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#121 of 231 Old 08-11-2009, 11:47 PM
 
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The night we broke up...actually, while we were breaking up, we both proclaimed our "L" for one another.


Talk out holding out on a girlfriend!!!

Why didn't I hear this story????
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#122 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 12:02 AM
 
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You know, something else to take into consideration is a partner's relationship role models.

I grew up with very happy, respectful, loving parents that professed their love (and admiration) for each other openly in front of me and my brother. My parents have an amazing marriage, which has been that way for the entire 38 years they have been married. I NEVER saw my parents fight or talk disrespectful, condescending or rude to one another. I am truly blessed!

My bf, on the other hand, grew up with parents that "stayed together for the kids." They didn't really like each other, were very sarcastic and condescending towards each other AND were not affectionate towards one another.

Therefore, bf and I came from very different backgrounds. He was not very affectionate, a bit more disconnected and very unconscious about his feelings, which is why his actions were so telling for me.

BUT, I can happily say that over the past 1 1/2 years (we hit the 1.5 year mark on Sunday), he is so much more affectionate, connected and a lot more conscious and expressive of his feelings. It just took time, respect and trust.

Seriously, the man is just the most loving and fabulous person I have ever met. It's crazy, after 1.5 years, I swear it is just getting better and better!!! He never ceases to amaze me. :
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#123 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 01:32 AM
 
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I realized that life is short, and I was not going to live like there was going to be a tomorrow, because it isn't guaranteed.
That was a beautiful story! I agree life is short so you have to live your life and be happy. I love the quote "Leap and the net will appear" it is hard to do that with out hearts (especially after previous hurts) but I do still believe in LOVE and know the net will appear to catch me if and when I fall.

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ABMYS, Holland73, and Seie......... a lot of being madly in love on this thread!!!

I'm loving being on the periphery of so much lovin'!!!!!!!
I also feel the same way please keep your mojo coming it adds a richness to the thread and I adore it!

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The words are words and I agree with Holland and others that I'd rather have the actions. Having both is pretty darn great too.

We talk all.the.time. We are both really emotional people. And, we are really, really connected, so we both could stop using the words and know the L is there and feel it...I think it's just a nice bonus and reminder for each of us to use it the way we do.
I am also really emotional so having both would be reassuring.... but like the others I would opt for actions if I had to choose.

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You know, something else to take into consideration is a partner's relationship role models.

I grew up with very happy, respectful, loving parents that professed their love (and admiration) for each other openly in front of me and my brother. My parents have an amazing marriage, which has been that way for the entire 38 years they have been married. I NEVER saw my parents fight or talk disrespectful, condescending or rude to one another. I am truly blessed!

My bf, on the other hand, grew up with parents that "stayed together for the kids." They didn't really like each other, were very sarcastic and condescending towards each other AND were not affectionate towards one another.

Therefore, bf and I came from very different backgrounds. He was not very affectionate, a bit more disconnected and very unconscious about his feelings, which is why his actions were so telling for me.

BUT, I can happily say that over the past 1 1/2 years (we hit the 1.5 year mark on Sunday), he is so much more affectionate, connected and a lot more conscious and expressive of his feelings. It just took time, respect and trust.

Seriously, the man is just the most loving and fabulous person I have ever met. It's crazy, after 1.5 years, I swear it is just getting better and better!!! He never ceases to amaze me. :
This is wonderful to hear because one of the men I was dating (and I really like) comes from a background different that mine in one aspect ---- relationship role models and it concerns me. His mom has been the breadwinner so in a position to leave if unhappy. His mom did not stay with his dad (who lived in a different state his whole life), then married his "step-dad" which ended in divorce when he was in early college and now she has since remarried. I fear when things get tough he will think divorce is the solution and I also think it is one reason he takes so long to open up..... I am hopeful that changes. And maybe it will just take time, respect and trust He is asking for my time so I need to make that a priority somehow.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#124 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 02:23 AM
 
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On Love...

I am a romantic and naturally enjoy sharing love with others but in having a child it was clear I never knew the depths of love I am capable of giving until I felt my daughter's breath against my body for the first time. It just gave love a much deeper meaning to me.

How soon would I want to hear the L word depends on the depth and history of the relationship. I want their actions to show from very early on that they care deeply for me, that they pay attention to details and that they are the the man with the ice scraper (even though I live in an area that will never get snow)!

2ndHusband was and is the man with the ice scraper, which is the main reason I have grown to appreciate him over the years and get past some superficial issues I cared about as a teen. I have grown to love him because of the person he is...... his dancing was just an unexpected and very welcomed bonus! (Had I known sooner about his dancing I might not have paid attention to the compassion and character he has shown over the years). I do love him, he does love me but we don't say it and I don't think we are at a point that we are "in love" with each other. I think the potential is there but we both guard our hearts so it will take some time for either of us to feel "safe" and I am 100% okay with this. We were enjoying a wonderful dance and I slipped and said "oh I love..... it" he paused our dance looked directly into my eyes and said "It's ok, I love it too" I don't think either of us were speaking exclusively of the dance but something deeper. For me I just want to know I really mean it and I would want the same from whoever I am with.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#125 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 01:58 PM
 
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Why not just say to him directly the truth, "I think you're cute, I think I'd be interested in hanging out with you, but I need to take things super slow because I've only broken up from a long term relationship 3-4 months ago. In fact, we are still sharing the same address this summer as roommates to finish out our lease, and this goes on until next month, and then I'll be living elsewhere with my daughter. I'd like to get to know you a bit here and there, but definitely at a slow and unhurried pace, especially while I dont' have my own place and am sharing a home with my ex."

Makes all the sense in the world to us. Figure out a way to boil that down to something easy to say in a phone conversation? Or just SMS it?
That wont be necessary. I got a text this morning saying "You know it was good talkin to you earlier. I have to keep it real though, I guess I did have other intentions in mind when I met you. I'm sorry. You are really attractive."

ugh. It is for the better, I didn't really want to date right now anyway...a lot more important things going on... Have fun ladies!

Cortney Mama to Lyra 1-20-08 and future midwife through Birthingway College of Midwifery
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#126 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 03:06 PM
 
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I am new to this thread so hello ladies. Haven't actually been on a date since my separation but maybe someday.....

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I would just feel sort of sleazy dating someone before I have even moved, kwim?

advice? I definitely want things slow
I wanted to respond to this. I will be living with my ex for at least another year before either of us can afford to move out. I plan to just be honest with potential dates. I am not going to bring it up within 5 minutes of meeting someone but if after the first date I feel like this is someone I would want to see again, I would bring it up on the second date out of fairness to him. We never see each other since our schedules are so opposite and he is dating other people. If the guy isn't comfy with it then oh well.....
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#127 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 03:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am new to this thread so hello ladies. Haven't actually been on a date since my separation but maybe someday.........
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#128 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 05:05 PM
 
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I went over to Single Dad's house again Monday evening. We watched a movie and made out. He's a good kisser and I feel really comfortable around him. I don't feel Super excited about him but there is enough there to keep hanging out and making out and to see where it goes
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#129 of 231 Old 08-12-2009, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That wont be necessary. I got a text this morning saying "You know it was good talkin to you earlier. I have to keep it real though, I guess I did have other intentions in mind when I met you. I'm sorry. You are really attractive."

ugh. It is for the better, I didn't really want to date right now anyway...a lot more important things going on... Have fun ladies!
Good riddance. Sorry if it hurt your feelings at all, though. You must just be a total hottie, that men lose their heads and think with the wrong one!
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#130 of 231 Old 08-13-2009, 12:03 PM
 
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Good riddance. Sorry if it hurt your feelings at all, though. You must just be a total hottie, that men lose their heads and think with the wrong one!
haha, I guess it made me feel good. There were little red flags, like...he didn't really ask questions about me. He didn't seem to want to know me. So, I am happy at least I didn't end up on a date with him...and now I have more insight into what to listen/look for.

It made me feel like hot stuff, but then I was like...does that mean I look cheap, or easy or something? After I while I just decided that it is nice to get attention from men...it is ultimately up to me to decide if I am beautiful and valuable. not some dumb guy in a coffee shop.

: ) Happy dating, ladies! I am going to continue doing what I was doing, not dating, focusing on my dd and school...and when it happens it happens for me.

Cortney Mama to Lyra 1-20-08 and future midwife through Birthingway College of Midwifery
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#131 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 01:26 AM
 
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Hello everyone,

I apologise I haven't been giving updates, but there hasn't been too much to tell. Swimming guy and I see each other whenever we have free time (more like when I have free time...) and really really enjoy each other's company. We often send one another like 4-5 emails in one day, especially the days we don't see one another. Email works better than the telephone, because we can answer each other when we have time or are in the mood.
I have this weekend child-free, and so we are going to spend it together. Probably going hiking or bike riding so we can get out of the house a bit. Swimming on Sunday. Maybe a bit of dancing too.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#132 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 09:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So yesterday.......was Thursday, which is a big night out at a certain nightclub in town (*everyone* goes there on Thursdays, and no other spot, and people don't go there on other nights, just Thursdays and this is the tradition that always has been the case in this town, for years, a tradition). I guess I figured I'd go, get out of the house, and I knew I'd run into friends there and didn't mind about going alone. I talked with my mom on the phone at length about the G.A. and she thought it was just plain weird that he had asked me if I had plans for the weekend (I said no & he said he'd have to do something about that), before he left after our sunday date, and then didn't call for the first half of the week... I called HIM on wednesday night and he asked me AGAIN what my plans were for the weekend and said he'd probably want to come to my city to see me and I said that would be fine.... but inside I was gritting my teeth as to why he wanted to still leave things up in the air when it was less than 48 hours to the weekend, and so by the end of the call I said, "Look, please let me know about the weekend as soon as you can so I can make my plans." and he agreed he would let me know the following day (Thursday). He admitted he had forgotten to let me know with one day's advance warning about last Sunday's plans, as he had said he would let me know before the same day (whether or not he'd drive me from where I drop the kids off, to my place, and it turns out he did not, just drove the two hours to meet me at my place, which is fine, and I had even forgotten that he was supposed to let me know final details on saturday at the latest and wasnt' mad about that), and promised that this time he wouldn't leave me hanging until the last minute about his plans. I said, "Ok."

So yeah my mom and I were talking at length about what the heck is going on with this guy to not be making solid plans with ME for my weekend free and childless (first time since we've met that we've had the potential to spend a whole weekend together.... I think on a fifth encounter, after five weeks, it would be cool).... what other possible plans could be mroe important? And why so silent about what the reasons behind his hesitance to make concrete plans? And why not making a single phone call in my direction all the week? Again? And does he expect me to keep my weekend blocked open and available until thursday? or even friday? Sheesh. He *was* talking on the phone about how he could take the following thursday and friday off from work and spend 48 hours with me *then* and drive me to where I need to go to pick up my kids. I sort of laughed and said, "Well, yeah, so you mean you'd potentially spend the weekend with me here, and then just two and a half days afterwards, come for another 48 hours?" and he was like, "Yeah, sure." and so it was hard to really feel he was just 'not that into me' on the phone because of how he was plotting taking time off work to spend more time with me, and I wanted to believe that not confirming the weekend was not a big deal and believed that in the end, he'd be here.

But anyways, I got ready and went out. I went out tuesday night to meet a couple friends anda fter they walked home, I started walking home and ran into Smooth & Witty and his pal and they inssited I sit and join them on the terrace I spotted them at, and that was actually quite pleasant. They both promised to be at my birthday party.... not weird at all to see a former 'thing' who has fizzled into nothingness. He's a nice guy and hey sometimes it's just not a match. Then I stopped in a karaoke bar and saw Pretty Fishermans' best friend, who speaks such poor english that we had to ditch the english and I was forced to practice the local language, like a proper little girl. I did well, I think, and that dude was so nice to me I also insisted he join Pretty Fisherman to my birthday party next month.

Anyway, I got to the nightclub, and I walked around and walked around and felt really silly to be by myself and didn't spot any friends. Finally, when I went into the bathroom I found one friend who I have known for some time and who is friends with me via a mutual very good friend of ours, and she was at my house party two weeks ago and will be at my birthday party in four weeks, and..... I just assumed that when we saw each other, she'd include me in her circle and I'd have people to hang out with. (this is so middle school!!!) But when I saw her, I brightened up and said "I've been looking for you!" she smiled and talked with me and seemed to want to exchange information, and I did so, but the friend she was in the bathroom with was positively scowling with bad attitude (for whatever reason), and I asked how many friends she was there with and she said it would be a group of 3 but one hadn't arrived yet. I said I was alone, and she didn't seem to hear that. She finished up our conversation and politely excused herself and her friend to leave the bathroom and I stayed, and felt kinda crushed that they didn't invite me to come hang out with them awhile and talk somewhere more comfortable than the bathroom. : So I kept cruising around looking for more faces, and perching in spots to see if any gentlemen would come and cure my boredom and drink-less-ness but none did. Not that I saw any that appealed to me. But regardless, I didn't quite understand why I wasn't fighting men off with sticks like usually happens when I am there. But whatever, I was staving off boredom but perhaps it was just too early. I got there to beat the long lines, and although it already seemed full, I guess I just didn't see any interesting prospects and I was trying not to yawn. I kept hanging out all alone, watching people having a great time, thinking....."this is not usually what happens when I show up alone somewhere. I usually at least make new girlfriends. what is wrong with this night?!" Then I ran into another friend who was with a friend, and we exchanged pleasantries, but they didn't *insist* on me joining their twosome and I wasn't even introduced to the person I didn't know (again! first girlfriend didn't introduce me, to her friend, in the bathroom, either!)..... so I didn't beg, and I let them be, and I felt crushed twice. Not that I couldnt' have just insisted and joined either friend + friends-of-theirs-I-don't-know, but they just didn't seem to want to switch the language to English, and I didn't want to force a group of friends who never planned on hanging out with me to speak in English just on my account. So at this point I'm feeling really down. Two of my friends, who will be at my freakin' birthday party, are not interested in including me in their night out. What does that say about those two friends? I text several times back and forth with a very close friend to me who says he and his workmates are out and about and I encourage them to join me, but my pal texts that he can't quite convince them to.

So after some more time of hanging around and keeping my eyes peeled for interesting people or people I knew, I just left. I figured I'd have more fun going to a karaoke bar and wowing the crowd with my rendition of Freedom 90 by George Michael (to all you who have seen the video clip of said rendition, please don't shatter my allusion and tell me that it sucks! ) so I just walked outta there. I thought maybe if I went to a karaoke bar alone, it would be a lot easier to strike up conversations with strangers (what are you going to sing? Oh that was a hard song but you did great! type of ice breakers) It was getting kinda empty looking like people were leaving anyways, but then as soon as I stepped out on the curb I saw a huge line of people waiting to get in, and the first person in line was this drop dead gorgeous guy speaking in english to his group and I immediately tried to reverse my steps and go back in to see if I could arrange to meet HIM, but the doorman said I was out and had to go to the back of the line. So I just left. I went to one karaoke bar across the street but the wait to sing was two hours long. So I left, and on the way saw it was after midnight and the G.A. still hadn't confirmed his weekend intentions like he promised to do. So I called him. Woke him up. Informed him it was after midnight so it was no longer thursday and he had said he'd be in touch on Thursday. He apologized but said he still didn't know because he's waiting to hear from his friends if THEY wanted to come from his hometown to his current town to see HIM or not. I was none too impressed with things from this explanation-point. His friends got an idea to come visit him and he didn't just tell them flat out, "Sorry, I'm going to see Butterfly in her town that weekend! Another time!" ???? WTF???? He is basically ditching me in CASE they want to come see him. Flimsy at best. So I was super polite and businesslike on the phone and said I really appreciated being kept in on the loop of information, and we hung up. I felt like total shit. That's it. If he is going to have that type of impetus to spend time with me, that if absolutely anything better comes up, then he's not coming, when my childfree weekend days are few, per month, then that's just freakin' it. Done.

I then went to another karaoke which was completely empty, except like 6 people but I thought, at least I could sing quickly and practice a new song I've never tried before or something, so I stayed and put my request in. It seemed to take forever. Maybe half an hour. Yawn. At this point my night is starting to seem like a real disaster. Then just before my turn, a girl gets up to sing a song and does really well. The man holding her purse and smiling is GRINNIN' CHATTYMAN!!! uke What the heck?! He is the one who ditched dinner plans with me last minute because of work stress overload and then went out of town but then of course he's been back in town for a couple of weeks and not calling me. I wrote him off, but still, seeing him out with a new girl (or old girl) or whatever was kind of a blow to my ego. But then again, she wasn't pretty so I kind of took comfort in the fact that she wasn't better looking than me. Anyway, I bolted out of there after I sang my song and I know GC saw me but I didn't allow eye contact to happen and I just split. I then walked to an irish pub which had a live band rockin' the house. I sang along to some great cover songs and really had a good time even by myself, just standing in front of the band and dancing along, and struck up a conversation on the break with the singer of the band, an irish lad who turned 28 that same day. He was flirting with me HARD about how beautiful I am and how I dont' look almost 30, etc... and that was such a nice ego boost after the night I had had. Then I get a text from the super pal who is out with workmates that he is NOW in that bar I had LEFT in a loooong line to get in. I tell him I'll be there in ten minutes and I bolt from the irish pub and practically run to meet up with this good friend of mine who ALWAYS makes me laugh and smile and feel great, I just adore him. I met up with their group (line disappeared by the time I was there, it was 2am), and then realized that this was the first time I was meeting my pal's girlfriend-of-five-years, who I had been told would be coming with him to my birthday party next month, and I was happy to meet her. And the four male colleagues were all very pleased to meet me, and suddenly things went sour. My pal walked with me to the bar to buy me a frozen pina colada ( he always splurges on me, he's well off and he knows I can't afford anything ) and his girlfriend looks like she's about to explode. She pulls him away, and they start in on a very nasty looking argument. Well, he just stands there, and she lets him have it. I entertain the four other men. At one point she kisses my friend passionately and the colleagues don't know what to think of it because, at that moment, I realize, that as my friend is dating his colleague, they have never told anyone in five years. No one there but me had known they were a couple. They start asking me what i think about that and I'm not a very good liar so I change the subject and ask the 6'8" and sexy guy from the Netherlands (they're all dutch except one american) to dance. He agrees and we split off from the group and dance. I enjoy myself immensely with this guy, he is so fun. We go outside for him to have a smoke (and me to get fresh air--it was sweltering in there) and talk talk talk. He asks me point blank if there had ever been anything between me and my pal, and I said, no, and he seemed relieved. He has worked with my pal for 15 years and they like each other a bunch. I guess he was thinking that there would be no way he could get involved with me if I was EVER involved with our mutual friend. We all hung out some more in a group, talking, and my friend and his girlfriend vanished. I got a text saying they were going to her place to get his stuff because they were breaking up. Sheesh. I take shots with the boys, and have fun, and then they play the last song, "More than words" which I LOVE ....and wasn't Seie just talking about that song?? Yes indeed she was. Anyway I love that song, and this super tall, sexy man took me to dance and we slow danced and I have not slow danced in many, many years, and it was so nice. And intimate, and just...... MMmmmmm So we all went downstairs after they asked us to leave (they were closing and everyone was being ushered off the dance floor), and we went downstairs as a group to leave the building and who approaches me? Clark Kent!!!! He looks a bit tipsy but totally blown away to see me there, and asks me if the tall guy (only two inches taller than him, but yeah, tall as hell) was my boyfriend and I said he was not, that these were colleagues of a good friend of mine I had just been introduced to, and I ask him how his holiday trips went and he said great.... he asked for a hug and I gave him one, and then before I could say anything else, this other woman came up to him and seemed to have been looking for him and he turned his attention to her and my group was leaving so I just turned and ran out with my new friends/workmates of my good pal. BTW, I HOPE he is dating that woman because she was definitely unattractive, and I like leaving him to her, thinking that "OH well, I guess I was just way too hot for him". Some men can't handle it.

We all went to eat and then Tall Dutch guy escorts me home in a cab. I invite him up and we stay up until he has to go to work, talking and kissing. He kisses me good night and sends me texts the following afternoon about how perfect the night was and how he can't wait to see me again.

The Genuine Article (snort, laugh, vomit) calls me in the morning to let me know that he'll be hanging out with his friends over there this weekend and unavailable. I said, "Thanks for letting me know, have a great weekend!" and that was it.

And that, is his third strike and he is out. Actually I believe you could break things down and count up more than 3 strikes, but in general there is one problem: He's far away and not doing what's needed to take up the slack and make the distance not matter in terms of letting our budding romance unfold. He's putting me on the backburner, and in this situation, that's not going to cut it because skipping a weekend to be with me so he can see his friends leaves us at.... Oh, let's see.... two more weeks from now until we will have a chance to spend more than a hurried amount of time together, and then the very next weekend I have free is taken up by my birthday party, so that will be busy, and then we are into Sep 17-18 time frame, and between now and September 17th that leaves now one weekend (aug 28 and 29) we could spend together to get some quality time in. That's not gonna cut it, no matter how much he may like me or I may like him. Dealbreaker.

It would be different if I felt like he was really prioritzing and putting spending those few times per month that we can bond very high on his list. But I dont' feel that way.
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#133 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 02:18 PM
 
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Whew, Butterfly, you had a NIGHT! Sorry to hear about G.A., but I think that you made the right decision with that one.

And Tall Dutch sounds like a good prospect!!

As for me, Moniker-less and I went kaput. There's a thread in Religious Studies about it, but the Cliffs Notes version is that I watch his 3 year old twice a week, because her mother is supposed to have visitation but always bails, and I've been doing it longer than I've known him, and somehow the subject of going on a playdate with DD's best friend came up, and DD's best friend has two mommies. Which is perfectly fine with me, but became a HUGE blowup of an issue with him, which turned into a three day argument, which turned into us mutually calling it quits.

At one point, he said to me that he had told me in the beginning that he was looking for something permanent, and I told him that what he was looking for was a woman to sit down and shut up and agree with everything he said and take care of the kids while he goes out and saves souls, and that's not me. I'm all for the biblical version of marriage, but I am not all for being a doormat. It took us all three days of fighting, more because neither of us really wanted to give up on "us", but it's apparently too big of an issue, so that's that. I love him to pieces - enough to keep fighting with him to get past this and move on, but I guess it's true...love sometimes just ain't enough.

We had had a big talk the other night about him spending more time with his kids and stepping up to be a real single parent, rather than letting his mother do all the work (which she does - she bought the kids' school supplies, she makes dinner, she arranges child care, she took the youngest for her first haircut the other day - she does all of the things a PARENT should do), and he was actually very receptive to that conversation. But it went all downhill after that. I feel horrible for his kids, because it's clear that they DO need a mother (the grandmother is nice, she does what is needed, but she doesn't do the emotional mothery stuff, if that makes any sense), but their father is going about it all the wrong way, and they are becoming casualties of the situation.

What will be interesting will be if he tells his mother - who is the one who originally asked me to watch his daughter - exactly what we broke up over, because I already knew that SHE wasn't okay with it, and that means I won't be watching her anymore. Which is more her loss than mine, as hard as that is to say. And I work with her, though I really only see her in passing, but it will still be awkward. Oh well.

Back to the drawing board...

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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#134 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 04:16 PM
 
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ABMS, I'll try to stay out of the religious aspect of it, but let it be said I agree with you. In complete honesty, I consider the "no gays allowed" thing to be a horrible interpretation of Scripture and I could not tolerate that particular attitude in a partner. BUT, better for it to have come to light now rather than later.

Doctrinal differences stand to be a huge issue for me. I was discussing this the other day with a friend of mine, because WD is Catholic, and I have not been able to guess as to how devout he is. I mean, with being divorced it's fairly obvious he cannot be in good standing with his church, but that has little to do with what's in a person's heart. I don't care about flavor so much as I do strength; I need a deep belief in God even if the other person isn't a regular churchgoer (I myself haven't been in a while). Plus, anyone I might get serious with will have to go to my church and deal graciously with my priest and all the people there who watched me grow up and helped me get through my divorce. And they might not be too gentle.

Butterflymom...Whew! I'm not sure what to say to all of that! Sounds like you had one heck of a night. Yeah, sorry Genuine Article wasn't. He needs to grow up, hmm? But it's not your problem to train him! Hope you are at least able to have some fun with Tall Dutch.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#135 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 05:06 PM
 
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the 6'8" and sexy guy from the Netherlands
My X is a 6'8" Dutch guy from Amsterdam.

I love tall men and the Dutch are considered the tallest in the Western world... even the women are tall!

My 5'3" self felt like a complete midget while living there! But, at least my ds will be tall. : Another good thing I got from X... the height genes for my ds!
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#136 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 05:46 PM
 
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My X is a 6'8" Dutch guy from Amsterdam.

I love tall men and the Dutch are considered the tallest in the Western world... even the women are tall!

My 5'3" self felt like a complete midget while living there! But, at least my ds will be tall. : Another good thing I got from X... the height genes for my ds!
See, I'm weird. I like short guys. I'm short. I like my height to maybe 6'. My XH is 5'9", & the fellow I'm talking to now is 5'8". (I'm 5'5".) That's my speed!

(I'm the only person I know of who likes short guys...)

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#137 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 06:51 PM
 
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Just because I like them tall, doesn't mean that is what I ended up with.

My bf is short... 5'7". Wouldn't trade him in for a taller model for anything!

And, I am finding there are some wonderful *benefits* to dating someone who is closer in height to yourself.
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#138 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 07:13 PM
 
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And, I am finding there are some wonderful *benefits* to dating someone who is closer in height to yourself.
Which is exactly why I like short guys!

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#139 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 08:01 PM
 
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Just because I like them tall, doesn't mean that is what I ended up with.

My bf is short... 5'7". Wouldn't trade him in for a taller model for anything!

And, I am finding there are some wonderful *benefits* to dating someone who is closer in height to yourself.
Yup.

5 foot 7 or 8 is not short to me!!!!

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#140 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 08:13 PM
 
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Yup.

5 foot 7 or 8 is not short to me!!!!
Mm, technically no, but my mom is 5'8", so a guy only as tall as my mom isn't that tall to me. Technically I'm not short either, I'm average height for a woman, but everything's made for tall people!

I'm just feeling silly today, ladies, don't take me too seriously okay?

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#141 of 231 Old 08-14-2009, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As for me, Moniker-less and I went kaput. ....a three day argument, which turned into us mutually calling it quits....love sometimes just ain't enough....




I was so shocked when I read this.




You, on the other hand, sound so un-devastated. I'm impressed, and I admire you for being so mature about what seems like the correct resolution to a pretty big difference in thinking. Congratulations on being so adult. Both of you, I suppose.

But aren't you pretty bummed out on some level? I think if I were you I'd be more than weepy and frustrated. I'm so impressed at your clam & even choice of words about all this. Wow.
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#142 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 12:06 AM
 
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I was so shocked when I read this.




You, on the other hand, sound so un-devastated. I'm impressed, and I admire you for being so mature about what seems like the correct resolution to a pretty big difference in thinking. Congratulations on being so adult. Both of you, I suppose.

But aren't you pretty bummed out on some level? I think if I were you I'd be more than weepy and frustrated. I'm so impressed at your clam & even choice of words about all this. Wow.
I'm definitely bummed out. I'm actually more angry than anything else...but if we're going to break up over something, I'd rather it be something THAT clear cut - in my mind - than something where I'm wondering what went wrong, you know? That particular subject, as well as people who hide their bigotry behind "Christian love", really make me very very angry.

A friend of mine and I took our kids to the playground at the mall tonight. We were actually planning to go to the kids night at the church where we work, but they weren't ready when they said they would be, our kids were cranky, so we went to dinner and then to the mall playground. This is a friend who saw me pretty much every day for the whirlwind of the last two weeks.

And wouldn't you know who showed up? Moniker-less and his daughter. They just happened to be walking the mall at the same time, she saw her friends, that was the end of that.

He came over and sat down. My friend kind of busied herself with the kids while making big bug-eyed WTF looks at me. He just kind of talked to me like nothing had happened. It was very strange. About 10 minutes later, they started closing the storefronts, so we all left, and he asked if he could give me a hug and I told him no. And then later got a text message that he shouldn't have been surprised by that, but it hurt his feelings.

He called and we talked for a few minutes, and he said that the reason that he reacted the way that he did was because everything had moved so quickly and he couldn't think straight when he was around me and yada yada, and I told him that *I* was not the one that dropped the L word, and that nobody held a gun to his head and told him to say it. Yes, I was the one that kissed him first, but it wasn't until the second "date". But that still didn't excuse the fact that we're clearly two different people on some big issues, and that he is very obviously looking for a mother for his kids, and not a girlfriend/potential wife, despite what he says, and I'm not into stepping into the role that his mother is already playing to those kids. I don't want that to be my whole deal. And didn't we already decide that this wasn't working?

We had made plans to hang out with all the kids tomorrow, but that was back before this whole mess, and I just assumed that that was off and went ahead and made other plans. He apparently assumed that it was on, and asked what time they should be here in the morning, and I told him that I had made other plans. He was disappointed. I don't understand. Either we're together, or we're not, and if we are, we have to be able to at least have a mutual respect for the other's opinion on big stuff, or it's not worth wasting our time together, and it's not fair to our kids to wishy washy this all out. And I'll be the first to admit, the only respect I have for his opinion on that particular subject is that he is reading from one interpretation of the Bible, and doesn't do the research into why it's written like that, and, to be fair to him, he's always said he believes in the literal word of the Bible. And I think it's almost easier to go through life that way. (I think it was you, Sagesgirl, that mentioned that when you go back to the aramaic or greek version of that particular passage, the word they use most likely refers to pederasty, and not homosexuality. If we even get into that subject again, I already know that I'm going to be hitting a brick wall when I take that approach.)

On top of that, he told me earlier this week, before the argument erupted, that he couldn't kiss me anymore, because that made him have passionate thoughts for the rest of the day/night. Well, I'm sorry, but even if we can agree on the bigger issue at hand, I'm not getting groped, I'm not getting skin to skin contact, and we're definitely not dancing. If I can't at least be kissed - and at least once a week, GOOD and thoroughly kissed, iykwim - then no, you cannot be my boyfriend. Period.

I'll give him a chance to sort out his thoughts, but I doubt anything will come of it.

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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#143 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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I like when they are just slightly taller than me, and when we hug, my head fits right between his neck and his chest. I have no clue what that actual height is, but that's the one I prefer.

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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#144 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 01:15 AM
 
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Oh no, ABMS, I could not take Biblical literalism. I'm sorry, but no. I could not take the "no kissing" rule either. I've heard of it, honest, but it's one of those fringe ideas in my mind. But then, I was never good at the whole "no premarital sex" thing, and I'm reevaluating it because I honestly can't find it anywhere in the Bible. I do understand that a man of the cloth has to be held to a different standard; I don't think I could dance with a priest for instance. (Er, mind that I am an Episcopalian, so even though we use the same term as Catholics, we actually let ours get married and have kids and stuff.)

But there has to be some middle ground and it sounds like he wasn't interested in it. The related conversation reminds me of my ex, to be honest, where his idea of compromise was giving me a list of stuff to change. And he also tried to cloak it in Biblical terms.

I wonder if maybe he doesn't think you're going to come around?! But I think you are right, he is more looking for a mother than a spouse. With the way his mother seems happy to pick up his slack as a father, I am certain she did it constantly when he was a little boy, too. Not a dynamic I would care to be involved with!

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#145 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 02:31 AM
 
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Well to add to the break-ups, the "man" I was "talking to" from work just completely started ignoring me and starting dating someone else. What a weirdo. We went from talking or texting every day to him completely ignoring me. It was odd and unexpected but what can you do?? I have no idea what happened and if that's how its going to go down, I don't really care either. Good riddance.

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#146 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 08:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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God, it's the breakup week.

I'm sorry to hear about yours, too, Tilia.

I just can't get over how I have run into FIVE of the men who have gone out with me but haven't been interested in being my boyfriend, all this week. (or, er, their best friend) What a small city this is.
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#147 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 10:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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.......and I have five girlfriends and three guy friends to get together with and hook up with on the dance floor tonight.

Last night I was with three great platonic guy friends and five other people who I got to know through one of my friends, and we all had the best night out, dancing the night away. Great exercise, too, I'm freakin' sore today.

After Thursday night's nightmare, this whole bein' with good pals and having good clean fun that involves only smiles and laughter and dancing and singing along to songs we all know and having a good time with no romantic designs.... just feels great.

The Tall Dutchboy has sent me messages about how sweet I am, and having dinner on Wednesday. He lives in Amsterdam but travels weekly back and forth here, and wednesday is the next time he'll be in town.
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#148 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 11:17 AM
 
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Butterflymom,



Glad to hear things are looking up in the going out with friends department, and that Tall Dutchboy seems into you.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#149 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 03:53 PM
 
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ABMS I am sorry that such a basic thing went wrong, I know you were having fun with the strong connection. Sounds like underneath the values issue was the issue around what really he was looking for. I hope it was overall a good experience for you getting your feet wet, and wish you the best with your next paramour!

Butterfly, you sure do not lack for men. i wish there were some better way to meet them, or something, because these guys do not seem worth your time.

Hollycrand, happy for you with swimming guy. Have fun with your child free weekend! Keep dishing.

Well, I rarely post because I've been dating the same guy for nearly two years now, but wanted to announce we're engaged. We definitely have our issues, but many strengths going for us, like a willingness on both sides to keep talking when there's been a problem, until it's all the way resolved. We've started premarital counseling to shore up our skills and help us strategize as we blend our families. He's more than I would have thought to ask for, had i been designing a sweetheart.
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#150 of 231 Old 08-15-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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I have not kept caught up with this thread at all. Zeta, I noticed today that you were the last one to post, so I hopped on to check it out. I'm glad I did. I remember when you met him! Congratulations. I am so very happy for you. I wish you all the best and more! Big hugs.
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