**December** Dating Thread: Updates and (Re)Introductions, please! - Page 9 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#241 of 288 Old 12-23-2009, 03:18 PM
 
mumblemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Blah, I've typed so many responses the last couple days but always got distracted.

I'm so sorry for those who are having icky holidays. I've been pretty "blah" about it the last week. Can't believe xmas has come so fast.

Holland, I think it's really good to focus on ourselves and our "demons".

Seie,

Butterflymom, I'm so sorry about SL. What a jerk. Please take care of yourself, you are an amazing, gorgeous woman and deserve so much better!!

Everyone else... I'm reading, just busy as ****.

So, let's see real quick. Artsy Psychologist and I have become great friends. I love spending time w/ him. We have such fun on so many different levels and get along fantastically. I haven't been dating anyone lately because ever since Mustang Sally I feel pretty let down and I've been feeling out the world of lesbian dating. But it seems nobody wants to date a girl that is "bi". So... I don't know.

Artsy Psychologist told me he loves me, again. I'm not sure how he means it, but he did say he could imagine being exclusive w/ me. I told him that wasn't going to happen, though. I really care about him as a friend and I hope he'll remain in my life, but I feel like our lives are just in completely different places right now to warrant anything serious or exclusive.

That's all for me. Hang in there, girls, and happy (or whatever) holidays.
mumblemama is offline  
#242 of 288 Old 12-24-2009, 02:45 PM
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumblemama View Post
Butterflymom, I'm so sorry about SL. What a jerk. Please take care of yourself, you are an amazing, gorgeous woman and deserve so much better!!
Thanks for that. You too.

Merry Christmas to everyone.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#243 of 288 Old 12-24-2009, 07:57 PM
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
....or not.

There's a single dad of a 6 year old son, a doctor who lives here in town, who I have emailed several times with for the last month or so, who called me tonight. We talked for a long time. It was fine, he has a great voice, he is intelligent and calm. He mentions several times how grateful he is that he does what he loves and makes such great money. He knows that I'm unemployed. He says he has time off in a few days from work and since he's up in Lapland asked me to fly up and join him for skiing. I responded that I'm unemployed and can't afford extras like that and he made a joke about how it's not expensive unless...you don't have the money. And I said, well, I don't have it myself but if you're as bored and longing for company as you say you are, you can import me for a ski buddy, as I have the free time to offer you my company/entertainment, anyways, even if I can't make it all the way up there (1000km) on my own shoestring. He responded that he hated feeling any kind of pressure and the idea that someone would be trying to take advantage of him, etc, and that it's very important that any woman be financially independent if he were to date her. He said he hates the idea of a woman expecting him to financially provide for her. I just felt all kinds of ick at that point. So now I'm being disqualified for being unemployed, too? So ...too foreign, too much baggage, too poor.... I'm just screwed in this country, huh? I responded that certainly he was far too clever to be frequently made the fool by gold-digging females, no? And he had to agree to that of course, and I just cooled things down to total politeness/formality and was trying to end the conversation and he was like, "I really hope we can keep talking... you have my number... I just LOVE getting thoughtful text messages througout the day, I'd love to hear from you...." and I responded that indeed we all like feeling like someone special out there is thinking of us, and that's a big boon of being in a relationship with someone you feel strongly about, being able to add special little moments like that into an ordinary day. I commented that of course he could be in touch with me as well but he was like, "I'm just working at the hospital all the time--nothing to report." So this guy just wants me to fawn on him, chase him, text him all the time so he feels special, and when he asks me to fly up to ski and I point out the financial obstacle and invite him to feel free to treat me if he wants company so badly, he gets snarky about how he needs independent women and hates the idea of a woman wanting him to provide financially for her. Ugh. It wasn't my idea to even meet, and he could have just handled that so much better ...like, "Well perhaps that's a little bit of a splurge for a first date--let me buy you a meal first and maybe one day I'll take you skiing on me." I didn't even ask him outright to pay for my traveling up to him, I just sort of dropped it that if he wanted to he could, and immediately in the same breath apologized that I couldn't afford to do it myself, and started gearing the conversation in another direction so I wasn't like putting him on the spot. :

Then there are 4+ guys who live in London who are anxious to meet me. I don't imagine anyone relocating here to the arctic circle to be with me, though the fantasy is tempting...
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#244 of 288 Old 12-25-2009, 11:00 AM
 
Seie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Butterfly: Doc sounds a bit full of himself doesnt he! Don't even waste your time

I am off to meet an old friend of mine today (with his family). Funny thing is when we were young - I've known him half my life - everyone used to think we would end up together (me included). We never did though and I think he has a pretty serious girlfriend now. Never mind - I love him - always have and having him as a friend is great.
Snowing here - as in BIG TIME snowing. My kids are with their dad - will go get them tomorrow.
Hope you all have a wonderful christmas day. We celebrated yesterday (that is the tradition here - to celebrate on the evening of the 24th) so our christmas is over. Except we will have an extra christmas eve when my kids get here.
No word - not even a merry christmas wish from my lost love I have been a good girl not to contact him for almost three weeks now. It's still hard though

Good wishes to all

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

Seie is offline  
#245 of 288 Old 12-25-2009, 01:03 PM
 
zeta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 629
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Butterfly, that doctor sounds like a total loser!!!

Seie, glad to hear you are intrigued by someone.

Have a wonderful holiday, everyone.
zeta is offline  
#246 of 288 Old 12-25-2009, 04:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
sugarmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Happy Christmas, to all who celebrate it. As I was saying to Holly last night, just a few more hours and it's over for another year...

It hasn't been that bad, all things considered. My ex came last night (3 hrs later than he'd told me, and I had, stupidly, told the kids) for dinner/bedtime. I had everything pretty much prepped and the kids were asleep by 8 and I was done by 9. I'm getting good!

Ex slept over, has been here all day. He went out just now on a battery run with our oldest, and then we'll eat a meal together. Hopefully he'll leave of his own volition after the meal, because...ATG is supposed to be coming over later this evening. He is at his parents house, a 4-5 hr drive from where I live, but he has to come back today anyway, as he has to work tomorrow.

Things continue to be good on that front. We've been exchanging emails/texts while he's been gone, and he seems to be counting down the days until he is back here as much as I am.

Seie, I'm glad you have a good plan for today. Please continue to be gentle with yourself.

And Butterfly, who needs him? Ego-freaking-maniac. Let's be thankful he showed his true colors from the get go. Still, I'm sorry. It gets so effing old, doesn't it?

Mumblemama, I'm interested to see how things progress with Artsy P, sounds like a good thing...and I'll cross my fingers that an interesting girl stumbles into your path!
sugarmoon is offline  
#247 of 288 Old 12-26-2009, 03:53 AM
 
LoveOhm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In Writing Mode!
Posts: 1,953
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Happy Holidays Mamas it was a long day and I'm tired but reading your updates so I don't fall behind.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
LoveOhm is offline  
#248 of 288 Old 12-26-2009, 11:36 AM
 
monkey'smom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 24
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Butterfly, that guy sounds icky. seriously. what sort of game was he playing?

Everytime I read your posts as of late, I feel like you and I are in similar places when it comes to dating. It ebbs and flows for me, but I go through periods of nothing, and then I'll have a few dates, or guys who seem REALLY interested, but, for whatever reasons, they don't want anything long term.

I have been fine with that for the past couple of years, and wasn't looking for anything serious, but I AM starting to feel SO discouraged. For me, the problems are that I'm a single parent, I work a LOT, so both of those completely take away spontaneous dating. On top of that, I live with my ex, and as mentioned in a thread a month or so ago, even though completely under control, I do have mental health issues, and as soon as I get close enough to someone to bring that topic up ( and it does have to come up, because I need to explain why I religiously follow a sleep routine, and other things like that). Even I'm not oblivious to the fact that all of that is enough to send someone running. So, I can't even really get upset when it does happen. So for different reasons, I relate to what you say.
monkey'smom is offline  
#249 of 288 Old 12-26-2009, 11:25 PM
 
momanderson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 70
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I haven't updated here for a while. Not much going on in my dating life. Last Saturday I went with HH (my neighbour) to a party at a hunt camp ( cabin in the bush) it was fun, had a few drinks. Then we went back to his place to "watch a movie". I ended up spending the night and in the morning we just cuddled in bed for a few hours drifting in and out of sleep. I came home and got showered and let my dog out. Then we spent the afternoon shopping for gifts for his children, mother and even his x wife! We had already planned to go shopping, the party thing was last minute because my plans had fallen through. He kissed me when I dropped him off. I messaged him on fb a few days later to see how his bunk bed building was going ( he was making bb's for the kids, we had looked at furniture stores on Sunday) He replied, and then so did I to ask if it had worked out cheaper than buying them. He replied and then I did, wishing him a merry Christmas. That was on the 23rd. He has has company since the 24th, but he was on Plenty of Fish 3 times yesterday! I don't know why but I feel really insecure and mad that he couldn't take the time to wish me a Merry Christmas on fb if he could check his pof. He'd have gotten the email that he had a message on fb! I am hormonal and just feel blah and sad about it! I guess he's just not that into me anymore? My friends all say to give it a few days, since he's had company and all. I don't know! I really do like him, we have a lot in common and he is really interesting. What do you think ladies, am I just way over analyzing this all?
I have 3 different guys on Plenty of Fish I am communicating with though, so I'll see where they go. 2 of them I'm not sure about. One seems way to interested in kids, and the other seems maybe to desperate. I'll see how they play out! I think I am to emotional and may take a break from all this for a bit in the new year!
momanderson is offline  
#250 of 288 Old 12-27-2009, 03:59 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Hi Ladies!

How is everyone doing?

Returned from OR last night. Holidays were... well, holidays. I am not a big Xmas person, especially when it comes to Xmas and my family's overabundance of gifts, but oh well.

This is my last week of peace, quiet and freedom and I am really, really looking forward to it! Have lots of fun, personal growth 'things' I want to partake in and just really want to focus on me, me, me. How selfish of me... huh?

I am tentatively scheduled for a date tomorrow night. Met via OKCupid, im'ed a bit before I left, he texted me Merry Xmas and called me yesterday as I was driving home.

I have a feeling I might be a bit too "domesticated" for him, though, but we'll see. Regardless, it will be nice to have a fun date night in the city without having to pay for a babysitter and/or rush home to get the babysitter home.
Holland73 is online now  
#251 of 288 Old 12-27-2009, 04:11 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
....or not.

There's a single dad of a 6 year old son, a doctor who lives here in town, who I have emailed several times with for the last month or so, who called me tonight. We talked for a long time. It was fine, he has a great voice, he is intelligent and calm. He mentions several times how grateful he is that he does what he loves and makes such great money. He knows that I'm unemployed. He says he has time off in a few days from work and since he's up in Lapland asked me to fly up and join him for skiing. I responded that I'm unemployed and can't afford extras like that and he made a joke about how it's not expensive unless...you don't have the money. And I said, well, I don't have it myself but if you're as bored and longing for company as you say you are, you can import me for a ski buddy, as I have the free time to offer you my company/entertainment, anyways, even if I can't make it all the way up there (1000km) on my own shoestring. He responded that he hated feeling any kind of pressure and the idea that someone would be trying to take advantage of him, etc, and that it's very important that any woman be financially independent if he were to date her. He said he hates the idea of a woman expecting him to financially provide for her. I just felt all kinds of ick at that point. So now I'm being disqualified for being unemployed, too? So ...too foreign, too much baggage, too poor.... I'm just screwed in this country, huh? I responded that certainly he was far too clever to be frequently made the fool by gold-digging females, no? And he had to agree to that of course, and I just cooled things down to total politeness/formality and was trying to end the conversation and he was like, "I really hope we can keep talking... you have my number... I just LOVE getting thoughtful text messages througout the day, I'd love to hear from you...." and I responded that indeed we all like feeling like someone special out there is thinking of us, and that's a big boon of being in a relationship with someone you feel strongly about, being able to add special little moments like that into an ordinary day. I commented that of course he could be in touch with me as well but he was like, "I'm just working at the hospital all the time--nothing to report." So this guy just wants me to fawn on him, chase him, text him all the time so he feels special, and when he asks me to fly up to ski and I point out the financial obstacle and invite him to feel free to treat me if he wants company so badly, he gets snarky about how he needs independent women and hates the idea of a woman wanting him to provide financially for her. Ugh. It wasn't my idea to even meet, and he could have just handled that so much better ...like, "Well perhaps that's a little bit of a splurge for a first date--let me buy you a meal first and maybe one day I'll take you skiing on me." I didn't even ask him outright to pay for my traveling up to him, I just sort of dropped it that if he wanted to he could, and immediately in the same breath apologized that I couldn't afford to do it myself, and started gearing the conversation in another direction so I wasn't like putting him on the spot. :
Unfortunately, there are men like that out there. Just as there are women out there searching for a man (and expecting a man) that will provide financially for her. And... they can be found in ALL countries.

Please try not to take it so personally. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with you and everything to do with him. At least you know that about him now, instead of further down the road.

ButterflyMom, you just sound so depressed and deflated. I am so very, very sorry!

I know that when I lived in the Netherlands for many years that the holidays were the worse times for me. Please be gentle with yourself. It can be so bloody hard (and exhausting -- physically and emotionally) to live in a foreign country where you are struggling on so many different fronts. Sadly, the holidays just amplify everything a few extra notches.

Again... please be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
Holland73 is online now  
#252 of 288 Old 12-27-2009, 04:20 PM
 
Ione's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 805
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Butterflymom: If you want to get away for a day or two, I'm in Paris while DD's with her dad, all this week....
Ione is offline  
#253 of 288 Old 12-27-2009, 09:00 PM
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Seriously? I'll be there tomorrow night if my girlfriend and I can maybe sleep at yours....
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#254 of 288 Old 12-28-2009, 11:06 AM
 
Ione's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 805
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Butterflymom, I'm serious about hanging out in Paris... but I'm already couch-surfing as it is so it would be awkward for me to host two people...

In June/July-ish of this summer, I'll be back for DD's yearly summer visit, and will probably be house&cat-sitting, so I could more easily put people up then.
Ione is offline  
#255 of 288 Old 12-28-2009, 03:57 PM
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I fully understand. I'll be in London on friday for a week, anyways. Will you still be in paris this weekend? Saturday and sunday nights are open to meet up and you could come to london or i could come there.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#256 of 288 Old 12-28-2009, 04:33 PM
 
Rosehip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi all! I've gotten behind, but hope everyone is well, and enjoyed some Christmas cheer!

Butterfly - boo to the doctor, but good lawd, better to find out about that kind of ick-iness sooner rather than later!

Holland - how was the date?

MomAnderson - any news with OKC guys?

Sugar - how was your visit w/ATG?

As for me, I've continued to see my squash partner. Things are definitely holding steady at a "flirtation" phase. I really enjoy our outings. BUT it looks like he will soon have an official job offer in a distant city that he really will have to take, for family/personal reasons. It's not what he really wants to do career wise, but it's an insane opportunity in terms of his children. Ultimately, this job would take him back to my area in a year or two, so I think he's a good person to stay friendly with and stay in touch with. We shall see. He has given me a few thoughtful gifts

I've decided to be a bit more proactive in my internet dating efforts. I've never actually contacted anyone before, but waited to be contacted So, I figure I may actually initiate contact - do others do that?

Also, how do others feel about using your "real" email rather than going through the site? I've messaged with a guy, who *may* be promising (I'm trying to decide if he's got a great sense of humor or hopelessly cocky). He said his membership is expiring within a few days & gave me his gmail to use...I really don't feel like creating a new email....should I just email him from my main account?
Rosehip is offline  
#257 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 01:32 PM
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I use my regular email addres. I guess I should have a separate one, it would be smart, but I'm super lazy.

I have suddenly (these last ten days or so) gotten a huge flood of ivy league interest from online dating that is far more than I've gotten all year long, put together. I'm visiting my cousin again in London on friday, for a week, so I am open to meeting some people who live abroad, in London, once while I'm there anyways.

Most are from Elite Meeting, which has just never offered anything interesting thusfar and I've been on it like a year:

There's a guy my age (or a few months younger actually, he's not quite 30 yet) I met who lives in London (gasp, ugh) who is from northern florida originally, and on the phone his voice/accent just sound so soothing and familiar, like every guy I ever crushed on or talked on the phone with in middle school and high school in east tennessee. And a lovely deep quality to his voice, and just so laid back and cool and easy to open up to and feel understood. Very intelligent. He's lived in the UK most of his life since college, and he's spent a lot of time over here when he had a bank that was a customer here in my city, so he knows it well and isn't put off by my non-relocatableness but this Soothing Southerner has a 3 year old daughter in London and the logistical hassles inherent in our potential relationship would be harsh (the only potential savior there is that he's done extremely well for himself thusfar in his career so he's both independently wealthy at this point as well as highly employable even in my city due to his previous experience so it's not like asking an american electrician to move here where it would simply not work, economically/job-market speaking). But he's exactly my type, physically, and when I'm on the phone with him it just feels so simple. So easy. Kind of an oxymoron when you consider the obstacles between us, but just talking.... ya know? We're having tea on monday.

Then from the same site, there's New Lawyer (again, just my age) who is far from shy, did an exchange program in university for a year at Cornell, so speaks amazing english and loves that I'm american. He practices international law. I dunno, we haven't spoken yet or set up a date but huge compliments and him making the initiative has occurred. I gave him my number and he said he will call. :

Now for the older men..... Dark Harvard Hottie is 37, parents from India and he has a quite dark complexion and normally I go for very tall (he's not, but not super short or anything, just average) fair men so this will be interesting. But the dude is fine. And he went to Harvard business school and grew up in the northeast of the US, and he lives in London for many years now and runs his own successful financial/investment company. I'm seeing him friday night for a dinner date. He is cool about my kids and where I live. Travel is not an issue to fund (from his pocket) for us to visit frequently for dates, even 2-3 times per month.

And let's see.... there's my favorite of all. He's 50 but looks 38 (honestly!), produces plays and musicals on broadway and runs a european investment company in London, lives in Long Island with his 16 year old daughter and 20 year old son (when said son is not at Yale, also this guy's alma mater) and has a place in London as well. He'll be in London while I am, so we're meeting on sunday for a tea, initially, and if that goes well, then next wednesday evening for a proper date. He's so kind, so thoughtful and intelligent, tall and has those nerdy glasses I love and the kindest most joyful face you've ever seen (next to Santa himself), and has shown by far the strongest interest in me as a person and fawning all over the details he learns about me (and the right ones...never sleazily harping about my looks). I love hearing him talk about his daughter and the amazing things about her, and when I asked his input about a karaoke contest I'm doing and sent him clips, he got his kids to listen and vote and he told them about me and they are cheering us on, too, which I find really cute. Somehow adult or near adult kids don't put me off nearly as much as a single dad with a shared custody arrangement (this guy has full custody of his daughter). He, however, is the only one who doesn't know about my kids as....he hasn't asked yet. I did make it clear I'm non-relocatable. I just get exhausted telling my whole personal saga about living over here and my children and.... I want to wait until I actually give a fig about seeing a guy more than once before getting into all of that. So I hope that doesn't scare him off since he's in a much different place in that regards. I did tell him I'm non-relocatable AND I want more kids, and that seems cool to him so.... : We'll see. I don't owe him my life history in excruciating detail until he's at least shown up live and bought me tea. I'm justifying. :smack: This guy is obviously getting a little carried away about me already, talking to me on the phone in front of them, telling his kids about me, and letting them hear clips of me singing. Then he already let it slip that he's already fantasizing about getting a summer place over here (his son also has a summer program in Russia, pretty close by, to attend so he'd be in the area anyways) that his interest in me has really instigated.... and said he's already planning if we could spend every other weekend together, either in London or NYC (whichever I prefer at the time) and the idea of so often getting outta here and to where people speak english (and amazing cities at that) is so thrilling.
But it's the guy I'm into, not the perks. But perks and ease of travel/relocation do matter. I already got my heart smashed to pieces once because of relocation obstacles so.... I don't really wanna go anywhere with anyone until I have already worked out in my head how it practically, realistically makes sense to be together if the initial year or two of dating and falling in love go absolutely perfectly. Let's call this final one Music Man. I loved that old musical.
WHEW! You guys still reading?
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#258 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 02:18 PM
 
mumblemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Glad to see things looking up for you, Butterflymom. What the heck, all of a sudden you seem to have a lot of prospects! I personally like Soothing Southerner, just because sometimes things being simple is SO SO nice. But Music Man sounds awesome, too.... despite the age? Hah.

Holland, I'm curious what you mean by too domesticated?

sugarmoon, sorry to hear you didn't get to hang out w/ ATG.

So for me... Artsy P and I ended up spending a lot of xmas together, since I didn't have my kiddos, plus the next few days. So it's been fun, but a bit.. much. He's young, and I can't keep up and don't really want to. And things being fun and simple is getting too complicated. He's hung up on his ex-gf, which is fine, except he's wanting to get serious w/ me, which isn't going to happen and I'd hoped he drop it but he hasn't. But despite that, we're having a great time laughing in bed etc etc and something comes up about sleeping with his ex-gf (can't even remember why) and he responds, "I wish!". Which totally hurt me and I ended up crying (too much wine?) and kicking him out.

We talked and I think we need to back off for a while.

Shy Guitarist texted me last night that he's back in town and wants to hang out. A bit surprised he made the move, he usually makes me do it, and I certainly wasn't going to. I'm looking forward to that.
mumblemama is offline  
#259 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 02:53 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosehip View Post
Holland - how was the date?
Date got rescheduled to today for coffee at 2pm, which is perfectly fine with me.

After talking to him yesterday, while we were rescheduling, I just realized we are in two very different parts of our lives. He wants to go out all the time for drinks & dancing & partying, stay up until 2-3AM, sleep til 11-12AM, etc.

When I pointed this out to him, he commented, "Well, you can live it vicariously through me OR, better yet, live it with me!"

Yeah... btdt! I spend the majority of my 20s partying/dancing/drinking it up in NYC and various other countries around the world. I loved it, had amazing fun and great experiences, but I got it out of my system and don't need or want it anymore... at least not to the degree he is wanting it. kwim?

Nowadays, a party/dancing/drinking it up night every couple of months is more than enough for me.

Mumblemama, this is what I mean by my being 'too domesticated' for him.

But, I am still going to meet him for coffee today, just to get out and meet/talk to someone new. I guess I will call him, PartyBoy. Although, I feel a bit strange calling him a boy, as he is 2 years older than me... he is 38!!! But, "boy" just seems to fit.

I am also talking to another guy. He is appearing to be a lot more of what I am looking for. We have had some great emails conversations and he asked if we could chat on the phone. He has been out of town until last night. He is really looking to find that special person and he definitely wants kids... made it very clear in his profile. He is 44 and runs a workforce development program for media artists (musicians, directors, graphic artists, etc). Physically, his pictures make him out to be a bit goofy looking in the face, but he appears to have an amazing body. Personally, I know from my own experience that many people often look better than their pictures, even moreso to me if there is a strong connection between the two of us. So, we'll see! Hmm, I'll call him Mr. Bear, which is in relation to his real name.
Holland73 is online now  
#260 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mumblemama View Post
G we're having a great time laughing in bed etc etc and something comes up about sleeping with his ex-gf (can't even remember why) and he responds, "I wish!". Which totally hurt me and I ended up crying (too much wine?) and kicking him out.

We talked and I think we need to back off for a while.


Yeah, I don't think I would be backing off... I would be running the hell away!!!!

I cannot even fathom what you could be talking about where his "I wish" would be even 'slightly' justifiable or potentially misinterpretted. Even less so, if you were both lying in bed together.
Holland73 is online now  
#261 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 03:04 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
ButterflyMom: Looks like you are back in the thick of the game again! Sounds like a lot of interesting and varied individuals to explore.

Have fun, be safe and looking forward to your updates.

I will live the crazy, exciting dating life vicariously through you... so, get going!
Holland73 is online now  
#262 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 04:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
sugarmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,389
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Butterfly! Glad there are some good prospects on the horizon again! Sounds like a varied pool (both in that they are varied from each other, and from your usual type), which seems like an excellent way to mix up the odds of one them being worth anything!

Mumblemama, yeah, weird. Although..how much had he had to drink? And the context of the actual comment would matter to me, but I'm weird in that I don't mind a certain level of joke-ish talk like that..but definitely some space is in order.

Holland, a week to focus on yourself sounds *awesome*. Good for you. And have fun on that date -- I really enjoy the dates where I don't have any particular hopes or expectations, they can be really fun. I hear you on the weird stage of life difference. That is one reason I've preferred to date men who have children, as they, usually, have at least experienced the domesticated side of life. But have fun!

Rosehip, after the very first time I tried online dating, I set up a second email account -- I have a very unusual first and last name, and live in a very small town/rural state, where everyone seems to know everyone. My regular email address is my first initial and last name, so if I want any amount of privacy, I need to have a second email.

And my vote is to be proactive, and contact some people. The only two men I've met via online dating who I would consider to be successes (complications and ATG) were both men I initiated contact with. I try to write a short note, referencing something in their profile that I liked, and asking for more information about something (it is my belief that asking some questions helps in the response rate). I also do a short paragraph about my day/week -- just chatty small talk, but hopefully interesting, and a glimpse at my personality.

Not sure it is anything close to a fool proof method, but it's what I do

Now, for my update: ATG didn't end up coming over on Xmas -- my ex was here all day, and I'd been texting with ATG to let him know when the coast would be clear and in the end, he just felt to uncomfortable, which I entirely understood, although I was so exhausted and emotionally spent that I just cried.

But then we spent the day together on Sunday (he works 12-12 on Saturdays, so that was out)..had a fab morning at his house, then headed out to a bar/restaurant for lunch and watching football (not that either of us paid any attention to the football), then back to a different bar, closer to my house. My ex had taken the kids down to his moms for the day, and was going to be back late (usually I get them back around 5 or 6 pm), so when I realized I probably shouldn't drive, I had ATG drive me home.

We had just gotten back to the house, and I'd brought him up to my bedroom...(he'd never been upstairs in my house before, as the kids are usually in bed). I was in the bathroom when he called to me to tell me that a car had just pulled in the driveway..

It was my dad, his sister and her husband (who live in a different country, I'd never met the husband before!). It was a freaking riot. I had known they were planning to come up and stay for a few days between Xmas and NYE, but I hadn't heard from my dad about specifically when...So there we were, me, ATG (both somewhere left of sober) and my long lost relatives, and of course, my dad!

It all turned out fine, we got everyone in, ATG helped me quickly tidy the guest room, find food/drinks for everyone, and then we all sat around talking, and ATG and I ended up quite drunk. Then, my ex showed up, and carried the sleeping children in, one by one, up to their beds. He brought me the littlest first, and I went to lie down with him, so I didn't actually see him and ATG in the room together at all, but my dad was there as a buffer, and by all accounts it went okay.

ATG spent the night, which was lovely, and then took me back to town to retrieve my car in the morning...

Anyway. What a riot. Poor guy. My father and my ex in one night, completely unplanned. And we (ATG, my dad, aunt and uncle) had agreed that when my ex pulled in, we'd just tuck ATG away in my bedroom or something, but by the time he showed up, we were all sitting in the kitchen, away from the driveway, and quite tipsy, so we didn't notice him pull in.

Oh well. ATG rolled along with it, all very well, and is planning to come over again tonight.

Oh, and he made me mix CD for xmas, with 3 songs on it that he'd knew I liked (one I'd commented about in the car one day, and two others he'd sent to me and I'd responded favorably to) and lots more of course. I like it a lot -- just right for an Xmas gift at this stage, I think -- not spendy or elaborate, but personalized and thoughtful. I gave him a few thrift store clothes (I'm kind of a thrift store junkie, and he's been talking about needing nicer clothes for his grad school internships, and I found a cashmere sweater in his size and 5 ties so ugly that they are cool), and sewed him a case for his laptop out of some old sweaters.

sugarmoon is offline  
#263 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 04:54 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Cancelled my coffee date with PartyBoy. I am not feeling 100% well... achy, exhausted, head and chest congestion, etc. And, in all honesty, I just wasn't feelin' the date or him.

I think he even felt a little relieved when I cancelled, as he commented, "Saves me a trip over the bridge. hahaha... just joking." Seriously, it is a 10 minute drive and if he felt like it was too much just for a first date, then it definitely would not have worked out later on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
That is one reason I've preferred to date men who have children, as they, usually, have at least experienced the domesticated side of life.
All the men I have dated and my past 2 bfs (all childless) were really looking for and/or wanting that more balanced, slightly more domesticated lifestyle.

Therefore, I think it has more to do with certain individuals just not being ready to settle down, which is cool with me and I make no judgements on such a decision. Its just not what I want.

So basically, it just depends on the individual!
Holland73 is online now  
#264 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 04:57 PM
 
Holland73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Urban Jungle on the Bay
Posts: 2,755
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post

Now, for my update: ATG didn't end up coming over on Xmas -- my ex was here all day, and I'd been texting with ATG to let him know when the coast would be clear and in the end, he just felt to uncomfortable, which I entirely understood, although I was so exhausted and emotionally spent that I just cried.

But then we spent the day together on Sunday (he works 12-12 on Saturdays, so that was out)..had a fab morning at his house, then headed out to a bar/restaurant for lunch and watching football (not that either of us paid any attention to the football), then back to a different bar, closer to my house. My ex had taken the kids down to his moms for the day, and was going to be back late (usually I get them back around 5 or 6 pm), so when I realized I probably shouldn't drive, I had ATG drive me home.

We had just gotten back to the house, and I'd brought him up to my bedroom...(he'd never been upstairs in my house before, as the kids are usually in bed). I was in the bathroom when he called to me to tell me that a car had just pulled in the driveway..

It was my dad, his sister and her husband (who live in a different country, I'd never met the husband before!). It was a freaking riot. I had known they were planning to come up and stay for a few days between Xmas and NYE, but I hadn't heard from my dad about specifically when...So there we were, me, ATG (both somewhere left of sober) and my long lost relatives, and of course, my dad!

It all turned out fine, we got everyone in, ATG helped me quickly tidy the guest room, find food/drinks for everyone, and then we all sat around talking, and ATG and I ended up quite drunk. Then, my ex showed up, and carried the sleeping children in, one by one, up to their beds. He brought me the littlest first, and I went to lie down with him, so I didn't actually see him and ATG in the room together at all, but my dad was there as a buffer, and by all accounts it went okay.

ATG spent the night, which was lovely, and then took me back to town to retrieve my car in the morning...

Anyway. What a riot. Poor guy. My father and my ex in one night, completely unplanned. And we (ATG, my dad, aunt and uncle) had agreed that when my ex pulled in, we'd just tuck ATG away in my bedroom or something, but by the time he showed up, we were all sitting in the kitchen, away from the driveway, and quite tipsy, so we didn't notice him pull in.

Oh well. ATG rolled along with it, all very well, and is planning to come over again tonight.

Oh, and he made me mix CD for xmas, with 3 songs on it that he'd knew I liked (one I'd commented about in the car one day, and two others he'd sent to me and I'd responded favorably to) and lots more of course. I like it a lot -- just right for an Xmas gift at this stage, I think -- not spendy or elaborate, but personalized and thoughtful. I gave him a few thrift store clothes (I'm kind of a thrift store junkie, and he's been talking about needing nicer clothes for his grad school internships, and I found a cashmere sweater in his size and 5 ties so ugly that they are cool), and sewed him a case for his laptop out of some old sweaters.

How funny! It is amazing how things like that just happen sometimes!
Holland73 is online now  
#265 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 05:31 PM
 
mumblemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Holland, I get that. I've spent way too much time the last few weeks "partying" and I feel SO done with it all. I'm also feeling achy sick and exhausted today, so I had to push back my date w/ Shy Guitarist, which means not until next week sometime.

sugarmoon, that sounds awesome, despite all the craziness. In just that ATG seemed to roll with it. I loooove getting mix CDs, too.

You're right, it really was weird, and I'm glad I kicked him out. But we had both a LOT to drink so I did call him after to come back and get some sleep (didn't want him driving). It's been no secret he's a bit hung up on his ex-gf, as this WAS supposed to be all casual to begin with. So, I can't truly fault him there, but it still upset me and the whole thing has just gotten too much. Plus we were totally joking around about things and other people at the time, I think I was talking about some hot girl or something. He did apologize profusely and asked me over tonight to cook me dinner, but I'm looking forward to a few nights of quiet, that's for sure.
mumblemama is offline  
#266 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 09:55 PM
 
Rosehip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mumble - enjoy some quiet! Kind of weird.

Sugar - LOVE it! What a story. Any single element (unannounced family w/time to prep, unplanned meeting between ATG & X, X & unannounced family) would have been enough in & of itself - but mix w/plenty of booze & you've got something you'll laugh about for years. It sounds like everyone rolled with it!

So, what's everyone doing for New Year's?

Well, I contacted a few guys online this afternoon. No responses yet. Ah well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
Rosehip is offline  
#267 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 11:21 PM
 
JohnnysGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
Posts: 6,515
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
exactly. Nothing ventured nothing gained. So so so true.


I'm in a weird place. suddenly both Soothing Southerner and Music Man aren't responding to texts or emails. Granted, it's been less than a day since either of them have been in touch so not long stretches of time, but it just has a feeling of things pulling back and being less accessible than in the beginning. I hate that. I want things to get more intimate, more available, more accessible as interest heats up, not less so. I'll be meeting up in 3-4 days with them so it's odd they'd want to jeopardize my commitment to a first date at this point.

Men.
JohnnysGirl is offline  
#268 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 11:33 PM
 
Rosehip's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,787
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
exactly. Nothing ventured nothing gained. So so so true.


I'm in a weird place. suddenly both Soothing Southerner and Music Man aren't responding to texts or emails. Granted, it's been less than a day since either of them have been in touch so not long stretches of time, but it just has a feeling of things pulling back and being less accessible than in the beginning. I hate that. I want things to get more intimate, more available, more accessible as interest heats up, not less so. I'll be meeting up in 3-4 days with them so it's odd they'd want to jeopardize my commitment to a first date at this point.

Men.
Hopefully they're just in transit/sleep/work mode. If things go anywhere w/Music Man...I'm in the NYC area! We could have a city outing.
Rosehip is offline  
#269 of 288 Old 12-29-2009, 11:48 PM
 
Sagesgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 3,385
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Butterfly, I'm glad to hear you are feeling more upbeat!

Holland, I was never into the partying, and I have to be really honest...A thirty-eight-year-old who's still into that scene would have me rolling my eyes, not bothering with a date. Still, if you're not looking for anything serious, I suppose it doesn't matter. I'm just easily irritated. I certainly wouldn't be worrying about rescheduling!

Sugarmoon, good to hear ATG managed to roll with the punches! That is very promising.

Mumblemama, drinking or no, I don't think what he said was exactly justifiable.

As for me, I am spending the week in Orange with TG, because the girls are at their daddy's house. It is marvelous. I absolutely love being here, and waking up with this guy is the greatest thing ever. I will tell you I am very glad he is willing to move to SA, though, because even if I was able to, I would not want to live in this town. It's tiny! I am far more of a city girl than I realized.

Sabra: Mama to Bobbie (3/02), Linda (1/04), Esther (10/05), Marie (11/10), & Douglas (11/12)

Sagesgirl is offline  
#270 of 288 Old 12-30-2009, 12:40 AM
 
momanderson's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Northern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 70
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[B]Butterfly[B] Glad thing are picking up for you! How exciting to have so many guys of different types to meet up with while in London! I wouldn't worry to much about the slow down in contact, but I panic about time between contact so don't take my advice to serioulsly

Sugarmoon wow what an adventure with ATG and meeting not only your dad but your x too! Glad he could just roll with the punches like that!

Mumblemama I would have done the same, drinking or not, that is not something a girl wants to hear while laying in bed with the guy!

Holland I totally understand not bothering with the date if you are at such different places in life. I don't really feel like wasting time on guys that are at very different places than me. I have very limited time to date so I want to use it for guys that may turn into something. Harsh maybe, and I may change my mind as time goes on....

Rosehip I've had a plenty of fish (it's all we have here, no okc or match) for about 3 weeks. I haven't contacted any guys yet, but maybe in the new year I will, to be a bit more proactive. I am a bit shy though!


To update my situation, I did get a message from HH asking how my Christmas was, he sent it on boxing day. I am waiting for a reply from last nights message asking if he has his kids on NYE. I have no plansas of yet for nye and would be open to hanging out with him
I have about 5 guys I am communicating with on pof, 3 I am not really interested in. One is I think way out of my league, I haven't returned his message yet though. He is 45, never married no kids. He works in public health. Wrote a very nice message, several paragraphs, very well spoken but I feel insecure about responding to him. The age and education factor maybe? I'll tackle it later tonight I think.
momanderson is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off