Could someone admit to not being perfect either please! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 06:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
Seie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I cried in front of DS's teacher today. How completely stupid and pathetic is that!!
So I am not a good person with watches and time. I have been late ALL MY LIFE. My mom sometimes jokes that it is because I was a planned section and they started 10 minutes later than they were supposed to, and I've been trying to catch up ever since.. Oh well. Im not terribly late - often just a very few minutes and I really CAN be on time for the special occation.

But appearently not for my kids So my DS has been a few minutes late to school a couple times recently. And he doesnt like it. One morning I stayed outside the door listening and heard her tell him that its alwas the parents who are late - never the kids. I admired how well she handled the situation but honestly - that hurt. I promised myself that I would really really put an effort in being in school on time.
So today I just - well misjudged time. Not intentionally. I have three kids to get ready and sometimes its like mobilizing an army. We were 5 minutes late.
DS was so embarressed and didnt want to go in. And it was my fault. The teacher comes out and tells me (appropriately so) that DS really doesnt like to be late. I tell her that I know, that I have told him several times its not his fault.. and then I just start crying and using my three kids as an excuse. How pathetic is that
I feel like a horrible mother. I know I'm not. I do the best I can really. I am loving, I talk with my kids a lot, I listen to them, I accept the little people they are, I hug and kiss them all the time, I belive I am loving and gentle but firm when the situation calls for it, I AP - all that stuff. I am a good mother. But I am still freakin human.
Sometimes it just sucks to have all the responsibility and never be allowed to be weak
Not sure what I am getting at really. But could someone please admit to not being perfect either...

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

Seie is offline  
#2 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 06:48 AM
 
basje's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Bay Area, Ca
Posts: 370
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, I'm sorry. It's hard to be late all the time, and must be even harder knowing that it's making your kids feel bad. I'm sorry. I smoked a ciggrette after I knew I was pregnant because I was stressed out. That wasn't my mothering at it's best. Last week I had a glass of wine even though I know that I shouldn't. Nobody is prefect and thankfully I don't think that our kids expect us to be.

That said, the lateness for school seems like something that will continue to be hard on you and your kids, and it's no good you're feeling like a bad mom. Maybe it's a good idea to try some new stratagies to getting to school on time? This used to be a huge problem of mine as a child and teenager (totally an ADD thing) but now I'm rarely late. It's not that my nature has changed I just have some different tricks up my sleeve.

Suggestions? Sure I'll offer a couple. One possibility is to join a carpool where someone else picks up your kids in the morning and you do afternoons. You could take it out of your hands completely. Or set a alarm on your cell phone when you need to head to the car to be ten minutes early for school, when that alarm goes off get your booty in the car! Set up a more streamlined morning routine, (set out clothes for kids and yourself the night before, make lunches the night before) and make sure you're ready (hair done, makeup, dressed to the shoes) before you wake up your kids. Are you wearing a watch? If not get one, and program your watch alarm for the major events. Takes 7 minutes to pick your kids up from school? Set an alarm ten minutes before the bell rings so you train yourself to leave when the buzzer says go. Set your clocks 12 minutes fast. Ban that phrase, 'OK, if I just hurry, I can squeeze in one last thing.'

It look a while to change my lateness but now I plan to be 15 minutes early to things. I love not being a stress junkie anymore and am happy about how relaxed it can be to have a few moments to myself before jumping into whatever activity.

Organic eating, cloth diapering, no vaxing, cosleeping, breastfeeding mean machine.
basje is offline  
#3 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 09:21 AM
 
samy23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,442
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No one's perfect, we all make mistakes. I'm not trying to seem mean here, but you can't really think of being late to school frequently as a mistake imo. Once it has happened a few times, you are aware of the issue, you also know it upsets DS to be late to school -I know about that because my dd gets upset if we are late too, it's not nice for them. So knowing that, you have to make it not happen, or extremely rarely due to literally unforseen circumstances. I'm sure it's a lot harder getting 3 kids out the door, but can't you set your alarm earlier -a LOT earlier if necessary, and even write down a list of stuff to get done in the mornings and in the order you need to do them. That way you should be early to school if anything! -Worked for me. Goodluck

Mom    wash.gif  bikenew.gifgeek.gifdishes.gif

samy23 is offline  
#4 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 09:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
Seie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by samy23 View Post
No one's perfect, we all make mistakes. I'm not trying to seem mean here, but you can't really think of being late to school frequently as a mistake imo. Once it has happened a few times, you are aware of the issue, you also know it upsets DS to be late to school -I know about that because my dd gets upset if we are late too, it's not nice for them. So knowing that, you have to make it not happen, or extremely rarely due to literally unforseen circumstances. I'm sure it's a lot harder getting 3 kids out the door, but can't you set your alarm earlier -a LOT earlier if necessary, and even write down a list of stuff to get done in the mornings and in the order you need to do them. That way you should be early to school if anything! -Worked for me. Goodluck
Well yeah - now I feel a lot better : I KNOW I should be able to be there on time. I KNOW it ok! Thats why im beating myself up. Anyone wanna join in?

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

Seie is offline  
#5 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 10:03 AM
 
Seasons's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Host city of Laundryfest 2009
Posts: 1,640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
basje had some good ideas, and samy23 some wisdom. They are trying to help. I know you asked specifically for others to post here with similar stories, but really, that doesn't help your ds, does it? Sometimes we have to be honest with ourselves, admit a character flaw, and FIX it. Not just try self-soothing by hearing that others have the same problem.

Good luck!

The only thing you owe to others is to behave with integrity.
Seasons is offline  
#6 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 10:19 AM
 
lolar2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 6,579
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not a single parent, but I have a chronically late mother and can tell you what has helped her become more on-time. Two things she read in magazines, which helped:

1. Don't think in terms of what time you have to leave the house. Think in terms of what time you have to "load up" (the car or whatever). So if it takes 10 minutes to drive to school, for example, that doesn't mean you leave the house 10 minutes ahead-- it means you leave the house 25 minutes ahead, allowing 15 minutes to get carseats buckled and so forth.

2. Think about the "dismount" in horseback riding-- that's the most important part and it's a process unto itself-- so plan for the dismount when you plan out your day. So if you are going to make a 30-minute prep-time meal that takes 10 minutes to clean up, allow 40 minutes.
lolar2 is offline  
#7 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 11:10 AM
 
josybear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 3,267
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


i'm not perfect either, and i hate hearing that we're all works in progress or that i should just suck it up and get over my flaws.

i yell at my kids. i don't believe in yelling at kids. i know i shouldn't. i read about better parenting and try to implement it, but when it gets down to it i get exasperated and start yelling. i don't want to be my parents, who yelled all the time.

so, i hear you. it's hard, doing this parenting thing alone with no other adult to be a buffer between my shortcomings and the kids. if you had a partner to get the kids to school and if i had a partner to step in when things are getting heated... but we don't. and our best will have to be good enough.
josybear is offline  
#8 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 05:17 PM
 
BugMacGee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not late (the opposite actually, I'm OCD about being on-time which has it's own issues ) But i have plenty of other things I can't seem to get right.

I cried at DD's preschool when I saw ALL the other kids going to class in their jammies. It was jammie day. SOmehow, i missed that, or forgot it. My DD was soooooo disappointed! So I cried. I cry a lot.


I yell alot too.


We all have our problem areas.
BugMacGee is offline  
#9 of 107 Old 09-08-2009, 06:54 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,756
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Yep, we all have our problem areas and absolutely nobody is perfect... single, partnered or married

BUT, I feel that when my problem area and/or imperfection starts to negatively affect my child (or any of my loved ones), it is high time to do some serious contemplation and active work to fix it.

Now, as a 1st grade teacher, tardies are my biggest issue with many of my families and they do negatively affect my students learning.

My daily teaching schedule is packed and whenever a student enters tardy, it not only affects the tardy student, but also for the other students who are having deal with the interruption. Tardiness is very detrimental.

Seie:

I am 100% sure you will work out what works best for your family, in regards to getting them to school on time from now on. A great lesson learned. Try not to dwell on what you struggled with... give yourself a break! Now, just work out how you (and your kids -- they are old enough to be active participants in this quest) can fix it!
Holland73 is offline  
#10 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 04:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
Seie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am NOT trying to justify being late. Just stating that it happens to me despite my neverending efforts be on time.

Its not that I give up and just allow the bad things to happen because its "who I am" and come here to seek support in maintaining an unhealthy pattern. I am fighting my imperfection every freaking day. It's all I do. I face my shortcomings from I get up in the morning till I go to bed.

Josybear - thanks for getting my point.

I am just FED up with the amount of expectations for every single minut of the day. It wears me out. And if all those concerns - about being on time, remembering who is to bring lunchboxes on which day, what day is gym day, who is going to the forest today, what to shop, what to cook, who to make playdates with - the list could go on and on and on its endless - if all those concerns really just serve to wear me out and make me stressed and more angry/less loving. I prefer to come short on some of the practical stuff occasionally. I do my best at getting all those things right. And its not enough - it will NEVER EVER be enough. Thats the point!
I was kind of hoping someone would just send me a hug and tell me that they feel the same way. I dont need more people telling me that it will never be enough. Its a fact. It wont.
I am honestly slightly offended that anyone would assume I am not working and doing the best I can for my kids. My frustration starts where my abilities end. And that was pretty much the point of my vent. I am simply not ABLE to meet all the demands. Its not possible. I can't.
If anyone else will admit to not being perfect (knowing that we are ALL imperfect - those pretending otherwise are lying either to themselfes or the rest of the world - or both) I still hope they will post here - and those who seek to make us so can post elsewhere.

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

Seie is offline  
#11 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 05:06 AM
 
Goodmom2008's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not perfect. I used to be early whenever I went someplace. Now, I am either on time or a few minutes late.

In my school, my kids aren't late, but that's because they go to the breakfast program. Before that, my son had enough tardies to be considered absent (3 tardies and it counts as an abscence). I live across the street from the school. I finally got it together and became gestapo in the mornings. My kids either get dressed and co-operate or they face the consequences. I have had to physically dress my screaming and fighting getting dressed daughter (when she was 4) because I was running late and she was refusing to co-operate. We started picking out her outfit the day before. It went more smoothly after that. But she knows, to this day, that if she doesn't co-operate, I will make her. I don't have time for nonsense or tantrums (I still occasionally get them, but it's not as bad as it was in the beginning), if I lose my job, we will lose a place to live, I won't be able to pay all of my bills (child support isn't enough). My youngest is 7, while I wouldn't forcibly dress her now, I have no problem taking her to school in her pajamas if she doesn't co-operate, she knows this. Same goes for my son.
Goodmom2008 is offline  
#12 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 10:17 AM
 
Seasons's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Host city of Laundryfest 2009
Posts: 1,640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
I am just FED up with the amount of expectations for every single minut of the day - about being on time, remembering who is to bring lunchboxes on which day, what day is gym day, who is going to the forest today, what to shop, what to cook, who to make playdates with - the list could go on and on and on its endless -
But that's the reality of parenting a school-age child, just like the "expectations" of an infant are regular diaper changes, nursings, naps, crying, and the "expectations" of a teen are hormone fluctuations, wanting to drive, and sexual interest/experimentation. Parenting - being wholly responsible for another person, or three - is different than living by yourself. You have responsibilities for the other person.

The only thing you owe to others is to behave with integrity.
Seasons is offline  
#13 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 12:51 PM
 
*MamaJen*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 5,357
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
Sometimes it just sucks to have all the responsibility and never be allowed to be weak
Yeah, I know what you mean. At my low points, that's how I feel about motherhood in general -- the only difference for single mothers is that they often have less help and even more responsibility.
Motherhood definitely makes me feel like screwing up is not an option. Not only do I have to (single-handedly) do all the logistical stuff for my toddler, like handling doctor's visits and getting him to daycare and making sure he has season-appropriate clothes that fit and healthy food to eat. I also have to be even more vigilant about taking care of the things in my life -- I have to be on top of my job, I have to be on top of the classes I'm taking so I can apply to grad school, the house has to be relatively sanitary, and so on. It used to be I could let a lot of that slide sometimes with limited repercussions. Nowadays, not so much.
I got a ton more responsible during pregnancy. I feel like I'm more on top of things than ever before, but it's a constant juggling act and it sure does get exhausting or frightening sometimes. It's like there's so much less of a margin of error.
I like that other thread that's going on now about practicing mindfulness as a single mother. One recurring theme is that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Like, if you can spend ten minutes after the kids are asleep packing lunches and picking out outfits, it can save 20 minutes of chaos the next morning.
For sure, at the end of the day I'm totally not perfect and I mess things up and let things slide and don't do as good a job as I should. I used the long weekend to get my house almost clean, but it had gotten to the point of messiness where it was really embarrassing. I haven't done any GRE prep in like two weeks and I need to take it this month. My house is badly in need of some basic maintenance that terrifies me just thinking of it. And I always feel like I could spend more time really fully interacting with my baby. But I'm doing the best I can and trying to keep on top of everything.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
*MamaJen* is offline  
#14 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 02:18 PM
 
griffin2004's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: On permanent holiday
Posts: 2,436
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
Sometimes it just sucks to have all the responsibility and never be allowed to be weak
ain't that the ever1ovin' truth!!

I have time1iness issues, too, and I'11 admit that they impact my dd negative1y. But we a11 have an issue or 20 that impact our kids. That's just the nature of 1iving with other human beings. I'm not trying to excuse myse1f and I do put effort into being time1y when DD is invo1ved, but I wi11 never be perfect. Nor wi11 you. Nor wi11 anyone.

I think the best parents don't strive for unattainab1e perfection but instead 1) do their very damn best every day, and 2) be mode1s of to1erance, forgiveness, accountabi1ity and persona1 growth for their kids.

A11 that being said, here are a few strategies that he1p me; I on1y have 1 to your 3, so these ideas may/not trans1ate:
--do abso1ute1y everything possib1e the night before, and I mean everything; examp1e: dd has a scramb1ed egg sandwich for breakfast most mornings; the night before, I put the s1ices of bread and a napkin on the counter, I beat the eggs and put them in the frig, I put the spatu1a next to the pan on the stove; I want mornings to be as brain dead as possib1e!

--give DD responsibi1ity; she is a1most 7 and so can get herse1f dressed, do her hair, teeth, face, etc.; she and I have an agreement that she needs to do her part to ensure that we get to schoo1 on time and that if I have to take extra time to do her hair or get her dressed because she is fidd1ing around then we are probab1y going to be 1ate

--de1egate; I don't fee1 it's incumbent on me to be in charge of every sing1e thing; DD's morning jobs inc1ude turning off the porch1ight and opening the front curtains, getting the newspaper off the porch and putting it in my purse, un1ocking the car and making sure her backpack gets in the car; can your kids take on some of your tasks?

--the dreaded "get up ear1ier"; I tru1y hate this one but it rea11y works for us; I have an hour before I get DD up; in that hour I: put the dog out, feed the chickens, make DD's breakfast, have my breakfast, get our 1unches and snacks out of the frig and put them in our bags, doub1e check DD's backpack to be sure she has everything, check emai1, check the weather report, shower, and dress for work; I won't 1ie to you, I'd rather s1eep in a 1itt1e, but the morning ca1m is worth it

wild.gif  kickin' it old school
griffin2004 is offline  
#15 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 02:28 PM
New
 
New's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 70
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
Yep, we all have our problem areas and absolutely nobody is perfect... single, partnered or married

BUT, I feel that when my problem area and/or imperfection starts to negatively affect my child (or any of my loved ones), it is high time to do some serious contemplation and active work to fix it.
New is offline  
#16 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 02:39 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DD had orientation today for preschool.

We were a few minutes late. Sigh.

You're not alone.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#17 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 06:10 PM
 
sparklefairy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,948
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not perfect either

Quote:
Originally Posted by Seie View Post
I cried in front of DS's teacher today. How completely stupid and pathetic is that!!
So I am not a good person with watches and time. I have been late ALL MY LIFE. My mom sometimes jokes that it is because I was a planned section and they started 10 minutes later than they were supposed to, and I've been trying to catch up ever since.. Oh well. Im not terribly late - often just a very few minutes and I really CAN be on time for the special occation.

But appearently not for my kids So my DS has been a few minutes late to school a couple times recently. And he doesnt like it. One morning I stayed outside the door listening and heard her tell him that its alwas the parents who are late - never the kids. I admired how well she handled the situation but honestly - that hurt. I promised myself that I would really really put an effort in being in school on time.
So today I just - well misjudged time. Not intentionally. I have three kids to get ready and sometimes its like mobilizing an army. We were 5 minutes late.
DS was so embarressed and didnt want to go in. And it was my fault. The teacher comes out and tells me (appropriately so) that DS really doesnt like to be late. I tell her that I know, that I have told him several times its not his fault.. and then I just start crying and using my three kids as an excuse. How pathetic is that
I feel like a horrible mother. I know I'm not. I do the best I can really. I am loving, I talk with my kids a lot, I listen to them, I accept the little people they are, I hug and kiss them all the time, I belive I am loving and gentle but firm when the situation calls for it, I AP - all that stuff. I am a good mother. But I am still freakin human.
Sometimes it just sucks to have all the responsibility and never be allowed to be weak
Not sure what I am getting at really. But could someone please admit to not being perfect either...
sparklefairy is offline  
#18 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 06:23 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 18,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
at least you make it too school ..... if there is so much as a litle diviation to our routien (such as a late start or something) I am likely to miss it all together. it will be ok. and one day when you are feeling better about stuff those other posts will help. come back to them then when you are ready for advice. you will be soon. but for now, for today (((hugs))))





and for later





ask your son what he can do to help make sure he is on time in the morning. i do not believe it is always the parents that are late. my kids are constantly late because they are whiny, they are refusing to get up, they did not get their stuff ready like I asked them, whatever. I get them up with plenty of time to get ready. ok when ava is let it is team effort, she is six but still if she were embarrassed about it (she is not) you better believe I would make sure she knows it is her responsibility to get up, get dressed and eat breakfast.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#19 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 06:32 PM
 
ErikaLeigh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,115
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I came from a family where everyone is always late, so I certainly understand that issue.

Since you have already been given some suggestions I won't give anymore.

Just a big (((((((HUG)))))))

Erika SO to *S*: and Aunt to *A*(10), *Z*(9), and *D*(8)
ErikaLeigh is offline  
#20 of 107 Old 09-09-2009, 07:32 PM
 
pranamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 5,096
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Is there a school bus you could put one or more of the children on? How early can you be? If your son is fully cooperative, maybe he could be first priority to be delivered asap and other stuff could happen afterwards, like dressing/changing diapers of younger ones/ feeding everyone else breakfast. My children were late and the school held them responsible, not me and they wound up by 3rd grade being very careful to set an alarm, get up and get dressed and get all their gear for school.
pranamama is offline  
#21 of 107 Old 09-10-2009, 12:14 AM
 
cycle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 2,195
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sorry you are having a hard time, it seems like you are being really hard on yourself right now. I have only one child to get to preschool before catching the train to get to work. I can't imagine getting three ready and to school. Don't be so hard on yourself momma. I think if you can make some small changes to work towards getting everybody to school on time it will take a lot of stress off of you and ultimately make your life much more peaceful. We are human, none of us are perfect, and being a single parent is especially hard, please ease up on yourself.
cycle is offline  
#22 of 107 Old 09-10-2009, 12:20 AM
 
sunflowers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,140
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A word of advice which has already been mentioned but bears repeating...

Set clothes out the night before. Find both shoes, too!
Make lunches the night before.
Sign papers and go through backpacks the night before.

Save the mornings for dressing, teeth, breakfast. Once you get a routine, it gets easier. Honestly. I've been where you are, lived through it and learned.

Biggest tip- Get up before the kids. Set your alarm so you have enough time to get yourself together before the have to wake up. One you are dressed and ready, it is much easier to focus on helping the kids stay on task and get out the door on time!
sunflowers is offline  
#23 of 107 Old 09-10-2009, 01:06 AM
 
Isamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 863
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
to you Seie!

And Thanks for posting. I know you were not really asking for advice, but I have benefited greatly from the advice you received! I struggle with lateness as well. I am going to try all of the suggestions on Monday!

Healing Mama to :
Isamama is offline  
#24 of 107 Old 09-12-2009, 01:24 AM
 
jujyfruitbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 87
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You know what? I'm late ALL THE TIME. And I have been for nearly four decades. For everything. Work, school, parties, coffee, you name it, I'm late for it. 5-15 minutes late. Unless you tell me it's absolutely crucial that I be there on time, and I agree with you, you can pretty much expect me to be late.

However, I've known very few circumstances in which it was actually a real problem. Yes, people who are trained to punctuality and take it very seriously get upset with me. If my tardiness is the worst thing that happens to them all day, they're doing pretty well.

We get no bus service to school and we're a mile away, and generally I think dd can use the exercise, so we walk. Last year we were late most of the time. Not crashingly late; a few minutes. Occasionally dd would get upset and say she wanted to get there earlier. And I'd say, "Fine. Then you need to pick out your clothes ahead of time and stick to your choices, and we can't have meltdowns and fits about things in the morning, and you need to eat your breakfast when I tell you to eat it." The next morning we have a 10-minute drama about hair, and she's no longer interested in getting there early. OK. When she really wants to be there early, she will be.

Holland, I understand your point about interruptions, but dd's school has that dumb open plan. If they can preach me the merits of walls that don't join up into corners & all the noise that comes through, then I think they can handle one more kid walking quietly into the classroom. I also understand that your schedule is packed, but I'm not the one who packed it. Personally, I think that mad dash you guys have to do is craziness. So while I sympathize, I don't see us getting up earlier or skipping the walk to make room for it.

In other words, Seie, I don't apologize. And I don't see that you need to, either. If you're doing what you can, you're doing what you can, and that will have to be good enough for the school. I would just be cheerful about it and remain clear that you're interested in his education. And to that teacher, I'd have said, "Yes, I know. He's my son, so I know about him. We do what we can, and sometimes what we get is not ideal. I'm sure you can appreciate that. Meanwhile, I know he enjoys being in your class, and has especially been enjoying ______." And left it at that.
jujyfruitbaby is offline  
#25 of 107 Old 09-12-2009, 03:12 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 18,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
am only asking because it is something I have to worry about....more than a couple of tardies on my part could impact custody for me. at the very least I would get a lecture from my xh about it. (he is all about public schools, I would rather be homeschooling and only have them in school cause I have to ). I don't know if you have to deal with this or not but something to keep in mind.


how did things go the rest of the week?

eta...

It just hit me...nope you will nevedr be able to do it all. you are going to have to make some compromises. my compromises is often, very often, my kids have crap for lunch. I am not about to fight lunch box battles, waste food and quite honestly sometimes even pband j is too much work. they do not always have the right shoes or matching socks or socks. their hair does not always get brushed. i have before, lined them up and brushed all our teeth with the same tooth brush (mine) as they walked out the door. i did not brush for 2 full minutes...20 seconds maybe.....Avas clohes never match. so long as they are weather appropriate and she has gym shoes on gym day (and I am trusting a six year old for this information) i do not care one bit what she is wearing. fortunately everyone in our neighborhood and therefore our school is dirt poor. no one comes dressed to the nines at our school and messy hair and dirty faces are the norm. so we have plenty of wiggle room. but sometimes they are late. sometimes it just happens.. especially if we don't have perfectly pleasing artificially colored, super sugary breakfast stuff. becuase they simply can't go to school without whining about breakfast being too healthy. so yeah, they eat a lot of crap for breakfast too.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#26 of 107 Old 09-14-2009, 06:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
Seie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jujyfruitbaby View Post
You know what? I'm late ALL THE TIME. And I have been for nearly four decades. For everything. Work, school, parties, coffee, you name it, I'm late for it. 5-15 minutes late. Unless you tell me it's absolutely crucial that I be there on time, and I agree with you, you can pretty much expect me to be late.

However, I've known very few circumstances in which it was actually a real problem. Yes, people who are trained to punctuality and take it very seriously get upset with me. If my tardiness is the worst thing that happens to them all day, they're doing pretty well.

We get no bus service to school and we're a mile away, and generally I think dd can use the exercise, so we walk. Last year we were late most of the time. Not crashingly late; a few minutes. Occasionally dd would get upset and say she wanted to get there earlier. And I'd say, "Fine. Then you need to pick out your clothes ahead of time and stick to your choices, and we can't have meltdowns and fits about things in the morning, and you need to eat your breakfast when I tell you to eat it." The next morning we have a 10-minute drama about hair, and she's no longer interested in getting there early. OK. When she really wants to be there early, she will be.

Holland, I understand your point about interruptions, but dd's school has that dumb open plan. If they can preach me the merits of walls that don't join up into corners & all the noise that comes through, then I think they can handle one more kid walking quietly into the classroom. I also understand that your schedule is packed, but I'm not the one who packed it. Personally, I think that mad dash you guys have to do is craziness. So while I sympathize, I don't see us getting up earlier or skipping the walk to make room for it.

In other words, Seie, I don't apologize. And I don't see that you need to, either. If you're doing what you can, you're doing what you can, and that will have to be good enough for the school. I would just be cheerful about it and remain clear that you're interested in his education. And to that teacher, I'd have said, "Yes, I know. He's my son, so I know about him. We do what we can, and sometimes what we get is not ideal. I'm sure you can appreciate that. Meanwhile, I know he enjoys being in your class, and has especially been enjoying ______." And left it at that.
Thanks a lot

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

Seie is offline  
#27 of 107 Old 09-14-2009, 03:58 PM
 
sugarmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Seie, I'm so far from perfect, it is laughable. I have 4 little ones to get out of the house in the am, and I'd spit if a teacher lectured me about being late. Maybe your child is more angelic than mine, but on the days we are late? My kids usually had a pretty big hand in why.

I read something once that said that for every person you need to get out the door with, you need to allow 15 minutes to get ready. This is (frighteningly) pretty true.

My tips and tricks for getting out the door include:

my kids put on clean clothes at bedtime, instead of pjs, that way, they're dressed and ready to go in the am. this works best for my boys who will only wear elastic waist "soft" pants anyway. my dd likes jeans and dresses, but since she is motivated to look "beautiful" she usually gets dressed w/out too much trouble.

the kids almost always have cereal or toast for b'fast, no cooking, and once everyone is dressed and at the table, I get dressed.

backpacks and lunchboxes are all packed the night before, all I have to do is get the lunches out of the fridge.

Things I don't worry about in the am:

brushing teeth, washing faces, brushing hair...if they care to do it, fine, but I don't make it my problem.
sugarmoon is offline  
#28 of 107 Old 09-14-2009, 11:40 PM
 
Kiernan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 191
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I completely understand the frustration and pressure of being the only responsible adult in a child's life. I don't have a co-parent (ex is a non-functioning alcoholic) so everything rests on me. Most of the time I just suck it up and deal with it but sometimes I chafe at the unfairness. And frequently, I fall short of where I'd like to be.

I'm never late, it's kind of a "thing" with me to be on time. But in order to get places on time ... I rush my 3-year old when he'd like to spend a few more minutes snuggling on the couch. I snap at him when he takes too much time getting into his carseat. Sometimes I skip breakfast and just hand him a bag of Cheerios. So we get there on time, but ... was that a good morning? I don't know. There are always tradeoffs. We all just do the best we can.
Kiernan is offline  
#29 of 107 Old 09-15-2009, 10:56 PM
 
jujyfruitbaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 87
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You'll be pleased to know I was late for a quiz today. Made absolutely no difference at all. The prof beamed at me and gave me a #2 pencil, since I'd paid no attention to the instructions and had brought a pen. I sat on the floor & took the quiz there so as not to disturb people on my way to an empty seat. 95/100.
jujyfruitbaby is offline  
#30 of 107 Old 09-16-2009, 12:33 AM
 
SimonMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 325
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by jujyfruitbaby View Post
You know what? I'm late ALL THE TIME. And I have been for nearly four decades. For everything. Work, school, parties, coffee, you name it, I'm late for it. 5-15 minutes late. Unless you tell me it's absolutely crucial that I be there on time, and I agree with you, you can pretty much expect me to be late.

However, I've known very few circumstances in which it was actually a real problem. Yes, people who are trained to punctuality and take it very seriously get upset with me. If my tardiness is the worst thing that happens to them all day, they're doing pretty well.

We get no bus service to school and we're a mile away, and generally I think dd can use the exercise, so we walk. Last year we were late most of the time. Not crashingly late; a few minutes. Occasionally dd would get upset and say she wanted to get there earlier. And I'd say, "Fine. Then you need to pick out your clothes ahead of time and stick to your choices, and we can't have meltdowns and fits about things in the morning, and you need to eat your breakfast when I tell you to eat it." The next morning we have a 10-minute drama about hair, and she's no longer interested in getting there early. OK. When she really wants to be there early, she will be.

Holland, I understand your point about interruptions, but dd's school has that dumb open plan. If they can preach me the merits of walls that don't join up into corners & all the noise that comes through, then I think they can handle one more kid walking quietly into the classroom. I also understand that your schedule is packed, but I'm not the one who packed it. Personally, I think that mad dash you guys have to do is craziness. So while I sympathize, I don't see us getting up earlier or skipping the walk to make room for it.

In other words, Seie, I don't apologize. And I don't see that you need to, either. If you're doing what you can, you're doing what you can, and that will have to be good enough for the school. I would just be cheerful about it and remain clear that you're interested in his education. And to that teacher, I'd have said, "Yes, I know. He's my son, so I know about him. We do what we can, and sometimes what we get is not ideal. I'm sure you can appreciate that. Meanwhile, I know he enjoys being in your class, and has especially been enjoying ______." And left it at that.
Wow. I just think that is so completely disrepectful of other people and a very self-centered attitude. Wow.

mom to jumpers.gif crazy boys
SimonMom is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off