since when is "single mom" an insult? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-21-2009, 11:27 AM
 
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as ever, ani says it best.
Quote:
I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued

and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl

^that's what being a single mama means to me.
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Old 07-21-2009, 11:40 AM
 
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josybear, exactly.

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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Old 07-22-2009, 03:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by RollerCoasterMama View Post
I'm not figuring on being ashamed of the label...but for some of us, it represents a lost dream and a painful past in addition to hope for the future.
when i was first going thru the separation and divorce i felt that exactly. but after i got myself together i was like i dont need a man in my life, i can do it alone and screw all the naysayer. being a single mother had been the most the most mentally painful experience but in the end it was very empowering becase i suvrived and came out on TOP.

single mama to DD 5.09
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Old 07-22-2009, 03:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Zeta View Post
Single mom is a label I am so proud of that if I got remarried I would be sad to give it up. Because single moms kick ass. This forum is proof.
you rock it.

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Old 07-22-2009, 09:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by eccomama View Post
when i was first going thru the separation and divorce i felt that exactly. but after i got myself together i was like i dont need a man in my life, i can do it alone and screw all the naysayer. being a single mother had been the most the most mentally painful experience but in the end it was very empowering becase i suvrived and came out on TOP.
I already know it will be easier than it's been being married. I already do it all plus put out all the fires. The most relaxing and peaceful time of my life recently was when STBX was deployed last year. :P I'm glad to hear the sting fades. I figured it would, but it's still nice to hear!
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Old 07-22-2009, 10:59 AM
 
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Originally Posted by RollerCoasterMama View Post
for some of us, it represents a lost dream and a painful past in addition to hope for the future.
I agree with this, but see where the OP's viewpoint came from and I'd like to participate with reclaiming the phrase 'single mom' and putting our own positive feelings on it. I have positive feelings about it, but they are not purely positive. Life is never so black and white, is it....?

I also agree with the pp that said that being judged and having assumptions made (based on just a few moments exposure) would irk me. Even if there was no negative connotation to the judgment. I don't know why but it just would.
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Old 07-22-2009, 11:34 PM
 
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It wasn't a compliment. It wasn't an insult. It was simply an inappropriate comment.
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Zeta View Post
Single mom is a label I am so proud of that if I got remarried I would be sad to give it up. Because single moms kick ass.


I got married this past April after being a single mom since my dd was born, 6.5 years ago. Losing the "single mom" badge after all that time has been really hard for me. I find myself feeling very weird when meeting new people, who assume that this whole married family thing has always been the norm for us.

Anyway, I get the idea of making a single parent into a compliment, and I think it rocks.
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by josybear View Post
and it's no insult to two-parent families to observe that single parents have different relationships with their kids. of course we do, our circumstances are different.
I agree with this.
I am newly single on paper but have parented alone through more than half of my kids' lives due to repeated military deployments so I can sort of see both sides, because even though I wasn't a truly single mama during deployments, my relationships with my kids and the way we communicate were always very different from the "working relationship" side of my friends whose partners were usually on the same continent.
And being single so far seems like a continuation of that. My kids have to be very responsible and I rely on that in a way I wouldn't have to if there was another grownup around and I'm sure that is both good and bad depending on how you look at it.
I wouldn't be offended if someone I met assumed I was a single mama before the separation but I have heard people use it in a very prejudiced way and I know that for some people it is considered a bad thing. I doubt the OP meant to belittle partnered parents even if it came out a little awkwardly.
layne

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 -Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath (I frequently ask myself, 'what would Ma Joad do?')

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Old 08-05-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mocha09 View Post
I got married this past April after being a single mom since my dd was born, 6.5 years ago. Losing the "single mom" badge after all that time has been really hard for me. I find myself feeling very weird when meeting new people, who assume that this whole married family thing has always been the norm for us.

Anyway, I get the idea of making a single parent into a compliment, and I think it rocks.
Aw, I was just listening to the song "babymama" this morning on a playlist I made to cheer myself up through the divorce and it made me so happy. I think single parents have a lot to be proud of as a group.
layne

“ it was her habit to build laughter out of inadequate materials....She seemed to know that if she swayed the family shook, and if she ever deeply wavered or despaired the family would fall.”
 -Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath (I frequently ask myself, 'what would Ma Joad do?')

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Old 08-05-2009, 09:34 PM
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Congratulations! It's good to get an update on your life... I hope everything is going well for all three on you.


Quote:
Originally Posted by mocha09 View Post
I got married this past April after being a single mom since my dd was born, 6.5 years ago. Losing the "single mom" badge after all that time has been really hard for me. I find myself feeling very weird when meeting new people, who assume that this whole married family thing has always been the norm for us.

Anyway, I get the idea of making a single parent into a compliment, and I think it rocks.

 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

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Old 08-11-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Dar View Post
Congratulations! It's good to get an update on your life... I hope everything is going well for all three on you.
Dar! How are things going? I've been out of the message boards, out of the blogosphere.... I hope you and Rain are doing well.
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