Would you turn and run the other way? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 56 Old 11-22-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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I join the chorus. Get out now and don't look back.
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#32 of 56 Old 11-22-2009, 06:44 PM
 
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Definately some red flags. I hope you and your dd are safe.
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#33 of 56 Old 11-23-2009, 02:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The easy part is that he doesn't have a phone so it hasn't been hard avoiding him.
And no I don't drag my daughter 4 hours away on road trips just to see him! I have to drive up there to meet her dad and I like staying close to her so I just stayed with him in the area.

I don't regret the decision at all. He did call today from another number so I answered unexpectantly and when he asked me how I was feeling I said good because I know this is what's right for us both right now and if I already see potential problems that I'm not willing to work with.

I haven't wrote down a list of what I want in a guy but I have a definite one in my head, I even told him that too. I have an idea of how I would like my daughter and my life to play out and it doesn't involve him.
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#34 of 56 Old 11-23-2009, 03:09 AM
 
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Another vote for run!

There are plenty of fish in the sea, toss this stinky one back into the ocean!

GOOD moms let their kids lick the beaters. GREAT moms turn off the mixer first!
Humanist Woman Wife , & Friend Plus Mama to 6 (3 mos, 2, 9, 13, 17, 20)
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#35 of 56 Old 11-23-2009, 10:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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help help help
He bought a new phone to text me on and he hasn't stopped since. I don't know why I don't know how to just not text back, it seems so heartless. I think he thinks we are going to get back together he told me he's not going to stop trying.
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#36 of 56 Old 11-23-2009, 10:30 PM
 
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Ignore the texts. He is out of your life. Treat them like a wrong number. Don't answer even one. It's not being heartless. It's being a responsible woman making the best choice for yourself and your daughter. You and she come first. Not him.
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#37 of 56 Old 11-23-2009, 10:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alternativemomma View Post
help help help
He bought a new phone to text me on and he hasn't stopped since. I don't know why I don't know how to just not text back, it seems so heartless. I think he thinks we are going to get back together he told me he's not going to stop trying.
Call your customer support and find a way to block his texts.

Stay strong.
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#38 of 56 Old 11-23-2009, 10:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alternativemomma View Post
help help help
He bought a new phone to text me on and he hasn't stopped since. I don't know why I don't know how to just not text back, it seems so heartless. I think he thinks we are going to get back together he told me he's not going to stop trying.
If he truly cared about you, he'd take "no" for an answer. He is harrassing you. Not okay!

Be strong, you've told him once (or more), no need to further explain yourself.

You are lucky, you have a lot of people rooting for you! Hang in there!

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#39 of 56 Old 11-23-2009, 10:46 PM
 
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Ignore the texts, be strong, see if you can block him. Please don't let your guard down and forget what he was like.

Katherine, SAHM to 2 little princes
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#40 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 12:45 AM
 
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This guy is bad for you and your daughter. Say it over and over again. He's bad for you and your daughter.
I'm going to say this as someone who has been in very similar relationships: this guy will not make it easy for you to get out. He'll beg and plead and keep trying to contact you. He may show up on your door. There's a really good chance that his next step will be threatening suicide. Do not give in. You have to set boundaries. That means being what may feel like mean. Just straight up ignore the texts, or tell him in short simple terms, we are broken up and I don't want to talk to you.
Also, I feel like I say this a lot of this site, but he sounds kind of like he might have borderline personality disorder. Google it and see if it rings any bells. Of course you can't diagnose BPD in a teenager, but he may have traits there.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#41 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 04:09 AM
 
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You asked how to not text him back. Here's what you do...when you receive his text immediately erase it. Then go hug your daughter. Or even better turn your phone off. Or go to your cell service and get a new number. Or have his number blocked.

You can do it! He is bad news! He is using his money to harass you instead of getting electricity...what a stupid move...

Jenne

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            02/11/2011   
                   
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#42 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 04:23 AM
 
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You asked how to not text him back. Here's what you do...when you receive his text immediately erase it. Then go hug your daughter. Or even better turn your phone off. Or go to your cell service and get a new number. Or have his number blocked.

You can do it! He is bad news! He is using his money to harass you instead of getting electricity...what a stupid move...

Jenne
listen to jenne, she's a smart one! i think that erasing it before you can possibly respond is your best move, just do it quick and don't think about it, then when it's gone you don't have the option to say anything back.

and TOTALLY to the bolded...

eh. who needs a signature?
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#43 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 11:12 AM
 
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"I'm proud of you. I know, I'm a stranger over the internet so it doesn't mean much but every time I see a woman showing her daughter that she doesn't have to take controlling abusive behavior I'm just filled with pride. You'll be able to teach any future sons how a man should treat a woman as well. These are invaluable gifts to the next generation."





I know it's a hassle right now, but I wish I could convey to you the joy that we BTDT mamas feel when another mama jumps off the rails before the Crazy Train hits her! Stay strong!
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#44 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 02:09 PM
 
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I'd either change your cell number or not answer any calls from numbers you don't know. And DO NOT text him back. It is cruel. It is giving him hope. It is saying there is a chance, and it is extending the amount of time that he will continue to try. If you really want him to stop, YOU have to stop.
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#45 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 06:37 PM
 
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Yes RUN! Been there done that. Only my guy was much nicer and not nearly as controlling from the start as this guy sounds. IF it is that bad already I promise in time it will be a nightmare. Leave before this gets any more serious!

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#46 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 07:26 PM
 
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Wow. My head is spinning reading this thread. Obviously my answer is that ANYONE writing a post titled "would you turn and run the other way" needs to do just that.

As for the texts- just. don't. answer. them. Easy as that. Don't do it. Delete immediately, before you even read them. He doesn't deserve your time. Is it cruel? NO. It's reality. He is not respecting you. You owe him NOTHING.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#47 of 56 Old 11-24-2009, 08:23 PM
 
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I agree with StephandOwen except for one thing: SAVE THE TEXTS. If this reaches a point where you need to file for a restraining order (because let's face it, this is already escalating), they'll come in handy as evidence.

Wife to a great DH, SAHM to 3 great kids
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#48 of 56 Old 11-26-2009, 01:07 PM
 
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How are you doing, alternativemomma??? I'm thinking of you and hoping you're celebrating Thanksgiving surrounded by people who truly love and respect you and your daughter.
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#49 of 56 Old 01-25-2010, 03:18 AM
 
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I know this is old, but I was thinking about you the other day alternativemama and wondering how you were doing in this New Year! Please don't feel any pressure, I just wanted to know if things were going well for you regardless of the guy situation.

Happy New Year!
Jenne

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            02/11/2011   
                   
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#50 of 56 Old 01-25-2010, 12:26 PM
 
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Run away as fast as you can! No to all this! This guy will suck you in and never let you go. Your gut says that this is not right - listen to it. He didn't give up anything to be with you. He made his decisions and whatever resulted from that have nothing to do with you. Do you really want this drama in your or your DD's life? RUN!

goorganic.jpgwife to footinmouth.gif, currently WOH and geek.gif on my doctorate. (I'm dissertating!) We: novaxnocirc.giftoddler.gifgd.giffamilybed1.gif  with DS (4/09)!
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#51 of 56 Old 01-27-2010, 05:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Haven't been over here in a while- just updating that this guy is LONG GONE he still tries to text me and I j. ignore 24/7. I'm MUCH happier not putting up with his BS.
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#52 of 56 Old 01-27-2010, 09:02 PM
 
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I hope you are having an okay 2010 so far. I'm sorry he is still contacting you but I'm thrilled you seem to be handling it so well.

Here is to your future and a life of blissful happiness! You deserve it!

Jenne

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            02/11/2011   
                   
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#53 of 56 Old 01-27-2010, 10:31 PM
 
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Yay! I'm glad to hear it all turned out well!

When I was a single mama, I eventually found that my judgment *sucked* in the face of a beautiful man and came up with a hard and fast no compromising list for dating:

1) He has to have a car
2) He has to have a place to live- I was cool with roommates, but not living with the parents
3) He has to have a job- full-time, no "self-employed" or "farmers" or "carpenters" or "temp workers"
4) He has to have a driver's license
5) He must not have a criminal record
6) He has to have a phone

I would have been willing to give a bit on the car if I lived in a metro area and met a super-crunchy dude who did public transit/ biking for environmental reasons- but I don't, public transit here is a joke, and *I'm* really not *that* crunchy, so it likely wouldn't have been a good fit anyway! Oh, and "farmer" and "carpenter" here is often code for "indoor pot grower"... I wouldn't have had an objection to someone really growing veggies or building houses!

Seriously, this list knocked out more guys than I care to remember! It was pathetic!

Best of luck OP!

Jen, L&D RN, CBE, CLEC who loves to knit.gif! I adore my modifiedartist.gifDP, treehugger.gifDD 10/98, & sweet new babygirl.gif5/10!!!
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#54 of 56 Old 01-27-2010, 11:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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HAHA omg....Have we been meeting the same guys? I swear everyone I meet nowadays falls in the criteria you said of whom NOT to date. I have a bf right now but.. he doesn't feel like my bf and it's definitely not gonna last so idk it's whatever. I'm reallly content with my life right now, not content...happy,proud, lovin' life, lovin' my daughter, lovin' how far I've came emotionally. I don't really have any complaints, and the ones I do are just like, life you know? I'm handling them with ease and not getting worked up. I'm in college solely distance learning and this is my SECOND YEAR with a baby! I'm proud that I've came this far, I'm proud that I got a 100 on my first history test and that I have not been slacking in my homework, nor have I been slacking or getting frustrated as a mother. Bedtime has went smoothly all month and on nights where it hasn't I have handled it so well and stayed calm, my DD has all these food allergies I'm finding out about and I'm j. eliminating them all with ease coming up with new recipes for her to eat. My parents both work full time now so it's me who cooks/cleans/ and takes care of the house while I'm home and even though ideally I don't want to live here, I know in august I will move out and I'm doing all that I can to help until then. POINT being... I don't need anyone right now I am SO in love with how I handle life and how life is being dealt to me, good and bad. <3
I just needed someone to share it with.
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#55 of 56 Old 01-28-2010, 12:02 AM
 
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It does sound like you're in a *great* place right now- I'm so happy for you!

Jen, L&D RN, CBE, CLEC who loves to knit.gif! I adore my modifiedartist.gifDP, treehugger.gifDD 10/98, & sweet new babygirl.gif5/10!!!
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#56 of 56 Old 01-30-2010, 12:30 AM
 
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Oh, I'm SO pleased for you! I just can't smile enough thinking of all that hard work you have done and how much better off you are for it. Not that it didn't suck but think of all you have learned about yourself! Wow! That is just awesome! Can I be your cheerleader?

Jenne

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            02/11/2011   
                   
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