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#181 of 225 Old 07-24-2009, 03:31 AM
 
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Its so sweet reading the happy stories I hope things continue with you all!

I went out with a guy from PoF tonight. He's a single dad and a super nice guy. I wouldn't say that he is totally my type physically but he was definitely cute enough. And he's really got his stuff together and was so sweet talking about his kids. We had a lot in common. We kissed at the end of the date (I remembered this time!) and it was nice. I definitely think I'll see him again. He leaves tomorrow for a week vacation with his kids which is perfect to let the tension build I also have someone else I want to meet up with and see how that goes, so this gives me a little more time to do so.

All in all a good night
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#182 of 225 Old 07-24-2009, 01:44 PM
 
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Holly, that is a seriously sweet story. Nice of him to take care of you like that, in a little way.

Sarah, it sounds like PoF is working out really well for you! I'm glad.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#183 of 225 Old 07-24-2009, 04:43 PM
 
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It was nice, we drank juice and talked a lot. In French. Then all of a sudden he said he wanted me to speak English because he felt that I was holding back something of myself.
He started massaging my feet (exh NEVER EVER massaged my feet) and then my legs.
It's strange but nice to get some affection.
: A great evening, all in all, I think!



And thanks for sharing your story, Ceinwen!!! I loved it. So many ups & downs, ..just chock full of drama! : Very cool happy ending!!!!

yoginisarah, sounds like there's potential! Can't wait to hear about the contender # deux.
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#184 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 06:21 AM
 
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6 days ago I had an amazing first date. Best one in 9 months (since I first met Vanishing guy in Brussels). OK, I'll nickname him. "Genuine Article"

I don't know yet if he is. But I've gota great feeling. I've only met him (live -we met online two weeks ago and had a couple of several-hours-long video calls on msn) 6 days ago. But I'm hopeful. If we give up hope and get completely cynical, we may as not date, right? It's not exactly the sweetest and most charming frame of mind to be courted, after all.

So even after all the disappointment I've had in the last year, I'm gonna get my hopes up one more time. Yes. Maybe I'm just naive and stupid, but I'm gonna do it.

I like him, guys!!! We had this 6 hour date out on the town that was just SUCH a freakin' blast. Making each other laugh until we snort, and I was blown away by how amazingly smart he is. I was into him and found him sexy even though he's a good four inches less than I normally go for. I thought under 6' would be a total dealbreaker, as I love wearing heels that puts me up at 6'1" myself, but..... I don't even care. He's so hot. (5'11", by the way, so no midget, just not that overgrown lanky, gangly basketball player body type I always go for) I just wanted to tear off his shirt with my teeth and get to that chest and upper body that's so obviously in great shape even in clothes. But it wasn't just a physical attraction...those teeth-ripping thoughts only came a few moments during the six hours of dinner, dancing, billiards, and karaoke. (Yes we painted the town red) ...we had such a blast talking each others' ears off and just being silly and making jokes and making each other laugh until we snorted. It was so fun! And afterwards I took him home and we spent the following 20 hours in my home, dancing, but also pausing for eating and cuddling/rest and a few times put on some standup comedy (old Eddie Murphy or other comedians I love to watch) and we just cracked up together and felt so relaxed.

He has been texting sweet things to me, and we have been on a long phone conversation two hours ago and then last night we talked for 5 hours on the phone. The time just flies. He's not acting like a player at all. He's texting me that he is distracted all the time, thinking about me (or that I've 'spun his head') and yesterday went to a shopping center to get some liquid plummer for his clogged drain but then got a text from me and got all distracted thinking about me and absently wandered into his car and started driving home before he remembered that he forgot to buy the thing he needed from the shopping complex. And that he TOLD me that is so un-cool/un-playery, that I just adore him for doing so. Also during our marathon phone conversation he ditched plans to go out (was Friday night, I was home with my kids, he was home when we started talking but was planning to join friends at a bar) and just stayed home to talk to me. I told him I felt bad for ruining his plans to see his friends and he said he had no desire to join his friends at the bar anyways, because he felt there was absolutely nothing at the bars for him, & the only thing he's looking for was on the other end of the phone line. He is being so sweet I just don't know what to think. We are spending 5 hours together tomorrow when we both happen to be in the same city for that amount of time. He's heading to Lapland after that for some days, and our schedules will be tough to align for some time after tomorrow.... He doesn't live here in this city, he lives a 2 hour drive away, on the west coast. That's the main drawback here.
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#185 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 01:43 PM
 
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Butterflymom,

:::::::::

I am so happy Genuine Article seems like he's really into you.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#186 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 01:59 PM
 
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So, last night I went swimming, with swimning guy, and then he invited me back to his place for a beer and chips. We talked for an incredibly long time, then he kissed me. Needless to say, I spent the night there and got home this morning at 10.45am in order to pick up my kids.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#187 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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Butterfly mom & Hollycrand--- Hooray! I'm glad you both have such good prospects right now.

I went on another first date last night. It went pretty well but then I invited him in and it went downhill from there. I will not make that mistake again! I won't be seeing him again.
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#188 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 05:37 PM
 
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I went on another first date last night. It went pretty well but then I invited him in and it went downhill from there. I will not make that mistake again! I won't be seeing him again.
: care to elaborate? :
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#189 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 05:50 PM
 
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So, when you meet a cute guy in real life, and you're chatting...how do you go about getting/giving a number?


Any tips?

If the flirting is pretty obvious, then, "I need to get your number and pass it along to someone that I know would love to call you & ask you out....you're just her type....." with a playful little smile and twinkle in the eye.

Or if it's more platonic, "I'm having a get together soon, trying to broaden my social circle and get a lot of people together that don't already know each other, and you are so fun to talk to that I would be delighted to invite you as well. Can I get your email and send you an invite?" and then continue via email with funny banter and try to get to the point where you happen to be somewhere they might be and ask to grab coffee for fun, etc.... and see if anything happens.....

if the situation is really crowded, noisy, and/or hurried, just say, simply, "I'd love your email address... we can become cyber pen-pals...or something." with a playful attitude.

People are more free with email addresses than phone numbers.
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#190 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 06:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Hollycrand View Post
So, last night I went swimming, with swimning guy, and then he invited me back to his place for a beer and chips. We talked for an incredibly long time, then he kissed me. Needless to say, I spent the night there and got home this morning at 10.45am in order to pick up my kids.
'
::::::: He sounds intriguing!!! Sounds like it was a great night! ::::::: I can't wait to hear more about what he's like...... stalking you online now to get more details.........
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#191 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 09:17 PM
 
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With the guy in you inbox who will only pay for the first date then you take turns yeah no response needed......
This is a general question--not addressed to LoveOhm specifically.

I probably wouldn't date someone who had this on their profile because I think it is 1) tacky to post it and b) shows they have some sort of axe to grind. There is obvious resentment.

On the other hand, while I would probably want my date to pay for the first date, I would gladly pay for the next one. Or if he paid for a meal, I would pay for the movie type thing...

What are your expectations?
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#192 of 225 Old 07-25-2009, 09:19 PM
 
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: care to elaborate? :
No, its still too new....
Let's just say that things went further than I had planned and that he was a super horrible kisser. And was kissing me so hard that my chin is scraped up.

I vow to never ask a boy inside until I have kissed him somewhere else first.
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#193 of 225 Old 07-26-2009, 12:09 AM
 
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This is a general question--not addressed to LoveOhm specifically.

I probably wouldn't date someone who had this on their profile because I think it is 1) tacky to post it and b) shows they have some sort of axe to grind. There is obvious resentment.

On the other hand, while I would probably want my date to pay for the first date, I would gladly pay for the next one. Or if he paid for a meal, I would pay for the movie type thing...

What are your expectations?
I try to reciprocate when dating, but I also have financial challenges that I think some of the guys I've dated don't have...ie...I have 2 kids and they have none and I expect a guy that I date to understand that I can't swap paying every other date, I simply can't afford it. I too have bought movie tickets or drinks after they've splurged for dinner, and when asked where I want to eat, I typically let them decide that so that they can control how pricey the meal may get. If I get treated to a high ticket meal, then it's because they believe they can afford to do so, not because I put that expectation out there. I also typically meet for coffee on the first date and usually will buy my own drink. In the end, I guess my expectation is that if they can't afford to pay for most of the dating activities, then they need to communicate that to me so that we can find free or low cost things to do. There's plenty out there and I have no issue at all with a picnic lunch at a park vs high class dining.

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
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#194 of 225 Old 07-26-2009, 06:56 AM
 
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when asked where I want to eat, I typically let them decide that so that they can control how pricey the meal may get. If I get treated to a high ticket meal, then it's because they believe they can afford to do so, not because I put that expectation out there. I also typically meet for coffee on the first date and usually will buy my own drink. In the end, I guess my expectation is that if they can't afford to pay for most of the dating activities, then they need to communicate that to me so that we can find free or low cost things to do. There's plenty out there and I have no issue at all with a picnic lunch at a park vs high class dining.
: Exactly that. Word for word. I let them pick the restaurant so they can budget control without embarassment, and men who date me know that I can't afford to take *them* out and seem more than comfortable with paying for the dating activities. It is their issue to communicate that they'd like to spend time with me doing low cost (usually daytime activities....not much you can do at night in a city without spending money, at least not on a first date or early on during the courtship since I don't do the 'first date hanging out at his apartment' routine which believe it or not some have suggested ). I weed through those who don't feel happy to treat me to a night out and those who can't but can't graciously steer us in a pleasant and fun direction of low-cost activities.

Occasionally, like last tuesday, I have a situation where a guy seems to be on board with going out with me but then act all weird about paying for me, like they deserve a medal even to pay for my two buck coat check fee to walk in (or they're simply not used to it and are just flustered, since here in this country the dating culture is definitely DUTCH, amongst twentysomethings, which he was--another good reason to date thirtysomethings who started dating during the late eighties when women didn't pay for a first date, as opposed to starting to date in the mid to late nineties when men started not paying for dates, here in this country). It wasn't even a dinner or anything, the dude simply paid for two cocktails but acted completely annoying about it (begrudgingly at first--even to the point of seeing on his face his deliberation about being willing to do it--, but then acting like I should bow down and be grateful as all get out for a cocktail, and then for the refill).
He even wanted to come back to my place after our 6-7 hours of hanging out and listening to live music, playing cards, talking, etc.... (we did hit it off relatively well despite paying issues) but didn't offer to get us a taxi and wanted us to cut costs and walk.... in a rainstorm, while I was standing there cold and soaked and hungry (he also didn't offer to grab me a snack from a convenience store although I mentioned I was starving and would love a calzone from x deli over there. Geez). Suffice to say, I grabbed my own taxi and went home alone and fed myself, and got online and moaned about my crap date to sugarmoon and hollycrand online about the nerve of some 28 year olds!! The dude then texted me and said if I was looking for a rich boyfriend, he couldn't be it, that he was on a budget. I told him that it wasn't about being a golddigger but common courtesy. He was angling for the hospitality of my home, my couch or bed to sleep on, food and drink from my kitchen, for the following 12 hours at least, and it didn't even occur to him to offer the 7 dollar calzone I told him I could go for, or blow eleven dollars on a cab ride to the door, since it was in fact pouring the rain and chilly? It wasn't about the money, in that case, just the inconsiderateness and obnoxiousness. I paid my own cab and ate my own food and felt happy to be rid of him, if he wants to cut corners to that extent, to the extent of being completely rude and presumptous.


Anyway............


Gonna see Genuine Article tonight! : We only have 3 hours where our schedules converge and we can hang out, but I'm thrilled, regardless. He's been sending me such sweet texts that hint at a true long term interest in me that I can hardly belive he's for real. Let's hope he lives up to his nickname!!!!!!!
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#195 of 225 Old 07-26-2009, 02:01 PM
 
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:::: yay!!!! Hope your date goes well with GA ::::

and ps.....the guy you mentioned in the calzone incident sound plain old cheap. It's one thing to be on a budget but when you curmudgonely spend money, you're just being a tightwad.

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
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#196 of 225 Old 07-26-2009, 07:02 PM
 
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I try to reciprocate when dating, but I also have financial challenges that I think some of the guys I've dated don't have...ie...I have 2 kids and they have none and I expect a guy that I date to understand that I can't swap paying every other date, I simply can't afford it. I too have bought movie tickets or drinks after they've splurged for dinner, and when asked where I want to eat, I typically let them decide that so that they can control how pricey the meal may get. If I get treated to a high ticket meal, then it's because they believe they can afford to do so, not because I put that expectation out there. I also typically meet for coffee on the first date and usually will buy my own drink. In the end, I guess my expectation is that if they can't afford to pay for most of the dating activities, then they need to communicate that to me so that we can find free or low cost things to do. There's plenty out there and I have no issue at all with a picnic lunch at a park vs high class dining.
I'll agree with this too.

My profile says that I'm a full-time student as well as a single mom of three. How much money can I reasonably be expected to have? I'm not looking to live off a guy or be a gold-digger by any means, but I can't pay for a full-on date every-other-week & honestly even if I could I wouldn't want to. Now, the fellow I'm talking to right now, if it reaches that point (it's internet-only right now & has to be) I'd be more than happy to bring over hamburger fixings & a six pack of Shiner to grill, but if he wants to go to Le Rêve he's going to be the one paying and I am not gonna take him to Biga on the Banks for the next date! There needs to be a recognition that I'll do what I can but my time is worth the forty bucks at Chili's.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#197 of 225 Old 07-26-2009, 11:36 PM
 
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...went nice.

Dinner, and then a drive to a lookout spot and we 'parked' and madeout for 10-15 minutes and then we had to part. It was a brief window of time we were able to coordinate our schedules together to create but it was nice to see him.

He seemed to want to emphasize (although he texted me and let me know last night already as he walked home after a saturday night out with the guys) that he has totally lost his interest in cruising for women out there, and pointedly ignored women and walked home alone last night. He says I have just spun his head around and he hasn't had a crush like this in a long, long time.

He's so cute, saying these things, and totally messing up the 'Rules'....usually it's me doing that.

Dunno when I see him again. We're not in the same city, but he promises that efforts will be made on his part, to see me....soon.
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#198 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 03:54 AM
 
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i went for a date tonight. this guy was totally not my type, but really kind, funny and centred. i really enjoyed myself, to my surprise. i would see him again.
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#199 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 08:27 AM
 
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i went for a date tonight. this guy was totally not my type, but really kind, funny and centred. i really enjoyed myself, to my surprise. i would see him again.
was he as skinny in person as you were worried he would be from his online photo? Did he have a great smile? a nice voice? did he kiss you good night? Where did you go? What did you talk about? Did he make you laugh out loud in a snort-your-milk-out-your-nose kinda way or was he funny in a more subtle way, making sly observations that you enjoyed....?


: I've been waiting for you to go out on a PoF date and now that you have, I want details, darling....! :
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#200 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 08:35 AM
 
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And how many of us are waiting for details from LoveOhm...?! I know I am!!!! : I wanna know about that loan from StableGuy and how things are swimming along with 2ndHusband, and everything! :
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#201 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 10:11 AM
 
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Yes!!! For goodness sake, give us some details girls!!!:

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#202 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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he's just as skinny in person. subtle, wry humour instead of outrageous, very considerate and kind. he has a quiet voice but can make himself heard. he's very suburban, mainstream, normal kind of guy, which is unlike anyone i know. i like him and will see him again, but i dunno... i think he's looking for a grownup relationship that turns into something serious, and i'm looking for something fun that may or may not turn into anything. if i wanted to marry a secure, stable, mature person who was very considerate, i'd be all over him, but that's not what i'm looking for. we'll see.
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#203 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 12:51 PM
 
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Ceinwen I am so excited and inspired by your story and I know you are happy with this new found side of yourself. I am often like T to shy to say a thing so men have to really have to work for it. Keep us posted I love this story!

Love the foot massage it is a subtle but sweet way to show an appreciation for you as well as affection without being overly physical what a lucky lady Hollycrand!

yoginisarah happy POF has some gems, I have not met any in person but I was not overly impressed with the online world so I am excited for you. :

Butterflymom, Genuine Article seems like he is into you AND you possibly feel sparks / butterflies / etc. I guess time will tell but I do think you deserve a man a wonderful as you are!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#204 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 01:42 PM
 
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This is a general question--not addressed to LoveOhm specifically.

I probably wouldn't date someone who had this on their profile because I think it is 1) tacky to post it and b) shows they have some sort of axe to grind. There is obvious resentment.

On the other hand, while I would probably want my date to pay for the first date, I would gladly pay for the next one. Or if he paid for a meal, I would pay for the movie type thing...

What are your expectations?
Let's see, I spend a great deal of time and money before I even go out. I either pay to go to the hair salon ($100) or spend 1.5 hours straightening my hair, $45 every three weeks on my eyebrows, whatever my bikini wax cost once a month, mani / pedi expense every other week, approx. $50 - $100 on a new dress / top /outfit each time almost (I have no wardrobe thanks to my ex), plus $10 per hour for the sitter....... so a night out is an expense for me before the date even begins.

What are my expectations? I expect that if a man is asking me out that they will cover all expenses on the actual date. That can include whatever they have planned which I let them take the lead on, because 1) it shows me their interest, 2) shows creativity and 3) also allows them to do what they wish with their budget. I do expect that I will cover my own parking cost since I often meet them instead of allowing them to pick me up but I like it when they offer to pay the parking / valet cost.

While I expect men to pay the cost of the date once we reach a certain level (i.e. in a relationship, dating exclusively, dating alot, etc.) I find that I like to give to them but in different ways...... I might buy them a tie or gift just because, invite them over for dinner that I cook, invite them on a picnic where I bring the food and drinks, buy tickets to a ball game / amusement park / concert / etc.

I am not sure how I would feel if I were married or engaged and our money was really "ours"...... think it would depend on the different income levels as well as how we decided to approach our money.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#205 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 01:53 PM
 
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And how many of us are waiting for details from LoveOhm...?! I know I am!!!! : I wanna know about that loan from StableGuy and how things are swimming along with 2ndHusband, and everything! :

Awe thanks so much for thinking of me! I had a personal issue that required me taking some down time from dating, but I plan on making up for lost time in the next couple weeks.

StableGuy has been in constant contact but once he returned from his business trip had a significant family issue so we have yet to link up about the loan. While I am not depending on the loan (and never was) I am so far behind in a two important bills I do hope he is reliable..... because while I am looking for a job these bills can't wait for me to get one.

2ndHusband has been trying to see me but I have not really available which I can tell is a bit disappointing to him. I plan to rectify that in the sort term by seeing him once I have resolved my personal issue and in the long term for 2ndHusband and really any man in my life by getting my own apartment and getting a job which will put me in a better financial position.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#206 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 02:26 PM
 
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Let's see, I spend a great deal of time and money before I even go out. I either pay to go to the hair salon ($100) or spend 1.5 hours straightening my hair, $45 every three weeks on my eyebrows, whatever my bikini wax cost once a month, mani / pedi expense every other week, approx. $50 - $100 on a new dress / top /outfit each time almost (I have no wardrobe thanks to my ex), plus $10 per hour for the sitter....... so a night out is an expense for me before the date even begins.
I am seriously low maintenance.

If there was a big income difference then yes, I would expect him to pay more often than I do.
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#207 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 03:53 PM
 
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I am seriously low maintenance.

If there was a big income difference then yes, I would expect him to pay more often than I do.
It's easier to be low maintenance in other areas than where I live.... where sadly so much is based on appearances. In my city almost every party I attend has a red carpet and press. While I'm crunchy in my parenting I don't lead a bohemian lifestyle.... in my past life (before dd) it was not uncommon for me to spend $1000 on a pair of boots, $200 on a pair of jeans, $100 on dinner by myself.... I have happily cut way back as my priorities have shifted. :

But even if I did cut out the other items my sitter alone at $10 an hour averages $50 - $90 per evening out which would be a wonderful few dinners out for dd & myself. But like I said once a relationship has formed I do contribute just not formally like one date you pay one date I pay or going dutch, etc.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#208 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 04:48 PM
 
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I kind of figured that.

Paying for parking or valet service here is unheard of. And I'm fortunate not to have to pay a sitter to go out.
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#209 of 225 Old 07-27-2009, 09:39 PM
 
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in my past life (before dd) it was not uncommon for me to spend $1000 on a pair of boots, $200 on a pair of jeans, $100 on dinner by myself....
Woah! What kind of job did you do before? : Sounds like you could use another one of those, these days! I wish you luck that you find one fast/soon!

So 2ndHusband is anxiously waiting to see you, huh? That's cool. How are you feeling about him these days?
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#210 of 225 Old 07-28-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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Woah! What kind of job did you do before? : Sounds like you could use another one of those, these days! I wish you luck that you find one fast/soon!

So 2ndHusband is anxiously waiting to see you, huh? That's cool. How are you feeling about him these days?
I can't wait to see 2ndHusband but also the closer we become and the more our relationship progresses I further realize why people advise one to "put your items in order prior to dating".... emotionally & mentally I am in order but other items moving me toward independence like career (which is on the upswing but the $$$ is yet to make a huge impact), finances and housing are still a work in progress.

To answer your question Butterflymom when I met dd's dad I was a story editor the pay itself was nothing special but the perks (especially the expense account) made up the difference. I shifted work arenas and now have a book deal with a NYC publisher sadly I am not yet JK Rawlings but I am working on it..... My old job is no longer an option because my daughter means too much to me and 12 hours days (which is standard) in the office don't in any way allow for the relationship I want with dd or time for a SO. I am in college with plans to go into teaching which will help supplement my income until I become on Ms. Rawlings status

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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