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#1 of 515 Old 06-18-2009, 04:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know there are a few of you here. I know there used to be a thread. Shall we have another go at having a thread?

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#2 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 02:45 AM
 
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I am not a single mother by choice yet, but would love to follow a thread on the topic, as I am very seriously considering donor insemination, once I get back on my feet financially. I am a single mother to two amazing young DD's and just feel like I'm not done yet! However, I have absolutely zero interest in ever entering into another relationship. I'd love to hear experiences from the MDC single mothers by choice out there.
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#3 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 03:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am not a single mother by choice yet, but would love to follow a thread on the topic, as I am very seriously considering donor insemination, once I get back on my feet financially. I am a single mother to two amazing young DD's and just feel like I'm not done yet! However, I have absolutely zero interest in ever entering into another relationship. I'd love to hear experiences from the MDC single mothers by choice out there.
Great! I know just how you feel, I am not done yet either . Once the economy is on the up in a way that affects my family directly I am hoping for one more. I used a known donor for both my kids. For me, this was the right choice for various reasons, but also more complicated than a sperm bank, and I know that this is not right for everyone. Being a mother is the best thing that ever happened to me, it has been wonderful. Like you, I have zero interest in entering a relationship.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#4 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 10:04 AM
 
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I am not a SMC.

My situation may be similar in some ways though. I have sole custody with no visitation - my daughter's never met her dad. I am the ONLY parent. I make all decisions, and my daughter has a single, consistent, loving home - no distruptions or trauma. And no drama from an ex. I don't get the free babysitting that co-parenting single moms do, but it is TOTALLY worth it to have a peaceful family of just two.

Sounds like you are already committed to being a SMC anyway, but if not, I wanted to add my $0.02 that in my view that's the preferred way to create a family! If I had it to do all over again, I've have skipped the marriage and just had a baby (with donor sperm). : And if I ever have an urge for another child, I'll do SMC for sure (probably foster-to-adopt).

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#5 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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I'm an SMC and think it's a fabulous way to create a family. I found myself at age 40 not married or significantly partnered, and decided to go it alone. DD was 1 year and 1 week old when we officially became family in 2003. She'll be going into 1st grade this fall.

So many people say to single moms "oh, I don't know how you do it!" My thought is how do married/partnered parents do it? How do they find time and energy to maintain the partner relationship AND the parental relationship? How does a parent cope with another parent when their parenting styles differ radically? How do 2 adults co-manage finances, religious practices, different interests, etc.?

I think being an SMC has turned out to be the best choice for me since I obviously don't play well with others!

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#6 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 11:33 AM
 
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Olivia,
I'm in the process of adopting again (which is taking for-freaking-ever!). What can you tell me about the transition from 1 to 2?

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#7 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 05:00 PM
 
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Well I would now officially classify myself as a SMC, even though I didn't go the donor route. I might as well have and I'm seriously considering telling DD we just had a donor, but I know who he was. Hopefully I have a few years to figure that one out.

I had some trouble in the beginning with ChoiceMoms and such cuz I didn't feel like I actually fit in there since this was a huge oops and not planned. But I AM planning on terminating his rights (which he agrees to) and probably not having him on the birth certificate, and I chose to have the baby even though it was an oops, so yeah, I'm a SMC.

:yawning 33yo first-time solo mama to DD born 11/21/09
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#8 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 05:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so with you that being a solo parent is easier! I can't imagine the family dynamics of families with two parents (I was also mostly raised by a single mother), but it just has to be so much more complicated.

Going from one to two was wonderful. I am enjoying the interaction between my kids so much, and so are they . Obviously there are tricky moments, but the most important thing is that that clearly have a lot of love for each other. The only thing that I feel somewhat guilty about is that I have less one on one time to spend with DD. But it is working very well.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#9 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 05:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I would now officially classify myself as a SMC, even though I didn't go the donor route. I might as well have and I'm seriously considering telling DD we just had a donor, but I know who he was. Hopefully I have a few years to figure that one out.

I had some trouble in the beginning with ChoiceMoms and such cuz I didn't feel like I actually fit in there since this was a huge oops and not planned. But I AM planning on terminating his rights (which he agrees to) and probably not having him on the birth certificate, and I chose to have the baby even though it was an oops, so yeah, I'm a SMC.
Welcome!

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#10 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 05:57 PM
 
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can i join you ladies?

i might have well have had a donor.. i left ds's dad because he was abusive and we havent seen him for 7 years, he has no parental rights and i had to choose between my partner and the baby i was pg with .... who is now 13 weeks old: he hasnt met her and has no rights

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#11 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 06:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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can i join you ladies?

i might have well have had a donor.. i left ds's dad because he was abusive and we havent seen him for 7 years, he has no parental rights and i had to choose between my partner and the baby i was pg with .... who is now 13 weeks old: he hasnt met her and has no rights
Come on in .

Anyone with more than two kids? I am really hoping for a third, once the financial situation improves, and would like to hear experiences.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#12 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Griffin, I hope it is OK to ask this... did you adopt domestically or internationally? Is the produce for solo parents to be different? I know you have to be married to adopt from China, or at least that used to be the case... Korea too I think.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#13 of 515 Old 06-19-2009, 11:04 PM
 
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I adopted internationally--from Guatemala. It's closed now with no re-opening in the foreseeable future unfortunately.

There are a seriously dwindling number of countries that singles can adopt from. China closed to singles in the last 2 or 3 yrs.

I think India, Colombia, Russia, Haiti, and Ethiopia are open to single women, but there may be limits on the ages/types of children availabe to them. There are probably other countries, but they don't come to mind. The State Department has a great central repository for other countries' requirements. http://adoption.state.gov/countryinformation.html

I'm going the foster-to-adopt route through my state this time.

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#14 of 515 Old 06-22-2009, 07:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I adopted internationally--from Guatemala. It's closed now with no re-opening in the foreseeable future unfortunately.

There are a seriously dwindling number of countries that singles can adopt from. China closed to singles in the last 2 or 3 yrs.

I think India, Colombia, Russia, Haiti, and Ethiopia are open to single women, but there may be limits on the ages/types of children availabe to them. There are probably other countries, but they don't come to mind. The State Department has a great central repository for other countries' requirements. http://adoption.state.gov/countryinformation.html

I'm going the foster-to-adopt route through my state this time.
That is interesting. So what limits are those, generally?

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#15 of 515 Old 06-22-2009, 10:47 AM
 
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another SMC here - used a known local donor and have a almost 3 year old DD.

I'd like another but with the economy the way it is and my health - it's on the back burner for now.
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#16 of 515 Old 06-22-2009, 10:50 AM
 
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That is interesting. So what limits are those, generally?
Good gravy. Just for kicks, I read up on China. Here's who's disqualified from adopting - among many, many others:

-single men
-single women
-gay couples
-married couples under age 30, or over age 50
-a married couple with <$80,000 assets
-a married couple with <$100,000 annual income (excluding "welfare, pensions, unemployment insurance, Government subsidies and the like")
-a married couple, one of whom is blind (even if just one eye)
-a married couple, one of whom has taken Prozac for two years
-a married couple, one of whom is fat ("Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or more")
-a married couple with five children already

http://adoption.state.gov/country/china.html#who1 Because apparently adoption by one of us degnerates is worse than life in an orphanage, or infanticide.

The only thing you owe to others is to behave with integrity.
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#17 of 515 Old 06-22-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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I'm a single mother not by choice per se. My son's father and I knew we wanted to have kids one day with each other if we never did with anyone else. Just wished and hoped that one day we would end up together. Right now, its just about me and my son. I want to have another child one day but we'll see. If I have to do it alone, then so be it.

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#18 of 515 Old 06-22-2009, 04:03 PM
 
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You could proably consider me as a single mom by choice even though I was ttc with my son's father had 2 losses one at 20 wks 5 days and another was when baby passed at 7 wks 5 days but i didn't start m/c until 10 wks .

So when I got pg with brendan my son's father wasn't there in the pregnancy and then finally when he got the nerve up to attend one of my dr appt that is when the ob had to give a 'scare' so of course he thought I was going to have abnormal baby hence the reason why I lost the first one so he was really upset so I had to attend many of the rest dr appt alone along with L&D . Suprisingly at the time of Brendan birthday he weighed bigger than they thought he was going too be but still small.

Anyways, my son's father got into a position of being 'real mean' and I ended up in a emotional wreck so he decided he wasn't going to help out with brendan .

So when he could have 'drove' to a store just 7 blocks away when my son had a 103.5 fever at 4 months of age to get some infant tynelol went to sleep instead so I called the nurse said no infant tyenol but infant motrin so she said even though motrin shouldn't be given til 6 months but you need the 'fever down' so use less does than what it says for a 6 month old so that's what I did.

A week later I made plane reservations took my boy even though I thought I was coming back to 'california' but things delayed so then it was like I didn't want to go back to live with my son's father.

So then I moved into my place on july 2005 when brendan was 11 months old!

So now I don't have a relationship now with any guys but would love to have another child but I have a 'deletion' that can be a 50% chance of getting a child alive with the deletion that I have because it was inherited in the first one -hence the abnormal child talk that my ex was talking about and i'm 32 years old . I was hoping to have had 2 kids by now or even more but fear brendan may be my only child because I as a single mom if I had a child like me mildy with my deletion it will still be an expensive road .
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#19 of 515 Old 06-22-2009, 07:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good gravy. Just for kicks, I read up on China. Here's who's disqualified from adopting - among many, many others:

-single men
-single women
-gay couples
-married couples under age 30, or over age 50
-a married couple with <$80,000 assets
-a married couple with <$100,000 annual income (excluding "welfare, pensions, unemployment insurance, Government subsidies and the like")
-a married couple, one of whom is blind (even if just one eye)
-a married couple, one of whom has taken Prozac for two years
-a married couple, one of whom is fat ("Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or more")
-a married couple with five children already

http://adoption.state.gov/country/china.html#who1 Because apparently adoption by one of us degnerates is worse than life in an orphanage, or infanticide.
I never read that actually, because I had heard that the situation was something similar to that. It makes me really sad.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#20 of 515 Old 06-27-2009, 05:37 AM
 
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I have been a SMC for 13 yrs by foster care and adoption. I love it! I had a recent brief period of being married and I hated every minute of it. I tried several times to get pg, but XH would then say he didn't want me to have his child. I lost those pg. I'm now pg on my own and I am loving that also. Funny because I grew up with both parents married until death did they part.

Marriage with children is just not for me. The man was sooo needy and I hated having to divide my time between the husband and the children. I always felt like I was neglecting one or the other. Also, I love making my own decisions. It does help greatly that my children do receive adoption subsidy. I did want to have a bio child though and then I think I will just stick with doing foster care/no adoptions.
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#21 of 515 Old 07-02-2009, 06:21 PM
 
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I know there are a few of you here. I know there used to be a thread. Shall we have another go at having a thread?

I would love to participate in this thread. I'm going to subscribe! I am in the process of becoming an SMC and plan to TTC my first child in January 2010. I am either going to use donor sperm from Pacific Reproductive Services or Rainbow Flag Health Services. I'd love to get to know other SMCs and SMCs-to-be.

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#22 of 515 Old 07-02-2009, 06:34 PM
 
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SMC *woot*

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#23 of 515 Old 07-05-2009, 01:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would love to participate in this thread. I'm going to subscribe! I am in the process of becoming an SMC and plan to TTC my first child in January 2010. I am either going to use donor sperm from Pacific Reproductive Services or Rainbow Flag Health Services. I'd love to get to know other SMCs and SMCs-to-be.
Welcome and congrats on your decision to try and get pregnant! How did you arrive at the decision to use donor sperm from those sources?

shibababy - that sounds like me. I wasn't married but was in a serious relationship for a while, and he asked me to marry him. I already new that relationships were not really for me at that time, so we broke up. I felt extremely trapped the whole time. OTOH, I have always known I wanted children and probably on my own.

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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#24 of 515 Old 07-05-2009, 03:41 AM
 
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Good gravy. Just for kicks, I read up on China. Here's who's disqualified from adopting - among many, many others:

-single men
-single women
-gay couples
-married couples under age 30, or over age 50
-a married couple with <$80,000 assets
-a married couple with <$100,000 annual income (excluding "welfare, pensions, unemployment insurance, Government subsidies and the like")
-a married couple, one of whom is blind (even if just one eye)
-a married couple, one of whom has taken Prozac for two years
-a married couple, one of whom is fat ("Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or more")
-a married couple with five children already

http://adoption.state.gov/country/china.html#who1 Because apparently adoption by one of us degnerates is worse than life in an orphanage, or infanticide.
even if i wanted to adopt a second child, i disqualify on prozac and single parent. so ridiculous.

single mama to DD 5.09
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#25 of 515 Old 07-09-2009, 05:28 PM
 
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Welcome and congrats on your decision to try and get pregnant! How did you arrive at the decision to use donor sperm from those sources? snip
Thank you for the warm greetings. I have it narrowed down to those two because I wanted a place that was local so I could drive to pick up the sperm. I've used PRS in the past and although I was not successful at getting pregnant, everyone was very nice. PRS also has a good selection of willing-to-be-known donors.

I just discovered Rainbow Flag Health Services and it appeals to me because the mothers find out who the donor is when the child is only 3 months old. It is a bit like an open adoption situation where the child will be raised from the beginning knowing both parents and both sides of the family. Also, there's the chance of getting to know 1/2 siblings through the donor. Although RFHS has a smaller donor pool, they are now my first choice because of this policy.

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#26 of 515 Old 07-12-2009, 09:16 AM
 
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Hi All!

I'm an SMC by donor insemination. My little guy just turned 1. I had no idea how hard it would be to take care of a baby by myself. I work full time and most days I am extremely short on sleep. But it has all been worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

So, glad to see other SMCs here!

Single Mother by Choice to Hunter (6/11/08) and 2 cats
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#27 of 515 Old 07-12-2009, 04:12 PM
 
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I too am a single mom by choice. I used an anonymous sperm donor to conceive my daughter. She's now 3 years old. I am very fortunate to have the support of my parents. Being a single parent has its own set of hurdles but it is worth it. My biggest challenge at the moment is my work schedule being noncompatible with childcare. But hoping to change that within the next few years.

Emmy
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#28 of 515 Old 07-12-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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I just want to lurk.. is that ok this is all so interesting to me... sorry i will shut up now

Your life doesnât change by the man whos elected. If your loved by someone you can't be rejected... decide what to be and go be it! If your a caged bird brake in and demand that somebody free it.
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#29 of 515 Old 07-12-2009, 08:48 PM
 
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JenAsayKwa and EmmyJane I appreciate your saying being an SMC can be difficult at times. I need to hear all sides of this beautiful story. I think one of the keys to being (or becoming, in my case) an SMC is to know that we are not doing it totally alone. There are siblings, parents, friends, sitters, etc, to share in caring for and loving the child. I've heard a lot of parents say mothering is the toughest job they've ever loved.


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I just want to lurk.. is that ok this is all so interesting to me... sorry i will shut up now
I lurked on MDC for years before I joined! I still quietly hang out on various boards so I think it's perfectly okay to lurk

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10/12 - Orientation

10/12 - Accepted into Foster Family Agency

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#30 of 515 Old 07-13-2009, 03:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome, Emmy! My daughter will be three next month! How do you like the three year old stage?

Newbian, the policy of disclosing donors is great - that is why I chose a known donor.

Does anyone have a list of countries that will do single parent adoptions?

I'm Olivia. I blog about physiological childbirth, homebirth, and unassisted homebirth!
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