Perhaps a bit of background would help. I've been with stbx for 6 years since I was 19. We have been separated for 2+ years, but my beliefs do not allow me to seek out another relationship while I was still married. There's a light at the end of my divorce tunnel and it feels like I need to start figuring out how to break down the "I'm married" barrier. But I don't know how. I can't fathom online dating, though it would fit into my schedule, because ex's unfaithfulness started with online dating. I don't think I could ever believe that the person on the other end of the computer wasn't just like him...
But my life right now is my almost 3-year-old. I work part-time, he goes to school part-time and the rest of the time it's just us. My office consists of 3 people, myself and a husband/wife who own the business...so no social interractions from work. I have friends who I see regularly who have kids around the same age, but all are happily married (or hiding the unhappy parts, though I sense them sometimes). I don't really have time to actively seek someone out.
But, I feel really ready to move on. I feel I have put my marriage behind me and would like to start making some new history. At the same time, I don't want to take time away from my son's growing up to waste on dead-end guys. And I don't really have much time away from him that I could actually date someone...I get about an hour and a half a couple times a week after I finish work and before I pick him up...and most of that is spent cleaning the house and SHOULD be spent finding a job. I wouldn't really want to spend time with someone around him because I am even more scared of the thought that I will introduce him to a man who will then leave. He's going to have enough father-abandonment issues when he grows up and realizes that's just what his father did...I don't want to hasten things.
Anyway, those are tonight's doubts and I'd love to hear some practical advice and stories. I've looked into the "dating" threads a few times in the past and am happy to see that others on here are doing it, but confused as to how.
Pof.com is where I found the wonderful man I am dating right now.
Mama to Belly(5), homesteading in the desert with our chickens and sheep. Fish nerd, really into my reef tank. Baby due Sep 3rd!
Everyone keeps saying that the grocery store is the best place to find people. I'm beginning to think it's true too. I was bubbly one day, early in the morning and went to walmart. I was in "man-hunt-mode"....and looking kinda good I made eye contact and smiled. In the 20 minutes I was there, someone gave me their business card to call them and there were 2 guys who flirted with me but didn't cross over into the "call me" stage. I felt like a million freakin' dollars when I left that day, lol. I was just open minded, smiley and looking. Try it. You never know.
I deleted my POF account for a couple of different reasons. The only place I go is work and grocery/walmart on a regular basis. All my co-workers are female. Eh. You just never know about the grocery store *shrugs*.
We started talking, continued talking after swimming, and before I knew it we were spending all our free time together.
Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo
I'm trying to figure out how to negotiate this myself once my LO arrives. I work a lot a lot a lot, so I can hardly justify spending time away from her for dating purposes. But I may pop in to a meetup.com outing once a month just to have some social interaction. I even found one in my area for single parents that plans activities both with kids and without. They also have them for rock climbers, hikers, wine tasters, dinner clubs...pretty much anything you can possibly enjoy doing. If you're in a populated area this could be an excellent way to meet new people while avoiding the one-on-one online dating you have issues with.
I'm also considering going back to church on a regular basis, mostly for the social interaction. While I'm super spiritual, I can't stand organized religion, so this is a hotly contested inner-psyche topic at the moment. Just a thought!
Basically it comes down to doing things YOU are interested in. That's going to be the best way to meet other people that share your interests, you know? Like the PPs swim-scapade. Right off the bat they know they have physical activity, at least a bit of health consciousness, and swimming in common.
Good luck mama!
ETA I'm on a bunch of sites but having most luck with pof.com and nerve.
I like that it is out there in my profile that I have kids. I find that awkward IRL; if I'm with my kids they assume I'm not single, if I'm without them I worry what happens when I drop the bombshell.
Meetup.org is also great. I joined a hiking group and it's been great for me just getting out & being social with no pressure. After one hike we all went for dinner and I had such a blast and I'd say there were 3 or 4 guys all cracking up at my jokes, being flirtatious (not only with me) and I overheard one say to another, "she's beautiful, eh?"..let me tell ya I'm no supermodel, or even regular model but this did wonders for my self esteem and helped me take the dating idea more seriously. It feels good to be seen as more than just a mom or in my work role.
The one that I find the most promising (from just browsing profiles) is actually a Catholic dating site.
I've also let my friends know that I'm open to being setup, and am trying to be generally more social. We'll see.
The meetup suggestion is a good one! There are some interesting groups near me. Good luck everyone!
I met my partner via www.greensingles.com
as for how I meet my friends. I work in a very social job (a starbucks at a grocery store) so between customers and and employees I have a good pool of people there (this is also where I find girlfriends by the way) I also meet people through church. I don't meet men online really. All my facebook friends and such are people I actually know or women (and a few men) I know from message boards with a religous bent ( but the men are known personally by someone else.) I am hesitant to do online dating stuff because my xh affair started as an online hook up. and he was predetorial. he lied about his name and marital status (and heaven knows whatelse) and even went so far to have a fake ID made. crazy stuff. but there are some weird men out there. creeps andpredetors and it is so much easier for them to fake when you don't see them at work and see them with their boys and see them with their families.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
thru friends of friends
gym with childcare
common interest group (i.e. marathon training groups, hiking groups, etc.)
Also when my budget is good I like the concept I found on a single mom site that said to set a date night for yourself every week ---- if single go out to somewhere with men even if it's a bookstore and if in a relationship you can go out with your SO. I like it but you have to include it in the budget to have a sitter.
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