Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Putting boobs in babies' mouths!
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I am so excited for you! I am a SMC to a wonderful little firecracker named Sophia. She is five years old and was conceived with a "willing to be known" donor. My period is due any day now and I will be phoning them up to order some more from the same donor. Woohoo! Hopefully, baby #2 will be coming soon!!
What I have to say to you is absolutely go for it! Follow your heart! You will not regret it!! Yes, you will have days when you feel sorry for yourself and wonder "What was I thinking?!" But they will just be moments and they will pass. I think every parent has them, single or not. The love, joy, and fulfillment for outweigh any nagging doubts.
One of my favorite aunts, who had recently divorced my dad's brother, wrote me a lovely letter of support when I announced my pregnancy. She basically said she was so much happier and things were so much easier on her own. I have had many other women say the same. I admit there are times when I wish I had a loving, committed partner, but I know how rare a find they are and did not wish to entangle myself in a relationship that was not completely wonderful simply to provide a "dad" for my child/ren. So I went it alone.
I think the biggest factor is that Sophia is loved and *wanted*. She is not missing anything and did not lose anyone. It is simply part of her life and her world, and is her reality. I think she wonders sometimes what she is missing and may feel a little sad that she is different, but it's impossible for her to feel abandoned by anyone, because she was not. I think that's what may at times be detrimental to children of single moms. They know someone important wronged their mother and them somehow and feel a deep sense of abandonment. I think that's why it's imperative for moms whose kids do have a dad out there somewhere to always be positive about him. As far as studies go, the ones that include only those single moms who planned to be single moms (whether by consciously continuing a pregnancy, or deliberately becoming pregnant) show that the children do as well as or better than kids from two parent homes, because its the quality of the parenting that counts, not the number of parents.
And I'll just echo those that mentioned you need a big support network. Of course, that's true for any mom, we're not meant to do this even as just a couple, but it's more important for solo parents. I remember sobbing angrily into the phone to my parents when Sophia was about two or three, that I wondered if people thought I was any less deserving of help than any other mom, just because I had chosen single motherhood. At the time I was having difficulty getting help from certain family members. My intention had not been to change their attitudes, I was just feeling sorry for myself, and was complaining, but evidently I struck a chord, because I have gotten huge amounts of happy, willing support ever since! It does make a difference.
Sorry this was so long. I'm passionate! Can you tell?
Keep us posted!!
Kara and Sophia
Single mom by choice to Sophia, age 18, and Eleanor, age 12, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!