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#181 of 231 Old 08-23-2009, 03:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I do think you are absolutely making the right choice in telling Monikerless to find another babysitter. I'm not sure about telling him you can MAYBE be friends after a cooling off period. ..... If you tell him "Well, I can maybe be your friend but I need some time to cool off first," I am afraid he might hear "I need time to make up my mind whether I want to get back together with you."
: ITA with sagesgirl!
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#182 of 231 Old 08-23-2009, 08:49 AM
 
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Taoist Hottie is coming up to visit me today! I feel all giddy...

ETA: Check out my horoscope for today!



You're about to embark on an extraordinary opportunity or relationship. Be receptive and open to the influences that are intent on presenting you with experiences that will shape your mind, body and soul if only you are willing to relax your sense of control and deal with what comes your way. There's no need to decide one way or the other what your course of action will be. Instead, watch, wait and listen for your golden chance.

:

Tis the season, for hot apple cider!
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#183 of 231 Old 08-24-2009, 05:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Taoist Hottie is coming up to visit me today! I feel all giddy...
:

I : love : that giddy feeling! And I love this dude's nickname. Very cool.

No one is making me giddy these days. Except my friends!!! I have a girl's night tomorrow evening that will consist of 8-9 of us, bowling at a disco bowling place, sangria, and lots of fun. I'm excited. Some of us may go out after the bowling place closes (at 10pm) to a bar or club or something if there's any people anywhere, but Tuesdays are kind of quiet. There's an irish pub with live bands every single night, though, so that could be fun. And it's next to a karaoke place and ya'll know how I can never get enough of karaoke.

It's so great to shift my focus these days from lining up first dates and going out with romantic-hopes or romantic-expectations on my mind, to nowadays just hanging out and continuing to build upon this great foundation I have, friends-wise. The girls (and guys) I am pals with are just the best!!!!


But........something kind of something to post about here........

My best pal is a guy. He's amazing. He and I have been spending a LOT of time together for 11 months. I love him. I mean I really do love him very dearly. My kids even start to love him. He's not ugly. He's tall and good looking. He is dedicated to me and cares for me in a way that takes my breath away. It's like having an angel in my life. Is he in love with me? Most likely some form of being in love, yes. Am I in love with him? I don't have those butterflies or giddy feelings about him. His presence calms me, makes me feel good. I like laughing and talking with him. After dinner and a movie last night we came to my place and I curled up on the couch and slipped between sleep and awake for awhile, as he petted my hair and patted my back a little. I then asked if he would talk to me while I fell asleep in bed, and he spooned me in the bed and talked and held me until I fell asleep and then let himself out. He is just so good. And is he good with my kids---GOD!!! He's amazing. He is so funny and phrases himself into these little tidbits of banter that makes their eyes sparkle. He knows just how to appeal to them at their level while not changing himself or talking down to them at all. He's just.... switching into their 'mode' and their 'style' so that they can relate. I love watching.

Why can't I just live happily ever after with this amazing guy? He means so much to me that downing a bottle of champagne and jumping into bed with him to see if I can't train my brain to start to think of him as a man and not a brother just seems too risky. If I lose him as a friend, then.... I'll be devastated. He thinks we should have a heart to heart talk about us sometimes, a serious one, and I agree, but I don't know what to say. He tells me it's ok if I am not up for it, that he'll wait forever if that's what it takes (to have the talk, not 'for me' in a pathetic puppy dog 'i'm in love with you' sort of way). At one point a misunderstanding between us left me in tears (I'm very sensitive when it comes to him and any arguments that pop up between us, which have been like....two in a year's time, so pretty seldom) and he got on his knees in front of me and held my hands in his and told me that he will never, ever do anything to hurt me. And I believe him. I honestly do. In relationships people hurt one another sometimes inadvertently but he would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. I feel he would go to painful extremes in the other direction if necessary to make me happy. But do I feel that similar motivation towards him? Is this one sided?

Does anyone else have similar angst about amazing men in their lives who are probably kinda in love with them.....?

DanishMom thinks I should give it a try in a baby-steps sort of way, talking to him about my fears and concerns but just testing the waters very slowly in terms of expanding the friendship.

Twice he's held me as I've fallen asleep in my bed, and let himself out afterwards.... that's as far as we've gone, intimately speaking.

Superficially speaking, he's just not my type. I hate myself for caring about looks when someone is so sparkling and wonderful on the inside. But something about his looks doesn't draw me in or have any sexual allure at all. :
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#184 of 231 Old 08-24-2009, 10:32 AM
 
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Ups - sorry

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#185 of 231 Old 08-24-2009, 06:32 PM
 
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Butterflymom, I am certain that is a hard position to be in.

Now, I do enjoy the sparks and whatnot, but the thing I liked the best about my ex was that he was a cool drink of water. He calmed me. I'm one of those people who is always rushing, always running, always thinking, always on, but he grounded me in a very good way. For everything else that was wrong in our relationship, that never went bad.

And oh, do I long for that again! I want the guy who makes me happy just by smiling at me, who can be my anchor and always draw me back to him. In your shoes, I'd be more afraid to not try, I think. That said, I do have male friends I love very very deeply, and yet have no desire for anything romantic with. And if that's what you have with him, it's perhaps a very wise thing not to try to force it.

Maybe taking little bites of something romantic with him will work. I don't know. But I do think you need to have that conversation with him and lay it out clearly. He sounds as if he will understand. If you two are that close and that loving now, then there's a good chance trying and failing at something romantic will only be a small thing to overcome in the scheme of being loving friends.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#186 of 231 Old 08-24-2009, 06:59 PM
 
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Butterflymom, I have been in the same position as you. I have a really ( read impossible) difficult time falling in love with someone who would be absolutely perfect for me except that there's no sparks.Sparks are mandatory for me and physical looks and attitude are a big part of the sparks thing for me. I could live with someone like that provided that there would be no dancing, because I flat out refuse to dance with someone that I'm not attracted to and I don't dole out mercy dances either. Sadly the guys I seem to have sparks for always end up being aholes. It is a hard position to be in. On the one hand you have someone who you KNOW loves you and your kids and is obviously very serious about you. On the other hand, could you be happy with him? It's a tough question and one that may not have any clear answers to it. Is it really truly a "never gonna see him as more than a friend" thing, or maybe a "give it more time and see if things develop" thing?

M : proud mama to B (16) : and G (8) and : x 2 :
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#187 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 08:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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On the other hand, could you be happy with him? ?
no.



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#188 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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no.



c

Well, then don't force it to be something it is not meant to be. Appreciate what you two do have together.

There is absolutely no reason to be ashamed, frustrated or pressured to be with someone... just because they are "amazing."

Different people enter our lives at various points in our life journey with a purpose. If you do not feel his purpose is to be your life partner... great, at least you know that. So, spend the time nurturing what you both do have and be VERY, VERY clear and utterly honest with him about your feelings for him.

These kinds of entanglements between men and women (as friends) is one of the reason why I don't believe men and women (those who have never been in a relationship together in the past and are both hetero) can be friends.

The only men I have been able to have strong, close friendships with, without this kind of drama, have either been gay or amicably ended ex-boyfriends.
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#189 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 02:41 PM
 
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I would like to ask those of you who are dating: How do you meet these men? Here is my situation...single mom who can rarely if ever go out at night due to childcare issues. I have most weekend days free, however. I am old fashioned in that I want a man who will ask me out and actually take me out on a date. I have tried it the other way and it just does not work for me. Also, I am done with the internet. So, do any of you have any suggestions over where and how to meet good men? TIA
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#190 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 03:37 PM
 
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trippingbillies - Moniker-less was the son of someone I worked with, and the father of a little girl that I babysat.

I was asked out at a party at a friend's house, but he wasn't anyone I'd ever actually go out with.

Internet prospect went meh when I told him that I'd meet him in person when *I* felt comfortable with it. Oh well.

Otherwise, I'm in the same situation...I go to work, I come home, I go to the gym, I go grocery shopping, I just don't have the opportunity to really meet anyone.

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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#191 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 06:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Otherwise, I'm in the same situation...I go to work, I come home, I go to the gym, I go grocery shopping, I just don't have the opportunity to really meet anyone.

I'm a little irritated by people who say that they are 'done with the internet' and don't/won't go out at night to the social gathering venues where single people go and meet each other.

The other option is meeting people through the people you know, so either that is or could work for you, or then you've eliminated all three options I know of outside of a serendipidous 'we locked eyes while choosing vegetables in the produce section of the grocery store and lived happily ever after' type of encounters that fill the Hollywood movie plotlines. You can wait for that. Sure. Go ahead.

But if you'd like some romantic action in the meantime, before cupid strikes the hottie over there squeezing the melons on aisle three with his arrow and he gets dumbfounded by how charming you are and bumbles around with his pen to get your phone number down on the back of his grocery list in a very cute Hugh Grant type of way, then use one of the other three standard methods: online dating, going out to singles scenes, or asking around or being around your friends/family as a known 'single & looking' and see if anyone who is friends with someone you know hears you're single and asks you out.
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#192 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 08:40 PM
 
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I never said I was done with the internet.

I'm all about meeting people through people. My social circle is slowly expanding. But I have my kids with me full time (no visitation allowed when their father is in prison in another state), so I don't get weekends or any other days off to go to singles bars or wherever. Even if I did, I'd be going by myself, because all of my friends are either married (with the exception of one...who is engaged), and that isn't really my kind of thing anyway. But yes, I'm all about meeting people through other people, but it is taking some time.

I've still got my toes in the online dating water, but I live in a relatively small town, and the one online prospect that had half a brain and/or didn't weigh 500 pounds wanted to meet me rightaway, which I wasn't willing to do. (Finagling and paying for a sitter to go out with someone I barely know just isn't worth the effort and cost for me right now.) I've just got too much on my plate, and if a man is going to be worthy of that effort and cost, he has to be amazing. And I've yet to come across anyone other than Moniker-less, who turned out to be a dud, who is even close to amazing. Yet.

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#193 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 09:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've just got too much on my plate, and if a man is going to be worthy of that effort and cost, he has to be amazing.
What about perhaps setting up a phone date for after the kids are asleep? And after you've had 1-3 amazing half hour or hour long phone dates with a prospect, you agree to meet him live?

That should be reasonable hoop-jumping for any online prospects and I think you get a very good chance at a nice time with someone live if they've been charming on the phone for many many minutes, if not hours.
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#194 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 09:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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..... I am old fashioned in that I want a man who will ask me out and actually take me out on a date.......Also, I am done with the internet. So, do any of you have any suggestions over where and how to meet good men? TIA
Here's the thing about online dating sites with profiles. You can put in your headline, "Are there any good men out there?" and in your description of an ideal first meeting/date describe what you just said about how you want to meet a man to actually book you ahead of time and show up and take you out on an old fashioned, courtship-style date. And you know what? Men reading that profile will know what you are looking for RIGHT UP FRONT and if someone is reading that and likes the sound of it, and likes your face, they are likely to contact you and get the ball rolling. Playboys who are looking for something else are likely to skip you and move along to others. These are all positive things.

The nice thing about articulating what you are seeking and putting it out there, is that you might actually get it. Men then dont' have to read your mind. It's a good thing.

OF COURSE there's still a lot of drawbacks to online dating and the time it can take to weed through the mail and the losers and blah blah blah...it's not a perfect system. Dating in general, whether instigated online or otherwise, is full of drawbacks. It's not a fantasy come true to get out there and go on first dates. They are more likely to be a drag than otherwise. But the reason people do it and put themselves through it anyway is because we're all out there shopping for something that fits. Trying things on is the only way to do that.
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#195 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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What about perhaps setting up a phone date for after the kids are asleep? And after you've had 1-3 amazing half hour or hour long phone dates with a prospect, you agree to meet him live?

That should be reasonable hoop-jumping for any online prospects and I think you get a very good chance at a nice time with someone live if they've been charming on the phone for many many minutes, if not hours.
I'm ALL about that. I tried that. He was like, "Why don't we just meet up at XYZ?" In an email. Would it kill him to have a conversation on the phone first?

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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#196 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 10:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm ALL about that. I tried that. He was like, "Why don't we just meet up at XYZ?" In an email. Would it kill him to have a conversation on the phone first?
: Weird. Red flag.
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#197 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 11:13 PM
 
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Butterflymom, I actually agree with you about the meeting guys thing. It's honestly not a high priority for me. If it was, I might actually look at the guys in my classes. Well, look at them twice. There are actually a couple of really hot guys in my Creative Writing class, but they're young and don't interest me much.

You know, I put a little bit of effort into the online thing...messaged exactly two guys over the course of about a week, actually got a message back from one, and it took off and I'm happy with that. But if I had sat around and waited for him to drop into my lap, I'd still be sitting. Seriously, we live in the same city, in very close to the same part of the same city (very important in a metro area with 2M people!), even share a favorite restaurant...and we've never run into each other. And if we had? Because of my own preconceptions, I'd have rolled my eyes at a middle-aged officer in an expensive car, and had no clue about the real man! I think that's a good example of your grocery store analogy. In a brief encounter with a person, the chances of getting the correct impression of him are very small. We've got the bumbling Hugh Grant fantasy, but in reality a guy staring longingly at us while squeezing the cantaloupes is going to ring the creepy bell, not the adorable one. Even if he really is Hugh Grant.

It is possible to meet cute. I met my ex-husband when his best friend married my best friend and we were both in the wedding party. We fell pretty much instantly in love. I'd never hold my breath hoping for something like that to happen again (well, especially given the eventual outcome!). The beauty of the internet is it allows those of us with a limited social circle--most of my friends are also married and/or otherwise coupled--to do a little sifting and find the guys who are looking for something like what we're looking for.

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I'm ALL about that. I tried that. He was like, "Why don't we just meet up at XYZ?" In an email. Would it kill him to have a conversation on the phone first?
Yeah, I wouldn't go for that either. Maybe he's got a squeaky voice? (In reality, though, it sounds like he's hoping to get laid on the first date.)

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#198 of 231 Old 08-26-2009, 11:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, I wouldn't go for that either. Maybe he's got a squeaky voice? (In reality, though, it sounds like he's hoping to get laid on the first date.)
: The no-possibility-for-sex-on-a-phone-date thing is a great thing for us gals but a turn-off for player men. Exactly why requiring one before arranging a real date is such a good idea! Yet another way to sift out the losers.
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#199 of 231 Old 08-28-2009, 04:37 AM
 
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I want to chime in here and add to the conversation about online dating, about meeting men in general and about having phone conversations prior to meeting.

On my reason to not do online dating at this point....

I have said before that online dating is not for me and I still feel that way. It's not that I have a problem with online. Honestly online dating is alot of work and has it's own dynamic and thus it's own set of rules that I am not completely familiar with and at this point I don't have the desire to jump into. That said, I don't have a shortage of prospects in real life, just a shortage of time and childcare! When I'm in need of more prospects and if the other methods I like don't work I may revisit the online dating realm.

On meeting men...
The majority of my past significant relationships I have met thru friends of friends and not with the intent to date. Just by being social - going to someone's BBQ, birthday party, house warming or simply just hanging out and a good conversation sparks..... In the past I also met men at parties and events in the industry I worked in so there was already a common element.

In the past couple months I've been making a conscious effort to look more polished at all times so if the opportunity arises at the grocery store, the park, a coffee house, etc. that my confidence is on point. No one wants to frumpy mommy look... not even me! I want to be the posh mama who allows men to envision them with me in a romantic light even when I am out and my daughter is holding my hand. I am the most put together mom at the park with make up and earrings on but I am okay with that! I met a single dad one day at the park, he was sooooo handsome and I looked completely like I just rolled out of bed so I made the switch and I have been approached by several men and have sparked conversations with many others just going thru the day to day stuff. ---- Men are at the grocery store, farmer's market, in traffic on your way to work, etc. but if you are in sweats, giving off an I'm too busy and too tired vibe, you don't notice them and they won't notice you!

Also I would say look at your interest ask yourself if it's a unisex interest then join a club related to that interest. I have found most physically active groups like training for a marathon, triathon training groups, hiking groups, the gym, all have an abundance of men. (dress in workout clothes but still polished and cute) Meetup.com has a ton of these groups as well as groups for single parents in most major cities.

On phone calls prior to meeting...
Again this is something that I think makes some rational with online dating the going back and fourth via email with someone you don't know can feel pointless - you want to hurry up and find out do they really look like their picture, do they seem to mean what their profile stated, etc. so it does seem meeting soon rather than later is ideal. The first date could be a quick coffee. A close friend of mine does this often with success but she does not have children so breaking away is easier for her. (I wouldn't take the time, pay a sitter, etc. on the hope of someone online but that's one reason I'm not online)

Also a fair amount of men I know are not the type to sit on the phone for hours, not sure why that is. I like chatting on the phone too but I can accept that not all people communicate best in that medium including 2ndHusband the guy I really like. He really opens up and communicates in person but I don't get to break away very often to be in person and he does not really open up via phone.... I just accept him for him. One thing different though than your phone situation with the online guy is I knew 2ndHusband thru friends of friends and I knew him so I was and am confident he is worth making an effort to adjust communication.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#200 of 231 Old 08-28-2009, 01:02 PM
 
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......before cupid strikes the hottie over there squeezing the melons on aisle three with his arrow and he gets dumbfounded by how charming you are and bumbles around with his pen to get your phone number down on the back of his grocery list in a very cute Hugh Grant type of way.....
awww, Butterfly! How'd you know I was holding out for Hugh Grant to hit on me in the grocery store? I Hugh Grant, prostitute scandal and all...

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In the past couple months I've been making a conscious effort to look more polished at all times so if the opportunity arises at the grocery store, the park, a coffee house, etc. that my confidence is on point. No one wants to frumpy mommy look... not even me! I want to be the posh mama who allows men to envision them with me in a romantic light even when I am out and my daughter is holding my hand. I am the most put together mom at the park with make up and earrings on but I am okay with that! I met a single dad one day at the park, he was sooooo handsome and I looked completely like I just rolled out of bed so I made the switch and I have been approached by several men and have sparked conversations with many others just going thru the day to day stuff. ---- Men are at the grocery store, farmer's market, in traffic on your way to work, etc. but if you are in sweats, giving off an I'm too busy and too tired vibe, you don't notice them and they won't notice you!
Yep, I've been working on this as well! Glad to hear it is working for you!
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#201 of 231 Old 08-28-2009, 01:49 PM
 
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I Hugh Grant, prostitute scandal and all...
In that case, I should set you up with my xh.
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#202 of 231 Old 08-28-2009, 01:56 PM
 
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In that case, I should set you up with my xh.



is he as cute as hugh? :
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#203 of 231 Old 08-28-2009, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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awww, Butterfly! How'd you know I was holding out for Hugh Grant to hit on me in the grocery store? I Hugh Grant, prostitute scandal and all...
You'll have to fight me for him, biyach. I love him too.
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#204 of 231 Old 08-29-2009, 03:10 AM
 
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Wow, I don't remember this on MDC when I used to be a regular! Also cracking up, because as the lone single mama of all my friends (except one whose marriage crumbled a few months ago who is not yet in any position to date), I constantly amuse them with tales of Manpris (like the pants) and Hot Bartender, and more remotely and less creatively named, The Comedian, The Divorce Lawyer, UN Guy, the Conductor (Orchestra, not Train), Finance Guy, Bald Finance Guy, Mormon Lawyer, French Guy, EuroTrash Guy, The Novelist, Hot PA, The Orthopedic Surgeon, What Was I Thinking, etc.

Women to share this with?!?!?!? Priceless! I'll join in during the next go around.

Shannon, mama to Jack :
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#205 of 231 Old 08-29-2009, 06:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, I don't remember this on MDC when I used to be a regular! Also cracking up, because as the lone single mama of all my friends (except one whose marriage crumbled a few months ago who is not yet in any position to date), I constantly amuse them with tales of Manpris (like the pants) and Hot Bartender, and more remotely and less creatively named, The Comedian, The Divorce Lawyer, UN Guy, the Conductor (Orchestra, not Train), Finance Guy, Bald Finance Guy, Mormon Lawyer, French Guy, EuroTrash Guy, The Novelist, Hot PA, The Orthopedic Surgeon, What Was I Thinking, etc.

Women to share this with?!?!?!? Priceless! I'll join in during the next go around.
I love your nicknames! I totally want you to join in on our thread!! You can lurk and enjoy until you're dating yourself....
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#206 of 231 Old 08-29-2009, 10:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm glad I got over that whole thing about feeling obligated to live happily ever after with my best friend. Whew.

went out with five girlfriends last night to a party at a nightclub and it was beyond fun. I had such a better time sheilding my sweet friend P from creepy creepy bald guy in suit with the 'crazy eyes' who was staring her down and repeatedly bothering her. I was awesome at sheilding and getting in between so he couldn't harass her. And just dancing with my girlfriends and talking with them. So much fun. Didn't see a single guy around that I would want to talk to, and I had more fun that way. When the right contender comes along, I hope I notice!

Thursday night there was some sparks between another guy friend of mine who is a sweetheart, and we were out in a group and..... there was definitely something there. He is only 27, but tall and handsome, and very sweet and incredibly smart. We had great conversations and after the place closed and I was going to walk home in my stilettos, he saw how I was stumbling and insisted i take his bike home, in barefeet, and he would fast-walk to keep up with my slow biking, all the way to my door. It was cute, and we always have great conversation (he's really cerebral, and can express himself so vividly in beautiful, eloquent english, which is refreshing). At my door I invited him up but he declined. I could read on his face that he was thinking that it was tempting as hell but he wants to not smash our friendship into a million pieces when we are tipsy and may regret it. Like he said earlier in the night, he has a niggling curiosity about what there could be between us, and I think it is wiser to explore that only after some sober analysis and wise decision-making.
I woke up relieved I hadn't done anything with him. I like him so much as a friend and he's not really right for me. It's better I keep him in the friends-zone.

Am I the only one with male friends + tiny-bit-o-drama ? : Speak up if you guys have men in your life where the relationship is not so black and white......
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#207 of 231 Old 08-29-2009, 09:14 PM
 
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Am I the only one with male friends + tiny-bit-o-drama ? : Speak up if you guys have men in your life where the relationship is not so black and white......
My male BFF at times is tempting, I know he has thought of me in the same light but honestly while I think he is handsome, smart and great with my daughter I only get to see those sides of him because I am his friend! I could not be the women he dates (they are weak and cater to his every whim) and he knows the expectations of the men I date and he knows he couldn't even throw his hat in the ring with the big boys. Yes when we are drinking and alone we may make comments but we both value the friendship too much to cross the line!

But aside from my male BFF most of my relationships have sparked from friendships or friends of friends, so while it can be drama it also can lead to beautiful things and push you to consider dating someone who on the surface you might not have thought was your "type".

On anther subject StableGuy who I am renaming "The Agent" arrived back in town this week, we got together an my intent was to gracefully say we should not date but remain friends ---- being The Agent that he is he started negotiating and now.......... he is my BF?

What do you do with someone who wants to be your ice scraper, when you want/need someone to care enough to scrape the ice, but know in your heart that in the long run you don't want him to be the one? I know I will have to part ways, but I think he's too attached for me to end it and keep him as a friend and I don't want to give him up as a friend with all I am going thru with my ex. Is it completely wrong to be in a relationship and enjoying the comfort in that while also keeping your options open should something else come along....? I just can't imagine going thru all the upcoming custody stuff without The Agent by my side........... but that does not mean I want him to put a ring on it!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#208 of 231 Old 08-29-2009, 09:57 PM
 
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Honestly, I don't really have male friends I am interested in as romantic prospects. Haven't since high school, though I do have male friends. I don't see anything wrong with it--I think some great relationships start that way. But for me it's just confusing, because though it's very common, it's not something I've personally experienced.

I think you are better off, Butterflymom, to keep him as a friend if you are relieved now you didn't sleep with him. My make or break question for that has always been "Will I regret it more if I do, or if I don't?" And since it seems you'd regret having done it...then you've got an answer for now, don't you?

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Is it completely wrong to be in a relationship and enjoying the comfort in that while also keeping your options open should something else come along....?
Nope, not at all. Not every relationship has to lead to happily ever after. I think our divorce rate would lower if we accepted that! Just make certain you aren't doing anything to purposely deceive him, and I don't think you are. His heart is his problem, at the moment. If you have already told him you want to be friends but not romantically involved, but he still wants to be your boyfriend...Well, you've done what you can. You haven't promised him anything, right?

Now, ladies, I need your opinion about something. I have a bad habit of questioning myself. I don't think I gave a wrong impression here, but I want outside opinions. This is an e-mail exchange from yesterday/this morning. Read it through and tell me what you think of my last reply, in context (I'm not going to use quotes, just different colors--he's going to be in blue, I'm in red):

Maybe we should implement this Iraq custom in the US.

It is customary in Iraq for the mother of a new bride to bring breakfast to the home of her son-in-law on the morning after the wedding.


Being you're a guy I can see how that would appeal to you.

Being that I'm a woman, I'd be embarrassed if my husband was capable of getting out of bed to eat breakfast the day out of the wedding. Lunch...maybe.

(I'm also really glad Gmail hides the "reply all" function.)

Have a good weekend.


Lunch! Dang, I'd be super tired to not be able to get out of bed until lunch.

Which is exactly the idea, man. And for the record, I don't mean sleepy. Shall we go with otherwise occupied? There are many things I can see myself doing if I woke up in bed with you. Breakfast is not on the list.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#209 of 231 Old 08-29-2009, 10:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On anther subject StableGuy who I am renaming "The Agent" arrived back in town this week, we got together an my intent was to gracefully say we should not date but remain friends ---- being The Agent that he is he started negotiating and now.......... he is my BF?
So now you're a couple. Hmmm..... I'm not sure how he wrangled himself an exclusive deal. Man is he a good negotiator. How long do you think this can last? :
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#210 of 231 Old 08-29-2009, 11:56 PM
 
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Sagesgirl - To me, it looks like innocent flirting on your part. (And did he not "get it"? The lunch response sounds like he didn't...)

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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