I know the feeling you describe.
My dh is bipolar and there were instances that things were bad, hopeless really. And even though a lot of good has happened (he got the help he needed, the medication is working, we're working together much better), there will always be setbacks. But the real shift happened when my own thinking changed. When I went from "how would I cope without him?" to "I could/would do just fine". And you know what? I think he sensed this shift of my thinking. And I think that's what really motivated him to change or lose me. Because he used to sense "she would never leave" and then it became, "hey I could lose her here".
So good luck! Take care of yourself. And who knows, that slight shift in attitude he might sense it in you and shape up. And if not, you're already making plans for a better life for you.
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