Let me start off with a little background. I was with my son's father for two years and when I was 7 months pregnant, we broke up. He moved out of state and I moved back in with my parents to save money. After being away from him, I realized that he was emotionally abusive (ei: threatned to kill himself if I left him, called me horrible names, told me I was worthless the day I gave birth).
I don't really want him around, but I am respecting the fact that he is the father of my baby. However, I am getting tired and to the point where i am about ready to take some action to change things.
My son is 6 months old. His father quit his job last January and still hasn't found a new one. He isn't looking either. He bums around all day and just "kicks it with his guy friends". I am full time college student and full time mommy. My son lives with me and has only seen his father about 10 times.
Now that my son is very alert and learning new information so quickly, I know I am to a point where I have to decide what I am going to do about his dad. My son's father hasn't paid one dime of child support and hasn't provided anything. However, he has high expectations that he can see his son whenever he calls up. I told him that I am not planing his life with his son, and if he wants to be an active role in his life, he has to call me and set things up. He calls rarely and when he does, the convo is all about him. He never asks how his son is doing until the end of the convo. And some days, he "wants to be a father" and other days he "wants to go traveling around the world and leave everything behind for 10 years or so"
My issue: What are his actions doing that are going to affect my son? I have told him that he can't come in and out of his life whenever he wants. That is going to bring confusion and resentment into my son's life. My son is going to wonder if he is doing something wrong because his father "doesn't love him" or something. I don't want my son to grow up with that baggage. What can I do? I'm so unsure.
I know that I am doing everything it takes to provide the best life to my son. I am a college student who will graduate in about a year with a BA and then after one more year, I am going to have a masters of education. My son's father is so wishy washy about the whole situation and won't come to terms with the fact that he is a father. He wants to travel and leave his son in the dust, yet he wants to be the "supportive" father he "knows" he can be, yet he has no job and just sits around all day with his friends smoking bowls, which IS NOT around my son at all. Part of me wishes he would just leave the picture so I can focus my whole energy on my son and loving him with all my power. Yet, part of me wants my ex and father of my son to grow up and get his life straight so he can be in my son's life.
I don't know what I should do. Any advice? And sorry, my initial post turned more into a rant. Cie la vie.
I don't really want him around, but I am respecting the fact that he is the father of my baby. However, I am getting tired and to the point where i am about ready to take some action to change things.
My son is 6 months old. His father quit his job last January and still hasn't found a new one. He isn't looking either. He bums around all day and just "kicks it with his guy friends". I am full time college student and full time mommy. My son lives with me and has only seen his father about 10 times.
Now that my son is very alert and learning new information so quickly, I know I am to a point where I have to decide what I am going to do about his dad. My son's father hasn't paid one dime of child support and hasn't provided anything. However, he has high expectations that he can see his son whenever he calls up. I told him that I am not planing his life with his son, and if he wants to be an active role in his life, he has to call me and set things up. He calls rarely and when he does, the convo is all about him. He never asks how his son is doing until the end of the convo. And some days, he "wants to be a father" and other days he "wants to go traveling around the world and leave everything behind for 10 years or so"
My issue: What are his actions doing that are going to affect my son? I have told him that he can't come in and out of his life whenever he wants. That is going to bring confusion and resentment into my son's life. My son is going to wonder if he is doing something wrong because his father "doesn't love him" or something. I don't want my son to grow up with that baggage. What can I do? I'm so unsure.
I know that I am doing everything it takes to provide the best life to my son. I am a college student who will graduate in about a year with a BA and then after one more year, I am going to have a masters of education. My son's father is so wishy washy about the whole situation and won't come to terms with the fact that he is a father. He wants to travel and leave his son in the dust, yet he wants to be the "supportive" father he "knows" he can be, yet he has no job and just sits around all day with his friends smoking bowls, which IS NOT around my son at all. Part of me wishes he would just leave the picture so I can focus my whole energy on my son and loving him with all my power. Yet, part of me wants my ex and father of my son to grow up and get his life straight so he can be in my son's life.
I don't know what I should do. Any advice? And sorry, my initial post turned more into a rant. Cie la vie.