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#91 of 295 Old 10-10-2009, 11:56 AM
 
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It's my fault. I normally post daily about my life because I have the strange idea that anyone would want to bother to read about it, but I have been taking a few days off. A girl's gotta breathe and go out and live her single adventures to have something to post about, ya know?


Anyone listening? : Just once, I'd love the lurkers (I KNOW you're out there ) to come out of the woodwork and say, "Hey you! I'm listening and being vastly entertained!" Not that I really think my life is that entertaining...
I am listening! Love reading about your adventures and think you are quite charming!
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#92 of 295 Old 10-10-2009, 12:02 PM
 
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I am listening! Love reading about your adventures and think you are quite charming!
Me TOO!
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#93 of 295 Old 10-10-2009, 12:09 PM
 
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awww muse....i don't know what to tell you. i stay away from long distance for a reason! heck Non Commital kinda side stepped the question about where he lives a couple of times and it just feels weird to me and I think he lives all the way across town! hehe. I really really hope that he contacts you and that plans get worked out. Go with your gut. Maybe he's pushing his boundries, seeing what things you do/don't like in a more sexual flirty context. It could be that he IS really ready to jump on that plane but knows that it would be reckless/weird/childish to be so "lovey dovey" and of course there's always the possibility that reality IS different than phone convo's and daydreams. My ex always had that problem; what ifs and potentials had to be gotten over and then REALITY of those what ifs and potentials had to be dealt with AGAIN.

Rescue Ranger is still around all the time. He's friendly and fun and totally easy to get along with but I really know that I don't want a serious relationship with him, nothing more than the slightly disfunctional friendship thing we have going but I think he wants to push it...a lot. He keeps wanting to help me out and really I'd love the help but where does it end? He's making me a great iron wall hanging of horses on stampede (he's a welder, iron builder for now) and I LOVE wrought iron. He's going to put in an outside 4 way outlet and run water to my washing machine so I don't have to use the laundromat, he offered to pay for half of my new car battery (stupid car batterys...) when I desperatly needed a new one even though it's nothing NEAR his car/responbility and then there's the little stuff; I mentioned that I gotta get some clippers to trim some branches cause they keep whacking me when i get out of the car...i mention this to remind myself and 5 minutes later he's pulling the small branches off the tree for me. I'm like AHHHH..."are you trying to prove something?" "well you said it needed to be done" "i said i would do it" "well you've got plenty of other stuff you gotta do that I can't help with so I do what i can. If I could do it all for you I would but I can't so I won't *grin*"

now yeah that's sweet and really kind and loveable don't get me wrong. but my ex said that to me too and that phrase scares me right now. also considering i'd like it to come out of the mouth of someone whom i think i could fall in love with for the rest of my life instead of just anyone who comes along would be great.

i sent an im to non comital "are you ignorning me? cause i'd really love to push you into the closest bathroom" (private joke). I figured I'd try to get some kind of response and make it a little lighter but no response. I think he's scared off by the stuff going on which is really sad cause I thought he had more gumption than that and then i think he assumed that if i'm dating/likeing someone then it means i'm looking for love and marriage and a daddy etc. Well I am not opposed to that (duh!) but jeeze give me a break, a single mom would like to have flirty fun friends too on the way to that! I need practice
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#94 of 295 Old 10-10-2009, 12:43 PM
 
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(him talking about what it would be like to live together, how he'd take care of the kids, making sexually provocative comments...*too* much)
Hi! I've just started reading this thread although I'm really not sure why because I've had a recent breakup. Curiosity maybe? lol

Anyway, I wanted to comment on the quote above. I would be really careful about these conversations if they are already including these elements. Mainly just because I've been there... I began talking to someone who lived across the country after meeting them in a restaraunt. We talked A LOT and he said the same things... I was an exhausted, overworked student and mom and to hear how he would help with dinner for the kids and how he would do this or that kind of melted me. Well, he ended up moving down and after having such intimate conversations how do you really tell someone that you care about: no, you can't stay with me...

So, he stayed with me.

Soon after there was condom breakage and the little man is 11 months old. LOL But, none of the things on the phone were true. He found a job and made more money than I did working 50 hours per week but he never pitched in to our living expenses. I paid for everything. During the beginning of my pregnancy I was so exhausted and sickened by the kitchen I would get sick if I even walked in... He told me, "I am not going to work all day just to have to come here and take care of you and your kids." This was such a huge slap in the face and I felt so stupid for believing the things he had said on the phone. I think he wanted to believe those things too, but the truth is that it is a lot easier to plan out an amazing fantasy life on the phone than it is to actually live it.

So, be careful. You are doing the right thing by pressing for a meeting. The only way you can really know what someone is like is by being around them. Not all of them will turn out to be lazy losers, but some will so be careful!



As for me and my lovelife...

I always did what a few have mentioned. I selected men who I could have fun with once a week or so, but men who wouldn't or couldn't commit. An amazing number of them were musicians so now I don't think I want to date those anymore. lol They are either full of themselves and need the attention of many women, or just don't have the time to put into a relationship if they also have jobs, which is always a definite plus. (ya think?)

I had stopped looking and then after my son was born I ended up in the ER a few times for mastitis. I was set on not dating, but someone I had worked with long ago found me on a stretcher in the ER hallway. We started talking the next day and talked ALL the time. But, I wouldn't go see him - I would only talk online or telephone because I was so scared. But then I was actually admitted to the hospital for a week and he took care of me while I was there, always checking in to see if I needed anything, watching movies with me, holding the baby while I had things done... I fell in love. We were together about 9 months and then he began having relationship fears. He still loved me, but was scared. It happened right around the time he gave me a ring in May and he distanced himself. So, that's done and I still miss him...



That's my life
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#95 of 295 Old 10-10-2009, 11:45 PM
 
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Wow! Are you my long lost twin sister?

ETA: I am a lurker and I am not done reading... getting low in the decaf department... will get some more and continue reading on!
bonjour maman! Here's hoping we both find ourselves a grownup!
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#96 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 05:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok ya'll. Need your help! I was being so zen about Chicago Guy but things moved in such an intense way in our phonecalls

....I told him i would happily fly out there that weekend if that's what he wants.

...Nearly 24 hrs later I haven't heard a WORD back. No email, phonecall, text, which is so so unusual.

Wah. Did I dream this whole last 3 weeks?!
Honey, it's done. Please end contact with him.

Sigh. I am putting so many frowny emoticons because I am genuinely sitting here with a my-dog-just-died crestfallen look on my face, and I honestly feel a dull empathetic ache in my chest reading about how this is going with Chicago Guy.

I wish I could actually 'help' as you said you wished from us, but... Sigh.

These darned long distance things. They can really suck your entire heart into them. Even if it's just on the phone, just some adorable text messages, just some conversations on skype or your cell phone, full of hints or outright discussions of how something that feels so strong could develop into a practical hypothetical LIFE together, one that you are tenatively but already putting so much of your heart on the line, hoping for..... Sigh.

When they don't evolve past phone and internet communications, you feel as broken hearted as when a real relationship ends and that's because it WAS a real relationship, in your mind. You already had a whole hypothetical future life imagined in your mind and had already dared to think that maybe this is the first chapter of a love story for the ages. And then.....

most of the time... it crashes and burns and fizzles out. In my experience, when the man drops the ball and suddenly ceases being mr. amazing I realize that maybe he was being mr. amazing because it's too dang easy to be so wonderful in phone conversations and text/chat messages. Words. In the end it's just a bunch of words. Talk is cheap. There's a reason people say that. It's so easy to say what you know will get a reaction, and being a convincing actor, even to the point of playing a role that is only half false and you are even convincing yourself of, getting wrapped up in a drama....it's exciting for both and the lines are so blurry of how much of it was absolutely heartfelt and what portion was exaggerated-for-effect to make things seem more monumental and inspiring and exciting (and just to keep the sheer momentum going, so that it doesn't all fizzle away from apathy)......? Probably neither knows, definitely not the one who didn't exaggerate or mislead the other AT ALL about their feelings, and maybe even the one who on some level realizes they were going a little overboard/theatrical in the little drama that played out, for the fun/excitement of it, doesn't really understand that an unethical portion of their actions/words were not really grounded in anything meaningful/practical or even REAL.

Words are just that and actions have gotta come up behind them to back them up. If a guy is not in your city and the relationship being conducted via long-distance methods is required, then my suspicious antennae goes WAY UP on hyper-paranoia-mode because I (like FourTrees) and so many of us, have really been burned by falling in love over the phone. Even with Vanishing Guy in Brussels, I was already a seasoned online dater to the point of always insisting on face-to-face meetings ASAP. We met in a chat room, and started sending personal emails the next day, and by day 5 were on a video call with skype and 5 ours into the phone call booked our weekend in Paris to meet each other, and I woke up the next morning and went straight to the airport to go meet this guy. We spent 48 hours together, fell madly in love, and then proceeded to conduct a long distance relationship, very intense, hours-on-the-phone-every-day, for the next six weeks. Then he came to see me, it was amazing again, but he shock-dumped me within 24 hours. I was so crushed I still get tears in my eyes thinking about that, and it was 10 months ago. I called DanishMom from the bathroom in the restaurant (it was over dinner that he dumped me) hysterical and she offered to fly out here to murder him herself, after leading me on like that for nearly two months and more-than-just-hinting about our potential future life together with my sons.

And this guy was one of the ones that would have wanted to follow through, who I believe would have tried to have been a stand-up guy and been there for me, if the distance and subsequent drama that goes along with long distance relationships becoming anything more than that (someone has to change countries, quit jobs, perhaps take a career setback, etc) wasn't more than what he wanted to handle.

The even simpler and more likely scenario with phone/internet relationships (that occur over distances that make live meetings impractical and infrequent if EVER) is that a guy just loves the feedback (read= ego boost and men are sniveling insecure things most of the time that need that ego stroked) of having a woman melt at his words, he is embellishing upon actual feelings/interest but really just laying it on thick..... no pressures or responsibilities that come along with actually having a day-to-day relationship with a woman/partner free up his mind and loosen his tongue to let the romantic stuff flow 100% without any of the fears/insecurities/pressure that keep men from rushing in like that with women, because then they might be expecting tangible involvement/commitment/duties to come along hand in hand with all the romance they're expressing.

Just my theories based on personal disappointments. Take them with a grain of salt. The bottom line is that the bar is set too low for a guy to be super great just over internet and phone lines. It's too easy, so you're going to have people who IRL wouldn't seem/be as great, appearing so. It's deceptive and can set you up to get hurt. Sad but true. Like Janet Jackson said, "What have you done for me lately" (and Eddie Murphy in his Raw stage performance also mention this is the anthem phrase for liberated/independent modern women and I have to agree with the sentiment, even if it is funny, the way he describes it!). Action speak louder than words, talk is cheap, and a million other cliches. And a clever woman who would never be duped/played/tricked in face-to-face meetings, in real life situations, as she tests the waters dating a guy to see how his life/schedule/behavior actually melds with hers..... can get fooled, in a long distance romance. Hell, we can get fooled anyways for awhile, with the particularly skilled types who can seem so great for awhile before the true colors come out, but even the not so gifted types can run a pretty great game for awhile over the phone. The ones who shy away from even a phone call or disclosing actual names/phone-numbers/professions in the land of online dating get an immediate DISS from me because if they can't even handle women at THAT level (seeming sane, cool, sweet over the phone and not remaining anonymous) then they must be particularly pass-able and I'd better run, not walk, away from them.

These are just my codes/standards for men. Seeming cool online (chat, pics, etc) is fine and dandy but if it can't go to a really great, long phone discussion quite soon, then I'm out. And I'm not up for more than 2 of those long, great phone discussions if they are not leading up to a very early coffee meeting, face-to-face to see what vibe I get from the guy, how he seems to my 'gut', in person. And even then, I think that any type of red flag in behavior, in the early weeks/months is only a prelude to much more major problems in the future.

Am I the most pessimistic and cynical dater EVER? Sorry to be all depressing and cold-water-in-the-face today.

I'm truly miserable to hear about how he didn't even contact you back after you made such a reasonable offer and request.
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#97 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 05:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I felt so stupid for believing the things he had said on the phone. I think he wanted to believe those things too, but the truth is that it is a lot easier to plan out an amazing fantasy life on the phone than it is to actually live it.
So, be careful. You are doing the right thing by pressing for a meeting. The only way you can really know what someone is like is by being around them. Not all of them will turn out to be lazy losers, but some will so be careful!
bolding mine
: She put it a lot better than I did. But that's exactly true. BTDT.

and to you, FourTrees for your recent heartbreak/breakup. You are welcome here.
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#98 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 05:46 PM
 
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ok the update... got a beautiful email from CG today along with such a sweet photo. he's "in the bunker" as he puts it. solely in charge for organizing huge fundraiser oct 27th, i've known that since day one and he is off match.com because he needed to focus on that. we happened to connect right before he got off there. not the best timing but we went with it. all these late night phonecalls were great but got to us both. ive been catching up on sleep and he has been totally immersed in his work.

he wrote that he's open to me going there, but thinks it might be better if he come here. he wants to be really clear in his mind though and for us to make the decision together and asked for a little more time to get through some of this work stuff. he also gave me the email for his good friend here who is a unitarian minister and a mother, for us to connect. that makes it all very real. she will be out there in 2 weeks for their college reunion.

wow, i really went through it this weekend, and now I am sooooo so happy to hear from him, and see him, and read his words. man it's scary how much i missed him
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#99 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow! Are you my long lost twin sister?

ETA: I am a lurker and I am not done reading... getting low in the decaf department... will get some more and continue reading on!
post as much as you want, lurk as much as you want, you are welcome in any capacity!
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#100 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 06:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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he wrote that he's open to me going there, but thinks it might be better if he come here.
Ok, good to hear he's coming. When? :

I hope he turns out to be just what you feel he could be. I'm not SUCH a cynic I can't imagine that there exceptions to the general theories I have.
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#101 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 06:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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now yeah that's sweet and really kind and loveable don't get me wrong.
Rescue Ranger definitely sounds like a 'man with the ice-scraper' type (guy who will 'do' for you and not just talk talk talk) but I know you wanna hear that from someone who also has the zazazoom effect. Sigh. I have a male friend who is just like your RR but I just don't wanna kiss the man. Sigh.
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#102 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 08:16 PM
 
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Thank god, I can finally participate in this thread again. I met this guy, a successful jazz composer and really talented musician. He's the stepson of an older acquaintance. I bartend this local festival every year, and he plays there every year. The last couple years we both sort of noticed each other, not flirting or anything, but just sort of clocked each other as attractive, interesting looking people. But we were both with other people. This year, we were both single. (He was married for five years and separated in May and is actually signing the papers this week; it sounds like an amicable divorce.)
We wound up hanging out that night with a few other people from the festival, and he asked me out, so we went out for a couple drinks a few days later, on Thursday. It was really just pleasant hanging out with him. He's really intelligent, super interesting to talk to, and at his core just a really sweet guy. We kissed in the car, which was really nice. Then last night, I threw this amazing dinner party for 15 people last night, and he came. And stayed. And it was terrific.
He did great at the party, getting along really well with everyone there, and my friends all gave him a big thumbs up, which is really important to me. And he was really nice to my toddler, playing with him and giving him attention.
It's just so nice enjoying someone's company. I'm hyper vigilant right now, looking at guys with a really critical eye. I can't have anyone in my life that's bad for me or my baby. But so far, he seems to be a good pick.
The one thing is, he lives in another state, but he goes back and forth between here and there pretty regularly, and mentioned that he might move back here at some point. My life is so busy now between baby and work and school and house that it might be a good thing that he isn't local.
I dunno. I'm not sure where it's heading, but I'm enjoying it right now. We've both said some pretty complementary things, not anything that would be inappropriate after three dates, but stuff along the lines of I like you, I think you're great, I'm looking forward to seeing you again.
So yeah. I'm pretty stoked about this.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#103 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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MamaJen! Sounds like there's potential there!!!
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#104 of 295 Old 10-11-2009, 11:32 PM
 
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I met this guy, a successful jazz composer and really talented musician.
mm, sounds fantastic!
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#105 of 295 Old 10-12-2009, 12:03 PM
 
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We're hanging out again tonight -- he's in town till Friday. I get the feeling it will be a little tough to keep my brain focused on work today.
I really am looking forward to it.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#106 of 295 Old 10-12-2009, 01:05 PM
 
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that sounds like fun mamajen!

RR spent the entire weekend. had just planned one night because he was helping me fix some stuff around here but ended up staying last night too. he is certainly the man with the ice scraper. he put in some electrical outlets yesterday so that i could plug my washer and extra fridge in outside so now i can do LAUNDRY!!!! he's the one who put forth the gas money and a truck to help me move and he bought the outlets and stuff needed for the laundry even though he didn't have to. he's storing a few things that just don't fit here at his house.

we had a good long talk on saterday night about the whole situation and seemed to be on the same page. we both understand that i like him differently than he likes me. he asked me why i should have to go through all this alone and just generally didn't think that i should have to do this with no support and wished that he could help more. he also mentioned far off in the future stuff but not really "plans". he has 2 boys that he hasn't seen in almost a year and he'll be changing jobs/moving out of the state and he obviously wants to be with someone again so he has his own "wants" list but had thought slightly about that with me. it wasn't in the creepy to soon vibe but like our wants list.

so things are ok here. getting into a new groove, trying to get everything in line and i'm sure the next few weeks will still be busy but at least they are a lot better than they were a month ago!
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#107 of 295 Old 10-12-2009, 01:45 PM
 
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Muse: I'm so glad you heard back from him and things are looking good for now. I hope you get to meet him soon!

Dhinderliter: Its good that RR knows how you feel about the situation. If he still wants to be around so much its his choice but at least he can't expect more than you're willing to give.

FourTrees: I'm sorry about your recent breakup and glad you joined us here!

Butterflymom: I love reading your posts and don't think you are a cynic. I guess there aren't any updates your way?

Well nothing good here yet. I'm still hearing from Country Cutie every day. Brady never showed up this weekend which is a good thing because I'm not sure how I would have taken it. There's another one now but its another one that I don't want. A guy that worked with me a couple years ago came out Saturday night and got to talking. He came out to see me at work last night and is wanting to go out on a date. I guess I'm going to go out on the date with him eventually but... I don't know. Maybe I need to spend a little time around him but I don't get any spark, connection, I want him feeling around this guy. I mean I've known him for a while and never even really paid him much attention. Ugh! I don't know why I agreed to the date at all. I guess I wasn't wanting to be rude. Now I guess I'll go out on a date with him before I cut him loose. Where are the ones with the zazazoom?!
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#108 of 295 Old 10-12-2009, 08:21 PM
 
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Mamajen- keep us posted! Sounds great!

Hhinderliter - well, it's nice to have someone handy around, and as long as everyone is clear on what's going on, right?

Muse - I hope the next chapter in this story is a good one!

Well, I finally had a date! My first post-X date! It was nice. I met the guy online - it was the first online date for both of us. He is divorced, and has children.

I was SOOO nervous. Really. But I did ok, I think, except for fumbling a bit with the chopsticks while eating (we went to sushi). I liked him! He seems very nice, and well mannered. He's intelligent, and has a very interesting life and career. He travels a lot, and is very well-read, which I love. He also seems to have quite a few good friends, and to actually have social interests, which is a refreshing change! Anyway, I think it went well! He left me a vmail today. He suggested getting together this weekend. We'll see! I honestly did not except my very first date to be such a nice experience! Oh, and both of our youngest children have the same Bday, AND tough they don't have the same name, both their names were thought up via the same, very unusual pathway.
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#109 of 295 Old 10-13-2009, 02:30 AM
 
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Mamajen: Your musician sounds great! Sorry I missed responding to your post earlier!

Rosehip: I'm glad your first date went well. He sounds like a good one!

Okay I heard from Pensive Plumber again today and he's wanting to get together again but I don't think I'm going to do it. I'm just not getting ANY sparks from him! I don't even think I could let this one grow on me either. I don't really get any sparks from Country Cutie either but I'm a lot more comfortable with him than Pensive Plumber. No real updates though. I still have various ones asking me out but no really good prospects yet.
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#110 of 295 Old 10-13-2009, 02:43 AM
 
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I was SOOO nervous. Really. But I did ok, I think, except for fumbling a bit with the chopsticks while eating (we went to sushi). I liked him! He seems very nice, and well mannered. He's intelligent, and has a very interesting life and career. He travels a lot, and is very well-read, which I love. He also seems to have quite a few good friends, and to actually have social interests, which is a refreshing change! Anyway, I think it went well! He left me a vmail today. He suggested getting together this weekend. We'll see! I honestly did not except my very first date to be such a nice experience! Oh, and both of our youngest children have the same Bday, AND tough they don't have the same name, both their names were thought up via the same, very unusual pathway.

Sounds wonderful! Are you going to see him again?

And, WOOT, Mamajen!
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#111 of 295 Old 10-13-2009, 07:52 PM
 
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Sounds wonderful! Are you going to see him again?
I am! On Sunday, for a hike
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#112 of 295 Old 10-13-2009, 08:23 PM
 
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I am! On Sunday, for a hike
yay! happy for you.

here..CG called last night, great talk, adorable talk, tantalizing talk ...i had sent him another photo and he texted me "photogoddess?" lol. i wrote back; "moi?" and then he called and we chatted in french for a minute..too cute. i told him i fell asleep watching a french movie last night and he said, "ah was that the beautiful movie of roger et maya?"...

he wants to schedule a 2 hr call for sat - after he's through the worst of his work stuff - in which we delve more deeply into the idea of when where how we are going to meet. he agrees, sooner rather than later, and said he thinks the universe will be an even happier place when we meet he's leaning toward coming here since it's so cold there. i have mixed feelings about where is best but i have a lot of trust in his judgment about these things too. i love that he wants us to make this decision together, with such care and intention.
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#113 of 295 Old 10-13-2009, 08:45 PM
 
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Oh yippee Muse! I really, really hope this goes somewhere Muse!

To all: how do you manage dating and childcare? As I've finally taken the plunge into dating, I'm thinking about how to negotiate this issue. At this point, I am not willing to have my kids meet, and get involved with new beaus. Of course, at some point, if it seems serious, any man would have to meet the kids, be good with them, etc., but I definitely don't want to expose them to a parade (ha! my teeny, tiny, one date parade) of dates. So...that means I can date when someone else is watching the kids. I live with my parents, and they're awesome about watching the kids if I want to go out, especially if I go out after they're asleep. But it does limit my availability, especially since I am gone at school full-time (5 days, pretty much all day), so I am loathe to give up too much of the time I do have with them. My X does not take them on any regular schedule, and when he does, it's usually on relatively short notice (less than 2 days)...

Interested in hearing what others do.
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#114 of 295 Old 10-14-2009, 01:05 AM
 
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Rosehip and Muse: I'm so happy for both of you!!!!

And to the question about childcare and dating, I don't do it. I work 3 jobs (one FT, one PT, and one at home) so like you said I don't want to give up my precious little time with my kids. I go out when X has the kids every other weekend or sometimes after work. Usually if a guy wants to see me they have to come out while I'm at work (I'm a bartender). I think I'm going to let Country Cutie come over in the evenings some though after the kids are in bed on nights I don't have to work since I have so little time to work with. I'd consider that with prospects once I felt comfortable enough.
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#115 of 295 Old 10-14-2009, 02:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Gulp.
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#116 of 295 Old 10-14-2009, 03:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Gulp. This one is really, really nice.

I was on Are You Interested on facebook, and I clicked on this one guy's profile who had clicked that he was interested in me, and when I clicked through to his normal facebook profile I saw we had about 6 mutual friends and he looked kinda familiar, so I went through his photo albums since he had so many public ones available to peruse. There was one friend who kept appearing in his photos who just made my stomach flip. Just sooooo my type. Not too hunky or handsome in any obvious way, tall and broad shoulders and nondescript looking in clothes, some scruffy facial hair at times, ridiculous blonde mop of hair that is too-long and kinda floppy and he has to tuck it behind his ears. Thick black rimmed rectangular glasses and in his bathing suit he is super athletic and muscular in the chest/arms but like I said, nondescript looking in clothes since he's tall and broad shouldered so you'd just think he was slim, but underneath no no, there's plenty of sportiness and evidence of gym workouts.

I just loved his photos so much I can't explain it. So I messaged him on facebook. I friended him. He wrote back quite defensive about who I was and how I found him and I explained to some extent (not to this extent like I just explained to ya'll). He relaxed but didn't accept my friend request and we sent messages back and forth on facebook. Then I asked him straight out to come meet me for a drink since we live 5 minutes from one another. He said yes, and we found ourselves face to face at a local pub having a cup of late-evening tea and talking on couches.

Gulp. Wow. He's really intelligent, master of sciences in engineering, owns a nice home nearby, lives alone, no kids, exactly one year younger than me but the man LOOKS about 5-7 years older than me so I find myself not caring about my preference for older men. Project manager at a big company. Loves to travel to interesting places and must do so for work often .....and he just keeps my brain hopping with the things that come out of his mouth and how not-what-I-expected they were. quirky guy. But fun and seemingly a warm man. Has a tight bond with his 2 year old neice from his just-my-age sister. Actually his entire extended family is pretty tight, and no one in his family has ever divorced. The conversation just did not lull and we sat there for two hours. A couple of times he seemed to break out into a very huge ear-to-ear grin where his eyes even twinkled, so the feedback vibe was that he was having a very nice time talking to me. We continued after finishing our teas another hour, basically until the place closed and he had told me ahead of time that it woudl have to be *quick* because he was very tired and had to get up early in the morning and it didn't end up being quick so that was cool. Good sign. At one point he asked me, since I was married to a foreigner, if I had any tips about that, like was it a bad idea to marry a foreigner? (FYI, I played dumb and answered honestly about my thoughts about it) and at another point we talkeda bout how people move in together so quickly and how I wasn't looking to rush into anything serious and he joked, "So I can't move in with you tonight?"

I said to call me sometime and that was that.


The suspense of waiting for him to call is killing me........... I don't have his number or anything but he has mine. Sitting back and just waiting is SO NOT MY STYLE.


Where is the biting-fingernails-off-smilie while you wait for someone to call?????
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#117 of 295 Old 10-14-2009, 03:27 AM
 
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Wow! Sounds like a great evening butterflymom! I hope he calls you and quick! We really do need a biting nails smilie. I definitely could have used it in the past. So what's the guy's name? We have to have something to call him . And I wonder if his face has shown up in private land...?

I don't have any news to report. Haven't had anything good to add for a while so keep it coming girls. I'm going to live vicariously through ya'll!
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#118 of 295 Old 10-14-2009, 03:29 AM
 
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Wow! Sounds like a great evening butterflymom! I hope he calls you and quick! We really do need a biting nails smilie. I definitely could have used it in the past. So what's the guy's name? We have to have something to call him . And I wonder if his face has shown up in private land...?

I don't have any news to report. Haven't had anything good to add for a while so keep it coming girls. I'm going to live vicariously through ya'll!
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#119 of 295 Old 10-14-2009, 05:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Good question. A nickname for this one. I'm nervous to nickname him, like it'll jinx things with him or something. I'm nervous to get my hopes up, in general. I guess everyone is. If it's right, then he's excited about me, too. Waiting to find this information out is killing me. Um.... How about Spectacled Smarty? I love those glasses! And I don't want to have another guy with 'engineer' in his nick-done that twice already. Sensitive Engineer doesn't bother to set up time to see me, though he's back from his vacation. I guess that's done.
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#120 of 295 Old 10-14-2009, 10:31 AM
 
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wow, butterflymom! so exciting! and good for you being so assertive and proactive

i juts posted a thread in personal growth about my body issues that are escalating as i get closer to meeting CG....check it out if you're interested/in the same place, anyone..
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