**December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please! - Page 10 - Mothering Forums
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#271 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 09:27 AM
 
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momanderson,

Just for the record, I am currently going out with a 45 year old guy I met at the swimming pool. Never married, no kids.He is 10 years older than I am, but after a certain point age really doesn't matter. It's what you are interested in, having things in common, being able to share.
As for his profession/education, is that also a big problem? Too undereducated? Usually when working in public health there is a min of education required.

At first I was super sceptical going out with SG (my guy), because of his lack of marriage and no kids, but he has really surprised me in his maturity, willingness to help me out with so many things. We haven't introduced him to my kids yet - but soon.

Just wanted to add that if I would have known his age beforehand, I don't think I would have even talked to him. But I'm glad I gave him a chance because I'm really happy with him now

Single mama to a 5yo and 8yo

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#272 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 11:52 AM
 
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momanderson, I agree with Holly!

And Soothing Southerner and Music Man both wrote me today--SS sending some upbeat messages confirming meeting me this weekend (not traveling after all) but all I want to know is when will he call again? Tonight? Now?? I'm so impatient. Music Man emailed me back last night that he got no text messages from me yesterday and anyways will call me today. Then he got no answer for 8+ hours and re-sent the same email, at which point I answered (I had been sleeping). I hope he calls any minute... I like long phone conversations while waiting for a first date. They really help gauge things.


So for my weird story.

There's this local stage actor guy who I've been friends with for a couple of months. He's a single dad and helped me write my murder mystery game for the murder mystery party I threw in October, and he's just been a nice guy to talk to on facebook chat or text messaging or whatever, and I like him. He's actually a familiar face from the first years I lived out here as he was in a language-training-tv-program-for-foreigners that I watched over and over during my pregnancies, so it's funny that I'd seen so much of his face 6 years before meeting him. Then he's been asking me to hang out for the past few weeks but it hasn't worked out. We tried to arrange a playdate with our kids last week and that didn't work out either. But anyways, two nights ago he asked to pick me up and go to his place to watch a video. This all went great, he even took me to dinner first, and we had a blast hanging out, very relaxed and casual and I hope that we stay friends at the very least. He has a gorgeous cat that i enjoyed making new friends with. His son was with his mother so it was just us at his place and it got very late and i was falling asleep on the couch. He told me I could sleep anywhere I wanted in his home, just pick a spot and sleep so I crawled up into the loft into his big bed and crashed in my clothes, on top of the blankets. He later came up next to me and got under the blankets on the other side, in his underwear. The man happens to be a greek god with his shirt off, by the way. Like, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine in X-Men type body, or perhaps even more muscular and ripped. Just breathtaking. He's got shaggy hair like a rugged wolf, and leathery face that shows all of his 43 years but is kinda sexy, like a hunter or warrior. He often plays such roles in the opera. Anyway, he didn't touch me, but his cat snuggled in between my knees and slept. I eventually got under the blankets and his cat stayed dedicated to my knees. Later I wake up to a veritable shower raining all over me. My face, my head, etc. I wonder why I'm getting all wet and where the sprinkling water is coming from, but it stops and I try to go back to sleep but I see that it's very warm between my legs. I start to smell cat urine and it dawns on me. the cat had wet himself there on the bed on my knees, and then walked up towards my head and shaken himself as hard as he could to get some of the pee out of his soaked fur. all over my face and hair. and my jeans were soaked with cat pee, as the bed. I took them off and hung them to dry and went to his son's bed and slept in my underwear and a shirt for awhile, and later I felt weird in his son's loft because it's like being a in a treehouse, very disconcerting like you could fall out, and I returned to Stage Actor's bed next to him, and we slept all night. When we woke, we spent another 2 hours talking, joking around, and watching youtube clips in his bed before getting up and making breakfast. I tried to send the message that touching wasn't off limits, several times, by small touches on his arm or against him a bit, but very little. I was sort of hoping that he would make some sort of a romantic move. But no. He took me home and helped me get my Christmas tree down & out, and then went home. I texted him last night to see if he was up (I know what a night owl he is) and if he'd want to join me and he politely declined. What is going on here?
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#273 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 12:03 PM
 
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Hollycrand,

I really don't know what my insecurity about messaging this guy is! I am 32, so he'd be 13 years older. I don't know I guess I just feel insecure about the fact he has no children and I have 5! All of them under 11. It is totally my own insecurity that is holding me back on this one!

As for the education/profession he would be way more educated than I am! I only have college, he'd have many years of university. He used to live in Toronto, I have never lived in a big city! I really should just message him back. Having someone I could have intelligent conversation with would be nice!

I guess I am still holding out hope for something more real with HH. Because we do have a lot in common, and are at the same place in life. But I don't know what is going on with him, haven't talked to him for 10 days except a few messages on facebook.
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#274 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 01:51 PM
 
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Momanderson, you really need to work on your self-esteem. When you feel (and believe) like you are the most amazing woman... there is NO man out of your league! Just a lot of men that don't deserve such an amazing woman as your self.

As for this man's education... let me tell you about my x-bf. My x-bf was an ivy-leagued educated with a MD, MS and PhD to his name. Seriously, the man was an amazing academic with a vocabulary to die for.

BUT... he had little to no social/emotional intelligence. With 18+ months with him, I finally learned that social/emotional intelligence is FAR superior to academic intelligence.

Does he know that you have 5 kids? Did you write that into your profile?
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#275 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 02:09 PM
 
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Momanderson, you really need to work on your self-esteem. When you feel (and believe) like you are the most amazing woman... there is NO man out of your league! Just a lot of men that don't deserve such an amazing woman as your self.
:


No one is laughing about my cat pee story?
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#276 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 02:13 PM
 
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No one is laughing about my cat pee story?
Oh, I was... I just got distracted by my own cats peeing next to me in their litter box!

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#277 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 02:25 PM
 
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Holly and Butterflymom- you're right I do need to work on my self esteem! I know I am awesome and any guy would be lucky to have me! Must be hormones going out of whack

I did message him back a while ago. In my profile I do mention I have kids, but not how many. In my message I did tell him I have 5 kids. So we shall see! I will post his username in private and you gals can check him out! He looks very familiar, I am thinking he works in the health inspector/food safety part of our local health unit. I think I have met him when I worked in long term care. I didn't want to ask right off, that seems a bit gold diggerish When he replies I'll ask what department he's in!

And butterfly I was laughing about the cat pee! I'm not a cat person so I wouldn't have been so graceful about the incident!
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#278 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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And butterfly I was laughing about the cat pee! I'm not a cat person so I wouldn't have been so graceful about the incident!
I like cats, but man cat pee is one of the nastiest things ever. I would not have handled it with much grace at all. Stage actor ought to be worshipping you, at this point, Butterfly.

Rosehip, I want to second what everyone else said. It is so hard to feel good about ourselves as we get back out there, but this is a great time to "fake it till you make it" and hit some thrift stores for fun, flattering clothes, get a cute new haircut or something, and just jump in with both feet. Online dating is great for building up some confidence -- go on lots of dates and it will build your confidence and help you figure out what kind of guy you are looking for.

I do totally know what you mean with the 5 kids issue though. I have 4, all under 7, and I'm practically a solo mom. I have a HUGE chip on my shoulder about the kids thing. Poor ATG, on our second date I told him that there was a very small window time that he could date me before he could tell me that he just couldn't deal with dating someone who had 4 kids, and that if he tried to end it based on the kids after that window of time, I would kick him, hard.



Poor guy didn't know how to respond to that one. But it is hard. Hugs, honey

I'm thinking I might have to give up on the skeptical, pessimistic chip on my shoulder wrt ATG though. The guy just keeps showing up, and making me . He came over last night for dinner with me and the kids, played trains with the boys a bit before bed....slept over...I'm just
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#279 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 10:00 PM
 
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sugarmoon
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#280 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 01:00 AM
 
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MomAnderson - good for you for replying to him!

Sugarmoon - full steam ahead with ATG! Sounds wonderful

Butterfly - I don't know whether to laugh or running screaming from your cat pee story! I'm NOT a cat person & would NOT have coped well with that!

Well, I took the plunge & contacted a bunch of guys online yesterday & today, and not too many bites A couple that are only semi-promising. On paper, I think I've got a lot of things stacked against me (student, have kids, and I live *outside* the city, and what with traffic & public trans, that poses a bit of a logistical hassle). Ah well. I'll keep trying!

On the upside, I've got New Year's plans! Not a date, but a friend invited me to join a group dinner & later party @ her house outing. Aside from dating, I'm actually very happy about my social life. I became SO isolated during my marriage, for a whole host of reasons. Since pulling myself out of the depths of my divorce despair, I've really been working on creating a nice little local group for myself. It's not easy because I live in a pretty wealthy town, and I'm *really* the minority in that I'm single/divorced (my kids are young, the cynic in me says to wait a few more years and the divorces will begin), living with my parents, and am a student/not a SAHM. Anyhoo, I've gradually become a part of this nice group of women, which has been really lovely. I've also been making a point to spend more time with my long-time best friends from college, high school, old jobs, etc.!
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#281 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 02:04 AM
 
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Thanks to you ladies for pushing me ever so gently to respond to this new guy! I did send him a message early this afternoon. He responded this evening. He seems very well spoken, can write in sentences and even paragraphs! Many of the men who have contacted me on there use one or two sentences at best!

He enjoys live music, films, renovating, has no tv! and best of all he didn't make any reference to my brood of kids! Many guys make somewhat snide remarks.
The other great thing, he can't wait to hear more about me

I replied to him a little while ago, may have wrote to much but hey, I think he can read and I am not going to loose his attention after the second sentence!

My other leads on the site have dried up, some by my choice.
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#282 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 11:08 AM
 
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For those who use OKC - is there a way to change settings so that I can be on the site without being available to chat/IM?
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#283 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 01:52 PM
 
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For those who use OKC - is there a way to change settings so that I can be on the site without being available to chat/IM?
I'm not sure you can.

You can change your setting to browse anonymously, which would keep you from appearing on-line and un-message-able, but you wouldn't be able to see who viewed you either.

I tend to just delete and/or block the user from messaging me, depending on the guy. I have had a couple of decent and funny guys spark up interesting and respectful converations. The rest are just crazy, but entertaining and I enjoy telling them that and then proceeding to block them!
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#284 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 02:20 PM
 
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You can turn off the chat feature. It's somewhere hidden in the settings. Somewhere. I know because I have it turned off. But I can't for the life of me find it again.
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#285 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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Wow.... hahahaha, that cat pee story was amazingly funny. Sorry. Probably wasn't for you. Maybe he just wants to be friends and doesn't want it to get weird??

sugarmoon, that sounds great.

My dating life feels so blah. I'm trying to figure out how to "break off" things w/ Artsy P while still remaining friends since it's nice just spending time w/ him, in that way. I've never been very good at that. I really think he's just lonely, and maybe I am, too, and he's going through some medical issues right now and he doesn't want to go through them alone. So in a lot of ways I've cut him more slack than I normally would w/ someone.

Other than that all my prospects are just... boring. I get enough msgs and interest but I just don't feel like bothering. Maybe in the new year.
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#286 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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I think we've had enough of 2009. Let's jump ahead, even 4 hours early (in my time zone)........ 2010 Dating Thread going up NOW!!!!!!!!!
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#287 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 02:42 PM
 
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You can turn off the chat feature. It's somewhere hidden in the settings. Somewhere. I know because I have it turned off. But I can't for the life of me find it again.
FOUND IT!!!

Go under Settings, click the IM tab at the top.

On the right-hand side, it states "IM is now on" Next to that, you can click "Turn it off", then save the setting.
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#288 of 288 Old 12-31-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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SHPG just AMAZED me day before yesterday. We had a sudden unexpected snow storm and got 4-5 inches of snow in just a few hours, while I was at work. I walked home (cuz I've lived in SW Washington my whole life and do not know how to drive in snow). He called a little while later and I told him about walking home in the snow and how I'd have to walk back (I work a split shift) and I was very tired and so on. Mostly just whining and sniveling. Anyway, so I'm sitting here eating my dinner and he shows up. He comes in and says "I couldn't bear to let you walk all the way back to work and then back home again. I'll drive you up there and then come get you when you're off and we'll go get your car in the morning." He came to rescue me from the evil snow. Soooo sweet. He's from Minnesota so a few inches of snow is nothing to him.

We went and got an ultrasound and thankfully, despite a crazy high beta that made us all worry about twins, there is only one babe in there with a lovely little heartbeat. He came with me and held my hand and met my doctor and everything. He's totally on my good list.
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