*~*'~* January 2010 - New Year - New Love - New DATING ADVENTURES *~*'~* - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 225 Old 01-06-2010, 01:26 PM
 
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monkey'smom: That guy is seriously creepy! Good thing to cut him off completely.

Sugarmom: Good to hear things are good with ATG still. You really really like him or are you like - in looove? No, you don't have to answer that, just curious..

Holland: Good, I did think you were kidding but it's difficult with humor and stuff - crossing cultural barriers and being written when you can't hear the tone of voice. I just wanted to make my point clear. I don't mean to offend anyone, so just to make sure. I do remember kind of offending Danishmom by naming a dating site she was on and saying it sucked. Well I had gotten it wrong and am now on the same site, as really - most sites have way too many unpotentials - so to speak..

Here I have kind of embarressed myself. Just when I met my lost love last year I got a letter on the dating site from a guy with an intelligent profile and a cute smile. I told him I was no longer available and he said if things didn't work out to get back to him.
So I found his profile again and thought - hey he does sound cute. I'll check him out. But not much info on the site and I couldnt msg him as that requires you to pay. So I googled his name - a very very common name around here and I didn't expect to find anything. But- amazingly - I did find his FB profile.
So a few days ago I wrote him a letter, explaining how easily I found him and asking if he would be interested in writing a few letters back and forth. He is 36. Well - I didn't get a letter back, but he accepted me as a friend, I checked his profile - and he has a girlfriend. So that answered my question. But the girlfriend - was like - 19 years old! Geez - I am all for love not having an age and all that. But a 36 year old hooking up with a 19 year old - is a bit weird. I wouldnt have thought it as weird if he was 40 and she was like 23. But still - that is very young IMO. So I felt a bit stupid for having even considered him an option... and embarressed to have sent him the quite open and personal letter. Silly. Lesson learned..
About feeling better- no I am really not. I still feel broken and all that. I guess I am just sort of fighting back. I really want to believe that he wasn't the only love of my life, but every time I think about him, I remember why I am so crazy about him and it all seems pretty hopeless

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#62 of 225 Old 01-06-2010, 09:08 PM
 
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Has anyone heard from Butterfly?
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#63 of 225 Old 01-06-2010, 09:18 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

So, I signed up for okcupid and I've gotten a ton of responses, maybe like 30 or something, mostly creepy However, I have been messages with two guys and they seem nice so far. There is one guy that I winked at and he didn't respond but he checked my profile the last few days...what's up with that? Maybe he's looking for more pictures?

So, how long is it normal to correspond with someone before going out for coffee or lunch?

"Breastfeeding is a robust, biologically stable activity so central to our evolutionary identity that it names the class of animals to which we belong" (Breastfeeding Atlas, Third Edition)
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#64 of 225 Old 01-07-2010, 11:41 PM
 
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Had a date this afternoon with a man that approached me via eHarmony. We just met for an hour for coffee after school and before I had to pick up ds.

He is a single dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know... I always said I would never date a single dad. And, technically speaking, we are not "dating"... we just met for coffee.

Anyway, he was really nice and I was definitely physically attracted to him, which is great considering my last date.

We'll see what happens.
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#65 of 225 Old 01-07-2010, 11:45 PM
 
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So... onto another topic!

I realized this week that I am still grieving my X-bf. My head dealt with its grief pretty quickly, but my heart is still processing and feeling it all. It's normal and to be expected... just kind of caught me by surprise. Here I was having a great run around the lake last Thursday when all of the sudden I start thinking about him and *boom* I am just in tears for the last 1.5 miles. He has been on my mind off and on ever since... oftentimes leaving me with some tears and tightness in my chest.

Anyway, he just left my place. He stopped by to pick up his mail. It's hard. I could feel like he wanted to connect and, deep down, I wanted to connect with him too... but, I just couldn't do it.

It is really hard and hurts.

He NEVER loved me, mainly, because he doesn't even love himself. It had nothing to do with me... I know that. I just can't believe that I sacrificed so much of my own love and devotion to someone who gave me so little in return. I mean seriously... I didn't realize how unloveable I believed myself to be (all deeply embedded, unconscious beliefs) until I started reflecting on how little love I ALLOWED and ACCEPTED from him.

I strongly believe that you attract what you believe about yourself. Therefore, if I believe myself to be so unloveable, then I will just continue choose men that will further treat me as unloveable because I don't believe myself to be loveable. Does that make sense? Or, if I do meet someone that does find me loveable... I will unconsciously push him away. Does that make sense? When I reflect on past relationships, guess what? That is exactly what I have accepted, allowed and/or pushed away.

Basically, I should thank him. He cut me loose, which has forced me to reflect and dwell on some of these issues. This way I can be more aware and better able to start mending some of these wounds, so as to not make the same mistake again.

I am my own worse enemy! But now, I need to start becoming my own greatest love... iykwim?
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#66 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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Aww, Holland. It sounds like the split was for the best, but sad nonetheless. Great to hear about the coffee! How do you like eHarmony?
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#67 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 02:49 AM
 
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Aww, Holland. It sounds like the split was for the best, but sad nonetheless. Great to hear about the coffee! How do you like eHarmony?
Thanks, Rosehip!

eHarmony is ridiculously expensive and, to be brutally honest, really not worth the $$$.

Match.com is far better worth the money, imo, if you want to pay for a dating subscription. OKCupid is OK, but I find you really have to wade through a LOT more crap to find anything worthwhile. Match.com you also have to wade through crap, but I find it a little less so... perhaps, because people are required to pay something for the service.
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#68 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 04:59 AM
 
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Holland, I feel like I can relate to what you're saying a lot. I used to think myself pretty unlovable, and reflecting on my past relationships it's almost always been very unbalanced in that way. I just really didn't think I *deserved* such things. I don't feel like I'm in that place anymore, and I'm not really sure why except that maybe I appreciate myself a lot more than I used to, and think myself deserving of being loved and happy.

In any case, good luck to you on that journey...

goodygumdrops, it depends on what youre comfortable with. Some people like writing back and forth for a long time but I mostly just want to get the first meeting over with. If there's interest and they seem cool, I'll ask if they want to meet up. I like to limit it to coffee or a drink in most cases so it doesn't have to take a lot of time.

In other news... I feel like an idiot. I need to NOT go out on weekdays. I woke up this morning with a huge hangover and ugh.. just silly. In any case, went out for karaoke last night with Artsy P and a bunch of his friends (most of whom I've met) and had a really funny and good time. I love karaoke! When the place closed we went over to someone's apartment and somehow I ended up making out with Artsy P's ex-girlfriend, who is adorably cute. It's been such a while since I've made out with a girl, so it was nice! Unfortunately, I'm thinking she's more along the lines of "curious" and even though it's been made clear Artsy P doesn't mind, I don't feel like going any further in the whole complications of relationships there.

I need to stop being so silly.

So Shy Guitarist wants to hang out tomorrow, and I texted him "Whatcha wanna do?" and then 8 or so hours later (why does he always text like SOOO SLOW??) he responds, "Whatcha wanna do when they come fer you..." Umm. okay? What does that even mean and why can't this man give me a straight answer via text EVER?
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#69 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 11:26 AM
 
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So Shy Guitarist wants to hang out tomorrow, and I texted him "Whatcha wanna do?" and then 8 or so hours later (why does he always text like SOOO SLOW??) he responds, "Whatcha wanna do when they come fer you..." Umm. okay? What does that even mean and why can't this man give me a straight answer via text EVER?
This would be a huge turn-off for me. Ick.
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#70 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 12:52 PM
 
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This would be a huge turn-off for me. Ick.
I'm very annoyed by it. Been considering just canceling on him and being done with it but I wanted to give it one more chance. Ugh, dunno.
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#71 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So. I am alive. And first date with Music Man went great! I am renaming him, though. Santa. He's like old st. Nick, seriously. The man is fun, easygoing, line, funny, and GENEROUS. In heart, spirit, and dinners. And more. He's also generous in his willingness to discuss politics despite his sizable opinions on the matter, which could be unwieldy to some. But I'm extremely accommodating to this issue. Which most of you all know. All I can say is that New York is so on. Sugar and others know what I mean. Pick the weekend in march and the balcony terrace is ours.
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#72 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 02:41 PM
 
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Alright not new here. I just changed the name to use on this thread but I'll post the real one in fb. I tried to make this post yesterday and it got ate apparently. So I went out Wed night with some friends and invited someone out.

New one: Tarzan (private name - see fb). This friend has been around for a while and I've seen him a few times since the separation but haven't mentioned him here yet because I haven't really considered it a real option. I'll explain more in fb. He came out but didn't get to stay long. He texted most of the day yesterday and is wanting to go out of town to go out sometime soon and he's been talking about wanting to go out to dinner so we can talk more. Hmmm not sure what that is all about. I'm not sure what I think about this. We've known each other for so long without ever considering a real relationship together but now he's starting to act like he's interested in that so I'm not sure what to think. I guess we'll just see what happens.

The baseball cutie was out Wed night too and spent the entire evening watching me again. He's cute and I like him but I'm not too worried about him at this point. He has shown interest but he doesn't seem eager to do anything about it. He hasn't asked me out yet or anything just added on to my fb so I'll just wait and see what he does.

I haven't heard from RodeoMan since Sunday. I'm sure he'll be out this weekend but oh well. Interesting how they can seem so interested and then just sit back. If they're waiting on me to chase them then they're gonna be there awhile.

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#73 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 02:43 PM
 
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mumblemama: That would annoy me too. I'd just not contact him and let him call you if he wants to see you. No sense trying to set up a date with someone that can't even respond back with interest.

Butterfly: Glad you made it back from London! So what are the updates on all the dates? Are you gonna be seeing any of them again?

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#74 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 04:17 PM
 
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mumblemama: That would annoy me too. I'd just not contact him and let him call you if he wants to see you. No sense trying to set up a date with someone that can't even respond back with interest.
I ended up just telling him that was an annoying text and I'm just gonna stay in tonight. Which I intend to do, because I'm burnt and tired, and is it so much to ask to just be asked on a nice date and be woo'd a little bit?
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#75 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 06:26 PM
 
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May I join?

I'm not actually dating yet but trying to figure out how. I never thought I'd say this but how does online dating work? Does it cost money? Do you have to put up pictures of yourself? How does it go from online to in person? I really might try it because I want to get on the bandwagon already and I just don't see how/where I can meet people in real life.
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#76 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 07:21 PM
 
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I posted some weeks back about seeing my college sweetheart. He lives an hour and 15 minutes away, and I'm lucky if my stbx ever keeps the baby for even 8 hours (and never overnight) so it is hard to see him. We've managed to get together 3 times in Nov/Dec and talk and text quite a bit. While it is nice to just get some attention and have someone to do a little flirting with, I would like to figure out if anything could happen between us.

In the meantime, I had a 24 yr old au pair from Austria move in, on Jan 2nd. I really underestimated the effect that seeing a young, hot guy with a sexy accent being so gentle and playful with my kids, not to mention washing my dishes and shoveling my driveway (bonus!) was going to have on me. Then last night when stbx called to say he wasn't coming due to snow (don't even get me started) and my dd8 was crying, our au pair hung out with her all night, letting her hang out with him while he video conferenced with his friend, and ending the evening by the three of us playing board games after the two littles went to bed. We feel like a family already, and I already have some intense feelings. I need to be really, really careful here. What was I thinking.

Rockin' mama to Allison (9), Asher (5) and Alethea (3), head over heels in love with my sexy husband, Tony.

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#77 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 07:33 PM
 
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Butterfly: Now you REALLY have me considering how to afford a trip to New York in march. I am kid-free in even week weekends. I really don't have that kind of money though. If I find a good job before march I could possibly consider it..(not likely though)
Do give more details abotu Mr. New York. I'm curious in a major way!

Holland: I believe what you are describing about yourself is called a passive runner in psychology terms. I read about it on some site about relationship councelling. I do have similar patterns. I have been aware of them and kind of thought I had moved on, but looking back on my recent relationship I am not so sure. Thinking back I have always wondered if he was really willing to commit, and if he was really ready to make me first priority. Obviously he wasn't even though I still don't doubt that he loved me in his own way - and also still I am very aware that he gave me more love than I have ever recieved from anyone. But it's like he said. Love isn't enough. You need commitment and willingness to act on it too.
Im sorry you are still grieving : Me too. I don't intend to sit back and do meditation or anything to love myself more. Just acknowledge that appearently this is still a problem for me and hope to be able to use that acknowledgement in my next relationship.

On that front I have started writing back and forth with a guy. He sounds interesting, has a warm smile and an intelligent profile. He has two children who live with him half the time. We are really only just opening communication, but I really think he sounds cute and clever - and I wanna join in the exchangeing guy-stories too Oh and he appearently finds me interesting as well, but we shall see. I just sent him a long letter, will see how he reacts to that. He claims that he has " an IQ of a billion but is stupid like a goldfish". I like that

Still freaking mourning my lost love. I miss him miss him miss him, but guess I am finally starting to accept, that he really doesn't feel that letting me go was a great loss. And that even if he did he will never go back. He just doesn't do it. When he makes decisions like this - he is efficient like a machine. Like a professional. F*** it. It just still hurts so much, that he was able to do this - just like that. After being the most affectionate, loving man in my life so far. It just really really hurts. And I still don't understand it AT ALL! It still makes absolutely no sense to me

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#78 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 07:39 PM
 
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Wugmama: Now you had me laughing. What WERE you thinking??? You really should have gotten yourself a girl-au-pair!

Mama Soltera: Welcome. Always room for one more

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#79 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 07:39 PM
 
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I've been kinda dragging my heels, just now got around to messaging mudpuppy to say I am still around, just got busy with the kids and that I will call him soon. Everyone is telling me to go for it, all you ladies and all my real life friends. So I guess I should listen to you all! His ad says he's looking for a confident indapendant woman. I was talking to my best friend yesterday and she pointed out that I am confident and indapendant, I am raising 5 kids basically by myself! Well they do spend 24 hours a week with their dad, but really thats not a lot since close to half is spent sleeping

HH my neighbour also contacted me yesterday on fb. Said his computer has been broken, asked how I've been. So I did message him back but just a short, I'm ok how are you type thing. I don't know what to think about him I like him and all, but I really don't want to just be an option when he's lonely or bored. Haven't heard back from him yet, we'll see! He's got the kids this week so I am not expecting much!

Butterfly- Glad to hear at least one of the dates panned out! He sounds very interesting!
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#80 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 07:52 PM
 
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Still freaking mourning my lost love. I miss him miss him miss him, but guess I am finally starting to accept, that he really doesn't feel that letting me go was a great loss. And that even if he did he will never go back. He just doesn't do it. When he makes decisions like this - he is efficient like a machine. Like a professional. F*** it. It just still hurts so much, that he was able to do this - just like that. After being the most affectionate, loving man in my life so far. It just really really hurts. And I still don't understand it AT ALL! It still makes absolutely no sense to me

(((((Seie))))))

Butterfly! (as long as you aren't just selling yourself out so we can party in NYC...although....maybe a wee little sellout is okay). Expecting full details in private!

crazyms, glad you changed your name! Go through and delete your old posts though hon, cause it was pretty easy to figure out who you are, based on your guy-nicknames.

mumble...erg on the shy guitarist. So aggravating! And making out with Artsy P's ex-gf!

Holland, I'm sorry. It is so so hard to break the old patterns and seek the new, believe me, I know. I am trying so hard to be aware of my tendency to accomodate the needs of others ahead of myself in my relationship with ATG, as this is *always* my pattern (I start off a pattern of imbalanced giving in the initial phases of a relationship, and then end up resenting it and being taken for granted..). I think I'm doing okay, so far, but it is *hard*.

Hope you all are having fun Friday nights! I had wanted to go to see a band that a friend of mine plays in, but I didn't get a sitter, and I'm tired anyway, so I'm staying in with the kids. My ex is *saying* that by next weekend he'll be ready to have the kids for an overnight, which would be amazing, but I'm not holding my breath...it's been 18 months and he hasn't taken them all for an overnight yet...
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#81 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 08:02 PM
 
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I don't intend to sit back and do meditation or anything to love myself more.
Ok, perhaps I am just a bit overly sensitive, but I take a bit of personal offense to this sentence. Just another reminder to myself to not put too much of myself and my beliefs on this site. Sorry I even posted that link to you.

BTW: Meditation has nothing to do with loving yourself more... it has to do with giving your mind a break from its chaos, to allow for clearer thinking and processing.

Happy you have it all figured out for yourself, though.
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#82 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 09:18 PM
 
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Meditation, informal or not, I think is a great thing. I don't do it as often as I should, but it's when I feel the most balanced.

I'm such a sucker for a pretty face. Getting myself into deep waters agreeing to karaoke again with Artsy P and his adorable ex girlfriend tomorrow night.

And yes, New York!
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#83 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 10:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, home again home again jiggity jig. So nice to sleep between my little boys again!

Not that hanging around grown up big boys isn't nice.

Soothing Southerner just blew me off in increasingly rude ways until it's just dead silence now. I think ya'll are right---he wasn't single. ick.

Music Man/Santa (from now on just Santa) and I met late morning a few days ago, went to the museum exhibition I was interested in, and it was great. He was so kind and thoughtful and got a hotel room at the same 5 star hotel he stays in just so I would have a private place to go to to freshen up during the day, and of course, after the marathon day together we had planned, to retire privately as he assumed I would. After the museum we had plans to go to a show but we went to lunch in the theater restaurant which was lovely but we were in the wrong theater ---whoops! We rushed off to the right one and arrived in time to see our show. Which was an amazingly sweet, funny, touching play. Then afterwards we went for a coffee at a Starbucks. We talked pretty openly about past experiences and current intentions. After that we freshened up in our private hotel rooms and went to dinner at a japanese restaurant that is hands down the best japanese I have ever had. Following that glorious and long dinner full of many laughs and lots of increasing feelings of intimacy and familiarity (we are hitting 12 hours straight together at that point), we go to a bar which has a karaoke contest that I had signed up for online. We are having fun there in the noisy bar, and I go up to sing and he is so cute in the crowd, admiring me. Before I went up I gave him a good kiss, our first. Afterwards he was like, "I wanted to tell EVERYONE that I made out with that woman!!!" And it was sweet. I won the contest, got a free bottle of champagne that I shared with Santa, and others were coming up to us and wishing us well, congratulating me, and him as well by commenting on my cuteness and no one really blinked twice that he is like one fifth of as 'hot' as my normal prospects, and least of all me! We kissed a little at the bar and he confessed that he is just so into me and finds me quirkily endearing and charming and it is rendering him quickly hopeless. We went to his suite and ordered room service and ate some more (I am always hungry!) and then made out. Followed by the best whiskey I would have imagined possible since I've never actually had this particular type before.

Next day we went shopping and he bought me a pair of replacement gloves since I lost mine, and then some cashmere tights since I squealed over how delightful it woudl be to have winter tights made of cashmere and he wanted to treat me. Just so kind. We walked all over London until I had to go to the airport. He has been texting sweet things since and saying he misses me in the most profound way and he can't wait until we see each other again (two weeks and three days, abouts) and I can't either! Next time will be another week+ in London, this time in his 5 star hotel suite with him the entire time, and I'm asking him to bring a few girlfriends from here over for the weekend while I'm there so he can meet some of my pals and know me better through them. I won't be surprised if he says 'sure!' He seems so relaxed and easy going.

I am trying not to get TOO far ahead of things, I want to keep calm these next two and a half weeks and just see what the end of the month and our second encounter brings.

Photo and details available privately.
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#84 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 10:06 PM
 
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So Shy Guitarist wants to hang out tomorrow, and I texted him "Whatcha wanna do?" and then 8 or so hours later (why does he always text like SOOO SLOW??) he responds, "Whatcha wanna do when they come fer you..." Umm. okay? What does that even mean and why can't this man give me a straight answer via text EVER?
It makes a bit of sense since he is a musician. It's a song lyric.

Maybe he thought he was being playful/cute?
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#85 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 10:21 PM
 
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Holland. First - I never checked your link, and there is nothing wrong with meditation. I really did NOT know you used meditation. There is nothing wrong with that at all. It's just not for me. So really - that sentence was all out of my head and all about me, and had absolutely nothing to do with you. I am not saying meditation wouldnt be useful to me, it's just not how I ever dealt with stuff.
I really think you have a very healthy approach to relationship stuff and I value your opinion a lot. And agree with much of it too. I just personally feel that for me the whole meditation/psychotherapeutic or whatever it is called - method is a bit touchy feely. Think of me as a guy when it comes to these things. I have a very hands on approach. That doesn't mean that I think my way of dealing is better than yours.
What I actually thought I was writing there was that I felt like I was in much the same situation as yours. So was writing with warm feelings going in your direction. Certainly not arrogant or like I feel like I have it all thought out. You know I know I don't. My last post should make that pretty clear..
I'm really sorry about that, but I assure you it was a complete coincidence that I posted that after just had posted a link about meditation, and that I in NO way thought it would offend anyone. Im really quite upset now too

I actually came on here to update that i got a long letter back from the guy I am writing with. He still seems like a nice guy. He is some sort of manager, so lets call him that. The Manager. That sounds pretty cool - nice to get to name a guy here. That's a first for me. Unfortunately we have kids on different weekends, so meeting up will be quite difficult. Also he lives almost two hours from here, so not convenient. But at least I am communicating with a guy who sounds both intelligent and decent - and with a cute smile. I guess it will only do me good to have more time to process all the stuff in my head before i meet up with anyone.

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#86 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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Butterfly. WOW - your London trip sure sounds crazy exciting! You are one girl for landing adventure on your doorstep! Well if someone is paying for my airfare, count me in. :-)

ETA: Holland I just went back to try to understand exactly where you were talking about meditation, but haven't found it. I checked your link to the Wisdom of a Broken Heart-site and I liked it. She does seem to have some useful thoughts about heartbreak and right now I'm in such a mess that I would do most anything if it could make me feel somewhat whole again. I still don't see how it would connect to any of the stuff I wrote though. Im sorry I upset you like that.

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#87 of 225 Old 01-08-2010, 11:58 PM
 
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Seie: No worries. As I prefaced in that post, I was afraid I was being a bit overly sensitive.

The comment was just so flippant about something that is very pivotal to my current healing process (doing things to love myself for and meditating to help that process along).

I took it VERY personally because I am really in the thick of my 'issues' right now and am trying so hard to maintain balance and awareness. It has been a very rough week and I have found myself to be very sensitive and overly emotional right now.

Regardless... please accept my sincerest apologies!!!!
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#88 of 225 Old 01-09-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Oh the Irony View Post
It makes a bit of sense since he is a musician. It's a song lyric.

Maybe he thought he was being playful/cute?
He's always just really weird. I don't know, I used to think it was curiously cute and now it's just annoying. It's impossible to have a real conversation with him because he makes random weird jokes about everything and then had the nerve to tell me he felt no intimate connection with me because I barely speak. Well, DUH, maybe it's because you keep making jokes about everything.

Yes, now I'm being grumpy at him. Ha.
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#89 of 225 Old 01-09-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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Seie & Holland
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#90 of 225 Old 01-09-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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Holland, I'm sorry. It is so so hard to break the old patterns and seek the new, believe me, I know. I am trying so hard to be aware of my tendency to accomodate the needs of others ahead of myself in my relationship with ATG, as this is *always* my pattern (I start off a pattern of imbalanced giving in the initial phases of a relationship, and then end up resenting it and being taken for granted..). I think I'm doing okay, so far, but it is *hard*.
That is a major tendency of mine too and I'm being tested in a big way this weekend. I whine to anyone who will listen about having to leave my lovely home and neighborhood come February due to financial reasons. D said I could move in with him and that's been the plan for a few months now. We've really been getting into decluttering and sprucing up his place this past month.

Well now ExH threw a curve ball at me. He offered to buy my townhouse from me. It's complicated, but oversimplified we'd be trading homeownership - I keep the one I love, he keeps the one he does. There is a chance I may not have to move

But I feel like a jerk even considering this "After months of planning I'm not moving in afterall hon." Well he returns from London tonight. I'll see his reaction tomorrow. And it's all just a possibility as of now.

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