So yesterday.......was Thursday, which is a big night out at a certain nightclub in town (*everyone* goes there on Thursdays, and no other spot, and people don't go there on other nights, just Thursdays and this is the tradition that always has been the case in this town, for years, a tradition). I guess I figured I'd go, get out of the house, and I knew I'd run into friends there and didn't mind about going alone. I talked with my mom on the phone at length about the G.A. and she thought it was just plain weird that he had asked me if I had plans for the weekend (I said no & he said he'd have to do something about that), before he left after our sunday date, and then didn't call for the first half of the week... I called HIM on wednesday night and he asked me AGAIN what my plans were for the weekend and said he'd probably want to come to my city to see me and I said that would be fine.... but inside I was gritting my teeth as to why he wanted to still leave things up in the air when it was less than 48 hours to the weekend, and so by the end of the call I said, "Look, please let me know about the weekend as soon as you can so I can make my plans." and he agreed he would let me know the following day (Thursday). He admitted he had forgotten to let me know with one day's advance warning about last Sunday's plans, as he had said he would let me know before the same day (whether or not he'd drive me from where I drop the kids off, to my place, and it turns out he did not, just drove the two hours to meet me at my place, which is fine, and I had even forgotten that he was supposed to let me know final details on saturday at the latest and wasnt' mad about that), and promised that this time he wouldn't leave me hanging until the last minute about his plans. I said, "Ok."
So yeah my mom and I were talking at length about what the heck is going on with this guy to not be making solid plans with ME for my weekend free and childless (first time since we've met that we've had the potential to spend a whole weekend together.... I think on a fifth encounter, after five weeks, it would be cool).... what other possible plans could be mroe important? And why so silent about what the reasons behind his hesitance to make concrete plans? And why not making a single phone call in my direction all the week? Again? And does he expect me to keep my weekend blocked open and available until thursday? or even friday? Sheesh. He *was* talking on the phone about how he could take the following thursday and friday off from work and spend 48 hours with me *then* and drive me to where I need to go to pick up my kids. I sort of laughed and said, "Well, yeah, so you mean you'd potentially spend the weekend with me here, and then just two and a half days afterwards, come for another 48 hours?" and he was like, "Yeah, sure." and so it was hard to really feel he was just 'not that into me' on the phone because of how he was plotting taking time off work to spend more time with me, and I wanted to believe that not confirming the weekend was not a big deal and believed that in the end, he'd be here.
But anyways, I got ready and went out. I went out tuesday night to meet a couple friends anda fter they walked home, I started walking home and ran into Smooth & Witty
and his pal and they inssited I sit and join them on the terrace I spotted them at, and that was actually quite pleasant. They both promised to be at my birthday party.... not weird at all to see a former 'thing' who has fizzled into nothingness. He's a nice guy and hey sometimes it's just not a match. Then I stopped in a karaoke bar and saw Pretty Fishermans'
best friend, who speaks such poor english that we had to ditch the english and I was forced to practice the local language, like a proper little girl. I did well, I think, and that dude was so nice to me I also insisted he join Pretty Fisherman to my birthday party next month.
Anyway, I got to the nightclub, and I walked around and walked around and felt really silly to be by myself and didn't spot any friends. Finally, when I went into the bathroom I found one friend who I have known for some time and who is friends with me via a mutual very good friend of ours, and she was at my house party two weeks ago and will be at my birthday party in four weeks, and..... I just assumed that when we saw each other, she'd include me in her circle and I'd have people to hang out with. (this is so middle school!!!) But when I saw her, I brightened up and said "I've been looking for you!" she smiled and talked with me and seemed to want to exchange information, and I did so, but the friend she was in the bathroom with was positively scowling with bad attitude (for whatever reason), and I asked how many friends she was there with and she said it would be a group of 3 but one hadn't arrived yet. I said I was alone, and she didn't seem to hear that. She finished up our conversation and politely excused herself and her friend to leave the bathroom and I stayed, and felt kinda crushed that they didn't invite me to come hang out with them awhile and talk somewhere more comfortable than the bathroom.
: So I kept cruising around looking for more faces, and perching in spots to see if any gentlemen would come and cure my boredom and drink-less-ness but none did. Not that I saw any that appealed to me. But regardless, I didn't quite understand why I wasn't fighting men off with sticks like usually happens when I am there.
But whatever, I was staving off boredom but perhaps it was just too early. I got there to beat the long lines, and although it already seemed full, I guess I just didn't see any interesting prospects and I was trying not to yawn. I kept hanging out all alone, watching people having a great time, thinking....."this is not usually what happens when I show up alone somewhere. I usually at least make new girlfriends. what is wrong with this night?!" Then I ran into another friend who was with a friend, and we exchanged pleasantries, but they didn't *insist* on me joining their twosome and I wasn't even introduced to the person I didn't know (again! first girlfriend didn't introduce me, to her friend, in the bathroom, either!)..... so I didn't beg, and I let them be, and I felt crushed twice. Not that I couldnt' have just insisted and joined either friend + friends-of-theirs-I-don't-know, but they just didn't seem to want to switch the language to English, and I didn't want to force a group of friends who never planned on hanging out with me to speak in English just on my account. So at this point I'm feeling really down. Two of my friends, who will be at my freakin' birthday party, are not interested in including me in their night out. What does that say about those two friends?
I text several times back and forth with a very close friend to me who says he and his workmates are out and about and I encourage them to join me, but my pal texts that he can't quite convince them to.
So after some more time of hanging around and keeping my eyes peeled for interesting people or people I knew, I just left. I figured I'd have more fun going to a karaoke bar and wowing the crowd with my rendition of Freedom 90 by George Michael (to all you who have seen the video clip of said rendition, please don't shatter my allusion and tell me that it sucks!
) so I just walked outta there. I thought maybe if I went to a karaoke bar alone, it would be a lot easier to strike up conversations with strangers (what are you going to sing? Oh that was a hard song but you did great! type of ice breakers) It was getting kinda empty looking like people were leaving anyways, but then as soon as I stepped out on the curb I saw a huge line of people waiting to get in, and the first person in line was this drop dead gorgeous guy speaking in english to his group and I immediately tried to reverse my steps and go back in to see if I could arrange to meet HIM, but the doorman said I was out and had to go to the back of the line.
So I just left. I went to one karaoke bar across the street but the wait to sing was two hours long. So I left, and on the way saw it was after midnight and the G.A. still hadn't confirmed his weekend intentions like he promised to do. So I called him. Woke him up. Informed him it was after midnight so it was no longer thursday and he had said he'd be in touch on Thursday. He apologized but said he still didn't know because he's waiting to hear from his friends if THEY wanted to come from his hometown to his current town to see HIM or not. I was none too impressed with things from this explanation-point. His friends got an idea to come visit him and he didn't just tell them flat out, "Sorry, I'm going to see Butterfly in her town that weekend! Another time!" ???? WTF???? He is basically ditching me in CASE they want to come see him. Flimsy at best. So I was super polite and businesslike on the phone and said I really appreciated being kept in on the loop of information, and we hung up. I felt like total shit. That's it. If he is going to have that type of impetus to spend time with me, that if absolutely anything better comes up, then he's not coming, when my childfree weekend days are few, per month, then that's just freakin' it. Done.
I then went to another karaoke which was completely empty, except like 6 people but I thought, at least I could sing quickly and practice a new song I've never tried before or something, so I stayed and put my request in. It seemed to take forever. Maybe half an hour. Yawn. At this point my night is starting to seem like a real disaster. Then just before my turn, a girl gets up to sing a song and does really well. The man holding her purse and smiling is GRINNIN' CHATTYMAN
uke What the heck?! He is the one who ditched dinner plans with me last minute because of work stress overload and then went out of town but then of course he's been back in town for a couple of weeks and not calling me. I wrote him off, but still, seeing him out with a new girl (or old girl) or whatever was kind of a blow to my ego. But then again, she wasn't pretty so I kind of took comfort in the fact that she wasn't better looking than me. Anyway, I bolted out of there after I sang my song and I know GC saw me but I didn't allow eye contact to happen and I just split. I then walked to an irish pub which had a live band rockin' the house. I sang along to some great cover songs and really had a good time even by myself, just standing in front of the band and dancing along, and struck up a conversation on the break with the singer of the band, an irish lad who turned 28 that same day. He was flirting with me HARD about how beautiful I am and how I dont' look almost 30, etc... and that was such a nice ego boost after the night I had had. Then I get a text from the super pal who is out with workmates that he is NOW in that bar I had LEFT in a loooong line to get in. I tell him I'll be there in ten minutes and I bolt from the irish pub and practically run to meet up with this good friend of mine who ALWAYS makes me laugh and smile and feel great, I just adore him. I met up with their group (line disappeared by the time I was there, it was 2am), and then realized that this was the first time I was meeting my pal's girlfriend-of-five-years, who I had been told would be coming with him to my birthday party next month, and I was happy to meet her. And the four male colleagues were all very pleased to meet me, and suddenly things went sour. My pal walked with me to the bar to buy me a frozen pina colada ( he always splurges on me, he's well off and he knows I can't afford anything ) and his girlfriend looks like she's about to explode. She pulls him away, and they start in on a very nasty looking argument. Well, he just stands there, and she lets him have it. I entertain the four other men. At one point she kisses my friend passionately and the colleagues don't know what to think of it because, at that moment, I realize, that as my friend is dating his colleague, they have never told anyone in five years. No one there but me had known they were a couple. They start asking me what i think about that and I'm not a very good liar so I change the subject and ask the 6'8" and sexy guy from the Netherlands (they're all dutch except one american) to dance. He agrees and we split off from the group and dance. I enjoy myself immensely with this guy, he is so fun. We go outside for him to have a smoke (and me to get fresh air--it was sweltering in there) and talk talk talk. He asks me point blank if there had ever been anything between me and my pal, and I said, no, and he seemed relieved. He has worked with my pal for 15 years and they like each other a bunch. I guess he was thinking that there would be no way he could get involved with me if I was EVER involved with our mutual friend. We all hung out some more in a group, talking, and my friend and his girlfriend vanished. I got a text saying they were going to her place to get his stuff because they were breaking up. Sheesh. I take shots with the boys, and have fun, and then they play the last song, "More than words" which I LOVE ....and wasn't Seie just talking about that song?? Yes indeed she was. Anyway I love that song, and this super tall, sexy man took me to dance and we slow danced and I have not slow danced in many, many years, and it was so nice. And intimate, and just...... MMmmmmm
So we all went downstairs after they asked us to leave (they were closing and everyone was being ushered off the dance floor), and we went downstairs as a group to leave the building and who approaches me? Clark Kent
!!!! He looks a bit tipsy but totally blown away to see me there, and asks me if the tall guy (only two inches taller than him, but yeah, tall as hell) was my boyfriend and I said he was not, that these were colleagues of a good friend of mine I had just been introduced to, and I ask him how his holiday trips went and he said great.... he asked for a hug and I gave him one, and then before I could say anything else, this other woman came up to him and seemed to have been looking for him and he turned his attention to her and my group was leaving so I just turned and ran out with my new friends/workmates of my good pal. BTW, I HOPE he is dating that woman because she was definitely unattractive, and I like leaving him to her, thinking that "OH well, I guess I was just way too hot for him".
Some men can't handle it.
We all went to eat and then Tall Dutch guy escorts me home in a cab. I invite him up and we stay up until he has to go to work, talking and kissing. He kisses me good night and sends me texts the following afternoon about how perfect the night was and how he can't wait to see me again.
The Genuine Article (snort, laugh, vomit) calls me in the morning to let me know that he'll be hanging out with his friends over there this weekend and unavailable. I said, "Thanks for letting me know, have a great weekend!" and that was it.
And that, is his third strike and he is out. Actually I believe you could break things down and count up more than 3 strikes, but in general there is one problem: He's far away and not doing what's needed to take up the slack and make the distance not matter in terms of letting our budding romance unfold. He's putting me on the backburner, and in this situation, that's not going to cut it because skipping a weekend to be with me so he can see his friends leaves us at.... Oh, let's see.... two more weeks from now until we will have a chance to spend more than a hurried amount of time together, and then the very next weekend I have free is taken up by my birthday party, so that will be busy, and then we are into Sep 17-18 time frame, and between now and September 17th that leaves now one weekend (aug 28 and 29) we could
spend together to get some quality time in. That's not gonna cut it, no matter how much he may like me or I may like him. Dealbreaker.
It would be different if I felt like he was really prioritzing and putting spending those few times per month that we can bond very high on his list. But I dont' feel that way.