have a date tomorrow! Woo-hoo!
It's with a guy I dated casually for several months about three years ago. We never got serious but we really enjoyed each other's company and there was a lot of warmth and tenderness between us. This could be the perfect way for me to ease back into the dating world, with someone I trust and really like as a person. We had a really great sexual connection as well. The coolest part of the relationship was that we had this incredible correspondence when we were dating -- we wrote tons of emails back and forth, really creative, quirky, sexy, interesting letters on both sides.
He's a neat guy, he's a really talented musician (his band was at the Grammys this year) but he's super down to earth and just nice to be around. Right after I switched my facebook profile to single, he emailed me a couple days later. We've been chatting and it's been really pleasant. I've been sort of letting him pursue me the last three or four weeks, and we've finally set up a date.
My sister is going to watch the baby for me and we're going to meet up for afternoon coffee. And I'd really sort of like to have sex, which is something I haven't done in the last million billion years (which is what the last four months have felt like). But I think maybe I should just keep it to coffee on this date.
I don't think this is something that would develop into a serious relationship -- our lifestyles are pretty different now -- but he could be the perfect guy to wake me up from the sexual hibernation I'm in.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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Old 06-06-2009, 04:15 AM
 
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Organicpapayamama: Ok - saying he will call on a certain day and then not doing it - that is a red flag IMO. If he cant even keep promises to you now - he wont be able to a month or a year from now either. Especially since he didnt even make excuses afterwards such as "sorry, you know I meant to call you yesterday, but i have X-good excuse".
There are good guys outthere - you dont have to settle with someone who seems to have several things going at the same time - while involving his kid in it too.

MamaJen: That sounds promising! Sounds like a rare and special connection you have. Why dont you think it has long term potential? Not that it matters at this point - what will be will be. He sounds sweet

LoveOhm: Sounds good with 2ndHusband. If there is love there is a way. I hope it works out for you two

Butterfly: How are things with you? Any news?

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Old 06-06-2009, 09:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Organicpapayamama:
There are good guys outthere - you dont have to settle with someone who seems to have several things going at the same time - while involving his kid in it too.
:

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MamaJen: That sounds promising! Sounds like a rare and special connection you have. Why dont you think it has long term potential?
: : waiting for answer..... (I hope you get everything you want from this rock star. )



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Butterfly: How are things with you? Any news?
Kinky Engineer is out of town and I miss his friendship.


I'm having a party tonight and Pretty Fisherman is coming, with friends.... and he keeps in touch regularly. He is the one who was like, "I'm not looking for a serious relationsihp" and you know what I think?



I think usually when guys say, "I'm not looking for a serious relationship" they mean "I'm not looking for ANY kind of a relationship that would place ANY demand on me, from a woman, even the kinds that normal friends place" or more simply, "I like sex from women and these days, that's it" and it's irritating.


Like sugarmoon commented on our FB group thread on sex, having a relationship that's not-so-serious (i.e. a FWB) is hard because a FWB should first and foremost be a F. Someone you actually like, and actually can call and say whatever comes into your mind to, and hang out with. And when you combine the friendship with the benefits...it does look a whole lot like dating. Where's the line?

I'm musing here because with Pretty Fisherman, he does the regular calling/texting thing to keep up with me and let me know he's thinking of me, etc..... he probably wants the sex but doesn't mention it......he seems to wants to show up when I ask him to and come through for me if I want something and he loves lounging for hours and watching a movie just cuddling. But yet, he says he doen't want a relationship. Exactly what is missing from our scenario that would constitute a relationship? Perhaps the future expectations/hopes? Then we are casually dating without talk of future. Isn't that cool? Isn't that also a relationship but just a not-so-serious (at least YET) one? shouldn't all boy-girl situations start out with casual dating and adding those sex benefits when both are ready? Why does he need to throw the big disclaimor out there that seriousness is off the table? I probably would never want that with him anyways. But it's a buzzkill to tell me that there are limited options, right from the starting gate. :

Boy-who-would-never-marry-a-woman-who-has-ever-been-pregnant is still chatting me up, calling, texting, and i just keep throwing his 'principle' in his face as a reason why we shouldn't x,y,z... while still being a friendly person to him (I see no reason to be mean to a guy that makes me laugh, perhaps we could be friends). He joined up with me an my girlfriend on Thursday night and he is so funny. Dances like a cartoon character with total abandon. I like him. And now today he's claiming that he is really into me in every way and not so sure about his 'principle' and asks if we could 'give it a try' and I just keep throwing it out there that "You don't date mothers so we can safely be 'just friends'" while knowing he is kind of eating his words and about to eat his hat he's so damned into me. hehehehe I love to be mean to men who deserve it....
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Old 06-07-2009, 12:25 AM
 
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I had an absolutely lovely afternoon with the rock star. I really enjoy his conversation and just hanging out with him, and after all these years I'm still really attracted to him. We got coffee, I asked for a tour of the house he recently bought, and then .. But it was a very, very enjoyable afternoon. We had a nice conversation afterwards about how much we appreciated each other and wanted to see more of each other. He's one of the most genuine people I've ever known, and he's quite a philosopher at heart.
He recently split with a long-term girlfriend and is sort of dealing with that, and my ex is still living in my house for the next month or so, and he's away on tour a lot. I'm not looking for a partnership from him right now -- we are different people and we lead different lives -- but I think I could really enjoy having him around again.
Oh, and I had told him I was still breastfeeding, but there was a quite funny moment where he got a surprise swig. It made for a good comic interlude.
I think, by the way, that this must be the naughtiest thread on MDC.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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Old 06-07-2009, 01:01 AM
 
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I think, by the way, that this must be the naughtiest thread on MDC.
I think you're right......but that's why it's one of my favourites!!

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Old 06-07-2009, 05:49 AM
 
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Oh, and I had told him I was still breastfeeding, but there was a quite funny moment where he got a surprise swig. It made for a good comic interlude.
I think, by the way, that this must be the naughtiest thread on MDC.
Yeah its fun isnt it

So I've had a couple of days of being a bit dissapointed with BF. He is getting a bit desperate to have a job and this weekend he has stayed at home to get some applications done. I dont mind that really, but today is my birthday and I had really hoped he would be here to wake up with me today. I guess I have let it shine through in the past days - being a bit distant on the phone, leaving him to call me rather than call him as I always do (its more practical that I call, as when he calls he always ends up interrupting the childrens bedtime or something) So you get the picture. I have been slightly hurt and offended to be put second. But then guess what.

I got a very triggering mail from ex about practical stuff surrounding the kids and splitting our past house. I dont have anyone to share with, so despite my principle not to let BF get too involved in it, I had a looong vent about ex on the phone. I apologized afterwards and said something like - Im sorry - it's not fair of me to take it out on you. Guess what he said? He said when you really care about a person then you care about it all, good and bad, and that if he couldnt listen to me when I hurt, then who can? I know on paper its nothing special- but the way his voice sounded when he said it..
I dont mean to brag really - It's just that i still cant get my head around this.. I still have that "this can't be for real" feeling..

Anyway time to go pick him up at the trainstation..

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Old 06-07-2009, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, and I had told him I was still breastfeeding, but there was a quite funny moment where he got a surprise swig. It made for a good comic interlude.
I think, by the way, that this must be the naughtiest thread on MDC.

I love it.

and yes it is. I love that, too.
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Old 06-07-2009, 04:16 PM
 
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.....flying under the uav radar, the rebels on the dating thread.....

seie: I'm so happy for you.

Butterfly, I *like* pretty fisherman. Although, it could just be that I like his nickname, I get a good feeling about him.

mamajen, ::sounds good. I'm also nursing, and yeah, the milk makes for some....fun times

I had coffee and wandered around the trails in a little nature area this morning with local guy. He is nice enough, and we had plenty to talk about, but the sparks were ZERO. Wah. But, I wasn't really expecting for sparks so I guess it is okay. My other email guy, Socarates, is away for the next 10 days (going to the Bonnaroo music fest in Tennessee) but we're talking about having a drink when he gets back.

And, Jester called me yesterday, and we had a nice long conversation. And frankly, right now, I feel like it would be nice to be lying in his bed....

But, I'm going to fold laundry instead of calling him. If anything is going to happen there, he's got to do some chasing, I think....
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Old 06-07-2009, 08:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Flying under the uav radar is great, but the FB group is also awesome for just skipping the fancy wordings and going full fledged TMI.


Last night I had a party. Pretty Fisherman came. He was very 'jaw-on-floor' about how hot I looked. That's always good for one's ego. He was looking pretty smooth himself. I added his mug shot to the FB group. My friends all thought he was smoking hot and so on but my one friend, T, sort of thought he gave her the creeps/hairs on back of neck stood up or something. Then again, she was drunk. But the girl loves me so I take her opinion seriously. There's nothing creepy about him IMO, but maybe there's something a little .....off? I dunno yet.

We all went out after my party to go dancing in a big nightclub in town and we got up into the VIP area which was so fun. My best guy friend was there and I think he wished he could have been my date for the night and I tried not to feel guilty as I felt his eyes on me whenever my back was turned away from him (you know how sometimes you just KNOW someone is watching you whenever you turn your head away and can't see it explicitly?). Pretty Fisherman was there and totally into me, and it was nice to sort of have 'a guy' for the night, even if he's mr.-non-relationship, although I kept it very down-low so Best Guy Friend wouldn't get hurt feelings about that (he had no idea I've been seeing PF a few times and I never discuss anyone I date because i know it would hurt him and he's mentioned he wouldn't like to discuss our romantic lives together).

After the party.... FB for more details..... we stayed in all day today and ate and relaxed. He chatted me up all evening on messenger after he went home tonight. He is definitely planning to continue seeing me. So what's with the don't-wanna-girlfriend stuff? I don't get it. :
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Old 06-08-2009, 01:15 AM
 
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Okay, someone needs to whisper in my ear about this FB group....

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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Old 06-08-2009, 06:15 AM
 
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I posted a pic of BF to our FB MamaJen I am thinking one of the moderators will whisper to you /send an invitation

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Old 06-08-2009, 04:04 PM
 
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well im still getting to know the guy so he hasnt dazzled me yet but hasnt turned me off either.... we have yet to have a date without the kids so Im waiting to see what alone time will be like to make up my mind. prob gonna happen this weekend.


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Old 06-09-2009, 02:40 PM
 
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So, do you give a 2nd chance to a first date where you didn't feel sparks?

Can't decide about local guy. We got along fine, had good conversation, but I didn't feel any sparks. At all.

Should I just run with that feeling, or should I give him another chance? I'm thinking about this partly b/c of my thoughts on real-life vs on-line for meeting someone. When you meet someone in RL, they get time to grow on you, as you see them around, and in different situations. With online, if you throw in the towel after a bland first date, well, maybe that is throwing out the baby with the bathwater?

Enough cliches, anyone?

Whaddya think?
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Old 06-09-2009, 05:29 PM
 
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So, do you give a 2nd chance to a first date where you didn't feel sparks?

Can't decide about local guy. We got along fine, had good conversation, but I didn't feel any sparks. At all.

Should I just run with that feeling, or should I give him another chance? I'm thinking about this partly b/c of my thoughts on real-life vs on-line for meeting someone. When you meet someone in RL, they get time to grow on you, as you see them around, and in different situations. With online, if you throw in the towel after a bland first date, well, maybe that is throwing out the baby with the bathwater?

Enough cliches, anyone?

Whaddya think?
yes i feel you, i am exactly where you are. i met this guy online too and its harder trying to create something from nothing thats why Im giving it more time than usual.


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Old 06-09-2009, 08:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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its harder trying to create something from nothing thats why Im giving it more time than usual.
Ok, now I can just throw in a : because I *just* met a guy online who is pretty cool but I can't say I felt a single spark. But gosh we only spent 2 hours together and we were complete strangers before that and there are so many great qualities about the guy, so..... ? WTF to do? Go out with him again and again and watch the dude just fall deeper and deeper in love (oh he is INTO me for sure) and then maybe find out later that, "Yup, still no sparks!" ??? That's not fair to him to waste his time and toy with his budding feelings like that. I wouldnt' want a guy to do that to me, I'd rather keep looking if I were in those shoes, for someone who felt excitement from ground zero.


Hmm..... and Pretty Fisherman is still in the pic, keeping in touch and stuff. I dunno.

Smoothie is definitely over and Flower Boy never contacts since I slept with him (whoops! hey if that affected his opinion of me then screw him--it took 2 to tango)..... and the K.E. is just a friend for sure and.......... yeah, I need fresh contenders.

Going out with gal pals on thursday night. Maybe someone will catch my eye.
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:27 PM
 
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Ok, now I can just throw in a : because I *just* met a guy online who is pretty cool but I can't say I felt a single spark. But gosh we only spent 2 hours together and we were complete strangers before that and there are so many great qualities about the guy, so..... ? WTF to do? Go out with him again and again and watch the dude just fall deeper and deeper in love (oh he is INTO me for sure) and then maybe find out later that, "Yup, still no sparks!" ??? That's not fair to him to waste his time and toy with his budding feelings like that. I wouldnt' want a guy to do that to me, I'd rather keep looking if I were in those shoes, for someone who felt excitement from ground zero.


Hmm..... and Pretty Fisherman is still in the pic, keeping in touch and stuff. I dunno.

Smoothie is definitely over and Flower Boy never contacts since I slept with him (whoops! hey if that affected his opinion of me then screw him--it took 2 to tango)..... and the K.E. is just a friend for sure and.......... yeah, I need fresh contenders.

Going out with gal pals on thursday night. Maybe someone will catch my eye.
if someone was really INTO me like that from the get go I honestly would worry a bit about that... hello, can you say stalker.... lol no honestly though I met with a guy on match that was alredy that into me before we met calling me honey and texting me really early in the morning so he could be the first one to say good morning to me and while I do appreciate stuff like that in a partner this early from a complete stranger is a bit weird.... idk....


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Old 06-09-2009, 10:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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if someone was really INTO me like that from the get go I honestly would worry a bit about that... hello, can you say stalker.... lol no honestly though I met with a guy on match that was alredy that into me before we met calling me honey and texting me really early in the morning so he could be the first one to say good morning to me and while I do appreciate stuff like that in a partner this early from a complete stranger is a bit weird.... idk....
Oh no no this guy wasn't into me ina creepy, stalker, desperate, pathetic type way. He's actually quite calm, secure, confident, laid-back, nothing-to-prove, and NOT weird in any way. A successful business owner, actually. He just seemed really pleasantly happy with everything he learned about me and his interest in me was blatant and obvious, rather than him trying to be all mysterious, play the game, and act really cool and nonchalant about it. He was really great. I can just tell that he's like, "Wow, I really dig this girl and I am having/have had a great time talking with her." perfect reaction on a date, actually. Except..... not so sure I feel that spark.

And I think he did, to some extent. But he's good looking, so what's my problem?
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Old 06-09-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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And I think he did, to some extent. But he's good looking, so what's my problem?
Hmn.....could it be his smell or his voice? LOL!!!

Love you.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmn.....could it be his smell or his voice? LOL!!!

Love you.
Nice smells and great sounding voices are indeed my weak spots. You know me all too well, gorgeous.


His voice was 'ok' and I don't know what he smells like. So far no one in THIS city has had an awesome, awesome voice/smell combo like the vanishing guy in....oh goodness you all know where he lives...
Oh I just wanna :Puke puke listening to my self.

There's gotta be someone else in the whole g-d@mn : world who smells so good and sounds so heavenly. And I'm single and ready when he shows up.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:22 PM
 
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Oh I just wanna :Puke puke listening to my self.

There's gotta be someone else in the whole g-d@mn : world who smells so good and sounds so heavenly. And I'm single and ready when he shows up.

If it makes you feel any better, I had a dream about complications last night. I was exhausted (yes, exhausted in my dream!) and he was just holding me. At some point I realized it was a dream, and I looked up at him, as if to ask him wth was going on, and he just kinda shushed me and snuggled me back into him

AND, for the FML files....I was flipping through match last night and read one of those rare profiles that just sounds...right. Sounds like someone who thinks like me, sounds smart, funny, etc. I winked him, he winked me back, I wrote to him, he wrote back....

and told me that his life totally fell apart in April, he put a loaded gun in his mouth....didn't do it, but got fired, is on meds, in therapy, but totally broke.....Seriously? FML. Cause I need this. The first guy I've seen on there in a long time who I think I could really be myself and have fun around....Can I say it one more time? FML

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Old 06-10-2009, 09:24 PM
 
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What does FML mean?

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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Old 06-10-2009, 09:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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what does FML mean sweetie? All I can think of is, "Fu¤#%ng My Luck".....
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:45 PM
 
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F#$#$ my life.
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:54 PM
 
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So, do you give a 2nd chance to a first date where you didn't feel sparks?
I didn't think there were sparks with my guy at first, I thought we were on the path to "just friends" and he didn't even kiss me for the first two months when we were casually dating. I remember saying to some friends "maybe he doesn't think about me that way..."

First kiss - eh, it was so-so. But DAMN it got better soon after that! ;-)
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Old 06-11-2009, 08:11 AM
 
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I didn't think there were sparks with my guy at first, I thought we were on the path to "just friends" and he didn't even kiss me for the first two months when we were casually dating. I remember saying to some friends "maybe he doesn't think about me that way..."

First kiss - eh, it was so-so. But DAMN it got better soon after that! ;-)
With my guy I didnt feel the sparks right when we met - but through the evening he just grew and grew on me. And when he kissed me - that was like lightning! After that it has gotten better and better.
Some people just dont put it all out there the first chance they get - so I believe sometimes it pays off to give things more time. Provided he doesnt act like a jerk though! There shouldnt be any "get out of jail free" cards in dating!

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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Old 06-11-2009, 09:42 AM
 
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Remember too, (for a lot of us, at least!) we are older now - both the women and the men. We've been hurt and are more cautious - both the women and the men. The same man who would have been coming onto you in the first ten minutes when he was 19 is often more of a gentleman at 42, and his heart's been broken too, so things just might progress more slowly than the last time you dated (if you are at all like me, that is!).
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