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#61 of 515 Old 08-01-2009, 01:38 PM
 
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Thank you for sharing and I'm sorry for your first loss. I am charting now and plan to have six months of charts under my belt by the time I start inseminating. I'm using Fertility Friend and I like it a lot although I disagree with it's estimation of when I ovulated this cycle. I used to have the book by Stephanie Brill so I guess it's time to hit Amazon.com and start reading again.

Thanks again!

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Depends on how well you know your cycle. I've had 2 successful ICI cycles. The first one I planned on using 3 vials 12 hours apart If I remember right (its been 4 years) and only ended up using 2 vials before my temp rose. I ended up losing that baby at 8 weeks due to HG. Tried again after waiting 1 cycle and only had that 3rd remaining vial and by some miracle it worked even though I ended up not ovulating for 36 hours after insem. If I were to have another child I would probably go for 3 vials again just in case, do the 2 vials 12 hours apart then the 3rd if I felt O happen (middleshmitz or what ever its called). You just have to REALLY know your body. I discovered I literally O'd at surge and not 12-36 hours later like most women. If I had followed traditional advice I would never have gotten pregnant. I'm sure someone here will know the title but I followed the advice from a lesbian conception book from someone Brill. Sorry, its almost 4am and I can't sleep and I'm exhausted and my brain is not working..

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#62 of 515 Old 08-03-2009, 11:33 PM
 
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Hi Ladies

Hope I can join. I am thinking about doing this on my own. I have been married for almost 2 years been together 7. He have done 4 IUI's with all BFN. This process has been hard and long story short so hard he wants a divorce. That hasn't changed the fact I still want a baby. My next step is IVF but it would obviously have to be with donor sperm. I just dont know what to do...

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#63 of 515 Old 08-06-2009, 12:10 AM
 
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Hi Becky,

I saw your post and wanted to wish you luck in your decisions. I wish I had some advice or wise words for you.

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Originally Posted by Becky8824 View Post
Hi Ladies

Hope I can join. I am thinking about doing this on my own. I have been married for almost 2 years been together 7. He have done 4 IUI's with all BFN. This process has been hard and long story short so hard he wants a divorce. That hasn't changed the fact I still want a baby. My next step is IVF but it would obviously have to be with donor sperm. I just dont know what to do...

afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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#64 of 515 Old 08-06-2009, 02:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Becky8824 View Post
Hi Ladies

Hope I can join. I am thinking about doing this on my own. I have been married for almost 2 years been together 7. He have done 4 IUI's with all BFN. This process has been hard and long story short so hard he wants a divorce. That hasn't changed the fact I still want a baby. My next step is IVF but it would obviously have to be with donor sperm. I just dont know what to do...
Welcome! I am so sorry about what happened to your marriage, but I can assure you that being a solo mom is great. Have you thought about where to obtain donor sperm? There are some great recommendations for sources in this thread.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#65 of 515 Old 08-08-2009, 09:29 PM
 
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I'm going to inseminate in 2 days!!! I found a donor online and I'm meeting him on Monday! I can hardly believe the time is finally here!! : I've planning for this really intensely since January of this year. How is it August already?? I'm nervous and excited and trying not to freak out and to be calm, cool and collected ha ha.
Just had to share
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#66 of 515 Old 08-08-2009, 10:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prescottchels View Post
I'm going to inseminate in 2 days!!! I found a donor online and I'm meeting him on Monday! I can hardly believe the time is finally here!! : I've planning for this really intensely since January of this year. How is it August already?? I'm nervous and excited and trying not to freak out and to be calm, cool and collected ha ha.
Just had to share
Chelsie
Just be aware its very very very common for these situations to turn into demands for "natural inseminations", this guy will have parental rights and I hope you have very current labs showing he's healthy and free of all STD's and you have an as iron clad as possible donor contact and make sure to pay him something to help show intent even if its just $5 and make sure its noted in the contact you paid for the sperm and get it notarized. I'd also bring a friend with you to pick up the goods just in case (girl has to protect herself, I've always found it odd that a guy will volunteer sperm to make a child with a total stranger) I have seen far to many of these situations over the past 5 years turn really really ugly. The $350 I spent on frozen sperm was way better then the risks of a known donor, especially one met online. (believe it or not I did try 3 cycles with a known donor and I thank god every day those were failed cycles. I conceived 1st try on both frozen cycles.

Seriously?
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#67 of 515 Old 08-08-2009, 11:17 PM
 
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Thanks for your concern and wise words Satori. I've got all my bases covered so far as I can tell

Former Nanny Extraordinaire, looking forward to being a Mama! treehugger.gif I love Organizing & being a Health & Wellness Coach eat.gif & I'm crunchy granola as long as it's organic and certified gluten free. GF since March '08 yummy.gif. Willoughby Nov '11  cat.gif TTC #1-still, again, some more, & seriously pondering adoption. 
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#68 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 02:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by prescottchels View Post
Thanks for your concern and wise words Satori. I've got all my bases covered so far as I can tell
In that case I won't repeat the same concerns and just wish you lots of luck and good vibes with your first cycle!

Satori, while I was aware of some nasty custody issues with known donors, I didn't know stuations you describe were that common. :

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#69 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 02:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MittensKittens View Post
In that case I won't repeat the same concerns and just wish you lots of luck and good vibes with your first cycle!

Satori, while I was aware of some nasty custody issues with known donors, I didn't know stuations you describe were that common. :
They seem pretty common to me, maybe I just tend to have my ear to the ground so to speak

Seriously?
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#70 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 03:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Prescottchels, I see you are planning to UC/UP as well . MDC is just wonderful, I can't imagine running into people like me anywhere else online, really

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#71 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 03:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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They seem pretty common to me, maybe I just tend to have my ear to the ground so to speak
That's just horrible... Perhaps we should make a guide of various sperm options and their possible pros and cons to help future mamas

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#72 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 12:26 PM
 
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Mittenskittens Thanks for not spewing any worries you may have as well. I really appreciate it!! I really do have everything covered the best I can and would love love love to have everybody think happy spermy sticky baby thoughts for me!!!
I'll let you know how it goes and if the online donor gig is worth pursuing for others or not. I've heard plenty of cautions about it from my yahoo group, but never any *real* experiences, but knew this was the right way *for me*.

MittensKittens: "Prescottchels, I see you are planning to UC/UP as well . MDC is just wonderful, I can't imagine running into people like me anywhere else online, really"

Isn't it great?!! I was pretty crunchy and open minded when I first got on mdc but it has broadened my horizons even more And I love that there are other people I can connect w/here that don't think I'm a complete nutso! and if they do, they probably are too he he

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#73 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 12:37 PM
 
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SMC here too! I have a 5.5 year old conceived with a friend (we coparent, with a lot of difficulty in the beginning but now we're pretty good), and I have a 15 mos old conceived using donor sperm. Both girls, and they are both rockin' out in my 5 year old's room right now.
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#74 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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...they are both rockin' out in my 5 year old's room right now.
I can totally picture it! So cute!! Love it!

and Welcome!! btw :

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#75 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 01:13 PM
 
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While I did not make the choice to become a single mom, I love it NOW!

I continue to make the choice to be single at this point. My children need all of me right now and I want to give that to them.
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#76 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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Good for you!!! :

Former Nanny Extraordinaire, looking forward to being a Mama! treehugger.gif I love Organizing & being a Health & Wellness Coach eat.gif & I'm crunchy granola as long as it's organic and certified gluten free. GF since March '08 yummy.gif. Willoughby Nov '11  cat.gif TTC #1-still, again, some more, & seriously pondering adoption. 
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#77 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 03:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Naturalmindedmama and this mama, welcome!

Thismama, conceiving with a friend and coparenting sounds interesting (as in, complicated ) to me, I would love to hear more about your experiences!

prescottchels, : : :

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#78 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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Have not yet read other posts yet, so forgive any repetition....
i am smc to two boys (4 and 16m). One by anonymous donor insemination, and the other by both donor insemination and known donor (did both in the same cycle).

I spend most of my parenting online time over here at mother.commune and on attachment parenting lists. I spend less time with smc groups, because the loudest voices there seem to be anti ap (Gd forbid if you shoud mention breastfeeding, co sleeping etc, and i havent dared even mention ec-my 16m old is a graduate from having ec'd almost from birth) I dont know if anyone shares my experience with this.

Anyway, nice to meet some smc's over here ;-)


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#79 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 05:08 PM
 
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Yup that's why I love mdc! I go to my yahoo group for the technicalities of being a smc, but come here for the parenting/AP side of things. I'm pondering the idea of doing ec w/my babes when they come too. It's awesome to hear another smc has done it w/success!
There's one other gal on my yahoo group that seems as crunchy as me, she did a ubac, breastfeeds and cosleeps, but other than that most folks seem pretty mainstream.
Hallelujah for SMC's on MDC!

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#80 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 05:29 PM
 
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Actually, i love the choicemom/smc lists for the ttc'ing stage. But for actually parenting, its rare that i get much out of it. Nonetheless, its nice to know its there. As for parenting in general, i rarely find that being single is relevant. its might be an added obstacle in some situations. For eg. i always take the kids shopping with me, because there isnt a husband to take them. But you might have an aunt or a grandma to take them, or maybe you have a nanny etc etc. In any case, i dont have any of those, and i always take my kids shopping with me, and its never been a problem.

And the'how do you do it alone' type of questions, are sort of annoying. I agree with the pp who pointed out that it might even be easier to do it alone, because you only have the kids to worry about, and not the husband. As for someone undermining my parenting by not supporting child led weaning, or co sleeping, or gentle discipine, i would have zero tolerance for it. I dont have the energy to argue with someone over that. I wonder how the married mamas do it, and i think what happens is, they do get undermined, and they put up with it.


In any case, ive only ever experieced parenting as a single mother, so how could i even know if its harder or not, ykwim?

Confession here, i think in many ways my kids are better off, more connected with me, because i am single. We never have bedtime issues-they dont have to compete with a grown man for my love and attention. Actually the list could go on....

OP, im thinking of a third as well, though not seriously because im 42 now and still dont have my period due to breastfeeding. But, im not 'philosophicaly opposed'...

I like the idea of having another baby. i like the idea of adding to our family. In fact, being single is one good reason to add to the family, because i think it would strengthen the sense of belonging.

Maya
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#81 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 05:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maya, I hear you on the "how do you do it" comments, regardless of intention. The local version in the country where I live is "Wow, you're a real hero for being able to do that all alone", in a country where most husbands do, well, nothing at all with kids and around the house. I also take my kids everywhere, and people ask me how I manage. While my kids are still small and definitely not school age, I do see every place we go as a learning opportunity for them, and I am happy they get the benefits of going to lots of places.

Sense of belonging, absolutely. In the case of my kids even more, since we live far away from any of their relatives. In fact, I have to admit that I find myself thinking of another baby quite often. In my mind, it is definitely on the cards, but likely in a few years time.

Any of you planning to homeschool?

Oh, and just one random comment/thought. A friend of mine recently decided to leave her husband, and has thus become a single mom. She came to me with lots of "statistics" she got from some books, showing kids of single parents have a much higher chance of becoming serial killers, rapists... , and that she was genuinely worried about her son, after having read that. References to my book "how to lie with statistics" made her feel better, still I am sad about this kind of "information". Do you ever deal with people judging you for your choice to parent alone? If so, how does that manifest? Personally, I never receive negative comments, but I do think the "how do you do it all alone" attitude comes from a belief a woman is not capable of effectively organizing a whole family unit. That's more of a feminist issue though .

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#82 of 515 Old 08-09-2009, 05:47 PM
 
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I don't like the 'How do you do it alone?' stuff either. It's discouraging, like my life is supposed to be really hard and crazy or something. It's not. I think a lot of what women find so hard about babycare is the sheer inequity of it all, and the disadvantage it puts them at in relation to their partner. Now THAT is hard to deal with. But the actual work of it? Not so much IME. I have found a decent age gap is good, so I only have one baby with intense needs at once, and in fact my 5 year old is actually downright helpful in a lot of ways. I also mastered the art of babywearing early, especially with my second child because I am solo parenting her. Back carries are a lifesaver, man, and babies LOVE them, they are supposed to be on our backs, I believe this firmly after back carrying my two. I do all the AP stuff: homebirth, extended nursing (weaned my first at age 5), cosleeping, responding to cries, etc. I have found it shockingly easy, and much easier the second time without the headache of having someone else around who has a lot of say and input but who doesn't actually help much.
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#83 of 515 Old 08-10-2009, 12:28 PM
 
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Ooooh today is the day!! I'm so excited for you : and I concur about the passage of time, can't believe it's August already!

Quote:
Originally Posted by prescottchels View Post
I'm going to inseminate in 2 days!!! I found a donor online and I'm meeting him on Monday! I can hardly believe the time is finally here!! : I've planning for this really intensely since January of this year. How is it August already?? I'm nervous and excited and trying not to freak out and to be calm, cool and collected ha ha.
Just had to share
Chelsie

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10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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#84 of 515 Old 08-14-2009, 03:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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How is everyone?

My DD is celebrating her third birthday tomorrow : ! I can't believe how time flies by!

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#85 of 515 Old 08-14-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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How is everyone?

My DD is celebrating her third birthday tomorrow : ! I can't believe how time flies by!
Oh Happy Birthday to your baby! : How did you all celebrate?

I've been charting my temps, saving money, reading up on all things pregnancy/baby, and eating better. I'm also researching midwife practices, pediatricians, diaper services, classes, and slings. One can never be too prepared! LOL.

I'm planning to TTC in January so that's about all that's going on with me right now.

How's everyone else?

ETA: how do you pronounce Kaya's name? Does the K-A-Y rhyme with May or Try (hope that makes sense!) I've always loved the name Kaia and in fact, it is on my short list of girls names!

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#86 of 515 Old 08-14-2009, 10:35 PM
 
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Hey Chelsie (prescottchels)! What's the good word? How are you? I hope all went well with the insemination and you're currently in the 2ww!!

afro.jpg TTA #1 through the Foster Care system

10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

02/13 - Finished the paperchase
03/13 - Homestudy completed
03/13 - Matching phase

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#87 of 515 Old 08-15-2009, 09:24 AM
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Greetings all!!

I've spent most of my time over on the Queer parenting TTC thread for the past couple of years and now I'm glad to have found you all!
A brief(ish) intro to elaborate on my signature line:
I am a 32 y.o. queer mama to be due New Years Day 2010. I started TTCing in May 07. At the time I was in a Long Term monogamous Relationship for 3 1/2 years. My dp is 7 1/2 years younger than me and wasn't really sure about being ready to parent. I said that it was the right time for me (ie I have the most supportive job w/ great benefits and my hearts desire to parent was beaming through). Dp consented to me starting to TTC but we were NOT clear as to what it would look like. We rode the roller coaster for 1 year and in May 08 Dp came and said that we needed space to figure things out. We split our homes and begun trying to live our lives apart. We quickly learned that splitting up completely was NOT what either of us wanted. We switched to a polyamorous arrangement and lived in separate places for a year. During that time I kept inseminating. I was making my family! I had a pregnancy & m/c last Fall and Dp was my greatest support through it all. When I became pregnant again this spring I needed to move (my former Housemate had a NO kids rule) and Dp was very unhappy with hir living situation. We decided to live together again. Things have been going amazingly well. We are negotiating our "Partnership while NOT Co-parenting Agreement" and we are even writing up such a document. It has been immensely helpful in setting boundaries and knowing what support I can count on vs. what I will be doing completely on my own. Though its difficult to make ALL of this up as we go along, because we don't have any family models to point to, we both KNOW this is what we want to do. I feel so lucky that I will have the flexibility of single parenting (I was raised by a single ma) but also have the love from my Dp to help me along. What a strange journey.

11/24/08 SMBC with a loving LTR DP in a Queer & Poly relationshiploving my new baby Kale Cqolbi Justice!!!!!
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#88 of 515 Old 08-15-2009, 02:30 PM
 
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Happy birthday to your sweet munchkin MittensKittens!! :

And welcome to kjm!! We all have stories with a common thread, but no 2 are completely alike, just like each of us! Good luck on your journey and keep us posted

Thanks for asking after me NewbianMama! I feel so loved
All I can say is what a week.... I had a series of sperm donor issues and finally got to insem thursday night, only once and lateish in my cycle so I'm in torturous 2ww, trying not to obsess or get my hopes up too high. AF is due 8/28 so we'll see....

Anybody else out there waiting for AF to come or not??

Former Nanny Extraordinaire, looking forward to being a Mama! treehugger.gif I love Organizing & being a Health & Wellness Coach eat.gif & I'm crunchy granola as long as it's organic and certified gluten free. GF since March '08 yummy.gif. Willoughby Nov '11  cat.gif TTC #1-still, again, some more, & seriously pondering adoption. 
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#89 of 515 Old 08-15-2009, 03:07 PM
 
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Here's more sticky baby dust for you, Prescottchels. Congratulations on the insemination!! What a totally thrilling time (and arrgh, that 2ww always takes forever...)

I am so glad to see this thread started -- I am also an SMC who loves the MDC forums for parenting/babyrearing advice, since the SMC forums seem to be quite definitely NOT AP-focused. They couldn't have been better when I was TTC-ing though, as other PP's mentioned.

I am 37, with a 12-1/2 month old boy, ADI (open donor from CCB), and very, very AP. We have shared a bed since day one and I'll nurse until he self-weans (pumping while at work) -- he is a smart, fearless, independent, yet cuddly, little guy, really heading into toddlerhood now.

I'm also in the bay area, which made some things quite easy -- I was able to find midwives who would do IUI's in my house (so I got pregnant in my own bed), and am more or less surrounded by folks who are supportive, including my family. The way I got through the intense early months -- and am still getting through babyhood -- is by hiring a post-partum doula, and now a mother's helper (just to stay on top of dishes and laundry). My house may never be particularly clean again, but oh my it sure is worth it.

Just recently I had to decide whether to continue paying CCB the outrageously high storage fee for my remaining two vials of our donor sperm. In the end, I did it -- I couldn't walk away from the possibility of giving Milo a full sibling. Although the one thing that keeps me from being gung-ho about T42 is the money -- two kids in daycare (and I ADORE my daycare, so a nanny would not be an improvement) seems like an insurmountable cost.

But to hear other MDC moms talk about having two as a single mom, mmm, it makes me think.

Thanks for reading this rambling message, and thanks again to the OP for starting this!

Sara

Single mama (mom by choice) to bouncy toddler, Milo (b. 7/24/08); we're an extended-nursing, bedsharing, and delayed vaxing family
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#90 of 515 Old 08-15-2009, 03:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sara806 View Post
The way I got through the intense early months -- and am still getting through babyhood -- is by hiring a post-partum doula, and now a mother's helper (just to stay on top of dishes and laundry). My house may never be particularly clean again, but oh my it sure is worth it.
Wow, lucky! I have 2 as an SMC and I've had zero help from day 1, can't imagine having someone around to help, I even had to drive myself home from the hospital after having a c/s with #2. I would be seriously spoiled if I had that level of help I'd be happy with a maid to come in a few hours a week at this point

Seriously?
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