Single Mother of 3 Little ones... please help! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 10-08-2009, 03:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was forced to be a single mother of 3, literally within a snap of a finger a year ago. My 3 boys are 1, 3, and 5 years old. My main concern is for my middle child. He isn't talking, is extremely sensitive, and very emotional. I have great concerns about him and don't know what to do. I've tried spending one on one time with him, but he doesn't like being away from his brothers. He puts himself in timeouts, he has at least one potty accident a day. I try to give him the extra attention, and I do praise him, but it isn't enough. I look at him and I see that he feels lost and alone. Please someone help me....
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#2 of 6 Old 10-12-2009, 07:11 PM
 
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Hugs to you, mama. Your post caught my eye because I'm a newly single (dh moved out Aug 15th, not divorced yet though) mama to 3 kids. Mine are 7.5, 3.5 and just turned 2.

I can tell you that while my oldest daughter achieved these milestones much earlier, my middle child, a son, is not even close to being potty trained at 3 years 9 months. Also, his speech was still very difficult to understand at 3 years of age. Probably by 3.5 was when his speech really took off. My oldest could spell her name at age 2 years and 2 months, the boy doesn't even know the alphabet. All children develop differently, and plus we have different amounts of time to spend with children at different ages w/our own different circumstances at the time. Don't worry. Imagine your child at 10 - no doubt he will be talking well and using the bathroom on a regular basis with no problems - these issues won't last forever, and probably will resolve on their own much sooner than age 10!


Tracy

Rockin' mama to Allison (9), Asher (5) and Alethea (3), head over heels in love with my sexy husband, Tony.

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#3 of 6 Old 10-12-2009, 07:56 PM
 
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More hugs!
This too, shall pass.
I only have one little angel but did become single mom on a blink last October, lo was 8 months old...No family or friends close by.
It is tough but children do adapt, and they ALL develop differently.
I would dare to say your middle one will let you know what he needs. It seems he prefers shared time with siblings, then, I say, play all together!
It seems he needs reassurance all is ok and that your situation is a new 'normal'.
I hated that concept when i just started, but it is true. i have a new 'normal'. I am a single mom. Me and my lo are family, nothing is missing.
More hugs to you, I don't know how you do it!

I live in Florida and, because I was concerned, I got him evaluated via the state (FREE) all is good, all within normal parameters, he doesn't even apply for therapy. If that is something will help you feel better, it is an option. I think the program is known as early steps at a national level. Maybe you can ask your pediatrician.

More hugs! And keep on posting even if it is for venting, this is a great place!
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#4 of 6 Old 10-12-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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Have you had him evaluated? It is free and my kids had great fun at their evaluations. This will help you in several ways. First you will know if this is within the relm of normal. Secondly if there is an issue you will be given the tools to address it. Third you will know if this is even related to the circumstances surrounding you becoming a single mother. It very well may be completelyt unrelated so go easy on yourself. Either way it is best to get down to the root of the problem (if there is a problem) so you can address it rather than just fretting about it.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#5 of 6 Old 10-13-2009, 12:00 AM
 
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you know, many, many children aren't potty-trained at three. I'd say the majority I know don't really stay dry regularly till 4 or 5. The kindergartens here have their own bathrooms because they know there'll be accidents, and there are.
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#6 of 6 Old 10-13-2009, 05:44 AM
 
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You sound so overwhelmed. My kids were similar ages last year and it's lot of work - takes up about 25 hours a day!
My eldest was an odd duck as a toddler. He didn't talk, make eye contact and all kinds of worrying stuff. Turned out he was a perfectionist who wouldn't talk until he could do it right, among other things! But I suggest getting him in to be looked at asap. You don't need to be stressing about his development along with every thing else on your plate. Might be nothing to worry about like with my ds1 but until you know you will be imagining all sorts I shouldn't wonder.

Ruth, mum to B (9), P (8) and T (5)

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