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How Do I Leave?

487 views 2 replies 3 participants last post by  runes 
#1 ·
I'm not 100% sure divorce is the right option for me, but in case it is, I've started thinking about the logistics of it all. I feel like Dh is withdrawn from me (us, really) I'm just no longer happy in my marriage
I don't feel like I can talk to him about anything really and lately it seems like if we have a date night without the kids we have nothing to talk about. Nothing. I try to ask him open-ended questions and I get one word answers. He snaps at me for everything and dare I ask him to help with anything I'm answered with a big sigh and "I suppose". 10, 20, 30 minutes go by and he still hasn't moved or made any initiative. I guess I just really feel like we've grown apart. I think our next step will be marriage counseling but if that doesn't work out and things don't change, I'm afraid I have to move on


So, how do I leave? We live in a rental and I can't afford this place by myself and don't care for it much anyways. I'm a SAHM with no college degree, just vocational training. My former career was so family un-friendly it isn't even funny. It would be practically impossible for a single parent and it doesn't' pay well either.

I would have to go back to school and get a bachelor's degree (in what, I have no idea). I fail to see how I could see my kids for even just an hour a day if I was both in school and working. I had high hopes of being a SAHM forever and homeschooling my kids. If we split, they will have to go to public school. The thought just about breaks my heart. I don't see them thriving there and I know that I could do a better job of it.

We have 3 cats. We are extremely fortunate that we do not have to pay "pet rent" here nor did we have to give an extra deposit. Virtually every place else requires a $200 non refundable deposit per pet AND an extra $25 per month per pet. We are barely getting by as it is.

Another issue is our vehicles. One is paid for (2 door that is dh's) and the other is a van we have 4 years left to pay on. Neither of us would be able to make the payment, but we are also upside down on the loan so selling isn't really an option. His name is solely on both of them, fwiw.

I can't believe I've gotten myself this far into this. I feel trapped. This is not the life I wanted. I wanted a happy marriage, to be a SAHM, to homeschool my kids, have a large family and now it seems like I can't have any of that.
 
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#2 ·
I am also learning that having a life based on the basis that you get along and are in it together isn't working out - I also made choices that would only work for a couple that is very united, and when the 'unity' cracks then so do all the other plans. I hope couple's couselling works for you guys, if you both really want to work on it that's so awesome. Otherwise, I wouldn't stay in a relationship just to fulfill one-sided dreams. Being a SAHM and homeschooling means that you both have to be committed to this, its a decision made based on being a family. If it's going to be just you and the children then things will change, but maybe you can change with the changes, you know? Maybe you can adjust to things you are not open to considering just yet?
 
#3 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by anon_abroad View Post
I am also learning that having a life based on the basis that you get along and are in it together isn't working out - I also made choices that would only work for a couple that is very united, and when the 'unity' cracks then so do all the other plans. I hope couple's couselling works for you guys, if you both really want to work on it that's so awesome. Otherwise, I wouldn't stay in a relationship just to fulfill one-sided dreams. Being a SAHM and homeschooling means that you both have to be committed to this, its a decision made based on being a family. If it's going to be just you and the children then things will change, but maybe you can change with the changes, you know? Maybe you can adjust to things you are not open to considering just yet?
Yes, and the way things would be on a temporary basis while you got your feet under you do not have to be long term. The children may have to attend school *for now*, while you go to school and increase your earning potential in a family-friendly field that would afford you the income and schedule to homeschool. Or, you may find a homeschool co-op or another homeschooling family in the area that would be willing to help you out while giving you the opportunity to pursue your education and start working. Can you speak to a lawyer about what the child support and spousal support possibilities would be?

I truly hope that counseling works for you, but it sounds like it's also time to get your financial ducks in a row, regardless of whether your marriage works out or not.
 
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