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#61 of 225 Old 07-08-2009, 12:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
So the Grinnin' Chattyman comes online and cancels our date night last minute due to 'having had a stressful day' and 'I'm not great company tonight' bullcrap. I've so said that before when what I really meant was, "I'm just not that into you."

weeeeeeeeeeellll, I've said it that way too, BUT I've also said it when I mean, "I like you and I don't want to screw things up by going out with you when I'm bound to just piss and moan about how crazy my life is, and scare you off"

Wait and see if he asks for a make-up.

I'm glad your young cutie wasn't the dud date. Could be fun, with him.

I got a nice email from All-American Boy last night, but he doesn't ever actually ask me out:. I'm in the mood to be pursued, durnit!
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#62 of 225 Old 07-08-2009, 02:06 PM
 
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Add me to the group of picky daters. I'm very fortunate to have lots of support with DD so I can go out pretty often, but I'm still really hesitant to waste my evening on a dud. I'm also not afraid to say "Yeah, um, this isn't really working for me. I'm going to go do something else now."

So those of you on fb have read my very forward email to Trumpeter. Regardless of the outcome, I'm just glad to have closure, though I hope he bites

Add to the mix a new guy...I'll call him Bear Rassler. Because we chatted on fb last night for the better part of an hour on what moves we would use to wrestle a bear. I'm dead serious.

Every Thursday I go to this quirky neighborhood wine/fancy beer bar where my best friend bartends (I'm a bit of a beer geek). I know all of the regulars there, and I always go alone...I totally love going out by myself. In comes this group, one of whom I know, and this guy, Bear Rassler, sits next to me and we instantly hit it off. Like I can totally be my absurdly witty, silly self with him and he's right there at my level. We had so much fun talking about ridiculous stuff, beer, and our kids. He's in his mid-30's, has 2 little ones of his own, LOVES kids. So I friended him.

I updated my status the other day requesting a playmate for Tuesday and Thursday night, and last night he messaged me "Thursday at Metro, 7:30."
At which time we proceeded to talk about wrestling bears. When we were signing off, I said I was excited (for Thursday) and he said he was too.

My bff (who was bartending) said that after I left, he was talking about me to his friend (a local brewmaster that I know) and she tried to pretend not to listen. He said "Wow, she seems really cool...like really really cool. And I love that she has a kid - I love kids!"

So who knows? I can say this. I had a lot of fun with him. He is super engaging, and he's cute. He also has a beard, and I kinda have a thing for facial hair. My only issue is a purely physical one - he's on the heavy side. I am too, but I'm way more physically active than my weight lets on, and it's super important to me that a man can engage me on that level - climbing, cycling, hiking.. not being physically active is definitely a deal-breaker for me. So I'll work it in to the conversation tomorrow somehow and see what he has to say.

But otherwise, this is promising, and I really am excited to hang out with him.

Potential weirdness factor: My h works at the biggest beer bar in town, and knows the brewmaster that Bear Rassler works with. Not that it matters, but for being a big-ish city, Baltimore can surely seem like quite a small town sometimes!

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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#63 of 225 Old 07-09-2009, 01:40 AM
 
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he bit. we spent the evening dancing at his place. details on fb.


: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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#64 of 225 Old 07-09-2009, 02:00 AM
 
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Hmm, I let the man I am dating know that I have feelings for him and he didn't run away. I don't know what is going on, I really did not want to fall for anyone. He said "I don't know what I want!" and I said me neither, how about we become really good friends?

I forgot how much fun getting to know someone is. I thought I would never experience this again so I am kinda thrilled and having so much fun!

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#65 of 225 Old 07-09-2009, 07:46 AM
 
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We spent the evening looking up songs on the computer and singing karaoke to one another. :
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#66 of 225 Old 07-09-2009, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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minxie, tilia, eewieew.....

:

Hurray!
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#67 of 225 Old 07-09-2009, 10:41 AM
 
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So I've had some news...
don't know really what it means, but here's the scoop:

So SCG, 21yo intern and another guy went surfing yesterday evening. No one told me (but they should have), and I was a bit pissed off at both 21yo intern and SCG - 12yo intern because she had wantd to go with me, and should have told me she was going yesterday instead, and SCG because I figured this was his final blowoff.
I called 21yo intern (not knowing that they had been surfing), and when she told me what they had been doing, I was pissed. She knew that. She then told me she'd call e back when she got home. But I know after that conversation the two of them discussed me in the car. So about 90 minutes later, I get a text message from SCG, saying he's not mad, that things didn't go the way we wanted last Friday but that's no reason to get upset, that he couldn't go surfing tonight because he has things to do to get ready o go on vacation, but that when he gets back we'll be in contact and then go.
I texted back wishing him a nice vacation, and said thanks for the message. Didn't sign it.
I am NOT going to do anything else now....the ball is in HIS court...
I have a date tonight with a guy who called me from Pof. Too Anglophone for me, but has dark hair, is also a single dad, and we talked for over an hour the other day, so worse comes to worse, I'll have a nice dinner with a nice guy.
So HA!!! SCG eat your heart out....

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#68 of 225 Old 07-09-2009, 10:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Hollycrand View Post
So I've had some news...
don't know really what it means, but here's the scoop:

So SCG, 21yo intern and another guy went surfing yesterday evening. No one told me (but they should have), and I was a bit pissed off at both 21yo intern and SCG - 12yo intern because she had wantd to go with me, and should have told me she was going yesterday instead, and SCG because I figured this was his final blowoff.
I called 21yo intern (not knowing that they had been surfing), and when she told me what they had been doing, I was pissed. She knew that. She then told me she'd call e back when she got home. But I know after that conversation the two of them discussed me in the car. So about 90 minutes later, I get a text message from SCG, saying he's not mad, that things didn't go the way we wanted last Friday but that's no reason to get upset, that he couldn't go surfing tonight because he has things to do to get ready o go on vacation, but that when he gets back we'll be in contact and then go.
I texted back wishing him a nice vacation, and said thanks for the message. Didn't sign it.
I am NOT going to do anything else now....the ball is in HIS court...
I have a date tonight with a guy who called me from Pof. Too Anglophone for me, but has dark hair, is also a single dad, and we talked for over an hour the other day, so worse comes to worse, I'll have a nice dinner with a nice guy.
So HA!!! SCG eat your heart out....
OK...I'm not totally certain that I am understanding the chain of events clearly, but from what you typed, it sort of sounded to me like SCG lied about not going surfing when indeed he was surfing with the gorgeous 21 year old intern. If he did indeed lie I'd boot his @ss to the curb in a heartbeat.

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#69 of 225 Old 07-09-2009, 11:43 PM
 
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No, SCG didn't lie. He WENT surfing Wednesday night, then told me he couldn't go surfing TONIGHT (Thursday). I drove by his house to make sure he was telling the truth, which he was....

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#70 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 06:24 AM
 
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No, SCG didn't lie. He WENT surfing Wednesday night, then told me he couldn't go surfing TONIGHT (Thursday). I drove by his house to make sure he was telling the truth, which he was....
I'm a bit concerned about you driving by his house to see if he was in fact there (just sounds obsessive and unhappy from your end and I want you to be both happy and pursued by the men of your liking), but I think wytchywoman's point was that if he had time to go surfing Wednesday night, then he could have surfed on Thursday night instead and done his trip preparations on the wednesday night, in advance. In other words, it's just an excuse that he couldn't go surfing Thursday night because of his trip, but he could spend wednesday night surfing. He's a grown up, he could have organized his week differnetly and gotten things done at different moments and on different evenings.
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#71 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 09:32 AM
 
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I am NOT going to do anything else now....the ball is in HIS court...
Good plan. I do find for dating I much prefer to be pursued a bit. Some of it is because I pursued my ex--I asked him out first, asked about living together, marriage etc. So for me, it is really fun to have someone take the initiative. It shows they are thinking about me.

Have you read He's Just Not That Into You? I haven't actually read it, but the basic premise seems true. If the guy is into you, he will call, initiate contact, invite you out, etc.

This guy, from what I can see in your posts, has not actually pursued you. You haven't been in a relationship so getting upset over not being invited or going by his house to make sure he is telling the truth is a bit over the top. I know from personal experience! The trust issues that my ex-marriage left me with have been huge to deal with.
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#72 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 09:32 AM
 
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Yes, it is obsessive and unhappy from my end because I have no idea what I should think about this whole situation.
I just really liked hanging out with this guy, but...well, I don't know.
Apparently Wednesday he had originally planned to go with a friend (guy) and 21yo intern had the evening free and ended up going with them.
If I wanted to be positive, I guess I could imagine that he prefers spending the time surfing with me by myself?

21yo intern tried to get information out of him about me, but he wouldn't say anything to her. Even SHE has said it's kind of out of character for him to act this way. She told me that in terms of what his text message said, that he most likely wanted to have sex with me or at least try to make a move on Friday night (or something like that - but he didn't). Is that a bad, cheap thing?

ANYWAYS, I'm going to try to forget about this whole situation (ha ha), have a great weekend in VT with Butterflymom, and try not to feel upset at losing someone I really liked talking to. Or maybe it's not a total loss, but still...
I don,t know why I keep getting into situations like this....it isn't the first time...crap.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#73 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh. I just lost a long post.

stepping stones, learning experiences, blah blah, work on yourself and what YOU enjoy, blah blah.

Come see me!
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#74 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 01:06 PM
 
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I will post my profile on the FB group tomorrow so you can see it....
How do I find the group on FB?
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#75 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 01:36 PM
 
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Wait a minute....I'm coming to see YOU Sugarmoon....not Butterfly mom...
Got confused because she chasnged her siggie

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#76 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 02:54 PM
 
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Wait a minute....I'm coming to see YOU Sugarmoon....not Butterfly mom...
Got confused because she chasnged her siggie

Darn, I WISH you were coming to Helsinki!!
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#77 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 04:38 PM
 
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Actually, to be precise, it was 21yo intern who said that we would all go surfing Thursday evening, and that she had worked it all out with SCG.
So I was mostly upset with HER that she had not told me they were going Wednesday...I didn't tell him I was upset he didn't invite me. not at all.
Um...that he hasn't pursued me isn,t entirely true...
he did ask me out to go rollerblading one evening...
But I don't think he'll call me back or e-mail me back after his vacation.
Typical of me to screw up something good...

I shouldn't have posted I went by his house...makes me sound like a stalker. Which I'm NOT.

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Good plan. I do find for dating I much prefer to be pursued a bit. Some of it is because I pursued my ex--I asked him out first, asked about living together, marriage etc. So for me, it is really fun to have someone take the initiative. It shows they are thinking about me.

Have you read He's Just Not That Into You? I haven't actually read it, but the basic premise seems true. If the guy is into you, he will call, initiate contact, invite you out, etc.

This guy, from what I can see in your posts, has not actually pursued you. You haven't been in a relationship so getting upset over not being invited or going by his house to make sure he is telling the truth is a bit over the top. I know from personal experience! The trust issues that my ex-marriage left me with have been huge to deal with.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#78 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 05:05 PM
 
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he bit. we spent the evening dancing at his place. details on fb.

And another : : : : : : : again for you, darling, and for dancing like a pro.
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#79 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 05:08 PM
 
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Ugh. I just lost a long post. stepping stones, learning experiences, blah blah, work on yourself and what YOU enjoy, blah blah.
: You are hilarious.
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#80 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 07:14 PM
 
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Met a cute british guy, super tall, who lives here. Well, met him online. We have been texting back andf orth for 2-3 days and he promises we'll be meeting up soon. Who knows. Let's see. He looks amazing in all his FB photos.

S&S knew where my gal pal and I might be last night and he showed up on the dance floor, and took me and her out for pizza afterwards and escorted us home a taxi. Nice guy. My friend agrees though that he's soooo shy and he oughtta come out of his shell. It was our 6th meeting and he's still just hiding most of his personality, it seems. I can't handle this if he doesn't start contributing more 'oomph' to the scene. I get exhausted being 'on' and doing all the entertaining for the dates.
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#81 of 225 Old 07-10-2009, 07:31 PM
 
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I've never posted on this forum yet alone this thread so heres some background info to get ya started. My dd is 22 mo and her dad and I are still friends but we've been broken up since just before she was born. We had been together since I was 18. He cheated on me and took his new girlfriend to visit his parents, his mom told me about this. SO when he got back I said it was over but we've remained good friends.
There's nothing sexual between us but we still share a house (he lives up stairs and i live downstairs). I'd say we mostly live together for convenience were both in college and can't afford seperate houses and the landlord lets us rent with our large dogs (we each have 2 dogs). He's had a few other girl friends over the past two years but never brings them to our house. One of his friends even tells peopel there roomates. I haven't bothered to start dating again. I am totally over him but I guess I'm too busy being a mom to care about my social life. I haven't even had a girls night out with any of my friends since my dd was born.
Anyways, there's this guy I've was friends with for a few years but we haven't seen each other since my baby's daddy and I split up. We were never super close but we hung out a lot in groups and were buddies. I always thought he was hot and never hung out with just him intentionally ykwim? Well we started talking again a couple of months ago and last week I told him I used to have a crush on him...luckily for me he said the same thing.
I just don't really know how to explain to him that I still live with my ex because I don't want him to get the wrong idea or think I care about someone else. It's been so long since I've been in a real realtionship I'm just kind of clueless where to start. Wow thanks for reading this if you've made it this far. I'd appreciate any advice even if it is just common sense of follow your heart

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#82 of 225 Old 07-11-2009, 02:42 AM
 
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last week I told him I used to have a crush on him...luckily for me he said the same thing.
: : : :

So cool & exciting!


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I just don't really know how to explain to him that I still live with my ex because I don't want him to get the wrong idea or think I care about someone else. It's been so long since I've been in a real realtionship I'm just kind of clueless where to start.

Use humor, and don't roll it out there to him like you have leukemia. Either mention it in an offhand way, in passing referring to your ex by name and refer to him as "My roommate, Joe" or whatever. OR, and I like plan two better, btw, make a joke. Say, "Ahhh, the joy of being a poor student single parent--I get to rent part of the same house that my ex lives in, I know you're jealous and wish you lived in the same building as the someone *you* dated two years ago! "
Then drop the cheesey comedian tone and explain seriously, "Well it's working for everyone right now, even the women he dates, somehow. Splitting rent right now while we are both studying, and being able to tag-team kiddo duty with our daughter while she's still so young, amongst other reasons, made becoming housemates seem like a situation worth the weirdness, for now. "
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#83 of 225 Old 07-11-2009, 01:14 PM
 
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So, I have a question for those who are on PoF. I had someone message me and quite frankly he wasn't my type so I just deleted it. He messaged me again and blasted me for deleting his message and "not giving him a chance". How is it that he knew I deleted his message? Also, do you think it's bad "ettiquette" to just delete a message and not tell them "no thanks"?

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#84 of 225 Old 07-11-2009, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am not on PoF, but on the other sites, no he wouldn't know for sure that you deleted his message -- probably just made the assumtion based on no response.

And, I don't think you are obligated to respond to everyone, every wink, every message, whatever.

For me, once I've met someone in person is when "real life" manners will kick in -- before that, whatever, life's short, my time is precious, and there is no way to convince me that I won't like you like sending me harrassing emails when I don't respond fast enough!
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#85 of 225 Old 07-11-2009, 02:58 PM
 
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For me, once I've met someone in person is when "real life" manners will kick in -- before that, whatever, life's short, my time is precious, and there is no way to convince me that I won't like you like sending me harrassing emails when I don't respond fast enough!
Me too!!!! Although I guess he was assuming that since I deleted his message it wouldnt matter anyway, but it just reinforces the idea that he REALLY wasn't my type.

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#86 of 225 Old 07-11-2009, 03:10 PM
 
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: : : :
Use humor, and don't roll it out there to him like you have leukemia. Either mention it in an offhand way, in passing referring to your ex by name and refer to him as "My roommate, Joe" or whatever. OR, and I like plan two better, btw, make a joke. Say, "Ahhh, the joy of being a poor student single parent--I get to rent part of the same house that my ex lives in, I know you're jealous and wish you lived in the same building as the someone *you* dated two years ago! "
Then drop the cheesey comedian tone and explain seriously, "Well it's working for everyone right now, even the women he dates, somehow. Splitting rent right now while we are both studying, and being able to tag-team kiddo duty with our daughter while she's still so young, amongst other reasons, made becoming housemates seem like a situation worth the weirdness, for now. "
Butterfly mom you are a genius. I'm going to recite your post several times to get the gist of it. I agree refereeing to him by name other than 'ex' or 'ass' would be a great idea. Thanks for the feedback, I'll steer clear from making my ex seem like leukemia!

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#87 of 225 Old 07-11-2009, 04:00 PM
 
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Me too!!!! Although I guess he was assuming that since I deleted his message it wouldnt matter anyway, but it just reinforces the idea that he REALLY wasn't my type.
There is almost certainly a way to block him. E-mail tech support if you can't figure it out on your own. In fact, I've seen folks on OKCupid float the idea of just blocking someone when you don't want to return their message, even if they're not harassing. I haven't had anyone contact me again after I ignored them, but that strategy would prevent you from having to deal with anything of the sort again.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#88 of 225 Old 07-11-2009, 06:45 PM
 
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Butterfly mom you are a genius.
Glad I could help, ma'am!
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#89 of 225 Old 07-12-2009, 04:58 AM
 
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Hollycrand and sugarmoon, we want ladies' night out details!!! :

I've been having a great weekend with the kids.

As for my upcoming week I have a few nibbles from fb's ayi app, but I'm not holding my breath that any of it will come to anything. There's a swedish guy and an english guy and.... : a couple of typical locals. I'm starting to fatigue from dating and I spend most of my 'nights out' with a couple of tried & true hilarious/dependable guy friends, and/or with girlfriends. Friday night I'm going to go see Erykah Badu with one of my most fun/sweet male friends, and yesterday the other one who I'll call My Best Friend took me and the kids to see Ice Age 3 3-D and he was so sweet to help out chauffering and running around picking up a pack of diapers for us, etc.... I love good friends.
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#90 of 225 Old 07-12-2009, 01:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The updates will trickle in, as we sober up.

But here are the highlights:

very cute, newly single bartender.
(holly says: swoon)
lots of free drinks given to us, mostly me
Christopher
absinthe
tennessee girl totally flirting with me before riding off on the back of her ugly redneck boyfriends motorcycle
me so drunk that I was randomly asking people to kiss me
strange dude in tux who did end up kissing me.
he said "that was a great kiss" I said "I wasn't even participating. It would have been a whole lot better if I actually wanted to kiss you"
me tasting random stranger's drinks, and smoking people's cigarettes.
Holly smoking as well
holly drinking tequila shots on the back deck with previously mentioned cute bartender
me *not* doing body shots off of sexy Christopher, but only because I was too drunk to pay attention long enough to realize that it was really being offered to me.

Holly says next time she'll demonstrate the body shots for me, as long as Christopher is there.

We ran into another friend of mine, who had a lot of interesting stories about one of the cooks at the restaurant, who has sizeable dancing equipment. She mentioned this, loudly, many times, prompting other men at the bar to discuss their dancing skills and equipment.

Ummmm....good lord, I'm sure there is more.

I didn't get my babysitter back to her house until 4 am. I hope her mom ever lets her sit for me again.

Oh, and Holly got to meet Scrabble guy this morning, has met Jester's brother and son, but not Jester himself.
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