What do I need to know about divorce. X-posted in parents as partners - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 08-17-2009, 10:51 AM - Thread Starter
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I have been a sahm for nearly two years. I didn't have a lucrative career (well, I didn't have a career period) before becoming a sahm and w/o further education, I don't have any job prospects right now. To add to things, I am currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and can't work right now anyway. And my marriage will definitely be ending!

Here are some questions for those of you who have BTDT:
1. My husband can't force me to divorce until I'm ready right? Cause I won't have health insurance to deal with this cancer once I'm not on his anymore. My plan is to get well and then get divorced.
2. Is it more beneficial to go to school and let him pay for it while we're still married or will my school be paid for if I'm a single mom with no income?
3. Is it even doable to be a single mom going to school with no income other than child support? I know it depends on how much stbx makes and his salary varies from week to week - we never know what he'll bring home. Would I need to apply for public assistance too?
4. He's about to get a large inheritance - I don't know how much, just that he says it's large. Now before anybody thinks I'm looking to take money that's not mine, let me explain! Sometimes I wish there were no inheritance! But I'm glad it'll be there cause it means my kids might get to go to Waldorf since homeschooling is probably off the table. How does an inheritance work in the divorce?

I have so many more questions but don't even know where to start. This probably won't be happening for at least another year but I'm wanting to get an angle on what things I need to be aware of and how all this may pan out.
Thanks in advance for any advice!
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#2 of 4 Old 08-17-2009, 12:51 PM
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1. yes he can. He can file and it can go through even with your protest. You can try to get it written in though that he covers your insurance or adds you to his... talk to a lawyer about this.
2. It varies. Yes, when you're single, his income doesn't count. But they (schools) use the previous year's income tax forms to calculate your stuff even if that income is not accessible to you.
3. It's possible but it's hard. You would probably qualify for public assistance.
4. It could go either way. If you separate first though it probably won't come to you at all. If you separate/divorce after than it may be considered marital property. I don't know the laws on this one though.

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#3 of 4 Old 08-18-2009, 03:13 AM
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That sounds really hard, to be going through a divorce and have breast cancer at the same time. I'm so sorry.

If at all possible, I would see a lawyer asap. I know it is expensive but getting started now may give you more of a chance to force him to cover your insurance or make sure the inheritance helps your kids and so on.

I came across this handbook recently--I'm not sure if it will answer your specific questions but it has a whole lot of information for anyone to consider who is going through a divorce, whether reconciliation is possible or not. It is written for Utah but I think that most of the info applies to anyone.

Crossroads Guidebook
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#4 of 4 Old 08-18-2009, 08:38 PM
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I am so sorry you are dealing with this and breast cancer at the same time! I don't have any answers to your questions. Are you on amicable terms? Can you talk to him about staying married (and perhaps leading separate lives if need be) until you have gone through all the breast cancer treatments (and beat the disease!!!)? Does his company take you off his insurance once you separate, or only after the divorce is final? If you two can't stand living together, this may be an option.

My stbx and I don't live together, but I still have him on my health insurance until we divorce (which will take a while).

Good luck with everything. Most counties have legal aid. You may wish to consider talking with someone there (I would start now, as there may be a waiting list). You may also want to talk with the human resource department at your husbands job (if that seems necessary). Hopefully you and your H are on good enough terms to talk this through.

Good luck!

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