*~*'~* January 2010 - New Year - New Love - New DATING ADVENTURES *~*'~* - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Leaving all cat pee mishaps squarely behind in 2009, let's set our caps in the direction of a new year, a new beginning, and new possibilities for love interests that come out way and catch out eye.

from a skype chat between two of your favorite MDC dating mavens....


Question of the Month:

[12/30/2009 4:31:14 PM] sugarmoon says: what's the question??
[12/30/2009 4:31:14 PM] Butterflymom says: you'll appreciate it

"When things look sort of promising and get off to a great start and you're seeing the long term potential and getting cautiously hopeful, how do you keep yourself from getting PREMATURELY carried away in your mind, planning many many steps down the line, and envisioning a long term future with a guy and getting your hopes WAY WAY WAY too high and setting yourself up for major disappointment?"
[12/30/2009 4:34:18 PM] sugarmoon says: ha.
[12/30/2009 4:34:25 PM] Butterflymom says: i.e. "love is risky business and how do we play it safe?"
[12/30/2009 4:34:27 PM] sugarmoon says: short answer: no effing idea!
[12/30/2009 4:34:37 PM] Butterflymom says: or i.e. " is there such thing as really safe sex??? emotionally speaking??"
[12/30/2009 4:34:49 PM] sugarmoon says: sugar's strategy, for better or worse? throw it all at him, right away, and seed if he runs?
[12/30/2009 4:34:56 PM] Butterflymom says: GOD that is what I do
you know that's what I do.
[12/30/2009 4:35:13 PM] sugarmoon says: this is sort of my strategy with "dry clean only" clothes as well -- I run them through my washer and dryer, right off
[12/30/2009 4:35:32 PM] sugarmoon says: if they survive great, if not, well, at least I wasn't attached to that item before I wrecked it
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#2 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 04:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post
"When things look sort of promising and get off to a great start and you're seeing the long term potential and getting cautiously hopeful, how do you keep yourself from getting PREMATURELY carried away in your mind, planning many many steps down the line, and envisioning a long term future with a guy and getting your hopes WAY WAY WAY too high and[B] setting yourself up for major disappointment?
This is what I have learned... for myself, based on my own reflection, history and who I am:

1. I HAVE to deintensify the beginnings of a potential relationship. I have a history of just putting ALL of my energy into a potential relationship before I truly even know the man. It is like all objectivity goes flying out the window and I lose sight of what I want and immediately start justifying his actions (or lack of actions) and make excuses for him. Not acceptable. In the beginning, all the matters should be what I want and need.

Two of the best ways I am finding that are helping me to deintensify the beginnings: a) dating more than one person at a time; b) keeping myself busy and my life full of things I am interested in and wanting to learn about or explore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post

sugarmoon says: this is sort of my strategy with "dry clean only" clothes as well -- I run them through my washer and dryer, right off
sugarmoon says: if they survive great, if not, well, at least I wasn't attached to that item before I wrecked it
My only problem with this strategy is I cannot afford to buy clothes with such a risk, especially if I know I cannot afford the dry cleaning bills.

Therefore, I would much rather read the label, accept it for what it is and then decide... is this good a match for me, my budget and my lifestyle? If not, I move on. If it is a piece of clothing that just sweeps me off my feet, then I need to step back, perhaps try on a couple of other machine-washable potentials that are comparable.

If I still feel like that dry-cleaned piece is amazing and I keep coming back to it... then, I need to look at my budget again and see where I am willing to compromise or sacrifice something else for the dry-cleaning bill. If I cannot compromise or sacrifice something else... then, I got to let go of the dry-clean only piece of clothing and move on.

Man, I cannot believe I just wrote 3 paragraphs comparing potential men to dry-cleaning. I think I have lost my mind!
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#3 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 04:40 PM
 
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I FINALLY KNOW WHAT MY PROBLEM IS!

I don't dry clean anything.
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#4 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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Dry clean. As in never. But Holland I like your comparisons - And Sugarmoon - that was a great metaphor to begin with
Happy Newyear to all. I am having a pretty pathetic new years even - kids with dad - I was supposed to have been visiting a friend, but her sis is sick and she needed to spend newyears on her sickbed So I am on my own. Thinking as usual about my lost love Not so great.
I have had 4 weeks of no contact and it is starting to bother me. What should I do ladies. The first plan was to wait around four weeks, and by then the plan was for me to be doing a whole lot better, and be ready to meet up with him all lovely looking and radiant with positive energy. Geez! So realistically that wont happen anytime soon. But I am still really stuck on the way things ended so suddenly and abrubtly. I feel like I need to talk with him - I don't know. I may be deluding myself into hoping that it really is just all a bad dream. But - Either way this no contact thing is - very hard. But on the other hand I have kind of allowed myself to contact him - I just don't know how or what to say. Part of me wants to make him understand how broken I am, part of me wants to call him and be all interested in him and pleasent to talk to, and part of me fears I will just have a breakdown right there on the phone talking to him, or that I will start begging him to give us a second chance - blah. What should I do? What should I say?

Part of me still feels like all this can't be really happening.
How pathetic - here I am babbling about heartbreak on newyears eve. Goodness.. I need a life again..! So let that be my new years resolution - to get a life back. Happy newyear ladies..

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#5 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 05:56 PM
 
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Seie... I am going to be very straight-forward with you.

I am so very, very sorry you are hurting. But, I know -- deep in my heart -- that once you come out of this darkness, and YOU WILL come out of this darkness, I know you will find exactly what you are looking for in a man.

Please DO NOT contact him, it will only hurt you worse than you are already hurting.

Chances are...

1. He might not even talk to you, which will just feel like more rejection.
2. He will be very cold, distant and/or disconnected, which is incredibly painful to deal with.
3. If he does show any sympathy/compassion, it will be from guilt... not because he genuinely wants you back. You do not want someone to come back to you out of guilt, because it will just cycle back to where you now.

Yes, you do need a life! You do need to nurture yourself. Think of something you are interested in or always wanted to learn, then go get it. Turn all of the sadness, negative energy into something for you.

One of my favorite authors, Susan Piver, is releasing a new book in January 2010 called "Wisdom of a Broken Heart." Check out her blog with excerpts from her book: http://www.susanpiver.com/wordpress/...-broken-heart/
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#6 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 06:12 PM
 
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Seie: I tried to PM you, but your mailbox is full.

Anyway...

Check out the excerpts from the site I posted above. If you think the book would help you, please let me know and I will send you a copy of it immediately, as it has already been released. Just pm me your address.

This author has helped me a lot with her writing. Her excerpts from her Broken Heart book were particularly helpful for me when I was going through my own recent break-up.
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#7 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 07:41 PM
 
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Holland thanks. I really appreciate your concern. I dont know about coming out of darkness and finding the right man and all that. I believed in it before all this. Back then I was whole. I felt like I was in a good healthy place to start a relationship - I felt at peace with myself - all that stuff. And when I met my lost love I felt like - this is what I deserve - I met this wonderful perfect man because I was emotionally ready. But what becomes of me now that I am not in such a place anymore. Now I feel damaged, broken. That whole person - just feels gone. I was in an abusive relationship before. I not only survived - I left with dignity, with my children and after leaving I felt I was a stronger, better more mature person. I felt I could do anything - take on anything. That didn't break me - he didn't break me despite years of effort to do so. But this time - this man - he just snapped his fingers once, and I broke. Just like that.
I appreciate your honesty. I probably suspect all the things you wrote and that is likely why I haven't contacted him. I still just can't make sense of it all. It doesnt fit together. The way he behaved before breaking up - the weeks before - the things he said and did - none of it matched us not being together. I just do not get it. I can't fit it in my head - it just doesnt make any sense at all

Sorry to be going on and on. Leaving it at that.. I emptied my PM box by the way..

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#8 of 225 Old 12-31-2009, 08:32 PM
 
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seie: I totally am right there with you well actually I would say on the other side. I have the daily contact with the man whom I still love but who is leaving me. I would say it is AWFUL. Holland73 hit the nail on the head of what I am going though on a daily basis, some days it is happy to see me, others mean and cold, but most of the time it is just plain and bland. I wish he would just GO and be GONE. I love him so much still but having him around daily has actually made my body go haywire (I posted about it today in another thread). I would say thanks that he is gone for you, I know a lot is left unanswered but even if he was around trust me those things would still go unanswered and you would only get more and more hurt. Go into the new year trusting that "you cannot control him or his actions" no matter how he decides to live you will still be you and you need to take care of you. I agree find something that you have always wanted to do and start that next week, get lost in a new activity that is just for you!
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#9 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 12:14 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Happy New Year everyone.

Off to London in 12 hours. to meet Soothing Southerner from Florida, Dark Harvard Hottie, Music Man from Long Island, and two others (one more american, and one english guy). So many dates lined up in the coming 6 days.....
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#10 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 12:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Two of the best ways I am finding that are helping me to deintensify the beginnings: a) dating more than one person at a time;
: :
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#11 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 12:47 AM
 
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Seie- I hope the new year brings you peace and healing.

Butterfly Have fun with all these dates! Can't wait to hear all about them!

As for the question of the month, my answer would have to be I wish I knew how to turn off my over active imagination, I am always day dreaming! I am always putting the cart miles ahead of the horse in my mind. It is something I am going to try to work on in the new year. To live more in the moment, not the distant potential future.

I've exchanged a few messages now with the 45 year old from plenty of fish. I need to give him a good nick name! His screen name there is mudpuppy. No idea what the meaning behind it is. He works in public health in the environmental safety department ( they do water testing and all the food safety stuff) My friend called him artsy fartsy based on his liking films a the film club and live music. Any name ideas? or should I jus call him mudpuppy?

I am not sure what is up with my HH neighbour, haven't heard a peep from him since Monday. Not that that is really a long time, but it feels like forever! I know he's been working and has the kids this week which usually = no contact but for some reason this week the lack of contact is unnerving. Maybe cause my x is being a particular pain and it would be nice to see a somewhat familiar and always friendly face and maybe have a hug

It is almost the new year here now! I wish all my fellow single Hot Mamas a wonderful new year! Hope 2010 brings great things to all of us, be that healing, peace, romance, whatever your hearts desire New year New beginings!!!
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#12 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 01:18 AM
 
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Holland, does it affect the metaphor if I point out (as I did to Butterfly in our original conversation) that I almost only buy clothes from thrift stores where everything cost $1-$3 only? So not much is lost if I wreck something right away. Go on, carry that metaphor over to men, I dare you!

Seriously though. I know it is maybe not the best strategy, and I admittedly have rather limited dating experience. There have only been 2 guys I've liked enough to have that "mind goes immediately to fantasies with picket fences" kind of experience with since my divorce. The first was Complications, the second is ATG (of course ). With Complications, I spent a great deal of effort shielding him from the craziness of my life -- he knew a lot of it, of course, since he and I met only 4 weeks after my ex dropped the bomb, and I was pretty raw, but he never crossed paths with my ex, in any form, never met my kids, except for seeing me nurse a sleeping baby, once or twice, and it was very much about whether I could fit into his life, rather than whether he could fit into mine (or if I'd even want him to, really).

With ATG, less than a week after we met, he had to listen to me being screamed at on the phone (and called back repeatedly, every time I hung up) by my ex. I really thought he might not call me again after that, and at first I was really upset and kicking myself for not planning it better to ensure that that hadn't happened. But then I realized that my UAV ex is a big piece of the reality of my life, and having a man in my life who will only stay around on the condition that he doesn't have to ever be exposed to that would only be an added stress. So while I certainly didn't, and wouldn't, deliberately create a situation like that, in the end, it was sort of good to just get it out there in the open, early.

And I realize that is all slightly off from the question, but it all ties in for me. It is related to what Holland was talking about, about looking for who I want, not making it all about what he wants. I am happy that ATG is seeing my life as it really is. I am continually amazed, and thrilled!, that he keeps coming back for more. I don't know what will happen, and certainly my imagination gets ahead of reality at times, but at least I know we are relating in a very REAL way.

Does any of that make any sense??? I have no idea.

Happy New Year, mamas! I realized that my entire marriage, save for the first 9 months we dated, can be fit into the last decade. So I'm packing that all away into a metaphorical box, marking it 2000-2009, and putting it on a shelf, to make room for what ever will happen in the next 10 years.

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#13 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 04:32 AM
 
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Happy New Year!

I'm on the net My partner is in London visiting his family for ten days. At the time he bought his ticket I wasn't able to travel. Excited to hear about your London adventures Butterflymom!

coolshine.gifSHINE!  Yogini.  My tuna girlgoldfish.gif  Partner to Dteapot2.GIF  Our little flower is herelove.gif/surpriseuc.jpg
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#14 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 05:15 AM
 
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Happy New Years fellow single mamas!
You were all so busy on the December thread- and I wanted to join in but was inhibited... but I have been trying to catch up- I was surprised to hear Holland and her own personal Dr Drew broke up But dang girl! you have such a healthy attitude about everything I really admire you.

sooooooo anyway-
New Year, new user name for me, since dd's father was stalking me on here last year. So now I can join in...

I have 2 interesting prospects that I found thru okcupid that want to meet me for tea and coffee.

1st is quite the jokster, same age as me- single dad with 8 yr old and 4 yr old. Never serious in his emails to me, likes to tease and poke fun... I actually initiated contact with him as he has a to die for smile and arms like you wouldn't believe. It is so unlike me as I am shy, but he was in my quiver file so I went for it. Have been emailing back and forth for a couple of months. We have spoken on the phone once and I finally pinned him down by asking if he was ever serious and he said he can be. Found out we have a lot in common. He wants to meet up Saturday, but I am busy, so it is postponed. Our dialog with each other is light and fun.

2nd is a photographer that I actually have admired earlier this year when I stumbled across his flickr account on a random google search. I spent hours one weekend afternoon looking through his photos while enjoying my coffee, It is quite serendipitous that he found me on okcupid. He sent me a wink and when I saw his profile I knew it was him. I feel he has disadvantage as I know so much about him & he knows so little about me- even though my profile is very specific to who I am- I did tell him about looking at his photos earlier this year and he was quite "flattered" that I spent so much time looking and also quite "humbled" when I told him a particular series of his shots inspired me to do a similar shoot with my dd. He has 1 grown child and is older than I usually look for , so I would have never found him on my searches. I actually found his blog after he contacted me and now I know even more about him. I feel like a fly on the wall of his life... lol He had a blog entry on signing up for okcupid and that he is interested in having coffee with a few woman on there... he mentioned "one in *my town*" and some other towns, then said he was most interested in the Oakland ones, which was not me... Then I wondered if maybe it was Holland73 lol...

Anyway- I have been on my own for so long- and haven't had a real date or met anyone new in quite a LONG time... I am talking 12-ish years. I am a little nervous about the meetups.

You younger gals inspire me Even the broken heart stories- I am sorry some of you are hurting so bad. It took a long time for me to feel ok being alone and I have been in that place for awhile now. Keep your chin up and be kind to yourselves.
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#15 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 11:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm on the plane. DHH tonight, Soothing southerner this weekend, music man wednesday.... I'm so excited to sit back and audition them!
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#16 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 02:27 PM
 
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But dang girl! you have such a healthy attitude about everything I really admire you.
Ah, that is so sweet. Thank you!
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#17 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 02:47 PM
 
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Ok, I have a date this afternoon with D.

We had been emailing since right before Xmas, but he was in LA with his family. After playing phone tag for a couple of days, we finally got to talk on the phone yesterday afternoon.

It was one of the best conversations I have had with a man on the phone in YEARS!!! We could have kept talking for hours... it was awesome!

I felt so comfortable just being me, which has a lot more to do with all the personal growth/time alone/serious reflection I have been enduring lately, than it had to do with him.

He is older than me, by about 8.75 years -- he just turned 45 on Dec. 30, I am 36 (Sept). But, he does not look it, based on his pictures, and he is very physically fit/active. He is also very artistically inclined, particularly in music. He is workforce developer for upcoming, independent media artists, such as musicians/bands, graphic designers, artists, etc.

So... we are meeting this afternoon at the SF ferry building to spend the afternoon, perhaps evening, in SF.

I am really excited, but most of all... I feel so relaxed, easy-going and confident in myself, regardless of the outcome.
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#18 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 05:33 PM
 
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Holland, good luck w/ your date! Sounds promising. I didn't realize you were in the same state as me.

Excited to hear about Butterflymom's new dates, too!

whatta_mama, welcome (back?). 2nd guy sounds like an interesting way of meeting.

I don't know what I should do, if I should just jump back into dating or not. It certainly passes the time at least, but mostly seems exhausting as of late and always the same thing. I shouldn't be feeling so melancholy on this new year! *sigh*
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#19 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 10:13 PM
 
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Hey ladies,

I'm so excited that I just needed to share. Last night, I had the most glamorous evening at this amazing hotel in South Beach. They had a huge new years party...tickets were 300 each. Anyway, my friends and I got to go for free and had so much fun. I ended up meeting a cutie and making out until 7 in the morning. He was the first man I've kissed other than my husband in 7 years or so.

Crazy and incredibly amazing. He gave me his number because he's going to be in town until the 5th. Should I call?

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#20 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 10:42 PM
 
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Hey ladies,

I'm so excited that I just needed to share. Last night, I had the most glamorous evening at this amazing hotel in South Beach. They had a huge new years party...tickets were 300 each. Anyway, my friends and I got to go for free and had so much fun. I ended up meeting a cutie and making out until 7 in the morning. He was the first man I've kissed other than my husband in 7 years or so.

Crazy and incredibly amazing. He gave me his number because he's going to be in town until the 5th. Should I call?
Sure... why not? Go have some fun!!!
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#21 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 10:47 PM
 
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Just got home from my date......

NO physical attraction! None, nada, zero, zilch!

I enjoyed talking to him and felt like he "got it," but I had a hard time just looking him the eyes. I was so afraid to send the wrong message and I just didn't feel anything.

Oh well... it happens!

It was nice, though, to find someone -- meaning a male -- that really seemed to understand me, how I live my life and dig it. Just a reminder that "he" is out there... just haven't come across his path yet.
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#22 of 225 Old 01-01-2010, 11:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So it just isn't there with dark harvard hottie. But a very nice guy.
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#23 of 225 Old 01-02-2010, 07:22 PM
 
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hmm well I think 2010 has brought a halt to my dating life. All that end of year steam has def. run out!!! No more messages from mudpuppy and my HH neighbour is being really weird. I called him a while ago and he barely spoke to me! I am taking him back his movies after supper, so we'll see how that goes! He got a puppy over the holidays and it kept him up last night so he said he might be sleeping, seriously, you're gonna leave me standing out in the minus 20's waiting for you to wake up? He better not be an UVA, I'm gonna invite myself in to see this puppy and the bunk beds he built! you know since I did drive him to every flippin furniture store in town to look at beds! I'm a bit irritated with men today, can ya tell!
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#24 of 225 Old 01-03-2010, 01:48 AM
 
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momanderson, 2010 has barely begun! don't fret! sucks about HH, but he didn't seem all that "in" it for a while. ugh. who knows, i guess. sometimes people are busy and have real reasons?

i realized today i began to fall for artsy p. not very shocking, but stupid on my part. why do i fall for the people i have no chance of a future with? and yet when i broke off my 10 month relationship w/ someone who i could see the future with, i didn't even care a bit and realized i had never really loved him. talk about issues.

in other news, i finally am meeting up w/ another girl from okc. she's very young, but if nothing else we'd likely end up friends. sometimes i feel weird as i'm the only person posting here who is seemingly dating girls and i hope it doesn't bother anyone.
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#25 of 225 Old 01-03-2010, 08:56 AM
 
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Mumblemama: Why would it bother anyone that you are dating girls? I have thought about it myself, but end of the day I don't see myself in a long term relationship with a woman, so wont be going there. Don't worry. Go on and keep us posted - about the girls too - we wanna know

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#26 of 225 Old 01-03-2010, 09:16 AM
 
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mumblemama ~ I have dated women, and it's not something, I DON'T do, but I do find it much harder to meet women, especially now that I've moved...in my old city, I am pretty involved in the whole "downtown" scene, and people are much more open minded, it wasn't an issue ( well, the only issue was the bisexual thing..most girls I dated identified as lesbian, and considered bi to be drama)....and now live in a suburb of a very conservative city, I am already seen as odd just because I had my son as a teenager, and live with and raise my son with someone whom I am not in a relationship...and until I moved here, didn't even realize those kind of things still offended people....so, I haven't really had to chance to meet anyone else in my shoes. The few girls I've met here who have sparked any interest are still WAY into the party scene...and I'm just not.

My dating life is non existant right now....as in nothing. My self esteem is pretty low as well, I was recently shot down by someone who I've been spending time with on and off for a couple of years now. On top of that, I started taking a new medication that I've been avoiding for a few years, because one of the side effects is weight gain ( as in, doesn't just increase hunger, it slows down your metabolism and makes you retain water, I've seen people put on up to 40lbs despite their best intentions while on it)....and this has nothing to do with vanity, I'm not a small girl to being with, and I've managed to put on 10lbs in a month...so even aside from feeling gross, I'm squeezing myself into clothes that no longer fit me, and I realize how that looks, but I don't really have extra money for clothes and am trying to wait until this tapers off before buying new ones....so, bleh. Not to mention that is also makes me fall asleep around 8 pm and sleep again until 7 or 8 in the morning....so dating I think is going to have to be put on hold until I build up a tolerance and can function a bit better.
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#27 of 225 Old 01-03-2010, 09:45 AM
 
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well, I say nothing, but a guy ( who was a friend, and I tried dating during the summer) went away for christmas for 9 days, and during that time I received daily emails telling me he missed me, and loves me. Overbearing to the point that it makes me want to puke. Also, while dating him this summer, a few weeks into it, we went out, I was being social and talking to some male aquaintances of mine, during which he announced " I'm going home now" to which I said, " ok, I'll walk you to a cab, I'm going to stay, I'm having fun" to which he replied " if you don't leave with me, I'm never speaking to you again."

I was like, okay, good enough, then. Which then of course he sent an email apology in the morning, I told him that it was not going to work. I have thought about it many times, and I don't think I was wrong in telling him it was not going to work because of that situation. I HATE feeling like I have to report to anyone or that anyone else has any control over what I do or where I go. And we weren't even in a spot in our relationship where him going home without me should even of been an issue. We had not even discussed being exlusive, and besides that, if he's going to get pissed if I talk to other guys, especially when it's not even involving any sort of flirting even anything that can be mistaken as that, then no thanks. I have explained to him that yes, that is the reason I ended things, and no, I don't care if it was a mistake, it really does make me feel that it would only cause problems down the road.

And now the emails. I don't know how to respond to this, I feel if I reply at all, it will get him going, and seriously, if he's writing to me daily and telling me loves me, he obviously has big time issues, that I don't want to deal with.
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#28 of 225 Old 01-03-2010, 10:51 AM
 
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Monkey's mom: Yep that guy does sound like a big bunch of red flags. I agree it is NOT something you should involve in. Maybe you even need to block his e-mail adress. He sounds like a potential abuser/stalker. Keep your distance.. The thing he did at the party thing a bout leaving. It was a control thing. He was trying to threaten you into doing things his way. If you involve with people like that it will ONLY get worse. So good for you to stay out of it

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#29 of 225 Old 01-03-2010, 12:46 PM
 
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HOW in the world are you guys meeting men?? My ex left Thanksgiving 2008 and our divorce was final Sept 09 - and we werent physical for over a year before he left.... I'm going to explode but have NO IDEA how to even go about meeting a man to talk to - let alone date... Somehow I imagine it may not be attractive to nurse my almost 2 year old on a first date... how did you get started getting back out there??
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#30 of 225 Old 01-03-2010, 01:12 PM
 
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Mumblemama- I know 2010 has just begun, but 2009 seemed to go out with flurry of activity and just seemed to stall! Ya my neighbour, I think he may have been my rebound man! I am seriously not impresssed, and not into stupid head games like that. It's not like I wanted to stay all night and play video games and eat all your food. I really was just gonna drop off the movies, maybe see your new puppy and be gone. Whatever, his loss. I seriously don't think he is ready for or wants to make time for a relationship. If he contacts me fine I'll be somewhat polite, but I need to be the priority not the option when you're bored!
as for dating women, do whatever you feel is right. At the end of the day we are really only accountable to ourselves. If it makes you happy and feels right go for it!

Monkeysmom- that guy sounds way to intense! I don't know if I would contact him again. I agree I don't like to have to answer to someone. If I want to answer to someone fine, but I am an adult and I don't have to check in, your not my parents and I'm not 15 anymore!

So my update! neighbour out, his loss Mudpuppy still sort of in the running, but to be honest I really don't think we'd have enough in common to even make it thru a date!
New guy who I hadn't really mentioned.....he's from pof, we'll call him countryboy,contacted me the first day I joined back in Dec. we exchanged a few messages, nothing big, he did offer to take me out for dinner or even just a soda ( I don't drink coffee). Then I got busy with the kids having chicken pox, Christmas, my neighbour etc. To be honest I was a bit freaked out that I had run into him while out shopping one day. He recognised me from my picture, and he was easy to spot as well. I don't know why it just seemed odd to run into a guy with no kids in the toy department at Zellers. He is on my fb friends list, and he'd probably seen my status about going out shopping I figured. I know I jump to conclusions! Something I need to work on. Anyway last night on a whim after feeling rejected I messaged him on pof. He came on fb chat not long after and we chatted for 4 hours! 4 hours, I was lucky to get the neighbour to talk an hour and even then it wasn't about anything serious or important! So I pretty much know his life story, I think we have similar values, back grounds etc. He is from a very french catholic family. Youngest of six children. Has no kids of his own, but his x wife had 3 boys that he helped raise. Married for 5 years. It sounds as though he did a lot of the house work, cooking looking after her kids and working at least one if not 2 jobs while they were together. So hard working, responsible he owns his own house with 2 acres in the country. no huge red flags except he is maybe a bit to focused on finding a girl friend. He actually took down his pof last night, because he had been on for a year, lots of dates but hadn't found "the One" for him and was too focused on finding her. I don't know if that is really a red flag, or desperation? but it's a new year and his resolution I guess is to not focus so much on that part of life. He is focusing on buying man toys he never had with his x! Like the new to him truck he bought over the holidays and an atv. oh yes and he is a mechanic as well, almost done apprenticing will go for his license in June. Another red flag possibly is that when he was 24 he had a nervous breakdown, he's 33 now. He said it was mainly due to his business partner, he was in some computer business I think he said. After that he moved to Ottawa to live with his sister and changed his whole lifestyle. quit smoking, doesn't drink much at all.
He messaged me on Facebook this morning to say he enjoyed chatting last night and when could we do it again. He also gave me his # if I need anything. I think I might try to set up a date for next weekend maybe! We both like to go out for breakfast so maybe next Sunday morning we could do just that! I'll keep chatting him this week and see.
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