CHild support enforcement has been leading me on - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 08-18-2009, 08:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For over a year now, they have done NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And my in-laws are more than willing to take my son off my hands, now that we've been run in the ground financially. I'm not ready to give up just yet but at the same time, I love my son and I have to think about his quality of life. I just want to........... do some really #$%tty things right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why why why?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#2 of 20 Old 08-18-2009, 10:16 PM
 
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I don't really know what to say, but couldn't read w/o giving you a

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#3 of 20 Old 08-18-2009, 10:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I need a million hugs right now. This anger gets the best of me, but without it, I'd give up.
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#4 of 20 Old 08-18-2009, 10:39 PM
 
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I'm sorry your struggling with this. I wish you peace and money in the future.

"Breastfeeding is a robust, biologically stable activity so central to our evolutionary identity that it names the class of animals to which we belong" (Breastfeeding Atlas, Third Edition)
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#5 of 20 Old 08-18-2009, 10:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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sucks that my life has come down to constant expectation of money. Starts to wear on you.
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#6 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 12:44 AM
 
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I can relate to the fact that a grandparent wants to take your child for a while. My situation (10 years ago) was sort of similar inthat I was having a really hard time balancing the needs of my son and my school (the lack of CS from DS's "father" was also a factor). My dad was really quick to offer that DS come live with him for a year or two.

I made some hard choices and kept my son with me (at the expense of my own education- I chose an AS degree vs a BA degree) but it was both tempting and infuriating at the same time!

CSE is a joke. I learned a long time ago to pretend that DS's "father" was non-existent. It is hard but was so worth the effort.
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#7 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 01:48 AM
 
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If they are offering to help you by raising him could they not offer financial support, or some sort of temporary assistance to get you on your feet?

I know sometimes life sucks, and it seems like you'll never get out of it... I have lived it, and am still working my way out. It can happen.

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#8 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 02:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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nope. tried. They try to help him with child support. But he's so far behind, and so am I. If I had it to do all over again, I would have my head more in the game. Life happened to me. Beware single moms:::::: (from what I've seen) they're more than willing to take your child away, but not willing to help both of you. I do have an aunt that wants me to move 12 hours away. I don't know her that well; have philosophical differences with that side of the family (completely). I hate to lose even more and travel into the great unknown, only to perhaps end up homeless there. Should I wait any longer on child support enforcement? - bitter and scratching for answers.
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#9 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 02:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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by the way, that's my X MIL....
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#10 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 02:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If I could wave my magic wand, someone would show up here, help me pay my bills (which are tiny) and take care of my son, nurse me out of this depression, then I'd look diligently for a job, once my depression subsided, and hopefully be better for a while. Awwwww wouldn't that be nice. As I always say, I'm tired of giving myself massages and taking warm baths. they aren't working anymore.
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#11 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 05:00 AM
 
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Where do you live Moss's Mommy? You are in the south. If you are anywhere near me, I'd love to talk to you on the phone and see how I can garner some help for you. I'm a single mom too, and I have been in very tight spots. I absolutely would not give up my child...just my two cents. You WILL find a way. If you son is younger, you may need to take a childcare job and take him with you. This is what I did (Mother's Day Out). Have you applied for food stamps, state insurance. Come on, PM me!

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#12 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 05:02 AM
 
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Also, I think I noticed that you are Jewish, after looking at your homepage.

Please go to JCC in your area. They are there to help families who are having a very hard time. Do not give up your child, as you will not be able to get him back. I am almost sure of this.

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#13 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 09:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm in Pensacola. Thank you for offering your help. My cell phone is out of minutes. Yes, I am Jewish. My son is 7 and I just moved here from 30-A , Destin, south walton area because it did not have a self sufficient economy, among a few other problems I faced there that come along with poverty. it took everything I had to get here and my living situation is not ideal but I figure once my son gets in school (1 wk) I can try to find a job. I'm unsuccessful, so far in finding after-school care. They seem to be full. Of course, it's hard for me to do too much each day, because yes, my anger is starting to turn inward. And it's hard to even talk to people without crying. I've put myself out there and asked for help, only to be ignored or turned away and that hurts.
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#14 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 06:19 PM
 
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I've PM'd you, and left my phone number in the pm, so please check it and call me as soon as you have minutes. Do you have the state cell phone, and that means you will have minutes as soon as the beginning of the month comes?

Okay, maybe you can use someone elses phone. Please don't turn your anger inward. It is hard to be in this situation, but I want you to know you can make it, and you can keep your son. You need to get the help of your family, friends ANYONE, including JCC. You are NOT the only person who has gone to JCC crying. They are waiting for you to ask for help. Or, was it JCC that turned you away? Please tell us.

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#15 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 07:30 PM
 
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I just wanted to say, that when I was 4yrs old, my mother went through a similair situation, and my gradnparents (dads side) offered to take me, but not to help "us". So she said she agonized over the decision, and the quality of life thought crossed her mind many times. She decided to keep me and try to make a go of it, and I have to say, I would rather be with my mother any day, than with anyone else to have "quality of life". What does that mean anyhow? We had next to nothing until we got on our feet, which took about 3 or 4 years, but we had the best time together, parks walks etc. Those are the wonderful memories I have of my childhood, and I owuldnt trade them for the world
Good luck
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#16 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 07:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok... had to call 911 today. they protected me while I packed my car. Shelters are full but good good news! (btw.... I've been at catholic charities all day and no jcc here.... nothing here period. Tapped. I've spent too much time trying to maneuver through this maze). But as I said, good news. And I have to hurry.... xmil is western unioning me money so that I can get to my son in MS. Then I'm headed to AR. Will be in NE MS tonight with my son. I just want to see him. So I am very happy. I thought my mil would try to get custody of him bc I can't give him the life he deserves but she is getting me all the way there tonight and she thinks it's an "excellent" idea that I go to my aunts tomorrow with Moss. This is scary, but after not being able to eat, house my child and not knowing if I could pick him up from visitation. I'm relieved. Keep you posted having trouble replying to pm, will try to use phone and pm tonight. I'll be very close to Memphis... I'm actually from there, Agnes place, midtown, grace st luke's episcopal school, and my sister in law lived there.... the map room bar was hers. I'm safe. I'm relieved. Thank you for the support.
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#17 of 20 Old 08-19-2009, 11:24 PM
 
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Moss's Mommy, please call the number I gave you. I'm so glad you will be getting your son. My parents live in NW MS, and I'd be happy to make the drive to meet you and just chat for a while.

Congrats and I am so thankful that you asked your MIL for help, and seems for now, that you have another chance to make it work! I think AR can help you get child support also!

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#18 of 20 Old 08-22-2009, 02:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Detour. My aunt (as predicted) renigged. They kept saying that I wasn't accepting the help that they were offering yet they wouldn't help when the problem was tiny, when I asked. I believe the only reason my aunt was saying that is so that side of the family could continue to tsk tsk at me. I don't like them anyways, so it's a good thing. BUT.. my sister (who I had originally planned to move with a while back but she is going through a divorce and I knew she didn't need any extra stress, so I I didn't go).... she asked me to come to Athens. So I went to pick up my son in MS and hauled out of there very early bc that is where my X husband lives. And we are now in Athens. I guess I need to get used to college life now. It's good so far. Glad everything worked out because I was at the very end of rope. Hopefully I can find a job here this week and get my own place soon. Rent is about 1/2 of what I'm used to paying. Whew. And so far I haven't seen any closed businesses or panhandlers that look like ex-real estate agents. I still have no minutes on the ph. and my sister is camping tonight. But I'm going to write down your ph number and call you when she gets back. Promise.... no internet connection at home....
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#19 of 20 Old 08-22-2009, 03:01 PM
 
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wow. scary. i'm so sorry you have having such a rough time of it. I hope something wonderful falls into your lap. If I were anywhere close, I would love to help but I'm in New England. We are all rooting for you!

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#20 of 20 Old 08-23-2009, 12:40 AM
 
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So glad your sister has invited you to stay with her. Where is Athens? Are you talking about GA?

I'm glad you got your son, and left before there could be any more problems. Best thing to do is work, work, work, and take care of you son, who needs you very much!

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