Quote:
Originally Posted by samy23
In an ideal world I would like to say I see it as an honor for him to have my child in his life, he is lucky etc etc....but it isn't very true is it?
No guy (maybe infertile ones), thinks of the perfect woman as having already had another mans biological child/ren.
So to me, it's a huge deal for a guy to take on a child that isn't biologically his. Imo it takes a special kind of man to do that.
What are your thoughts?
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The first bolded part is a pretty broad statement that I don't think you can (or should) assume. While I don't think MANY men think of the perfect woman as one who already as kids, I'm sure there are some (even some who are not infertile).
As for the second bolded part... it is a huge deal for ANYONE to raise a child. It's a huge responsibility for the biological mom and dad, for adoptive parents, for foster parents, for step parents, etc. Raising a child is a huge responsibility (even though some biological parents don't treat it as such, but that's off topic...).
My fiance and I first started talking to each other years ago, when my ds was only 2 (he'll turn 6 next month). At first we talked as friends- nothing more. We talked about everything under the sun, including my son. I talked about the good and the bad. I didn't hide any of that from him, including the really ugly parts (as some background- my ds has autism. Around age 1-3 was really really hard and a lot of what doctors were telling me was not pretty at all). Heck, I even tried to scare him away, sure that any sane man would run the other way in that situation.
And for a little while- it worked. We remained friends and talked every day, but he certainly wasn't running to my door anytime soon! DP had to come to his own terms with it. He had to decide, on his own, whether he could date a woman who had a special needs child. He knew, right from the start, that I had ds and if he wanted me he had to accept ds FULLY.
We talked on the phone and online for well over a year before we decided to meet in person. We hit it off right away and the rest is history. It helps that my son is uber cute and got dp wrapped around his finger very quickly
Do I think my fiance is a "special kind of man"? Of course. But it's his personality.
Someone else discussed acting like the child was hers and not "theirs"... We had many talks about this before ds and I moved in. DP did NOT want to take on a parenting role, and I didn't want him to. DP was ds's friend. Nothing more. He got the fun parts, I got all the work. LOL! But it worked for us! Naturally, on their own and with no input from me, ds and dp have developed their own relationship. Now dp does take on a parenting role and he wants to. DS it completely fine with it. But, what works for us may not work for another couple!