*~*'~* August Dating Thread *~*'~* Gettin' our feet wet and doin' the 2 step! *~*'~* - Page 8 - Mothering Forums
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#211 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 12:02 AM
 
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Read it through and tell me what you think of my last reply, in context
I think it's playful banter, very flirty.... assuming you two have already been dancing....

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#212 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 12:35 AM
 
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Sagesgirl - To me, it looks like innocent flirting on your part. (And did he not "get it"? The lunch response sounds like he didn't...)
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I think it's playful banter, very flirty.... assuming you two have already been dancing....
OK, thanks, ladies. I feel better now. I have a mortal fear of coming on too strong, yk? Wanted to make sure it didn't read like I have designs on anything other than, well, him.

ABMS, I think that was a joke on his part. He's a little weirder than I am, which is saying something. He usually doesn't e-mail me on Saturdays, so that he responded at all (and at around 8:30 am his time) says to me he got it.

LoveOhm, we haven't been dancing. He was already deployed when we met. Most of this week's little bit of e-mail has been about scintillating subjects like nonworking sewage treatment plants (there) and stupid classmates (here). So, basically, I jumped at the chance to flirt.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#213 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 01:48 AM
 
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Nope, not at all. Not every relationship has to lead to happily ever after. I think our divorce rate would lower if we accepted that! Just make certain you aren't doing anything to purposely deceive him, and I don't think you are. His heart is his problem, at the moment. If you have already told him you want to be friends but not romantically involved, but he still wants to be your boyfriend...Well, you've done what you can. You haven't promised him anything, right?
Well I was not very direct which I rarely am..... I was hoping to slow things down, but still leave the door open for more possibly in the future. He is sweet and very considerate of me and my daughter, understands she is my priority, I love that he communicates, etc. but there are no butterflies. It could be the couple of similarities he shares with my ex that has me keeping him at arm's length but something is... That said, he was gone for three weeks and there were two times that come to mind that all I wanted to do was climb into his lap and watch TV or talk. So much has been going on with my starting the court process that it is nice to have someone to talk to and shed some perspective.

Basically that night I said "I have a lot going on with dd, my ex, the upcoming court stuff, school, etc. and I don't know that I have the time to dedicated to a relationship." He then started the agent mode (which btw he does for a living) and so he basically said he just wants to be there to hold my hand and he asked if I can make an effort to see him twice a month (even if just for lunch or coffee) and for me to pls give him the chance to prove he is worth putting the guard down for... and I said that was reasonable enough and ok.

Next thing I know flowers the next day addressed to "my girlfriend LoveOhm".....

I do like The Agent but there is no spark. Now if I could only merge him and 2ndHusband into one person I would be happy!

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So now you're a couple. Hmmm..... I'm not sure how he wrangled himself an exclusive deal. Man is he a good negotiator. How long do you think this can last? :
I am not sure either.... feels odd! I think I am going to use my lack of availability as an excuse and asked can we take a step back so I can focus on me... which is true I even feel that way with 2ndHusband which is why I have been distant from him. I did the emotional healing I needed to do but the concrete custody, legal junk and career stuff are all so time consuming I just want to be on the path a bit more.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#214 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 02:55 AM
 
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Well then, in your situation I might keep with the bargain of seeing him twice a month...but it would never be anything more than lunch or coffee. Unless you feel pulled to more. This should accomplish your objectives. You want to keep the door open, right? If he wants to hold your hand and you want the emotional support, then let him hold your hand and give you support. If that doesn't get you jonesin' for something more, then it's never gonna happen, and you can cut him loose without needing to feel guilty.

Now, to send you flowers the next day calling you his girlfriend...Well, you can correct that impression or not. Up to you. But he's overstepping his bounds. I mean, dang! You told him you don't want a relationship and then he basically wore you down into agreeing to getting together every two weeks or so...that doesn't make you his girlfriend! It makes him a wee bit desperate, and honestly that would turn me off so fast I'd probably leave burn marks on the carpet from running.

But if you don't wanna run, don't. The ball is 100% in your court right now. Take your two weeks and decide whether you want to toss it back toward him or not. Either way, realize now that you're not responsible for his heart or hurt feelings.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#215 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 04:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Now, to send you flowers the next day calling you his girlfriend...Well, you can correct that impression or not. Up to you. .....But he's overstepping his bounds. I mean, dang! You told him you don't want a relationship and then he basically wore you down into agreeing to getting together every two weeks or so...that doesn't make you his girlfriend! .
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#216 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 05:13 PM
 
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Thanks ladies it did catch me a bit off guard and while I do enjoy him in my life he is not my "one"........ I guess I will take one day at a time.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#217 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 10:33 PM
 
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So I just got back from a lovely weekend spent with Swimming Guy. We went swimming together yesterday, had a lot of nice discussions, he made me dinner (I LOVE guys who cook), and we shared a bottle of wine (and even had candles). In his kitchen.
He made me breakfast this morning (French toast with LOTS of maple syrup), then both 'worked' a bit (me, studying
for my class, he writing a letter for work). He's been talking a lot about long-term things...like how he wants us to go golfing together next year, or even that he'd like to throw me a big party for my 40th (five years away).

It is nice, but scaring me a bit, I am starting to fall for this guy, but sometimes ask myself if it's too early after my separation. I AM taking things one day at a time, but this guy is really super.
I am also asking myself if it's too early to introduce him to my girls....doing something innocent like going to get ice cream (he's my neighbour) or going to the park.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#218 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 10:42 PM
 
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I'm glad you enjoyed your weekend.

As for introducing him to your girls...well, that's a big decision. You can't get too good an idea of whether he's truly suitable unless he interacts well with your children, but of course you don't want to risk them getting attached to someone who might not stick around.

How are you feeling about him? Ignore the "it's too soon" feeling for right now. Brainstorm with me. He's talking about long-term stuff. How does it make you feel when he says that? Scared or happy? If you lean more toward scared, hold off on him meeting the kids for now. If it's happy, with just a little scared thrown in, then see if he (and his kid(s)?) can meet you and your daughters somewhere neutral--I think the park is a good idea. If I were you I'd avoid doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff in front of them until you are more certain of him, but meeting up as friends should work.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#219 of 231 Old 08-30-2009, 11:06 PM
 
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sagesgirl,

It's happy with a little scared thrown in. I will ask him what he thinks about meeting my kids. Don't know what the answer will be....

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#220 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 02:18 AM
 
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sagesgirl,

It's happy with a little scared thrown in. I will ask him what he thinks about meeting my kids. Don't know what the answer will be....
Well, I think his answer will be very telling! If he's talking long term plans with you but doesn't want to meet your kids (outside of a good reason, and there are good ones), it might be time to worry. I think I'd want at least some interest from the guy I just spent the weekend with.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

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#221 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 04:27 AM
 
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I am glad you had a good weekend too! One thing to think about.... has he ever asked about meeting your girls? Two of the three men in my world have asked pretty directly how I felt about them meeting dd...... not asking "can I meet your dd" but inquiring about "how I felt" about the idea of it at some point.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#222 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 08:08 AM
 
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Question for y'all:

I've been going out with people who have less money than I do. I have a lot of debt, yes, but still have a pretty decent disposable income (finally!). Part of me still thinks that they should pick up the check, at least initially, but is that wrong of me? $50-100 is much more to them than it is to me, and I definitely get feedback on it, even if it is subtle and not necessarily negative. e.g. Manpris joked how his friends were advising him on cheap dates and suggested mcdonalds. Hot Bartender joked about my picking up the tab for the second set of drinks. And let's not forget Long Haired (under)Grad Student who told me "I don't mind that you're rich."

I don't like feeling guilty about the money they spend on me on a date. I would be willing to buy for a fancy date, but feel like I shouldn't have to for a standard first or second date, KWIM? Drinks, on them. Movie, on them. Dinner at Dahlia Lounge, on me! Or use some creativity -- I love a cheap hamburger joint if it's fun. I don't know, I don't want to come across as bitchy or self-entitled, but don't know how to tell them that it's okay to take me some place not expensive (what girl doesn't love a picnic or bottle of wine under the stars) but not to make me feel acutely how much money I'm costing them.

On a side note, I had a great first date tonight. Hot Bartender. The above was really the only down side.

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#223 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 08:47 AM
 
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If guys have to tell you acutely how much money you're costing them, then they are not worth it.
I have gone out with guys who didn't have a lot of money, but who were creative or took a financial hit and took me out anyways. I don't think you're being unreasonable in expecting them to pay. But how do these guys know that you have money? Do you mention this to them as well? Maybe keep mum about it with potential dates.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#224 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 08:49 AM
 
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LoveOhm,

He has never mentioned meeting the kids to me, but I think he'd wait for me to bring up the subject.

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#225 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 05:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On a side note, I had a great first date tonight. Hot Bartender. The above was really the only down side.
Details please........... :
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#226 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 11:34 PM
 
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But how do these guys know that you have money? Do you mention this to them as well? Maybe keep mum about it with potential dates.
I'm a surgeon. They have been (most recently) a student, a freelancing labor foreman, and a bartender. It's kinda obvious.

I've had a crush on Hot Bartender for a while. It had been loose and cool for a while, trying to find a time where we were both in the same place to chat more, finally gave up and went into the bar alone when I knew he would be there. Went to see Inglourious Basterds last night. He got the tickets, drinks before and after (though teased me about buying him a drink), and I snuck fancy cupcakes in for our snack. We has surprisingly small things in common, conversation was generally smooth and easy, he looks even more gorgeous the longer I talked with him, and he is an absolutely devoted dad. We spoke tons about the kids (my boy and his two boys), religion (both Catholic), ex spouses, movies, etc. He kept moving when we would walk to be on the side of the street and waited until he walked me to my car to put any moves at all (a very nice kiss!) A gentleman, definitely. I'm a bit smitten.

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#227 of 231 Old 08-31-2009, 11:55 PM
 
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I'm a bit smitten.
awwwww
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#228 of 231 Old 09-01-2009, 09:35 AM
 
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sntm, he sounds great!!

Single WAHM to 5yo DD, 2yo DS, and forever 7 week old angel DD.
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#229 of 231 Old 09-01-2009, 12:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm a bit smitten.
I'm kinda smitten with him at this point, too, after that date description. :
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#230 of 231 Old 09-01-2009, 12:27 PM
 
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Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#231 of 231 Old 09-01-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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Argh. He had halfway mentioned doing something Thursday (another Tarantino flick) and since I would have needed a babysitter, I texted him last night to tell him I had a good time and ask if he still wanted to go. Haven't heard anything back. hopefully not a bad sign. always makes me second guess my memory of the evening.

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