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#121 of 275 Old 06-15-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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Yes Butterflymom,

What's been happening on your front?

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#122 of 275 Old 06-16-2009, 12:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Butterflymom what is going on in your dating world, I feel like I need an update on busy you!
two nights ago I had a first coffee date with a cute guy who I won't even nickname because although it was a neat two hours of conversation, it didn't feel like potential for anything more. He's just too young (maturity and looks wise, only one chronological year younger than me).
I was also supposed to hang out with a new guy I've gone out with twice so far that night but I was too exhausted so we had a half hour phone talk instead and then decided to get together later in the week, if possible. This guy deserves a nickname...... Um...... Smart & Sporty will be his. He is tall (not very tall, but juuuuuust tall enough to make do- 6'1") okay looking (not ugly, normal looking, but not so cute), very well built and athletic, and he's super smart. 3 grad degrees and runs his own company with a couple of co-entrepreneurs. 34 years old, lives nearby (alone) and looking to buy his first apartment in our neighborhood. Sweet, intelligent, and I have had a nice time with him both times. Only thing is, I feel like it's been because I've been 'on' all thetime, putting forth 100% effort to keep conversation hopping and everything fun, which I can do with practically anyone, but it ends up feeling draining, rather than like interaction. Like performing. I can't help it....if someone's not too charismatic, personality doesn't sparkle, mine just immediately slips into 'compensate' mode so that the evening doesn't fall flat like a dud. Emergency overdrive / shit-night prevention mode or whatever. The first date was dinner. I enjoyed. The second time he took me out dancing to meet up with a girlfriend and her date. So it ended up being a double date w/ me and a friend. And he was sweet to me all night. Kissed me good night the second time which I know was a great kiss for *HIM* but for me it was, again, me being me,and performing 100% so .....yeah the kiss was great because *I* am a good kisser and I made sure the kiss went well and was very yum. That doesn't mean I am dying to kiss him again. Sigh.
But he has so much giong for him I'll see him a third time later this week and see if any tiny little baby sparks turn into full fledged sparks.

Pretty Fisherman and I have a date tomorrow night.

Flower Boy contacted me a couple of times in the last 7 days, and yesterday asked if I would fly out to Italy for a couple of days to meet him in the early part of July, as he'll be traveling starting tomorrow, for several weeks. I said ...."maybe."

Smoothie contacts not.... jealous & bitter that he knows I see other people probably..... or most likely just not that into me.
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#123 of 275 Old 06-16-2009, 06:03 AM
 
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two nights ago I had a first coffee date with a cute guy who I won't even nickname because although it was a neat two hours of conversation, it didn't feel like potential for anything more. He's just too young (maturity and looks wise, only one chronological year younger than me).
I so understand this. I think it is wise to know when to end something instead of dragging on just because....

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I was also supposed to hang out with a new guy I've gone out with twice so far that night but I was too exhausted so we had a half hour phone talk instead and then decided to get together later in the week, if possible. This guy deserves a nickname...... Um...... Smart & Sporty will be his. He is tall (not very tall, but juuuuuust tall enough to make do- 6'1") okay looking (not ugly, normal looking, but not so cute), very well built and athletic, and he's super smart. 3 grad degrees and runs his own company with a couple of co-entrepreneurs. 34 years old, lives nearby (alone) and looking to buy his first apartment in our neighborhood. Sweet, intelligent, and I have had a nice time with him both times. Only thing is, I feel like it's been because I've been 'on' all thetime, putting forth 100% effort to keep conversation hopping and everything fun, which I can do with practically anyone, but it ends up feeling draining, rather than like interaction. Like performing. I can't help it....if someone's not too charismatic, personality doesn't sparkle, mine just immediately slips into 'compensate' mode so that the evening doesn't fall flat like a dud. Emergency overdrive / shit-night prevention mode or whatever. The first date was dinner. I enjoyed. The second time he took me out dancing to meet up with a girlfriend and her date. So it ended up being a double date w/ me and a friend. And he was sweet to me all night. Kissed me good night the second time which I know was a great kiss for *HIM* but for me it was, again, me being me,and performing 100% so .....yeah the kiss was great because *I* am a good kisser and I made sure the kiss went well and was very yum. That doesn't mean I am dying to kiss him again. Sigh.
But he has so much giong for him I'll see him a third time later this week and see if any tiny little baby sparks turn into full fledged sparks.
Do you think maybe if you "hold" back there is more room for him to step forward? Sometimes we compensate when they need time to flub and recover with more confidence..... I am not taking in the bedroom but in conversation, etc.

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Pretty Fisherman and I have a date tomorrow night.

Flower Boy contacted me a couple of times in the last 7 days, and yesterday asked if I would fly out to Italy for a couple of days to meet him in the early part of July, as he'll be traveling starting tomorrow, for several weeks. I said ...."maybe."

Smoothie contacts not.... jealous & bitter that he knows I see other people probably..... or most likely just not that into me.
with pretty fisherman but I already said I think you are far too fly for Flower Boy..... but Italy might be fun.

Smoothie's lost but most men don't want to share they want to frolic and us be at home waiting on only them... LOL!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#124 of 275 Old 06-16-2009, 10:45 AM
 
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Butterfly, I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets that "too young" vibe, even when someone isn't technically too young. For a while I thought it was about kids/job/phase of life stuff, but the last guy I got it from had a kid, his own business, so who knows?

I've got a few online guys in the pipe, but no actually dates lined up. Need to drop an email to Socrates and give him a nudge, he gets back sometime around now so maybe that will pan out for something.

Holly, I think it sounds promising -- he's being friendly, but not forward -- I doubt he is entirely sure of your interest in him, plus he knows how recent your separation is -- I'd write back and say something like "Oh, I love nighttime roller blading! Let me know how it is" And then when he writes back to tell you how it was, if he doesn't suggest going together, you should!

Okay, gotta clean my house -- I fell asleep with the kids last night and you can tell!
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#125 of 275 Old 06-16-2009, 11:51 PM
 
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hey mamas
i want to join this thread, but i can't, since i'm about as far from dating as a girl can be. how do i meet guys? i'm 100% non-bar star, tried plentyoffish but it was weird and uncomfortable, i work with mostly women and my school is almost only women. so how do i meet guys? where do the cool late 20's/ early 30's boys hang out?
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#126 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 11:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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hey mamas
i want to join this thread, but i can't, since i'm about as far from dating as a girl can be. how do i meet guys? i'm 100% non-bar star, tried plentyoffish but it was weird and uncomfortable, i work with mostly women and my school is almost only women. so how do i meet guys? where do the cool late 20's/ early 30's boys hang out?


Try other online sites. that are specific to your local area. Or pick up a hobby where you might see men... or hang out in some parks with playgrounds, where men might go with their dog..... and make eye contact and smile and seem approachable.
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#127 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 12:08 PM
 
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hey mamas
i want to join this thread, but i can't, since i'm about as far from dating as a girl can be. how do i meet guys? i'm 100% non-bar star, tried plentyoffish but it was weird and uncomfortable, i work with mostly women and my school is almost only women. so how do i meet guys? where do the cool late 20's/ early 30's boys hang out?

I'm just starting to date and wondering the same thing. I think I'm going to join a running and cycling group in my area. I figure there must be some guys at those and we'll already have something in common. I am NOT good at flirting so I need a situation where there is already a reason for me to talk to someone. I'd love to take some yoga classes again too but they are too expensive and I have a strong home practice so it would just be an extravagance.
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#128 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 12:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What about a book club in your area?

What about talking to everyone you know about elligible bachelors they know that you might like?
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#129 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 01:24 PM
 
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thanks for all the suggestions, ladies. i'm actually volunteering at an independent theatre festival this july because hot guys go to it. that's my whole reason.
i might give online dating another shot... we'll see. even just thinking about having someone to kiss makes me :
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#130 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 08:49 PM
 
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josybear, that's an awesome reason to volunteer for something!

Maybe we shouldn't just be on the prowl for *THE* guy....but be open to building friendships with men and women? That said, I have met tons of people at the local park. I've started conversations with people, even made eyes at one papa who I thought might be single (he looked back too), but then his woman came with snacks and a coffee. I ended up talking with both of them, and we are super close neighbours. If I see them at the park maybe we'll talk some more, and who knows?
I am so much better at just getting to know people, building up a network, then going out with someone I *know* or who knows someone I know. Because I am very shy, and *cute* but not drop dead gorgeous, so my outer and inner beauty doesn't tend to shine at first contact. Which makes me think perhaps the online scene might not be for me (besides...still hoping eventually something might happen with SCG - who I met at my previous job).

Volunteering at a festival or something your interested in is also great. Not just for the meeting men part, but for having fun and doing something you like. So even if you don't meet anyone interesting, it was still worth your while.

I'm also thinking about getting involved in the millions of festivals going on in Montreal....just need to find one I'm interested in and that takes place on a weekend I don't have the kids. Not necessarily to look for someone, but because I won't have TV or even internet connection in my new place (though I think I'm going to make Internet connection a priority...) and when the girls aren't with me, I think I might feel a bit lonely. I LOVE socialising and being with people.

Just my two cents...
I responded to SCG yesterday morning really quickly (just two lines....about how I didn't know a certain place for rollerblading was open at night or during the week, and hoped that he would have fun if he went last night). Okay, not at all hinting at anything...and I think maybe I responded too quickly?? I am having a hard time with the patience thing.
I am such an obsesser...maybe it's just horniness

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#131 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 09:31 PM
 
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if i met *the one* today it would be a total waste, an idiot could tell you that starting something serious so soon after ending something serious is a bad idea. but i want someone compatible to talk with, have fun, um.... : maybe some benefits?
yeah, i might volunteer for fringe even if i weren't looking, but it's historically a gathering of excellent guys, so i'm extra motivated. i'd volunteer for folk fest, too, but i have the kids that weekend. alas.
the good news is that all the stress has made me slim down to within 5 lbs of my pre-preg weight, but i still have my breastfeeding rack, so i'm looking pretty good. as long as my future interest is a boob man we're set.
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#132 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 10:29 PM
 
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So are 'benefits' simply sex or does it mean anything else?

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#133 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 10:33 PM
 
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for me? snuggling, someone to cook for, someone to think about and smile... but i'd really like some sex, too. i haven't had a good lay since 2001. that's eight years. i figure the universe owes me some, and i intend to collect, sooner or later. i married ex for traits other than sexual prowess...
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#134 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 10:37 PM
 
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I think it pretty much means sex, though I suppose it could mean "sex-lite" but not actual intercourse....:

eta, holy crap, Josy, I thought I had it bad with a 6 month stretch. Plenty of fish is creepy in my area, match is the one ppl use, plus a local one. There are so many out there -- browse around and see if there is one that has more people from your area, who don't sound sketchy!
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#135 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 10:38 PM
 
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I think for me benefits would mean sex, someone to cook for me (not necessarily in that order), and someone I can tell things to (who will actually listen).

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#136 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 10:44 PM
 
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I'm 9 months and counting. Can't remember my last decent encounter though...

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#137 of 275 Old 06-17-2009, 11:30 PM
 
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walking back to my car after work, I saw Complications and his girlfriend in a coffee shop -- her back was to me, and I don't think he saw me, I kept walking, quickly, but still. It just hits me, when I see him, you know? I miss him. I miss having his friendship.

THEN, after a long run around to get the kids from their dad, I got home and my neighbors were all hanging around by the lake, so we went out for a while, and Jester pulled up, looking quite sexy, on his motorcycle with the woman he has been seeing.... That is fine, doesn't hit me the way Complications does, but was a bit awkward nonetheless, b/c I think Jester has himself convinced I'm pining. Ugh.

AND...I just now logged into the local online site and Scrabble Guy (member him? my neighbor who I'm not into) had winked me! The picture I have up there is a little vague, it is a face shot, but I'm looking down and you can't see my eyes. But still, I'd think he knows its me. Very weird, since earlier this week he called to ask me to a movie -- it totally caught me off guard when he asked me, and I stumbled out something about not being sure I could get a sitter -- he stopped by my house a little later, while walking his dog, to tell me that the teenage girl (who is a great sitter, I have used her) who works at the general store had said she would sit for me:. I managed to stumble my way through a little speech about not wanting to date neighbors...

So why is he flirting me???

Ergh.

Localguy, who I had no sparks with 2 weekends ago is back from his trip and dropped me a note, and you know, in comparison to suicidal guy..... So we may go canoeing or something.

And Socrates is back as well, and wrote to ask me what I'm doing this weekend.

I just want to meet someone and feel even baby sparks. I'm getting concerned about my lack of sparks with any of these guys. I'm picky, I guess

So there's all the blah-blah from me. But seriously, wtf do I do about Scrabble guy??? Do I have to spell it out for him? I'm. Just. Not. Into. You.

Although, as I drove by him the other morning, when he was out walking his dog, I couldn't help but notice he has very very nice body....

If he wasn't a neighbor, I might just risk it.

Okay, I need to go back to fb before I become a UAV
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#138 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 07:06 AM
 
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I forgot about FB!!

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#139 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 08:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I forgot about FB!!
Do NOT do that. The FB group has been fab this week. Get your toushy back there.

I had a date with Pretty Fisherman last night. We went for mexican and had lots of fun. We plan on maybe seeing each other again tonight, if he is not going to go to a party he was invited to (he wasn't sure)...maybe just hanging out and watching movies at his place and having cocktails. Something like that. I liked hanging out with him, the laughter and jokes and fun seems to come easily. He seems to genuinely enjoy my company and looks at me with that, "*sigh*, she's so pretty" eyes/expression which is great for my ego. B ut I can't get over his first kiss announcement about not seeking a serious relationship. He's 27. I never thought he wanted to run down the aisle with me this year or anything. Jeez. He is sweet and very hot/tall/gym-body-built which would hint that he either is or could easily be a player type...BUT.....that's totally not him. He spent his entire twenties thusfar (until 9 months ago) with one woman and he is kind of a calm, settled, slightly reserved type that I can't picture out trolling for women, really. He totally acts like he'd be kind of inching his way slowly and surely into wanting to be boyfriend/girlfriend status, but that first date disclaimor still reverberates in my mind and I keep him at arm's length, in my mind......


Tomorrow night a new girlfriend of mine is having a barbeque midsummer eve bash so I will go to that. There are many, many handsome bachelors on her guest list. Well handsome men anyways, not sure about their marital statuses. I'm just optimistic, perhaps.

Who else......? Well that's about it for my dating life right now. OH Smart and Sporty wanted to see me before he left town today but I couldn't arrange it. He said he would call when he returned on Sunday and maybe we could meet then. I'm not even sure I want to see him. He's so DULL on the phone, and even live. But he has so many criterias going for him, so many good qualities, that I'll give it another couple of shots hanging out live, before I decide whether there is spark potential.


Sugarmoon! What a day! I reallly hate to hear how things with Jester panned out. What a flippin' silly piece of work. He's acting like *he* did YOU a favor and now you're pining for him? Come on. You're the hot young MILF; he's old enough to be your dad, and you're out of his league. Completely. We need to get you a same age buff hunk to parade in front of Jester. If Scrabble Guy has such a great body why can't you get into him at least for a FWB thing? Sounds like he'd take anything you got to give him..... Sorry that's very awkward though...... awkward neighobor drama sounds rough.

See the guy for a canoe ride, meet Socrates, and keep prowling through match and the other one. I think tonight if Pretty Fisherman ditches me for the party, I'll cruise those sites again to get you more suggestions. I feel bad for spending a bit longer on A's sites getting her 50 suggestions and I only gave you, like, 10 suggestions. It was late at night and I skimmed! With her area I spent more time. I can do better!
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#140 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 09:35 AM
 
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Aww, Butterfly, you're a sweetie. I wasn't offended. I prowled them for a while last night, and made a mental list of potentials, I wasn't really in the mood for composing witty little "hello" notes. I've been getting a lot of interest, but I swear, it is all old guys:.

I think, actually, it's sort of a double bind for me -- the old guys, who have raised kids, maybe have teens, are more relaxed about the *idea* of kids, but then the reality of going back to spending a lot of time with little kids freaks them out (not that *I* have ever suggested they spend time with my kids!), and the young (my age) guys mostly don't have kids yet and are totally freaked out by the idea of a woman who already has lots of kids.

It's kind of sucky, but it is also : whatever....it is what it is....

I need to update my profile as well -- it is about 6 months old and the pics are coming up on a year old. I've been getting lots of responses from earnest, touchy-feely, yoga practicing, harp playing sensitive guys, *so* not my type. I think my profile maybe isn't doing good job sounding like *me*, you know?

So I need to re-write it before I go sending out a bunch more winks or notes.

Butterfly, have you thought about just asking pretty fisherman, in a little bit of a teasy way, if he's reconsidering his thoughts about a relationship?

Scrabble guy....if he wasn't such a close neighbor, I might try fwb. But he really annoys me. He talks in this fakey fakey over sensitive way, is really patronizing to my kids...I'm just thinking ick just typing this out.

And anyway, I don't think he'd "get" that all I want would be FWB. I think he is really looking for the whole package, and I *know* that's not me.

So no more neighbors. That's my rule. The good thing is, while I see scrabble guy all the time, I really very rarely see Jester. So, whatever.

gotta go get some caffeine now...

see how much I love you all? I check in here before I even drink my tea!
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#141 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 11:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay just reading how you write about Scrabble guy icks me out and I don't care anymore about the hot bod and glasses. Forget him.

Let me check out your match profile. Email me the pics and text and I'll tell you what I think. your local-site profile is so great.

How much do you guys love this quote?


"We are unerring in our choice of lovers, particularly when we require the wrong person. There is an instinct, magnet or aerial which seeks the unsuitable. The wrong person is, of course, right for something--to punish, bully or humiliate us, let us down, leave us for dead, or, worst of all, give us the impression that they are not inappropriate, but almost right, thus hanging us in love's limbo. Not just anyone can do this."

-Hanif Kureishi
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#142 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 11:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Butterfly, have you thought about just asking pretty fisherman, in a little bit of a teasy way, if he's reconsidering his thoughts about a relationship?
Hmmm....maybe. He wants me to go with him to a friend's birthday gathering at a bar tonight? He'll be with a couple friends but wants me to come with them. What does this mean? It seems so.....non-casual.
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#143 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 12:57 PM
 
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Yeah, that is really "girlfriend" category, not casual fling-thing. Meet my friends at a small friends only party? I mean, meeting up with friends at a bar or something would still feel possibly casual but that?

And I completely love that quote. So me. So competely me.

Which is why I need to spend some time playing the field!
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#144 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, that is really "girlfriend" category, not casual fling-thing. Meet my friends at a small friends only party? I mean, meeting up with friends at a bar or something would still feel possibly casual but that?
: I mean yesterday he came to me straight from work, drove me to the post office to help me get all the packages my mom had sent here and helped me carry them up into my apartment, and he took me for a long, nice dinner, and then he just took me home. Not flingy at all.
And to see each other the very next day? two days in a row? Not flingy.
I see him in 3 hours. I 'll post more later.
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#145 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 07:53 PM
 
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Okay, news from my front. I think SCG really did want me to suggest that we go rollerblading together. I just got off the phone with 21 year old intern (we're friends) and she told me that on Tuesday night SCG had invited her to go surfing with him (apparently he's really good). I am SO jealous!!
She's super gorgeous, but says he's like her father (he's 42...more my age)...but I don't know if HE thinks that. He knows that 21 year old intern and I are super friends, and that I like surfing. So was this a move on 21 year old intern? Is he just looking for people to do sports with? Should I take advantage of this to tell him I'd love to go rollerblading (or surfing for that matter) with him sometime?
I am just so super shy...I don't want to make myself look totally ridiculous with him. But at this point, I figure I REALLY have nothing to lose. But I don't want to seem desparate either, KWIM???

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#146 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 09:53 PM
 
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so after yesterday's conversation here i went and tried out online dating again.

and i have a date tomorrow night.

i'm so excited, i'm just about vibrating. the guy is pretty ok, from what i can tell. he seems nice. i'm not smitten, but is that even possible with only msn for 'meeting'? anyways, we're meeting at a very public place and having dinner. and i'm all in a tizzy. someone finds me attractive and interesting!
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#147 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 10:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by josybear View Post
someone finds me attractive and interesting!
OF COURSE someone does!!! Of course.


Hell, I'm plenty gorgeous and fascinating and even I got stood up by Prett Fisherman tonight. :

He texted aroudn 10pm to let me know that 'it's getting too complicated, let's meet on another day..."

So I went on facebook's Are You Interested app and found a new boy my age who looked cute and has a motorcycle and asked him for a ride and he came immediately to my home and picked me up for an evening motorbike ride. It was fun. After an hour a friend of mine was texting from a local nightclub (with his friend ) so I asked New Bike Guy to go there with me and we went there and danced/drank/whatever as a group of four and it was fun. pretty fisherman kept texting through the night about how he was drunk but wished I was with him. whateeeever......
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#148 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 10:12 PM
 
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Hell, I'm plenty gorgeous and fascinating and even I got stood up by Prett Fisherman tonight. :

He texted aroudn 10pm to let me know that 'it's getting too complicated, let's meet on another day..."

So I went on facebook's Are You Interested app and found a new boy my age who looked cute and has a motorcycle and asked him for a ride and he came immediately to my home and picked me up for an evening motorbike ride. It was fun. After an hour a friend of mine was texting from a local nightclub (with his friend ) so I asked New Bike Guy to go there with me and we went there and danced/drank/whatever as a group of four and it was fun. pretty fisherman kept texting through the night about how he was drunk but wished I was with him. whateeeever......
that sounds like a fantastic night. good for you, not calling it a night when he cancelled.
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#149 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 10:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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that sounds like a fantastic night. good for you, not calling it a night when he cancelled.
Hell, no. I never just 'call it a night' if someone cancels. I find something better to do.

Let's see what happens tomorrow with my girlfriend's Midsummer party and all the elligible bachelors that are showing up there!
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#150 of 275 Old 06-18-2009, 10:55 PM
 
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You are a rockstar, Butterfly!

Sounds fun
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